by May Dawson
“You have got to be kidding me,” Cade said, looking around at all of us. His gaze met Tristan’s, and his jaw flexed in irritation. Tristan shrugged.
Julia flashed him a smile. “As if you didn’t do this when you were a student, Cade.”
“What was that?” Cade’s voice was quiet, deadly, and Julia’s smile flickered. With his gaze fixed on her, she glanced away, staring into the trees as her cheeks flushed.
“You are all on restriction for the weekend,” Nix said. He raised his voice to call to someone, “Don’t bother trying to sneak away into the woods, Mahoney. You bought yourself restriction for this weekend and next, failed ninja.”
“This might have been an old tradition when Nix and I were young,” Cade said. “But it was banned for a reason. A kid got killed.”
“That’s right,” Nix agreed. “We need every Hunter to learn their job and survive out there. It’s dangerous enough without making up new, stupid ways to hurt yourself. Do I make myself clear?”
No one hesitated to say yes sir. I figured that everyone else saying it covered me, but Cade’s gaze met mine, as if he was waiting for me.
A kid was killed? By another cadet? The thought made me sick, made me feel foolish for fighting with Julia. I couldn’t imagine how much that guilt would needle under my skin.
“Since you all want to fight so badly, we’ll double up hand-to-hand training sessions on Friday and work through dinner,” Cade said. “It’ll be a great way to kick off a lovely weekend. I’ll see everyone from my house in the dojo tomorrow.”
I’d have expected people to groan, but apparently the same discipline learned running up that damned mountain was in effect now.
“Get out of here,” Nix said. “Get some rest. You’re going to need it.”
While Cade and Nix stood implacable in the center of the ring, everyone else hurried to grab their discarded clothing and stuff from the grass.
“Deidra.” Cade’s voice was a whip-snap across the field. “Come here.”
“Do you want me to wait for you?” Tristan touched my shoulder. I glanced up from his hand to his bare, tanned shoulder, gleaming under the moonlight, to his thoughtful hazel eyes.
“I’ll be all right,” I said, putting my hand over his, just for a second.
“I’d tell my big brother to go easy on you, but he doesn’t listen to me,” he said.
“You’d probably just make things worse.”
“You can tell that already, huh?”
His mischievous spirit made me feel lighter. Our hands slipped apart as he bent to grab his t-shirt. I took a step toward Cade and Nix, but glanced over my shoulder to watch Tristan as he melted into the woods.
“Take your time,” Cade said to Nix, his voice false-casual. “That’s definitely what I said, right? I’ d like to see you whenever you feel the impulse to meander my way?”
“Definitely,” Nix said.
The last students were trickling off the field. I crossed the distance, feeling a flutter of nerves that I didn’t dare show as I reached the two of them. With their crossed arms, big bodies and stern eyes, they were a foreboding pair.
I stopped, meeting their gazes in turn rebelliously. They might intimidate me, but they didn’t need to know that.
“What the hell are you doing, Deidra?” Nix broke the tension between us first.
“I’m just trying to figure this place out.”
Cade snorted, although I hadn’t lied. I knew I was breaking the rules when I came out here, but I still had to figure out the academy for myself.
“Oh? Did it occur to you that it might be against the rules to sneak into the woods late at night? Did it occur to you that it was fucking stupid?” Nix’s low, restrained voice made me feel far smaller than I would have if he had yelled.
“Why am I getting this lecture and not all of them?” I demanded, pointing in the general direction of the house—I hoped—although I couldn’t see it through the woods. “It’s because I’m new, right? Because I don’t know the rules?”
“You can’t just admit you were wrong, hm?” Cade said. “Amazing.”
I didn’t appreciate being judged by the two of them. It was fun to watch Julia wilt under their gazes, but I didn’t want to do the same. Despite the rising flush I could feel in my cheeks, I forced myself to meet Cade’s eyes. His hazel eyes were flecked with gold, bright in the pale moonlight that flooded the field.
“I didn’t see anyone else from our house except for Tristan,” Cade said. “Who usually makes better choices than this. What were the two of you doing out here?”
Fighting was the obvious answer. But he was driving at something else.
“None of your business,” I said.
Cade nodded, his jaw tightening. His lips parted, then he pinched the bridge of his nose with his hand.
I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t know what to say now to make it better, to unravel the web of hostility I was rapidly weaving around the three of us.
Well, there was one, really obvious thing.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out.
Cade looked up, his eyes widening as they met mine. “It’s a miracle.”
Nix didn’t look impressed. His arms were still knit over his chest. “They think they’re learning, getting tougher, when they come out here. They’re idiots who are really just knocking even more brain cells out of their skulls, but that’s irrelevant. You’re only going to put these kids in danger if you play their stupid games.”
“I’m still wearing your cute little shackles, remember?” I held my wrist up, clanging my fingernails against the metal.
“Bracelets or not, you’re a hazard until you get yourself under control,” Nix said. He looked into my face and must have seen the doubt there, because he added, “I was. It’s a failsafe. If your power builds up enough, your magic will destroy them.”
“Take them off.” Cade’s voice was cool. “You want to fight someone so badly, Deidra, fight me.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Cade
I’d told Nix that he should go harder on Deidra even though the truth was, I didn’t want to do it either. It was only fair that I be willing to do the same thing.
But also, seeing the wild look in her eye, the stubborn determination on her face, it looked to me like she needed to fight. She needed to let loose and try to hurt someone.
I was pretty sure there was no one else on academy grounds that my self-declared Walking Aneurysm would want to hurt as much as me. I was all about the rules, and Deidra didn’t seem to take too kindly to rules.
The rules would keep her alive, though. I’d lost too many friends already.
I glanced at Nix to make sure he agreed this was a good idea. In return, he came forward and murmured the words of his spell, holding his hands out to catch the bracelets as they released from her wrists. He raised his hands to the sides, showing me the magic sparking at his fingertips. He’d shut Deidra down if her magic flared too dangerously.
“You up for it?” I asked. I didn’t want her to feel forced into anything. “You have a choice. You can head back to the dorm if you want.”
“If I beat you, am I off restriction?” she asked.
Always mouthy. Non-stop. Cute, though.
“Does it matter?” I asked. “Do you have anywhere to go?”
She flashed me a smile. “I might want to go on a date with your baby brother.”
Jealousy tightened my chest, even though she was off-limits.
“Sure,” I said. “You get me to tap out, I’ll buy you two dinner.”
Her smile widened in surprise. She was always a pretty girl, but her genuine smile—not that maddening smartass smirk she directed my way most of the time—made the corners of her eyes crinkle in a way that was beautiful.
“Deal.”
She held her fists out in front of her, but hesitated. That mischievous gleam came into her eyes again, the one that usually preceded her saying something obnoxious. “I thought yo
u were scared of me.”
Trying to rattle me. Cute.
I knew how to rattle her too, thought. Calmly, I said, “I’m concerned about your power and your inability to control it. I’m not scared of you. Now that I’ve spent some time with you, I can tell you’re a good person.”
Her eyes widened.
I bumped my fists against hers. “Let’s go, cadet.”
I didn’t want to hurt her, but once the two of us started to throw punches, testing each other’s defenses, the fear ebbed away. She was strong, quick. I stopped worrying about her and started fighting her like she was an equal.
And when she over-extended, I didn’t hesitate to step into her weakness, catch her around the waist, and throw her down to the ground.
She hit hard, already trying to roll to her side to get to her feet, and I came down on top of her.
I’d never hit someone in the face unless I wanted to put them down permanently, out in the field. Not since the last time I hit another student, in this same damn field.
I couldn’t do it.
“One.” I pressed my hand over her mouth, the heel of my hand under her jaw so she couldn’t get her mouth open to bite me. “Two. I like you much better this way, when you can’t say anything stupid. Three.”
Her eyes narrowed at me. I could feel the anger tense through her body, furious that I was humiliating her.
“Four. You’ve got magic. Are you going to use it? Or just give up?”
She managed to get a hand loose, but she couldn’t get a good blow in. She grabbed my wrist that controlled her jaw. Her hand was hot—burning hot—as if her magic was starting to flow, and I winced.
I glanced at Nix. Was he seeing this?
“Five,” I stared down at her eyes. Her emerald green eyes smoldered up at me, full of heat and distrust.
Strange that part of me wanted to kiss her until she dropped the attitude. Underneath all that anger, there was a strong, steady heart.
Nix frowned and took a step forward.
“Six. Those two black belts were really wasted, weren’t they, Deidra? It’s as if you might have something to learn here after all.”
The way she looked at me now was purely hateful.
“Seven. All that anger, but not a lot of fight.” If I kept pushing her, maybe the magic burning against my bare skin now would flare the rest of the way into action. “I’m surprised, I expected more from you. Eight.”
God, it was painful watching her struggle to ignite her magic without success. I tried to think of the thing that would piss her off the most, that would help her come into her own. “Nine.”
No wonder you couldn’t even save your uncle. But that wasn’t true, and I didn’t think she’d ever forget it if I said it.
“Ten. Time’s up.” I shook my head. “Can’t even save yourself, how are you going to be a Hunter?”
The look that flashed across her face was pure hurt. She looked at me like I’d betrayed her, like she hadn’t expected me to say something so cutting.
I lifted my hand off her jaw and rolled away from her and up to my feet. I couldn’t stop thinking about that look on her face.
I walked away to let Nix help her off the ground, to let Nix talk to her.
She wouldn’t want to talk to me, that was for sure.
And at the same time as I hated hurting her, I knew we had to figure out something else. Something that would ignite her powers so Nix could teach her to control them.
It didn’t matter if she hated me for it.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Deidra
As soon as he’d finished his merciless little countdown, Cade had walked off, as if he was disgusted by my weakness.
Nix held his hand out to me, offering to help me up, but I pretended I didn’t see it. I rolled onto my knees, putting my back to him before I launched myself up. As I stood, I bit down hard on my lip. My emotions were wild, a mix of rage and anger and sadness and insecurity, and I didn’t want him to see everything that boiled behind my suddenly hot eyes.
I brushed the dirt off my hands, feeling a muscle tick in my jaw.
“Looks like you aren’t going on that date this weekend,” Nix said.
I scrubbed my hand across my face. Don’t cry. Not here.
He touched my shoulder, and I thought for a second he was going to say something comforting. Instead, he gave me a gentle shove in the direction of the trail back.
Cade wasn’t being fair when he said I couldn’t be a Hunter, I couldn’t even take care of myself. He was trying to make me mad.
But his words still stung. He didn’t need to be fair. Hunting wasn’t fair either.
One of the monsters like the ones that tore Liam’s throat out? They wouldn’t count to ten.
But my heart was still pounding with anger at the way Cade spoke to me, at how he made me feel. When he left, he couldn’t even stand to look at me.
“Why does he hate me so much?” I asked Nix.
Nix’s eyebrows arched. He said nothing, which made me feel embarrassed for blurting out such an awkward question.
“He’s trying to help you,” he said finally.
I snorted. “No, he’s trying to help you.”
Did Nix still think I could be useful in bringing down that witch after our week of failures? I hated the thought they might leave me here when they went after him.
“You’re not dim-witted enough to believe that’s all Cade wants,” Nix said slowly.
Ugh. He was so frustrating.
Nix seemed to know what I was thinking. “When you decide who you hate most, let me know. We’ve got a competition going.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” I muttered.
The two of us picked our way along the rocky, twisted trail, lit only by the light from the moon. The stars seemed like a thousand pinpricks of light bright above us; the academy was out in the middle of nowhere, where the stars shine the brightest.
The night sky was beautiful, but I couldn’t look at it without thinking of Liam’s face.
When we reached the quad, Nix said, “Try to stay out of trouble until I see you tomorrow morning for P.T.”
“Again?” I’d take the opportunity to whine now when it won’t earn us a trip back up the mountainside.
“Oh, and we’ll be doing it Saturday now too.” He didn’t smile, but there was still amusement in his voice as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Should’ve won that fight.”
“Next time.”
“Sure.”
The smug arrogance in his voice made me want to punch him.
“You were close,” he said, his voice calm. He reached out and took my hand in his, and my breath froze in my chest. He didn’t even seem to notice as he flexed my fingers. “Magic sparked where you were touching Cade. Did you even realize it?”
I hadn’t. I glanced away, suddenly embarrassed. I’d been so angry at Cade, so mad at myself for letting him pin me down.
“Did you?” He was relentless.
They both were.
I yanked my hand away from him, anger boiling through my veins, and whirled toward the building.
He didn’t chase me. “When you want to learn, Deidra. We’re right here.”
“It doesn’t seem like you know how to teach me anyway,” I threw back over my shoulder. Maybe Nix and I had completely different kinds of magic. Maybe hitting me and tormenting me wasn’t going to help me access my power.
“Maybe,” he said, which was far more maddening than if he grew angry in return. It made me feel stupid; I was so hot and furious while he was cool. “Maybe you’re just too scared of what’s inside you.”
“I’ve never been scared of anything in my life.” I shot back, right before I reached the doors and pushed inside.
I glanced at him briefly over my shoulder. He stood there framed in the moonlight, his dark curls teased by the breeze.
Why had I said something so idiotic? Everyone is scared of something.
I wasn’t scared of
the monsters. But I was scared of the way I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing them again. I was scared of how afraid I was, under the surface.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
That night, I couldn’t sleep. The next day was a miserable haze of physical training, classes, and hand-to-hand training that never seemed to end. By the time I fell into bed at the end of the day, it felt like I could sleep for a week.
Or rather, until five thirty the next morning.
“Could I borrow your alarm clock?” I asked Hanna, who was still sitting at her desk. I threw my arm over my eyes to block out the light. “I need to get one of my own, but I guess I’m not going shopping this weekend.”
“Yep.” Hanna didn’t have to ask why. There weren’t many secrets in the houses. “What were you and Tristan thinking, anyway? He usually stays far away from Julia.”
“I don’t know.”
Her pencil scratched over her paper, but I could feel her tension from here.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Bullshit. But if she wanted to run with that, fine. I was going to sleep. I wasn’t going to try to be a good friend if she—
I wasn’t a good friend, period.
Kate, Wendy, Rachel. I’d left them all hanging. I’d been so wrapped up in my own problems that I’d barely thought about how they’d feel when I vanished off the face of the earth.
“Do you have a phone?” I asked.
“We’re not allowed cell phones.” She tucked her pencil behind her ear as she twisted to face me. “Except on weekends.”
“Let me guess… if you’re not on restriction.”
“They open the lockers on Friday nights. I’ll go get mine.”
“Thanks.”
She slipped out of the room, then came back a few minutes later with her pink cell phone. “Here you go.”
“You are the best,” I told her.
I’d usually just text Kate, but this time I decided to call her. She didn’t pick up, and as the call went to voicemail, I realized that was no surprise. Who answers the phone for an unknown number?