by Erin Trejo
“I know I should leave you here but without knowing who turned on me, I’m afraid to do that. I want you to come with me.”
Fear resonates itself deep within her. Her eyes dance with that fear. She’s torn between what to do.
“I was afraid I was going to die, Cord. They didn’t stop beating me.” Tears fill her eyes once again.
“I know, and if I thought it’d be okay to leave you here, I would. I just don’t like the idea of it after what happened.” She nods her head. She has to understand my point in this. I can’t have her in harm’s way all the time.
“I’ll go. Maybe I will remember something else that will help. I want my daughter back. It’s killing me to not have her. You don’t think they hurt her, do you?” I won’t let her do this to herself. I won’t let her think that way. Grabbing her by the shoulders, I force her to look at me.
“Don’t you dare think like that! She’s alive and well! I won’t lose any more family.” Ava nods slowly, swallowing hard.
“You’re right. When do we leave?” That’s my girl. That’s the tough woman I met.
“After my meeting. You’re going with me.” Ava nods before heading into the bathroom. I can’t stop the smile that creeps across my face. She’s so goddamn perfect. I slide my phone out and check my messages. Nothing interesting and nothing from Nikolai.
“Can I run something by you?” Crossing my arms over my chest, I lean against the doorframe to the bathroom. Ava’s eyes find mine with interest.
“Of course.”
“Would it seem strange to you if someone extremely trusted, disappeared right before something like that happened at the house?” Ava shrugs before leaning against the counter.
“Did they have good reason to disappear?” That’s a good question. Maybe I’m just overthinking things.
“I think I’m just running on lack of sleep right now.” Shaking my head, Ava moves toward me, wrapping her arms around my waist.
“Is this just a question or do you have a feeling?” Her blue eyes peer up at me with such interest.
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s get ready.” Ava shakes her head before releasing me.
“If it’s a feeling, don’t ignore it, Cord. Those are usually the ones that are right.”
As much as I hate to admit it, she’s right. And I’m scared shitless of what that means for us.
Chapter 48
“You want rifles. To take to Italy? Have you lost your goddamn mind, Cord?” Juno stares at me. He should know better than to talk to me the way he is.
“Since when did it become necessary for you to question me? Last time I checked, I still fucking ran this city!” My nerves are being worked over. So many questions run through my head and Juno isn’t helping that.
“I’m sorry, Cord. That’s just an insane idea. You want guns in Italy, I can get that set up for you.” He doesn’t understand this.
“I don’t have time for that. I’m leaving in a few hours.” Juno’s mouth hangs open, but he quickly closes it. I knew he didn’t want to push the issue.
“Fuck! You get stopped with that kind of load, Cord, you’re going to prison.” I appreciate his concern, although I know he only cares about his money.
“Someone has our daughter! I will claim them as my own as long as he finds her!” Her hysterical outburst startles us all. I glance over before Ava’s flying out of her seat toward him. My heart leaps in my chest watching the fight come out in her. I stand quickly, grabbing her around the waist as Juno’s eyes widen.
“You must be Ava. I’ve heard a lot about you. This is the girl that’s had your nuts for years?” Now it’s my turn to growl.
“Do you want me to blow your fucking head off?” I’m in no mood for this.
“I’m sorry! Shit. I’ll get you whatever you want, Cord. You know that.” Running my hand through my hair, I blow out a breath.
“I need at least five. I’m taking a few guys with me.” Juno nods his head before standing.
“Give me a few minutes.” With my hand still wrapped around Ava’s waist, I sit back down, pulling her with me.
“Do you have any fucking idea how sexy it is when that fight comes out of you?” Whispering against her neck, she shivers.
“He was being an ass. He deserved it.” I don’t miss the hitch in her voice either. This woman is going to be the death of me yet.
“Indeed, he did.” My fingers rub small circles on her hip while we wait for Juno to come back.
“I’m scared, Cord.” God, I hate to hear those words leave her lips. I never want her to be afraid, but I can’t argue with her after what happened.
“I know. I’m going to fix this, Ava. I’m going to make everything right. You won’t have to be afraid anymore.” In my mind those words hold truth. In reality, I can’t be sure anymore. We were violated in our own home. That doesn’t say much about our safety.
“It’s all loaded up, Boss. No serial numbers, not traceable, and extra ammo. You know if you need an extra man, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” I look up at the man that has been running my guns and my drugs, for as long as I can remember.
“I appreciate that, Juno. You’ve always kept your word and done right by this family. It won’t be forgotten.” He nods once before moving his gaze to Ava.
“I apologize for the way I spoke to you. I hope you find your little girl.” Ava swallows hard before standing up.
“Thank you. I’m sorry for losing myself there for a second.”
“You had every right. Remember what I said, Cord. I’d fill in for you in a second.” Pushing out of my chair, I extend my hand to him.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
The flight to Italy was silent. The guns were packed underneath in the private plane we took. I’m not sure what to expect. I’m not sure where to head to first. I called ahead and got Luciano’s men lined up, but they said Nikolai wasn’t with them. That sets my nerves on edge considering, that’s where he said he was.
“Stop fidgeting, it’s driving me crazy.” I don’t mean it to come out as harsh as it did. I truly am working on reigning in the demon for Ava. It’s proving to be more difficult than I thought.
Ava’s hands stop as she wrings them together in her lap. I shift to move closer to her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders.
“I’m sorry. I’m on edge.” She leans her head onto my shoulder as the limo takes us to the hotel.
“I know, and I’m not helping.” I press my lips to her head as the car comes to a stop.
“You’re perfect. I just need to focus.” Ava nods before sliding out of the car.
Following behind her, I spot Luciano’s men before I ever make it to the door.
“We have people set up all over. We’ve heard that Terantino is involved. We know the location.” My heart leaps as Ava spins to look at me.
“Is she there?” I can see the pleading look in her eyes. I wish I could tell her yes, but we don’t know if she is.
“You are going to stay in this hotel room. Romero will stay with you, and I’ll have guys outside the door.” Shaking her head, she grabs my shirt.
“You can’t go. You can’t get hurt.” Fuck, I love this woman.
“This is what I do, Ava. Let me do it. I’ll bring our little girl home.” Pressing my lips to her forehead, I push her back away from me.
“Please. Don’t leave, Cord!” She takes another step toward me, but I throw up my walls. I won’t let her step around them either, not this time. We both have too much on the line for that.
“You will stay here, or I will tie you to the bed! Don’t you dare fuck with me right now!” The growl that ripped out of me startles her. She jerks back but this isn’t the time to hash this out.
“Let’s go.” The man nods his head before whistling for his other guys. In an instant we are armed and ready to move out.
“Don’t you dare fucking die!” In any other situation her words would be funny. In this case, there is nothing funny about it.
&nb
sp; “I’ll be back.” Winking at her, I usher her inside to where Romero waits for her.
“Let’s get my niece back.” Jordy slaps a hand on my shoulder. We head toward the cars. There is nothing but murder on my mind. I will rip this country apart until I find her. They will feel the wrath of me.
Chapter 49
Lights twirl around outside as we drive. The town is eerily quiet. There aren’t many cars on the road, and I can only think that it’s from being so late. Anxiety was never something that affected me, but I can feel it tonight. My body tingles with the want, the want to find my child, the want to kill. Killing had become such a crutch for me. It was easy, I enjoyed it.
As much as I want Ava and Amee, I need to know that I can halt this feeling at any time. The thrill that races through me is indescribable. It’s a high, my high. Taking a life is one of the biggest sins, yet I am that sinner. If there is a God in heaven, he has shunned me. I will never be good enough for Ava. In my mind I know that, but my heart wants to rip me in the other direction.
You can’t make someone good that has always been bad. You can’t change the past to accommodate the future that you want. I am living proof of all of those things.
“Stop it.” Jerking my gaze to Jordy, I have no clue what he’s rambling about.
“Stop what exactly?” His huff makes me smile.
“Whatever shit you have in that head of yours, stop thinking it.” He always has known me.
“Can I ask you a serious question?” Jordy nods before shifting in his seat.
“Being the head of this family has been hell. It made me into the monster I am today. It’s eating me alive, though. It’s taken everything that was good to me and stole it away. If you were offered the chance to walk away, if you were me, would you do it?” Jordy sighs before leaning back in the seat.
“It’s hard to say. I don’t live the way you do. I’ve been there, of course, but I’m not you, Cord. What I do know, is that you deserve to be happy. You deserve a chance at having a life that you actually want. You were so carefree before this. Becoming the man that you are has stolen that away. I get that some people thrive on this shit, but you don’t. You lose yourself in it.” His words make more sense than he knows. I have given up a lot to be the Boss of the Vitale family. I’ve lost years of having Ava at my side, years of not knowing my daughter. Killing has become so much of my normal that I wouldn’t really know what to do without it. The car comes to a stop as I glance out the window.
“This is Terantino’s main house. They don’t keep it covered well. There usually isn’t a reason to around here.” I nod at Romny, Luciano’s guy.
“Good. We should be able to get in then. Tell your men to watch their asses and watch where those bullets fly.” He nods once before climbing out of the car, Jordy and I following closely behind him. He talks into his hand held before motioning for us to follow. Guns are drawn. My body vibrates with energy. Is it because I’m about to make a kill or that I could possibly be meeting my daughter soon? Either way, my body ignites in fire as we burst through the front door.
Guys move around quickly at every angle until I hear a scream. My heart stops beating. Images of Amelia sitting on her bed when Julius was about to attack her float back into my head. My chest heaves as I head toward the sound without regard to where anyone else is. I take the stairs two at a time. There is nothing running through these cold veins of mine but adrenaline.
I kick in every door on the damn floor before stopping at the last one. Ramming my shoulder into it, I rush through it not prepared for what I find on the other side. A little girl with bloody hands sits on the floor on her knees, a man’s body in front of her.
“He fell down.” Her eyes water with unshed tears.
I nod my head as I get closer to her. She’s visibly shaken but I don’t think she’s hurt. I drop to my knees next to her, reaching for her hands.
“Are you hurt?” Calming my tone as to not scare her further, she shakes her head.
“I heard booms and he came in. Then he just fell.” Her little voice sounds so much like her mother’s that it’s scary.
“Did I hurt him?” I can’t speak. I can’t say a damn word as I sit here face to face with my own child. My flesh and blood. The one good thing I have ever done in my life.
“You didn’t hurt him. Come.” I hold my hand out to her. My heart pounds in my chest. Amee stands, her blue eyes glistening in the soft light of the room.
“Are you my daddy?” Her words hit me like a train. It knocks the breath out of me.
“I am. How did you know that?” She steps toward me cautiously.
“Mommy had pictures of you.” Ava showed her pictures of me. She told her about me.
“Your mommy is waiting for you.” Her smile lights up the room. My God, I thought I found heaven in Ava, but it’s nothing compared to what I see in Amee.
“Where?” She whips her head around looking for her as her long, dark, curly hair, flies over her shoulder.
“Come on. I will take you to her.” Amee grins at me. It’s the most perfect smile that I’ve ever seen. She steps into my arms and I pull her into my chest. Running my hand down her hair, I sigh with contentment.
“Ti amero sempre.”
Chapter 50
Shear amazement. That’s all I feel. I watch the two of them as if they’ve been with me the whole time. Amee was ecstatic to see her mom. I always knew that Ava would make the perfect mother, but watching her with our daughter seals that in stone. She’s so caring and in tune with her. They sit on the edge of the bed, Ava brushing Amee’s hair as I lean against the wall watching.
Ava’s eyes sparkle with a joy all her own. It makes my heart swell with pride. I never knew that a family could mean this much to me. My uncle was always my family, but this, this is something so different. It’s another world all its own. The light of heaven reflects in those two. Of everything else I’ve done in this world, that right there is the best of it. It occurs to me that I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve either one of them. The monster in me is way too consumed with this life.
If I was to leave it, what kind of life could I offer them? I only know this life. I know nothing of the outside world anymore.
I know I can’t keep them in this life, though. Far too much has happened and far too much was taken away from me. I couldn’t do that again. I couldn’t lose either of them.
“Daddy,” Amee calls my name, snapping me out of my thoughts. Her bright blue eyes peer up at me like I’m the best person in the world. I hate to be the one to break that part of her, the fact that her father is a monster.
“Will you play?” Cocking my head to the side to study her, I smile before giving her a slight nod. She extends her hand before I take it in mine. So much warmth flows from her. So much goodness. She leads me toward Ava. Amee drops to the floor before grabbing a book. She doesn’t even look up as she flips through the pages. I can’t pull my eyes away from her. Ava’s hand comes to rest on my arm before I glance over at her smiling face.
“You showed her photos of me.” Ava nods slightly, her smile never fading.
“She needed to know that you were around. She understood that we couldn’t see you right then, but I wanted her to know you cared.” My heart slams in my chest.
“How did you know that I’d care?” Her smile fades before she pats the bed next to her, motioning for me to sit. Once I do, I wait for her to speak.
“You kept all that feeling inside of you. Amelia ripped that scab open. It didn’t matter that you tried to hide it. I knew you’d love your child. There was never a doubt in my mind. Should there have been?” Ava turns her head to face me. So much emotion paints her expression.
“No.”
“You can’t be serious right now, Cord?” Ava folds her arms over her chest as she glares at me. I hate this for her. I really do.
“When have you known me to not be serious?” Closing my emotions down is the only way around this. As much as it pains me,
I’m doing the right thing.
“So this is what you’ve decided? You’re just going to leave us again?” Ava’s voice cracks and I know it’s taking all she has in her to lock down what she feels in this moment.
“Believe me when I say that I’ve thought long and hard about this. It wasn’t my first choice, Ava. It is the best choice, though. I have a rat in this family. One that is threatening all of our safety. I can’t bring you two around that anymore.” Her eyes blaze to life. She wants to fight me on this; I can see it in her eyes.
“I’m so fucking tired of you making all the decisions, Cord! You don’t get to choose my life for me!” There’s that fire that I’ve always loved about her. She’s perfectly amazing.
“This one isn’t up for discussion, Ava! I will not lose you two. I will not watch you die by my hands!” Her arms fall to her sides as Amee walks into the room. Her eyes are big and bright. I crouch down on the floor and open my arms for her as she takes off running. Throwing herself into my arms, I pull her against me. So much love and hope. She is full of both. That’s something I refuse to let her lose.
“Are you going to be a good girl for mommy?” Pressing a kiss to her cheek, she nods.
“I love you, daddy.” Those words melt my insides. I don’t know how to react when I hear them leave her lips. Even after the days I’ve spend with her, it always amazes me.
“I love you more than you know.” Kissing her cheek once more, she pulls back and looks up at Ava.
“Why are you crying, mommy?” I look up to see the tears falling down her cheeks. I hate that I’m the one causing it once again.
“Mommy is sad that you guys have to leave.” Amee’s eyes jerk back to mine as they sparkle in the light. So much like her mother.
“Are you coming?” Her head tilts to the side as she studies me.