by Clare London
“Your life,” I repeated firmly. “And that’s the most precious thing of all to me. That’s where I go, that’s what I follow. That’s the only authority for me now.”
He flushed. “I’ll give the order to stand down. Will you be here when I return?”
“Of course. But are you sure they’ll obey?”
“They will. Today will not be the day the city and the Exiles meet in forced battle.”
I STOOD in the courtyard, my sword back in my hand and soldiers all around me. In the background, the burned, broken timbers of the ruined Royal Library hissed and shifted as they cooled down. Occasional clouds of steam lifted from the wreckage and dissipated in the slight breeze.
The rest of the Guard was aimless, obviously confused as to what to do next. The Queen and Mistress Chloe had left the area, and their Gold Warriors were seriously distracted from their duty. I looked for Lyril and found him, lying on the stones by a drained water butt, his arm hugged tightly to his chest as if broken. His face was white and he seemed to be passing in and out of consciousness. I didn’t know if he’d suffered the injury in the aborted fight with the Remainders or in the panic caused by the fire, but it looked severe. I called over a couple of soldiers and told them to fetch a cloth stretcher and carry him to the Household of Physic. There were Remainders around, but most of them had withdrawn after helping to stop the fire, many of them blackened and exhausted after their work. It had been astonishing to see them working voluntarily alongside the Guard, but now I suspected they’d return to their quarters as quickly and as inconspicuously as possible, hoping not to suffer any consequences from following Kiel’s rallying cry. The ones remaining were acting more purposefully, starting to clear up the wreckage of the Library and moving to the aid of the soldiers. Scribes still clustered together a few feet from the Library entrance, unable to tear their shocked, frightened selves away from the disaster site.
Zander was on his knees beside a sorely injured body that few people would have recognized. He appeared to have no time or attention to give his Guard their commands. A Silver Captain stood a short distance away, a cloth stretcher in his hand, but Zander didn’t even raise his head. The soldier turned in confusion and addressed me instead. “Shall we move this body to the House of Physic too, sir?” he asked.
It startled me to be addressed in the respectful way I’d enjoyed when I was also a Gold Warrior, and I hesitated to reply. I could see a couple of others behind him, awaiting orders. Some of them scowled at me, but none of them had made a move to arrest either Dax or me in the aftermath of this disaster. Now they needed the authority of a senior soldier of the city.
“Zander will direct you where to take him,” I said. “But give him a moment first.”
I realized Kiel had regained some consciousness. His pain must have been tremendous, but he was trying to speak. Zander leaned over his body, soothing him with gentle words.
“I tried to keep you out of trouble,” he murmured as I approached quietly. “Stupid scribe. Too much in your head, that’s what I said. It’s only paper and words.”
“Everything,” Kiel gasped. “Gone. Never….”
My shadow fell over him and his eyes flickered toward me; he couldn’t move his head. “Sorry,” he whispered. “Sorry… lost. No book. No History. Lost….”
“No,” I said as firmly as I dared. The expression on Zander’s face was fierce as he stared at Kiel, and he blinked frequently as if fighting back tears. “That’s not important. We’ll approach the Queen another way. We know the records were there, even if we can’t prove it now. We all know the story, and maybe that will be enough to force change through her.”
“Don’t fool yourself, Maen,” Zander said hoarsely. “She’ll have us all arrested and killed for today’s events. Her sisters are as bad, it seems. And I’ve been as rebellious and subversive as you. I don’t know whether to thank you for opening my eyes or curse you for ripping my life into pieces. I’ve nothing left now, nothing I can trust, nothing I can rely on.”
Kiel made a sickening, wheezing sound. “Me. Always.”
Zander’s face flushed and he reached tentatively for Kiel’s uninjured hand. I was startled to see him give a public show of affection to a servant, but then this day had been astounding for many reasons. “If there’s no evidence,” he said, still talking to me though his gaze was fixed on Kiel, “no sign of this History that you spoke of—well, she’ll be able to deny it all. She has everything invested in keeping the equilibrium, in keeping her men and the city exactly as they always have been. There’s no need to give credence to the tales of rebels.”
“You will not be arrested,” said a voice behind me. “You will not be killed. I will speak to the Queen myself, and she will listen to me.”
I’d heard gentle steps approaching me, but there’d been nothing to alert me in the way of danger. Even so, when they stopped behind me, I took a firmer grip of my sword and turned. To my astonishment it was Mistress Nerisa, clutching her familiar pile of papers. Behind her was her constant companion, the Silver Captain Tabot. He made no move against me and I put down my sword.
“Mistress.” I bowed my head.
“Soldier,” she replied, her voice surprisingly clear.
“I’m not—” I began.
She shook her head, silencing my protest. “Today you are a soldier, and you fought for the people of this city, whoever they may be. Today you are one of ours.”
I heard another set of footsteps and Dax came running to stand by my side. “I’ve sent the message,” he said to me hurriedly. “The Exiles are returning to the camp. But there’s still tension there and the expectation of an attack. I need to bring them better news than the burning of a Library and a brief gathering of Remainder slaves.” Then he looked down at Kiel lying on the ground and frowned. His gaze flickered over Zander, and he suddenly reached out and touched my arm. It was as if, like me, he’d suddenly recognized the secret bond between lovers in Zander and Kiel, and wished to communicate that to me the best way he could. I wanted to draw him to me at that very instant, to hold him and to give thanks for his bravery, his survival, and for everything else he’d come to mean to me. Only the awareness of the bloodshed and tragedy around us stopped me from doing it.
Nerisa looked from my face into Dax’s defiant eyes, and she nodded. “Both of you are soldiers today. You will have amnesty for that, whatever the city offers you in the future.”
Dax inclined his head. “Mistress.” He looked confused and hardly reassured. After all, he had no idea who she was or why she thought she could say such things. He’d never met her, and she must have presented a strange, small, incongruous figure among the filth and angry passion of the last hour.
She turned back to me, shifting the papers more securely under her arm. She wore a dull-colored cloak as always, her hair pulled back into a severe style and unadorned. But the face that I’d always thought plain and uninteresting looked different today. Her eyes were sharp, her mouth determined.
“Maen, I know who you are and what you’ve done, both good and bad. I know what you and Kiel have been talking about too, and the discoveries he made in the Library.” At the look of shock on my face, she laughed. It was a soft sound, but robust. “You think I’m a shadow, a blank page, a strange misfit in the glorious, charismatic royal family. A nobody. Isn’t that right?”
“Mistress. I never meant to offend.”
“No, you misunderstand me.” She smiled at me, genuine amusement in her face. “I’m glad of that! It’s enabled me to go my own way without interference. To make a better life for my scribes and their Remainder brethren. To work with Flora, even when it would have been seen as treason against my sister, the Queen.”
“You helped Flora escape the city?”
Nerisa nodded. “I’ve worked with her both in and outside of these walls for many years. We believe in the same thing—the unity of the city, once again.”
Dax gasped beside me. “You’re the one who’s
been helping the Exiles?”
She nodded again. “It hasn’t been much, I know, but I’ve sent news and documents and maps when I can. Occasionally my sister Chloe allows me into her Household, and I can take supplies and recipes for you from there. Sometimes I’ve been able to bring more private documents to the young scribe’s attention without him realizing where they came from, of course.” Her gaze settled on Kiel’s restless body and she paled, though her voice continued as calmly. “He’s been able to discover old entrances and exits in the city walls, and hidden routes through the many buildings.”
“And old Histories?” I asked, my voice low.
She looked at me again. “You are as alert to all this as he is. I knew of them a long time ago, as did Chloe. She chose to ignore them, to manipulate the secrets we found in order to glorify her position beside Seleste. I chose—”
“To expose them. To use them,” Dax interrupted.
“Yes. It’s been more effective to work through Kiel, to allow him his very intelligent head in these matters, and merely to point him in the directions I recommend. When I discovered he was investigating far more than I ever hoped for, and also creating his own record of those forgotten years… I confess I was excited. I’ve tried to protect him from discovery by Seleste all this time.”
“You’ve followed him around, yet not for complaint or discipline.”
“No,” she said sadly. “There was none of that for Kiel, for he’s been a superb servant to me and our objectives. My surveillance was purely for his own protection.”
“You talk as if he’s dead,” Zander said dully, his voice breaking into our talk. “He still lives.”
Nerisa’s face twisted for the first time with sympathy. “Yes, and I’ll make sure he’s nursed back to the best health we can manage. I’ll insist on the best care for him.”
“At the Household of Physic?” I asked warily.
Understanding flickered in her eyes. “He’ll be safe there. He will not be punished. I’ll see to that. Mistress Chloe will help him to recover with all her skills and potions, and she will not be allowed to speak or act beyond that role. And I’ll also speak to Seleste so that her loyal soldiers are not punished for their behavior today.” Nerisa gave a deep sigh, as if she’d found the speech exhausting. “It’s been a day we will all remember.”
I cleared my throat. “And just how will you do all this?”
“Maen!” Dax was startled at my boldness.
I persisted. “Mistress, what influence do you have with the Queen? Her own sister works with her to continue this lie they live, this power their ancestors have usurped, for twisting the desires of men. The city is strong and well established, and the Exiles relatively weak.” Dax started to protest, but I held up a hand to stop him. “It’s true. You cannot deny it. You can’t launch a full attack on the city—you’d be destroyed. But meanwhile you can only live half a life outside the walls, surviving on stolen goods and illicit, charitable help. It needs more than the threat of your sporadic raids for leverage against the Queen.”
“Don’t concern yourself with that, Maen.” Nerisa’s voice had grown sharper. “The knowledge of the Histories and the fact that the truth has now been made public to several people will persuade her to review her position. The fact it may still be made public to many, many more will make her open her rule to representation from the other factions on this planet. It’s the only way she can hold onto her power for as long as possible.”
“But no one will listen to us!” Dax burst in. “Only Maen and Kiel have seen the books. Only the few of us know they existed. They’re gone now, nothing but ashes.”
“Not quite,” Nerisa said quietly.
We stared at her. Zander lifted his head to look at us again, and I thought I saw Kiel move slightly on the ground.
“What do you mean?”
Nerisa shifted awkwardly, making a small noise of frustration. “Help me with these papers, soldier. Tabot’s hands are kind and protective on me, but quite useless with delicate objects like these. I should have brought one of my Ladies to help me, if I could have trusted any of them not to go whimpering to Seleste when they saw what we carried.”
I reached to help her, catching some of the documents as they spilled out from the pile: a few slim pages, bound together, and I recognized the handwriting, or at least the style. My heart started to beat more quickly. I frowned.
“This is—”
“Kiel’s work,” she said. “Yes. Or, at least, my copies of it.” She laughed again with genuine amusement. “I confess my hands are not as talented as his, my brushwork a little clumsier. But I’ve tried to keep the beauty of it intact as well as the factual content. There’s been little enough time, with Seleste constantly on my heels about her own History. But I’ve followed Kiel’s progress as quickly and as well as I could, making copies while he slept, and while he was on his adventures with you, Maen.”
“Copies?” Kiel’s voice was a rasping whisper. “Mistress?” He sounded amazed.
Nerisa smiled down at him; a gentle, benevolent gesture. “Did you think I’d trust to just one copy—to the threat of flood and fire and all kinds of other human-made mischief?” She looked across at Zander. “Don’t delay any more, soldier. Take this scribe to the House of Physic, I’ve sent ahead with a message to Mistress Chloe. He needs to have his pain soothed and his wounds treated, and then, in a few days’ time, we’ll see about moving him back to his place at the Library. There are plenty there who’ll care for him, and with very special attention because of what he’s done for us.”
Kiel grunted, and I could have sworn it was a sound of protest, as if he wanted to stay and hear more about the most astonishing recovery of his book.
“You’ll go, scribe,” Zander growled, but there was a light in his eyes, the return of his spirit. “You’ll rest and recover and obey the orders you should have obeyed in the first place. You owe me, anyway.” When Kiel gave a small cough of puzzlement, Zander leaned over him and whispered gently into his ear. None of us could hear what he said, but Kiel gave another, softer cough. “He promised us, Maen, didn’t he?” Zander said more loudly. “He promised to show us the secret books—the other secret books—the ones about the Household of Massage and the secret equipment room in the Detention Quarters! Remember?”
I smiled, amazed I could find humor among all this. “Yes, I remember. Anything to save his hide, and that’s just the sort of thing to keep soldiers happy, of course it is. We need him around for that alone.” A group of Remainders arrived to pick up the blanket, and Zander moved away, albeit reluctantly. He scrambled to his feet, pushing back his dirty hair, trying to settle his armor back in order.
Nerisa watched Zander as Kiel was carefully carried away, and then she glanced back at Tabot. They shared a look that was familiar to me, unmistakably the look of lovers. Not just as the soldier and his Mistress, but a more equal commitment such as I shared with Dax. I wanted to approach and question her on this, but Tabot turned to face me. I stopped in my tracks. It wasn’t a threatening gesture, but I began to wonder how long he’d been close to her, how long they’d built this secret bond between them. I imagined his hands being kind and protective on his Mistress in public, but then moving with private devotion much deeper than that. I imagined he’d be strong and unmoving in the face of the person he loved.
I understood that, and I nodded gently to him.
“Zander,” Nerisa said to the Gold Warrior, her voice firm. “Return to your duties. Your men need guidance. Take them back to the barracks and await the Queen’s orders. I will go and see her now.”
Zander seemed to be recovering his wits. He gave her a salute and bowed his head in obedience. Nerisa shifted the papers under her arm again, securing them, and then she walked slowly away toward the royal quarters, where Seleste would have retired. Tabot turned on his heel and followed her, silently as always.
Just before Zander turned to collect the remainder of the Guard together, he held h
is hand out to me. “Maen?”
I took his hand and we smiled at each other. “I don’t know,” I replied to the question he hadn’t known how to phrase. “I will see you again, though not in the barracks with you and your Guard. But hopefully not on the battlefield either.”
He nodded, pulled himself to his full height, and walked away to take command of his men again.
DAX TOUCHED my arm. “You’ll stay here?” He was frowning and obviously trying to keep his voice steady.
“What do you mean?” The courtyard was stripped of soldiers now. The only activity came from small groups of Remainders shoveling the debris into wheeled carts.
His gaze was steady but pained. “You still have loyalty to the city, to the Queen. It’s been your life. With Mistress Nerisa’s support, you may be reinstated into the Guard. You’ll be able to regain your position.”
“What position would that be?” I murmured and put a hand to his shoulder, letting my fingers caress his neck, so carefully that no one else would see, and so gently that only he would feel the love I invested in the touch. “What good would any position be, if it’s not with you?”
“I’ll return to the Exiles. I’ll not presume on the Queen’s tolerance any longer, even if Nerisa can persuade her otherwise. She’ll never accept me in the city.” He grimaced again. “She’ll kill me if she has the chance. I don’t want to give her that satisfaction.”
“I know that.” His eyes were bright, his weary face set in determination. He was being brave—he was brave! “So we’ll stay away for the time being. We’ll see how Nerisa manages to negotiate with Seleste. We’ll see what changes are forthcoming, what promises are made.” I reached for his face again, running my hand along the line of his jaw. “Nothing is certain, except that we’re still free for the moment and we’re together.” I laughed, wondering how I was able to speak such nonsense and for it to sound so right.