by Parks, AL
Amber stood there staring. It seemed to take a moment before she realized who was standing in front of her.
“Holy shit!” She threw herself into Clarissa’s arms.
“Nice mouth,” Clarissa chastised her sister. A younger girl was standing behind her with a huge smile across her. “Hey, Lauren.” She pulled the girl into a three-way hug with Amber. Sisters. She hadn’t ever met Lauren in person, but had emailed, texted and Skyped with her and Amber so much over the past few months that it was sometimes hard to believe they hadn’t been a family all along. Of course, now that Jake and her mother were getting married, they would officially be a family. Not much made Clarissa happier than that thought.
“Clarissa?” Eve stood behind the girls, her eyes wide. “What are you doing here?”
Amber and Lauren released Clarissa and backed away so Eve could wrap her up. It felt so good to have her mother’s arms around her. It was hard to believe anything could be wrong in the world when she could physically feel her mother’s love cocoon her.
“I had to get out of Newport.”
Her mother drew back a bit, but didn’t release her hold. There was such understanding in her eyes. They both had their own demons connected with that town. Although, Eve had been able to deal with hers and move on.
Now, Clarissa hoped it was her turn to do the same.
They walked arm-in-arm through the foyer and into a large kitchen. Jake was coming in from the deck off the back. Clarissa’s eyes fell to his amputated leg. Guilt consumed her. She hadn’t been there for her mother when they all thought Jake had died. Hadn’t been there when he had been found, but her mother had to make the decision to have Jake’s leg amputated in order to save his life. Wasn’t there when he was going through therapy and rehabilitation.
She was amazed at how well he seemed to get around on his prosthetic leg. If she hadn’t known better, she might’ve thought he’d pulled a muscle and was walking with a slight limp.
His eyes lit up when he saw her, and a huge grin crossed his face. She and Jake spent a few days together in Newport at the beginning of the year, and had become close. She knew he was perfect for her mom, and that Eve could give Jake the love he deserved, as well. But in this moment, she realized that he also gave her what she needed. A positive male influence in her life. A father. The kind of father she had always wanted.
She walked around the kitchen island and threw her arms around his neck. “Hey, Gimp.”
“Oh, thank God. I thought you would’ve become one of those irritating empathetic people,” he chuckled, wrapping her tightly in an embrace. It was so overwhelming. Clarissa hadn’t expected the rush of emotions from seeing all of them again. But Jake especially. He represented all the things her own father was not. A good man who loved her unconditionally. Who only wanted what was best for her. And would never be the cause of the most horrific betrayal imaginable.
Tears hit her eyes, and she choked back a sob. She tightened her grip around him, needing his strength. She was not there for a family vacation. It was going to be a rough few days letting her mother know what had happened so many years ago right under her roof.
“I love you, Jake.” The words were not more than a whisper.
He nestled closer to her ear. “I love you, too, C.”
They stood there, embracing until Clarissa felt she could talk without falling apart. She didn’t want to discuss the monster tonight. She needed to rejuvenate and get some sleep. She also needed to figure out how in the world she was going to tell her mother what she had sworn she would never tell another living soul.
“So, what room do I get in this dump?” She glanced at her mother whose eyebrows were drawn together and a small frown appeared on her face. She looked as though she wanted to ask Clarissa what was going on, but thought better of it.
Shifting to a smile, she said, “The room down the hall,” and pointed in the general direction. “I’m sure your sisters can help you get settled while I finish up dinner.”
Amber and Lauren jumped up from the high stools at the kitchen island and walked to the front door. Clarissa stopped beside her mother at the stovetop and inhaled deeply. “Smells good, Mom. I’m starving.”
Eve kissed her daughter on the cheek and Clarissa went to join Amber and Lauren.
***
Griff was in a foul mood. He had bitten the heads off everyone that had come in contact with him the last couple of days. He knew he was being unreasonable, but knowing he was acting like an ass, and changing his behavior were two different things.
It had been three days since he’d heard from Clarissa. Four days since he’d seen her. He was going nuts waiting to hear from her. Shit had fallen apart so quickly, he didn’t know if he had pushed her too far, too fast, or if she had just decided he wasn’t worth the effort. So many scenarios were running through his mind, all of them a possibility since she hadn’t contacted him.
It was also unnerving that he had no idea where she had gone. Was she back in England? In Boston? Farther away? He knew so little about her, he had no clue where she would go if she needed time to sort things out. It was always possible she had gone to Colorado, except he’d gotten the feeling from her that she didn’t want to unload crap on her mother. Apparently the woman had been dealt a crap hand the last few months, first being shot by her fiancé’s ex-wife and then almost losing him to a maniac arsonist. Clarissa had said that she didn’t know how much more bad news her mother could take in a year. Griff was sure she wouldn’t want to be the cause of bringing anymore to the woman’s doorstep.
But this waiting around to hear from her was just about to kill him. He’d been so careful with his heart. No relationships. Keep focused on building the business. He thought he’d been uber diligent with his new partner, but she had wormed her way into his heart and soul. Now, he couldn’t imagine going back to business as usual. He had let his guard down, discovered it was good to feel needed. To care for someone so unconditionally that specifics didn’t matter.
He hadn’t needed to know what had hurt Rissa so deeply, only needed her to know he would protect her from ever being hurt again. Now, of course, he wished he had been a little more selfish and demanded to know what the hell had happened. Who the monster was that haunted her and made her distrustful. She would have turned away from him, though. Just another man demanding something she was unable to provide. She had become so good at being self-sufficient, he wondered what had triggered this need to find herself, to work out her issues, and why she needed to do it on her own.
He wanted so badly to be there for her. To remind her that he was there to help her heal so she could move on. Yeah, he had somewhat selfish motives. He was no saint. He wanted to make sure that she moved on with him.
Picking up his cell phone for what seemed like the one millionth time that day, he checked the text log. Nothing new. Nothing from Rissa.
“Fuck it,” he muttered under his breath, and started typing away on the keys. This bullshit of not knowing where she was or if she was okay had gone on long enough.
**What the hell, Rissa? Are you alive or just ignoring me?**
Yeah, probably not the best way to get her to talk to him, but he was past pissed and needed some answers. Even if it was just to confirm that she was still breathing. He sat at his desk for another fifteen minutes, waiting for a response that never came. Finally, he grabbed his helmet, jumped on his bike and went for a long ride up the coast. He needed to clear his head, and this was the only way he knew how that wouldn’t lead him back down a dark hole of drugs and alcohol.
He had worked too damn hard to stay clean. Nothing - no one - was worth losing himself in a bottle of Jack or a crack pipe ever again. After an hour on the road, and with the sun falling in the west, he pulled into Gram’s driveway. She would talk him down. She had a way of being kind while kicking him in the ass. Tough love, he guessed. Whatever it was, she always made him see a side of things he either wasn’t able, or wasn’t willing, to see.
“In here, Robbie.” She sat in her recliner in the small family room. The local news was on, and he knew she would be getting up to start dinner as soon as it was over. “What are you doing here?”
“Need to talk something out with you.” She turned the TV off and shifted in her chair as he sat on the sofa adjacent to her. “Rissa took off a couple of days ago. She said she needed to work some things out before she could go forward in our relationship. I haven’t heard from her in three days, Gram. I tried to text her, but I haven’t gotten any response.”
“Well, my boy, maybe you just need to give her some space. If she says she needs time, then what are going to do, exactly? Tell her ‘no’?”
“I get it, Gram, I really do. The thing is, I have no idea where she’s gone. She could be back in England for all I know. Maybe getting back together with her boyfriend. Who the hell knows? Certainly not me!” His hands were clenching into fists. It was just so damn frustrating.
“True, only Clarissa knows what the hell is going on. And you can’t control that, dear. So, you either trust that she is trying to work out her issues so she can move on - give her the space and time she is asking for so she can be with you without all the baggage she is carrying around - or you decide that you’re going to take back control of the situation, and make a determination that it’s over.”
Griff let out a long, loud exhale and fell back against the cushions. He pulled his hand down over his face and stared at the woman across from him. This was not making him feel better.
“Sweetheart, it doesn’t have to be bad. I get the inclination you think she is pulling away from you. She may be, but it may only be temporary. Think of it as a slingshot. The two of you are being pulled farther apart, but when things are at their farthest point, and she can let go of all the crap she is carrying, her aim will be getting straight back to you in a hurry.” She scooted to the edge of the seat, and pushed her body up. “Now, let’s get something to eat. I made the first stew of the season, and it smells darn good, if I do say so myself.”
Griff stood as she passed by him, and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, Gram.”
“Anytime, sweetheart. Now, you listen to me. That girl has it just as bad for you as you have it for her. Take a breath, and give her some space. She will come back, I promise.”
Griff nodded and followed her into the kitchen. Gram’s advice hadn’t been wrong very much in his life, and he really needed for her to be spot on with her predictions. Being away from Riss, without any contact, was not something he would be able to handle for much longer. If she left him for good, his heart may never recover.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Clarissa retrieved her cell phone from the car, where she had left it on the charger when she arrived. Dinner with her family had been exactly what she’d needed to get over the hollowness she felt being so far away from Griff. It wasn’t just the miles between them, which was bad enough. It was the distance of not being able to be completely open and honest with him about her past. She wanted him to love her and take care of her, but she had to learn to take care of herself first.
She had spent so many years thinking she was doing just that, and she had, to some degree. It had been self-imposed, though, and if she had dealt with this crap years ago - maybe even when it was happening - she wouldn’t be in jeopardy of losing a man she truly cared about. Maybe even be falling in love with, if it was possible this early in their relationship.
The message screen popped up, informing her there was a text from Griff. She walked back into the house and went to her room, closing the door behind her. She hadn’t let anyone know she was in a relationship with Griff. There would be too many questions, and right now, she just needed to deal with one issue at a time. And the first issue was a doozy. It felt like getting sucker punched in the stomach every time she thought about having to talk to her mother.
Sliding onto the bed, she pulled up the text message and cringed. God, she was being so unfair to him. He was the most understanding man she had met, had helped her past some of her biggest fears without once demanding answers. And here she was, taking advantage of that part of him, and cutting him off. It was only short term. Soon she would have to tell him everything.
That had it’s own stressors. He could completely turn away from her. Could she really blame him if he was disgusted by what she had allowed her father to do to her all those years ago? She and Griff had spent intimate moments together in the past couple of weeks. What if he wasn’t able to distinguish between what he did for her, how he satisfied her and what her father had forced her to do?
She drew in a deep breath and held it. She owed him a response, even though she feared it would lead to one of them calling the other. She needed to hear his voice so badly, but knew there would be question upon question that she just wasn’t able to answer yet. Her mother deserved the information first, then she could come clean to Griff.
**I’m okay. I’m sorry I haven’t texted. Please just trust that I’m working through this stuff. I hate not being able to talk to you about this, but this is how it has to be right now.**
She watched the phone, willing his return text to come quickly. Within a minute, it popped up on her screen.
**I’m worried about you, Rissa. I’m here for you no matter what it is. I promise.**
**That is the only thing that keeps me going. Please be patient just a little while longer.**
Another minute passed before his text came through.
**Anything for you**
The words hit her in the chest and sent warmth flowing through her entire body. She curled into a ball on her bed, clutching the phone to her chest. She had to talk to her mother soon. There was no way she could be separated from Griff this way for much longer.
Tomorrow.
All hell was going to break loose when her mother found out what Daddy Dearest had done to his first-born child. Lucky for him, he was already dead. There would be no way for her mother to hunt him down and kill him when she learned all the deep dark secrets.
Brandi - well, that was another story altogether.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
The day had turned as dark as Clarissa’s mood. Large storm clouds rolled in over the Rockies casting a gray hue over the landscape. Clarissa pulled her sweater tighter around her body, shuddering against the chills that continued to roll through her body. Dinner was over, and Amber and Lauren were finishing up the dishes. Once they were done, they would head downstairs to finish homework before heading off to bed.
The fireplace was blazing in the living room. Clarissa stood directly in front of it but could not get warm. It had nothing to do with the temperature in the house. She only hoped that the cost of unloading this burden didn’t shift the chill permanently to her mother. She had been through so much because of Brad Beckett, and Clarissa hated dumping more of his shit in her mother’s lap just when she was on the cusp of her happily ever after.
Jake shifted the log on the fire, added a new one, and then closed the screen. Standing, his gaze shifted to Clarissa, a scowl forming on his face.
“You cannot be cold. It must be almost a hundred degrees in this room.” He walked over to her and rubbed her arms. “Are you getting sick?”
“No,” Clarissa sighed. “I’m not looking forward to something I have to do.”
Jake took a step back and narrowed his eyes. “What do you have to do?”
“I have to tell Mom something, and it’s going to destroy her. I need you to be there when I tell her. She’s going to need you like she has never needed you before, Jake.”