by Clare London
My Mistress gave a sob of fury and humiliation behind me, and my eyes narrowed. Dax had told her nothing new under questioning, that was now confirmed. They had only our word for what had happened outside the city and had to accept whatever we told them. “No, Mistress,” I said as steadily as I could. I saw Zander look from me to his Mistress, then back again with a puzzled anger. “I have nothing more to add.”
There was a brief silence, and then Seleste raised a hand gently to the corner of her mouth and brushed away a drop of moisture, watching me all the time. “Maen,” she said, her voice soft again, yet still as strong. “You speak of his abduction, and if we assume his innocence in all that, it was a painful and regrettable thing for him to have borne. But it is obviously a potentially dangerous situation for the Household, and the city as well. I don’t have to justify my actions in investigating whether there’s any danger to us and our people from the unfortunate experiences of one immature soldier. Never think I underestimate the wide range of implications for us all.” Her eyes bored into me, their dark depths like velvet. “But it was your experience too, of course. Your abduction and captivity. Your compromise.”
“I remained loyal at all times,” I blurted out. I’m sure I saw Dax’s head move then. “As I always have. I told them nothing they didn’t already know. I gave them nothing that would aid them in their raids against us. My one aim was to return us to the Household and my Mistress’s service. And yet now I return, I’m treated as nothing—”
I bit my lip, but too late. Zander’s hand was on his sword.
“Complaint, soldier?” Seleste snapped. “You’re in no position for that.”
I bent my head and dropped to both knees, trying not to wince at the pain I felt in the injured one. It was a gesture of submission, but it also shadowed the anger and resentment in my eyes. I couldn’t hide them from her otherwise. “I apologize. I was entirely at fault. I was insolent and await the Mistress’s punishment.”
Seleste turned toward Mistress Luana, but I heard my Mistress’s voice first. “Are you sure you take the Devotions again, Maen? Your name isn’t always on the register.”
“Of course, Mistress,” I lied. It hurt me to do so, but I knew now it had to be done. Despite hiding my daily dose, I tried to be seen at the dispensary each day as usual, so as not to arouse more suspicion. However, it seemed my name had sometimes been forgotten by the Dispenser, maybe deliberately so.
“What was your relationship with the Bronzeman while you were at the Place? Were you alone together at any time?”
My Mistress’s voice was low and harsh, as if she swallowed the emotion back with each word. Had they asked this of Dax? Of course they had. But it was cruel of Seleste to insist on my Mistress initiating this further questioning. I could see the Queen-Elect’s hand in all of this. I knew enough to realize she showed compassion only when it suited her.
“I was his Gold Warrior, his commanding officer. That alone,” I said. The lies came easily now, and frighteningly so.
“You were together for a lot of the time.”
“Yes, Mistress,” I said. “Prisoners were kept together.”
“You protected him.”
“We protected each other.” I felt the Silver Captains stirring around me. They inevitably had sympathy with this. They alone would appreciate the bond there was between a Gold Warrior and his men.
“Did you touch the Bronzeman in an inappropriate way while at the Place?”
“We defended each other,” I said, still on my knees, gritting my teeth to keep the pain at bay and my tone respectful.
Two swift steps and Mistress Luana was directly in front of me. I could also see Hull’s feet beside her, his sword hanging by his side. “Answer my question, soldier!” she hissed down at me. “You dare not evade me. Did you couple with him?”
There was a small gasp from around the room. Maybe some of the Silvers hadn’t yet realized the suspicions of us. Rumor didn’t always reach every corner of the barracks at the same speed. Or maybe they were shocked the Mistress would speak of it so openly in front of them.
“I defended him,” I repeated, but it was just as disobedient to avoid the question.
I heard the rustle of heavier garments, and suddenly Seleste was in front of me too. “That’s enough,” Seleste said sharply. “His respect for his Mistress is now also in question, I believe.”
My Mistress gasped. “Seleste!” Did she agree with her Queen-Elect? Had I taken that final step beyond the line of duty? Or did she seek to protect me one last time?
“Thank you, Mistress Luana.” Seleste continued, her voice firm. “The Bronzeman is still in your care, so have him taken out and put in a cell. His wounds may be treated and he may have food and water. I will interrogate Maen now, myself.”
MY MISTRESS left the hall accompanied by Hull and most of the Silvers. Dax was taken down from the frame, and for a moment I lifted my head to catch sight of him. He looked at me. He saw me. The emotion flickered in his eyes but he didn’t attempt to speak. I think we understood each other without any further need. Three Silvers lifted him to his feet, not unkindly, and half carried him from the room.
Seleste stepped back in front of me, blocking my view. I dropped my head again.
“Do I need the frame for you, Maen? It seems you wish to be treated in the same way as your subordinate.”
“No, Mistress,” I said slowly. “I hope you’ll see that as unnecessary.”
She reached down and lifted up my chin. “Stand up, soldier. I wish to talk to you as the man you are, not some groveling boy.”
I rose with difficulty and stood to attention before her. Zander remained a few feet away, obviously acting as her personal Guard. She’d left herself with remarkably few men otherwise, posted against the far walls out of earshot. “Zander,” she called. “Step back to the others. I wish for some privacy.”
“Mistress,” he protested. His hand was still tight on the hilt of his sword. “The soldier isn’t even bound. I know of his reputation—”
“And so do I!” she replied sharply. “Step back.”
I watched him withdraw with reluctance. Seleste and I remained a distance apart, but with our conversation sheltered from the soldiers. “So, Maen,” she murmured. “What are we to do now?”
“You wish to interrogate me,” I said, with some bitterness. “You’ve exhausted the boy, and now you must exhaust the man.”
And she laughed—an outrageously shocking sound in the hitherto somber room. “But that would be such a very different interrogation! I want so much more from you than I want from a whole barracksful of Bronzemen. And I want it willingly and with intelligence.” She moved closer, graceful despite the long robes and the rich cloak, and stared up into my face. “But there will still be pain, Gold Warrior, unless you submit to me.”
“I am the Mistress’s servant,” I said, but even I could hear how weary my voice sounded.
“That’s what I want. But it’s not what I’ve ever had, is it?” She grasped my arm. Over her shoulder I saw Zander’s mistrustful gaze on me. “Tell me about the Exiles. Tell me everything you know. Who you saw there, what you did.”
I answered her with a question of my own. “Did you know about the Exiles, Mistress, how close they are to us here? How vulnerable we are?”
“I’m not here to answer your questions,” she countered. “I have a Queenship to pursue and mere months left to gather my supporters around me.”
Was that the distraction that’d allowed us to ignore the threat from outside? And perhaps worst of all, to ignore the humans outside the city and their basic needs for life? I looked into her eyes and knew she understood far more about the Exiles than I’d ever suspect. But her Queenship was of more pressing importance to her.
Did the two things interweave? I thought of Eila and couldn’t help but compare her upbringing to that of Seleste’s. The two women had been corrupted at a young age by the battle for Queenship: one by the lure of its power, and o
ne by its horrific aftermath. What was at the root of Seleste’s hunger for information about the Exiles? Did she suspect—or know—that there were outcasts there from her own family? What care did she have? What sense of family could thrive inside her?
“And the boy.” Her cool statement broke into my thoughts. “He’s brought you to this, I believe. Rebellion, disobedience, disrespect for everything your position and the city has ever given you.”
My anger must have shown, and she would have felt the muscles of my arm tense under her touch, but she didn’t flinch.
“Don’t be a fool,” she murmured. “Don’t even try your lies with me. Luana believes what she wants to, and your men have too little imagination to comprehend such heresy. But I know the two of you have coupled. Away from the restrictions of the city, bereft of the company of your own kind, it was inevitable you’d seek the soul mate you always wanted. And he is indeed a beautiful creature.” I couldn’t hide the anguish in my eyes now. Strangely enough, her expression was almost compassionate in return. “I know you far better than you ever imagined, Maen.” She sighed and leaned forward. Her breath warmed my throat. “Admit it, at least privately, to me. You were ripe for him. You’ve been almost too perfect in your diligence all these years. He adores you, and you responded to that. If it were not such a hideous crime, I would have some sympathy for you.”
“If that’s true, then I should die for it,” I said sharply.
She flinched, and I felt some satisfaction at shaking her arrogance. “The boy told us he set himself at you. That you kept him at bay even when you were sick and weak, but still he tried to take advantage of your kind attention. You were tolerant of his unnatural hero worship of you, but he was entirely to blame for any hint of misbehavior.”
“That’s not the truth of it.” My breath was tight in my chest, racking me with cold, angry pain. Dax might well have said that. He wouldn’t have told them about us, I was sure, but he may have been tricked into admitting a mild intimacy between us. That was still a monumentally serious breach of the rules, and then he’d have tried to protect me. “The boy was always an innocent. I was disturbed by my capture and the loss of my Devotions. I behaved selfishly toward him, and he had too much respect to refuse me. He tried to avoid me. He resisted my company. But my interest could easily have been misconstrued, and I should have known it. It was my fault alone. He has nothing to answer to.”
Seleste stared at me, slowly shaking her head. “I had no idea your feelings were so deep. I’d hoped to find you like that toward me, but I’ve never seen anything except your duty of passion when I called you to my bed. And yet this pathetic mongrel of a boy has awakened such self-sacrificing nonsense in you.” For the first time, her confidence seemed shaken. “I wonder how I might save you at all. Did you touch, caress? Was there full penetration? Even if there was, yet you did not climax into him…. There may still be hope for you if it was nothing but an insignificant, external pleasure.”
I made a noise of disgust. That she should talk of it like this! It was nothing to do with her. “Do what you like with me, but he mustn’t be blamed. Call it what you will. A misunderstanding, a touch, a moment, something insignificant.”
“You lie again,” she said softly. “It was not insignificant to you.”
“Yet not significant enough for death, to lose such a good servant!” At my cry, some of the Silvers looked over. Zander was at attention immediately, should he be needed to subdue me. I put my hand over Seleste’s and felt her tremble beneath it. “Save him, Seleste. Let me return to some kind of service. Give me whatever punishment you like. But he’s the city’s future. If you ever thought anything of me—”
And then she lifted her other hand and struck my face. The crack of her palm on my flesh echoed throughout the Hall.
There was frenzy among the soldiers. Zander thrust me away from Seleste and had his sword to my throat before Seleste regained her control and called him off. Two Silver Captains pushed me against the wall, and Zander was held barely at bay. He looked as if he would have gladly slit my throat and was only waiting for the command.
I glared at the Queen-Elect, my hands in fists at my side.
And she glared back. She didn’t fear me or my masculine strength at all. I had rarely known her fearful of anything. “I can’t believe you’ve been so stupid. A man of your intelligence, of your strength and loyalty. How could you think you’d just return after such a thing, and slide back into your prior role, a position of such trust and care?”
“I’m the same man—”
“You’re nothing like the same man!” she exclaimed. “Even Luana sees that. Why are you so blind about her?”
“About her?”
“You have no idea how much she treasures you, do you? She’s with child, Maen. Her moods are outrageously volatile, for she suffers greatly with pregnancy, every time. She wouldn’t thank me for telling you that. She and I are very rarely in accord, and she wouldn’t gladly share her personal habits with me. But in the case of a woman’s body, it’s only other women who can empathize.”
I understood now my Mistress’s look, her drawn face and changed body. But what was that to do with me and the trials I’d been through? Seleste was right. In the normal way of things, there was little empathy between a Mistress and her soldier, just blind obedience. We were trained in the arts of giving pleasure and satisfaction, but not in all the ways of a woman’s mind. It wasn’t for us to know more than was necessary to perform our duties well, and any deeper understanding came only from our own individual powers of perception. So there was to be a child again! It’d been a while since her last confinement. It was said that sometimes a Mistress knew who’d sired her child, though the soldier would never be told. Was it to be mine? Was that why she was so hostile to me, so angry at my absence? I felt nothing but confusion.
“So Mistress Luana is angry with me—”
“She’s demanded your execution!” Seleste snapped.
I felt the blood drain from my face. “It’s her right.”
“You’re surely not that passive. Don’t you understand what this is all about? You’ve always been her favorite. Yet she’s never been able to have you exclusively. She’s lost you many times—firstly to your duty, and her position of course, and then to the Exiles. When you were taken, she mourned in her own way, and she suffered with the growing child.”
“A Mistress may have favorites. She has the choice of all her men.”
Seleste leaned in more closely and her eyes were bright with a selfish cynicism. “She doesn’t want them, you fool. Only you. She’s a determined woman and has been a fair Mistress of her Household. She’s true to the city and the Devotions, and hides her bias well, most of the time. But her need for you has been as subversive as yours for the boy.”
I shook my head stubbornly. A Mistress mustn’t show unusual preference for a soldier. Love was a word used by immature Ladies in sexual play, as I’d once explained to Dax, and Remainder children who knew no better. I was the presumed traitor here, not my Mistress.
“Then you returned.” Seleste sighed heavily. “But with your protégé in tow and your whole loyalty in question. This final betrayal has destroyed her. She’s beyond reason. Despite your ridiculous stories and your defense of each other, she’s demanded you be punished as if the coupling had taken place.”
I knew the law. I knew my Mistress. She’d never wavered from a decision in the past.
“When will it be?” I asked. I wondered who would carry out the sentence.
“For the city’s sake, no such thing will happen to you!” Seleste’s renewed anger startled me. “The woman’s an idiot. I’ve told her so, and she’ll lose you now for certain. To me! She is the one who’ll be punished.”
I stared at her, astounded. “The rules insist—”
“I will be the rules of this city,” she hissed. “And for now, my will is law in this Household, whatever your Mistress says. You’ll come away with me, Maen, back to
my Household. I need you in my Guard, regardless of how you’ve been affected by your time outside the city. I need you beside me. To be with me.”
I gaped at her. I must have looked ridiculous. Our voices had risen, and Zander’s face was flushed. He knew what we were discussing.
“You have no need of a Gold Warrior,” I said a little hoarsely. “I’ll never be as strong again, not as secure in battle.”
She shrugged, but she was gentler now. She rested her hand back on my arm, her palm cool against my heat. “Jarmen has gone. I sent him to another House, for he was a disappointment to me. I may have whomever I please. Besides, I don’t want you in battle. I have another role for you.”
I recognized that look in her eyes now. It was, indeed, a reflection of the zeal in Eila’s eyes—but from the emotion, not the woman herself. Seleste wanted me as her partner.
“That’s above and beyond anything a soldier should provide.” I deliberately dropped my voice again. “Mistress, that talk is dangerous. The rules forbid it.” For Devotions’ sake, she’d only just now chastised my Mistress for the same personal desire.
“Things will change when I’m Queen,” she murmured, sliding her smooth hand up my arm. “I’ll have more children, not by you necessarily, but they might be ours. You’ll be with me. You’re the only one I’ve talked to about the changes that will come, that are already happening. It’s shortsighted of us to ignore them. We’ll prepare for them and take the city for ours.”
“It’s madness.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, and I knew I was appallingly disrespectful. I expected her to strike me again.
But she smiled instead. Her beauty was magnificent in that smile. Her face lit up, and I knew why she would be Queen. No one could fail to follow her, with the dark shine in her eyes and the seductive strength of her arrogance. “You think I don’t see the change in you? You’re walking evidence of what our men may be in the future. Many fear it, for it undermines the rule of this city. But I welcome it! You’ve matured, Maen—you’ve become more of the man I desire. The fire in you now has been released from military duty. Your intelligence will no longer be wasted on incestuous strategy and blind obedience to your Mistress.” She lifted her face, turning it slightly, and I knew what she wanted. The royal perfume wafted past me. I bent my head and touched my lips to her cheek.