by Clare London
Zander let him go suddenly. Kiel fell heavily to the floor and a cloud of dust flew up around our feet. One of the Silvers started to laugh.
Zander’s voice was cold. “Go back to your job, boy.”
Kiel got to his feet and brushed the dust from his sleeve. “I’m not a boy,” he snapped.
The sound of Zander’s sword unsheathing was like a rippling slice of fear in the studious quiet of the Library. The hum of the metal’s vibration struck sudden silence in us all. The scribes were temporarily paralyzed by the glint of its movement, and Kiel gasped aloud—for it was laid at his own throat.
“You’re what I say you are,” Zander hissed. “You’re far too loose tongued, and I don’t know why Maen has any time for you at all. Do you think you deserve to talk like that, either to him or to me, a Gold Warrior, as if you were an equal?”
“No,” gasped Kiel. “Sir.”
Zander leaned a little closer to him, his blade pressing into the taut skin of Kiel’s neck. “Do you want to talk in future with the mark of this at your throat?”
Kiel’s eyes closed.
“Actually,” I said, noticing how all heads swiveled around to look at me, including the other scribes who’d pretended to be engrossed in their work. “Actually it’s you who needs to do the talking. The scribe wishes to interview you, Zander, to be able to tell the story of the heroes of the battle for Queenship.”
Zander stared at me as if I’d gone mad. “To write about me?”
I nodded. “I think the Queen will welcome a tale from the mouths of the men who lived it, who fought for her glory—and were victorious.”
Some other expression flickered in Zander’s eyes, one that intrigued me. He lifted the sword away from Kiel’s neck, and Kiel wriggled out quickly from under his grasp.
“I don’t know what mischief the boy is up to,” Zander said slowly, “but I know it’s there.” He glared at Kiel, who was now pressing back against a desk, perhaps trying to blend into the woodwork in some way. “Remember the feel of the blade. If you misbehave, you know what it can do.”
Kiel stared back at him, eyes wide. His chest was heaving up and down very quickly. “I know what you can do, sir. The blade is one thing, but the skill is in your hands.”
Now it was Zander’s eyes that widened. “You’re astonishing. Don’t you have any fear of me? What can you know about swords?”
Kiel swallowed hard. “I have plenty fear of you, sir. But I can only speak the way I know. And you’re right. Maybe I know nothing of soldiers and swords, for I’ve never been shown.” His eyes flickered to Zander’s sword, now held carefully at the Gold Warrior’s side. “But I know great mastery when I see it.”
I had to hide my own smile under a cough. “Maybe one day Zander will show you how to use a sword,” I said quietly.
I glanced at the Gold Warrior, who was still amazed and angry at Kiel’s effrontery. He was now appraising Kiel, though, his gaze running from the young man’s face down his slender, wiry limbs. Kiel stared back at him, determination and rash courage in his expression, and Zander caught his look more than once. He took longer to dismiss the young body from his interest than I would have expected.
“He moves well, he has good coordination,” I said to Zander. “And he has strength, although he’s not built as a soldier. He’d be a good pupil, and maybe some military knowledge would help protect him in his work, in a role that’s so important to the Queen.”
Zander made a noise of disgust. His soldiers relaxed behind him, seeing his obvious disdain for the Remainder upstart, and then he turned his back on Kiel and spoke directly to me. “The Queen wishes to see you, for an update on your work. I’ll see to the boy now, and the needs of the History.”
“He’s not a boy, he’s a young man,” I said.
“A Remainder,” Zander growled back.
“Yes,” I replied. “A Remainder.” We stared at each other. “But one on royal business.”
Zander gave an impatient sigh. “I’m well aware of that. I’ll try to arrange some time for him, as you ask. You’ve obviously discussed this with Mistress Nerisa already?”
I felt, rather than saw, Kiel’s body tense up as he stood silently behind Zander. “Obviously,” I said.
Zander nodded. “And you, Maen? I need to know what meetings you have planned for today.”
“Nothing,” I said firmly. “And I’ll report that to the Queen herself. You presumably find it as tedious as I do, Gold Warrior, being my shadow for every waking hour.”
Zander frowned. “Obviously,” he repeated, with more than a trace of sarcasm. “So you may leave the Library now.”
I inclined my head to him in front of his soldiers, as was expected. I glanced over at Kiel, who was shifting nervously from one foot to the other. “I’ll return at the end of the day, Kiel,” I said. “For your progress report. Is that clear?”
Realization sparked in his eyes and he nodded, probably a little too eagerly. “Yes, sir. Very clear, sir.”
ON MY way out, I turned back once more to look inside the Library. The soldiers were milling around, the tension of the last meeting now gone, and their business nothing more than attending to Zander whenever he called for them. Some of them peered at the scribes’ work, distressing the timid, quiet workers who obviously abhorred an audience. A couple of the Silvers nodded in respect to me, including Edrius—good men who’d fought with me in the battle but had little to do with me nowadays.
My gaze traveled to find Zander, and I saw him talking to Kiel, the pair of them drawn a little way away from the main desks.
It was a surprise, even though I’d asked him to find time for Kiel’s work. I knew Zander had little time for conversing with Remainder staff, beyond barking an order or a complaint, and he used his soldiers or other servants to run his errands for him. He was an arrogant man, though not without justification, for he was at the top of his profession. And handsome too, with looks that drew attention from everyone. It’d been interesting, though, to see how Kiel’s boldness had disturbed that self-confidence.
Kiel gazed up at the tall soldier, nodding occasionally, his attention fixed with great concentration on Zander’s words. Kiel was almost on his toes, trying, I suspected, to match Zander’s height and size, but still falling half a foot short. Kiel held paper in his hand, but he wasn’t making any notes, though his fingers moved expressively a few times and his whole body was restless with excitement. Zander looked down at him with an expression that combined both irritation and caution, but his attention was also concentrated totally on Kiel.
I left them talking and went straight to my Mistress.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I PASSED several Silver Captains in the corridor on my way to Seleste’s office, and two at the entrance door, but when I was waved through into the room with her, there was only one Silver beside her. It was Darius. Seleste herself was dressed more casually than usual, without her cloak and official jewelry. It was unusual to see her relaxing there; she was more often on her way to or from a Council meeting.
I gave the soldier’s salute to her. She nodded at me and stepped from behind her desk. She turned to Darius. “Leave us now.”
He looked between us and frowned slightly. “Mistress, you should have company at all times. Perhaps you need—”
“Nothing!” she snapped, startling him. “Not that you can give me anyway. How dare you presume to tell me what I need? You’re pretty and adventurous in bed, and a good enough soldier. You’ve begged me for a high place in the next Games, and I know you’ve pushed your way in front of others for that privilege. You’re lucky I admire ambition like yours, but you should learn to be grateful for my patronage. Ask for more than that and it can all be taken away as quickly.”
He went pale, and he hurriedly dipped his head. “Mistress, forgive me.”
She stared at him, then back over to me. She sighed, the anger leaving her more quickly than Darius’s insolence deserved. “Maen, do you know this man
? Do you have as much trouble with him as I do?”
I saw Darius stiffen with protest, though he didn’t raise his head. “Sometimes, Mistress,” I agreed. She knew I’d met him—of course she did—but she was playing a game she enjoyed. “I was taught to fall to my knees if I angered my Mistress,” I said sternly, looking at his bowed head. “I was taught to beg forgiveness with rather more enthusiasm than you seem to show.”
Darius made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, but he dropped down immediately before Seleste. He made a handsome and respectful figure on his knees. Her eyes met mine over his bent body, and she smiled. “Maen, you’re always the perfect servant to your Mistress. Even though you’re not his Gold Warrior, he obeys you with more speed than he does his own Queen.” She dropped a hand to her side and let her fingers trail casually over Darius’s dark curls. “It’s a sign of his devotion to you, I believe. A very personal devotion.”
I breathed carefully. She would know everything about me, one way or another, so there was no reason to deny anything. “If he annoys you, Mistress, send him away.”
But she shook her head. “No, it’s not that. And I keep him close to me because… you are not.”
I frowned at her, confused. She hadn’t called me to her for several nights, but I assumed that’d been for her own reasons.
“We’ll speak more of that later.” She watched my reaction. “But know he comes to me sometimes with the smell of you still on him—and I like that. It’s the best I have at the moment, although I’d seek more if I thought it would be as good as my dreams. To have you both with me at night, together. Willing, hungry for me and each other….” She paused, maybe seeing my discomfort. Darius still knelt at her feet, but his whole body was now tense. She took a step away from him and laughed softly. “Go, soldier. Maen has no time for you now, and nor do I. I need no company apart from him.”
Darius stood up clumsily and backed from the room in haste. I didn’t catch his eye. Seleste either was keeping a watch on me or had been uncannily perceptive, for Darius had, indeed, been back to me other times, offering his body and a strange, unwelcome attentiveness. He found me neither unwilling nor enthusiastic. But he still returned.
Seleste moved away from her desk and poured out two cups of wine. “Will you drink with me?”
“Thank you, Mistress,” I said. “But I’m not thirsty.” Not for her particular wine.
Maybe my suspicion was too obvious, but she didn’t pursue it. “You haven’t found her,” she said sharply. “You haven’t found Flora yet.”
I bowed my head. “No one has knowledge of her, though some claim to have seen her just after the battle. I have more people to interview.”
“Where do you think she is?”
I considered carefully before I spoke. Seleste would expect my honesty. “I believe she’s left the city. And if she hasn’t perished in the wasteland out there, I think the Exiles are probably sheltering her.”
Seleste glared at me as if she wanted to be angry with me but knew she had no justification. “Maybe you’re right. Of all my sisters, Flora would be the only one with the courage for a challenge like that. Nerisa would have slipped into a river somewhere and drowned for fear of making too much fuss, and nobody would even notice she’d gone. Chloe would have stubbed her pathetic little foot and cried all the way back to the city with the pain and the misery of spoiling a shoe.”
“I’d suggest sending out a search party,” I said. “Will you tell Zander?”
Seleste grimaced. “There are rumors of more attacks from the Exiles on the western gate, and I can’t afford to release good soldiers at the moment.”
She didn’t say any more, but I knew there was no point in asking her to release me to the search. “Then I’ll continue to ask around the city. I’ll report to you if I find any more news, but I don’t see any need for Zander to accompany me.” At her surprised glance, I shrugged. “You need him for the city’s defense. He’s your best.”
She frowned. “No, you are my best and always have been. I’d hoped that would be enough for us both to enjoy this new life.” She looked flushed. “Perhaps you’re more honest than I, after all. Perhaps I have too much invested in the ways of this city—in its Queenship—to share this life with you more equally. To be something far more dear to you.”
“You are my Mistress,” I said quickly. It was a shock to hear her talk so openly. Hadn’t I kept my own thoughts so often hidden? “You cannot be more dear to me than as my Queen.” That was what we’d all been taught from childhood.
She continued to stare at me. We had such a strange relationship, Seleste and I. I called her Mistress and she ordered me to and from her side, yet when we were alone and intimate, she cried my name in pleasure and allowed me to murmur hers into her ear. We joked about characters in the Household staff, and we played chess and talked through her plans for the city. The decisions were still hers, but at those times I could see she was searching for a different kind of companionship, one that had never been sanctioned in the strict hierarchy of the city. One that had never been—nor ever would be—allowed to overshadow her ambition and her dutiful position.
She’d hoped I would be that companion. The atmosphere in the room was a mix of sadness and tension.
“I’ve disappointed you,” I said softly. “I haven’t been what you wanted.”
“Oh, but you have.” She smiled without humor; her expression was weary. “You’ve given me what you can, but it’s been only what you have left after your dreams of the boy, not what you have in full.”
“Mistress—”
She held up a hand to silence me. “That’s enough. And if you speak of this to anyone else, I will have you killed, however kindly I think of you.”
I nodded and swallowed hard. “I will find Flora for you.”
“You must!” Her voice was suddenly harder, and the weariness vanished from her eyes. “I’ll be hosting a conference soon, and there will be visitors from other cities. There must be no whisper of dissension in my Household. It must all go well.”
I stared at the sudden, fierce light in her eyes, astonished. “I’ve never known anyone from another city visit us here.”
She nodded. “There are concerns about the planet, Maen, that reach beyond Aza City. The climate is too volatile. The earth is becoming too acidic for the crops. There are signs in the stars that tell the Ladies in the Household of Physic of important times to come.” She may have seen my fists clench, but she let it pass. I’d never been one to have time for signs. She touched my arm, expressing again her possession of me. “I have to spend some time on the other side of the city, to visit both Exchequer and Utilities. I’ll travel tomorrow. Be ready to accompany me in the morning after I’ve eaten.”
I paused and caught my breath. There were many reasons I didn’t want to go traveling with Seleste tomorrow, though none that I could tell her. “Mistress, forgive me, but it’d be better if I stayed here. I’ve already visited many Households to interrogate Mistress Flora’s contacts, and I have my own schedule still to complete. I wouldn’t wish it to interfere with or conflict with your own objectives. And of course there’s the History being written. That needs continued attention.”
She was irritated by such trivia. “Put someone else to watch on that.”
I nodded as if I agreed with her wisdom. “Of course, I forgot. Your sister, Mistress Nerisa, is there to oversee—”
Seleste didn’t even let me finish my sentence. “For Devotions’ sake, I’ll wait a lifetime if she’s left in charge!” She was impatient now, her mind anticipating her trip and the forthcoming conference. “You will stay, and you’ll promise to be on hand, Maen, throughout the whole exercise. You know the importance of this History being finished swiftly and well. It just needs a few minutes of your time each day, to check on progress. It will be a chore, but I wish you to incorporate it into your schedule as a priority.”
I shrugged gently, the picture of the reluctant but obedien
t servant. “I’ll do my best for you, Mistress, of course.”
AS I left the room, closing the door behind me, Darius stepped to my side. I sighed.
“Maen.” His protest at my cool welcome was wry. “Is it true, what you said, that I give you trouble? Or is it trouble you secretly enjoy?”
I shook my head and started to walk back toward my quarters. “I have work to do for the Mistress. I don’t have time to see you now.”
Darius made a soft noise of complaint. He made similar sounds every time he came to me, slipping quietly into my quarters at night. He was always impatient, always greedy, always shamelessly persistent whatever my initial response. Sometimes he shocked me, sometimes he fascinated me—and sometimes I didn’t send him away at once. He was a good lover, if I were honest, and he could stimulate me physically when nothing had for a long time. I disliked his arrogant attitude and his barely suppressed contempt for the other soldiers in his new Guard, but when he was alone with me, he could be quite different. He’d be more tolerant, almost submissive, and would talk to me about his time with Mistress Flora. He’d been devoted to her, and it’d been a shock to him when she disappeared. He was scared of Seleste—as was appropriate for a soldier’s behavior toward his Queen—but he was resentful too, having to find his position all over again in a new Household. He seemed to seek my sympathy, though I couldn’t give him much attention. Sometimes he’d bring ale for us to drink, or he’d arrive already slightly drunk, but he was always very uninhibited and proud of himself. That was his way.
I couldn’t explain it, and I didn’t wish to get any closer to him, but he had a way of touching me that I’d found in no one else over the last year. He was amusing and outrageous and ridiculous and yet vulnerable, all in equal measures. A handsome man, with a fine body, he didn’t hesitate to invite himself onto my bunk and to assume I’d take as much or as little from him as I wanted. He could relax me even while I thought I resisted him. The coupling was fierce and fast. I was always physically satisfied, and he never asked for anything beyond my participation in the act. It should have been enough of a distraction for me—I had enough nights alone for that to have been welcome—and I didn’t tell him it wasn’t. But when he held me, and stripped me, and pressed his mouth to my neck, he must have known that it wasn’t. At least for me.