by Parks, AL
“Yes, baby girl, I’ve seen it.”
“Awesome. So, it’s made the national news. That’s really great.”
“It’s going to be okay, Clarissa. I know things seem bleak right now, but this is not the end of the world. I promise. It might be hard to believe, but this may actually be a new beginning for you. I do not condone the way your father’s wife has handled the situation, but it did force you to open up and let people in. Jake and I - we are here for you, baby girl. We want to help you in whatever way we can. I know you think your life was better before all this came to light, but was it? Were you happy? You have taken such a huge step towards healing, and it has opened you up to some pretty great possibilities in your life. Don’t take a step backwards, Clarissa. Keep moving forward. I promise, you have all the support you need standing behind you. Ready to hold you up when you feel like your falling. None of us wants to see you back in that place where you are closed off from us. Help yourself, and we’ll all be there, too.”
“It’s just so hard, Mom. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to be this girl. I want to be the person I was before everyone knew what my father had done to me.” Her chest tightened and she pounded her fist on her leg. Life had been complicated before her father died. Now it was almost unbearable.
“Do you really want to go back to being that person? To forget what you have with Griff? Were you better before you met him, and allowed him in?”
Her heart squeezed painfully. Just the thought of never having met Griff, of not having him in her life, nearly broke her heart. He was her life jacket on stormy seas. Her parachute. He was strong arms and tender kisses when she needed them the most. He understood her before he ever knew how broken she truly was. And he had stayed with her after she had revealed living through hell. She had lived under a gray cloud for most of her life, trudging through each day. Griff was the sun that broke through the clouds, gave her a reason to breath deeply, live every minute. Want more for herself.
“No. No, I don’t want that.” A couple of seagulls flew overhead and squawked at her.
“Where are you?”
“At some roadside pull-off, sitting on a bench, feeling sorry for my sad little life.”
“Is Griff with you?” Clarissa could hear Jake talking in the background to one of her sisters. They must have just come in from school.
“No, Griff is probably trying to find me, going a little crazy, and cussing a lot.” A little laugh escaped from her chest, but did little to make her feel better. In fact, it made her feel worse.
“Sweetheart, you can’t handle this alone. You don’t have to handle this alone. You have all of us, but we can’t be there. Let Griff help you, maybe even heal you.”
“What if this is just too much for him, Mom? What if the world knowing about what my father did to me is more than he can take? I mean, everyone will be looking at me funny from now on. Which means they will look at him the same way. The girl who was sexually abused as a child and the sucker who fell in love with her.”
“He loves you?”
“Yes, he told me he loves me. And, for a little while, I was happier than I have ever been in my life, Mom.” Her heart clenched tightly in her chest. All of that could be gone. She had allowed herself to believe in the possibility of finding love and happiness, and she had, only to have it potentially taken away from her. It hurt more than never having it. Now, she knew - would know for the rest of her life - how close she had come to having it all.
“But you think he can’t possibly love you anymore. Except that he fell in love with you knowing this secret you have been hiding all these years. Why would he stop?” Her mother’s voice was soft, but still a bit stern.
“Because this is a bit more than he signed on for, Mom. It’s one thing for my family to know what happened and quite another for the entire country to have that tidbit of knowledge. What if he can’t handle the scrutiny that’s going to surround me for the next few weeks or months - or however long it takes for the general public to get bored with me? What if he doesn’t want to be the boyfriend of the most famous molested female?”
“It doesn’t work that way, baby girl. Let me ask you something. Do you love him?”
“Yes, more than I would’ve thought I ever could.”
“If the tables were turned, would you fall out of love with him? Be unable to handle the situation and bail?”
“No, never.”
“So, you think you’re a better person than he is? That only you can love unconditionally, but he can’t?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yes, you did. True love doesn’t work that way, Clarissa. Give him the chance to show you how much he loves you. You’re being unfair to him, deciding for him that he doesn’t love you as much as you love him. Already sure that he won’t want to be there for you, and help you. Go home, Clarissa. Go to Griff. Let him make his own decisions about what he wants and what he can tackle. He may just surprise you.”
She knew her mother was right, but sometimes knowing the truth and accepting it are too far apart. She wanted to believe that Griff would be there for her now. Would be there in the future. She just didn’t trust what her heart already knew for sure.
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, baby girl.”
Clarissa hung up the phone, walked back to the car and headed back home. There was only one way to find out what Griff was going to do, and it was probably best to figure it out sooner rather than later. She needed an escape plan out of Newport, and she needed to know if she was leaving alone or if he was coming with her.
***
It was dark. His cell phone was dead. Griff turned the corner on his street and headed back to his house. He had run out of places to look for Rissa, and needed to put his phone on the charger. Fear gripped him. He hated not knowing where she was, and if she was alright. Hated feeling so helpless and useless. He was supposed to protect her. If she would just let him - quit running away - it would make it a lot easier.
The house was dark and quiet, but he still went from room to room, checking to see if she was there. The house was empty. He wasn’t sure how he felt. A cold wave moved through him, fear turning his blood to ice as his mind raced through the possibilities of where she may be. Or what could have happened to her? Was she on her way back to Colorado, or some other place he would never know about? Had she taken a corner too fast in her father’s sports car? Was she laying somewhere hurt…or worse?
He plugged his phone into the charger and waited until it had enough charge to even power up. Dammit! Why didn’t she trust him enough to let him help her? Why was she always running away from him when he had shown time and time again that her past didn’t matter to him? He ran his hand over his face as the cold that permeated him turned to heated anger. This was the reason he didn’t get close to people, didn’t have relationships with women. He hated feeling like nothing he did would ever be enough. That he was unable to protect the ones he loved, or keep them safe.
He loved Rissa, but at the moment, he hated how she had been able to break down his wall so easily. The feelings that had grown between them, had developed so quickly that it took him by surprise and he had lowered his guard. Now, his heart belonged to her completely. He knew that. It didn’t matter how much time had passed - or not passed - his soul connected with hers.
The front door opened. He walked out of the kitchen as she closed the door and began walking towards him. She stopped when she saw him standing in the entry between the rooms.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey.” God, he wanted to run to her, wrap his arms around her. He was so damn thankful she was standing in front of him. The fire that had been lit was still burning in him.
“Sorry I ran off like that. I just needed some time to think about things. Well, that, and see how fast the Z4 could really go.” She smiled and looked up at him.
Her hands were twisted together, fretting
as she spoke. He walked towards her and stood in front of her. He looked into her eyes, her heart, her soul. He took her head in his hands.
“You get a pass this time, but please don’t do it again, Riss. I get you needed some space, I really do. I was nearly out of my mind worrying about you, though. And I hate being in that place.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry. I never, ever want to hurt you, Griff. I’m just trying to get a grip on all the changes in my life. I’m pretty sure I’m failing miserably.”
“You’re wrong. You’re stronger than anyone I know, and you’re handling this better than anyone could expect. Just don’t shut me out. You don’t have to be strong all the time, baby. I want to be strong when you need to breakdown. You just have to let me.”
Her eyes softened, and she nodded. They stared at each other for a while, reassuring each other without words. Finally, he leaned his head down and slanted his mouth over hers. Her lips were so soft and tasted of the salt from the tears she had shed throughout the day. He couldn’t stand to see her cry, couldn’t stand that she had been hurting so much.
Her arms went around his neck, and he placed his hands on her lower back, pulling her into him. Their tongues clashed, and suddenly, he couldn’t kiss her hard enough, deep enough. He was desperate for her, desperate to show her how much he loved her. He backed her down the hallway to his bedroom. She hit the edge of the bed. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and moved her to the center of the bed.
He lifted the hem of her shirt, and ran his hand up her body, cupping her breast. He squeezed it, feeling the nipple push against his palm as it hardened. His leg moved in between hers, opening her up.
She froze. She had even stopped breathing. He had triggered something without saying a word. But what? Nothing he was doing was new. He had not departed from what they had already been doing. So, what was different?
He looked into her eyes, but the darkness settled in around them, and there was no light in the room. It hit him. Darkness. She feared the dark because that’s when the monster came out. She couldn’t see him any more than he could see her.
“Riss, it’s me, Griff. Listen to my voice, baby. Hear me. You know my touch. You know my kisses. I would never hurt you, Rissa. You just have to trust that it’s me, and only me. Nothing can hurt you when I’m here, I promise.”
Her heard her exhale, and her body relaxed. He kissed her cheek, trailing kisses over her neck to her ear. There was that spot, the one that made her arch her back into him. “You don’t have to be afraid of me, baby.”
She moaned as he sucked the skin behind her ear. Her hands pushed his shirt up, and he pulled it over his head, tossing it on the floor. She sat up, her lips kissing from one pec to the other, her hands grasping the muscles in his back. He reached behind her, unhooking her bra, freeing her breasts for his hands. She removed her shirt and bra, providing him free access.
He lowered her back onto the bed. One hand unbuttoned her jeans and lowered the zipper. He slid his hand under panties and between her legs. Jesus, she was so hot and wet. His fingers slid over the folds of skin, and he pushed one finger into her opening.
She tensed. “Griff?” Her voice was meek.
“Yeah, baby. It’s me. Just me. Only me, baby.” He moved his fingers in and out of her, as the muscles contracted around them. Her breaths were short, labored. He knew she was close when she arched her back, moved her hips against his hand, forcing him deeper. He wished he could see her face, watch as she unraveled around him. She was so damn sexy when she came.
“Oh, God!” Her voice filled his ears. “Griff!” Her body bucked against his fingers. It was one of the most amazing, sensual feelings he had ever experienced. The other would happen when he could get out of his jeans and plunge deep inside her. His throbbing erection ached to be freed, to be buried in her, to make her come again.
He wriggled out of his jeans, as she worked hers off, as well. He reached for a condom, tore open the package, and quickly rolled it on. She was ready for him, spreading her legs wide open. Her hand was on him, wrapping around his hard girth, guiding him into her.
“Aw, shit…Riss…” he murmured. She placed him at her opening and removed her hand. He thrust into her, the feeling almost more than he could handle. “Baby, you feel so good… so good around me.” He moved with her. Their bodies were one.
Her hands travelled across his body, starting at his shoulders, moving over his ass, feeling their way along his arms and resting over his hand as he massaged her breast. “My body, Rissa. You own it, it’s all yours, only yours.”
“Griff,” she whispered. She murmured it under her breath a few more times, and he knew she was committing every curve and dip to memory, learning his body, so that the next time it was dark, there would be no fear.
She raised her hips up and he slammed into her, causing both of them to gasp. He repeated it over and over until they were both writhing, trying to find release. He placed his thumb over her swollen clit, and pressed on it. She cried out just as every muscle in her abdomen clenched. Her body continued to move with his until he exploded inside her.
He leaned over and kissed her. It was deep and passionate.
“I love you, baby. God you have no idea how much I love you, Riss.”
“You’re more than a dream come true, Griff. ” He leaned in and kissed her again. When he pulled away, she ran her hands through his hair.
“You mean everything to me.” She pulled his head back to hers, and kissed him. He nuzzled into her side, wrapping his body around hers. He had always wondered what home truly felt like. He found it. Rissa was home for him, and he would never give that up.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Clarissa heard the knock at the door the next morning, but it didn’t immediately register in her sleep state. The bed shifted next to her and she heard Griff mutter, “What the hell?” as he stood up and pulled on a pair of jeans. He was opening the bedroom door before she was awake enough to realize the knocking was real, and the knocker growing more impatient.
She got out of bed and was down the hallway when Griff opened the front door.
“Is Clarissa Beckett here?” a male voice asked.
“Who are you and why do you want to know?” Griff responded, his voice gravelly and deep.
“Son, either tell me if she is here, or explain why a car registered to her deceased father is sitting in your driveway.”
Clarissa came around the corner and stepped up next to Griff. “I’m Clarissa Beckett. The car belongs to me now.”
“Ms. Beckett, I’m Detective Charles from the State Police. I need to ask you a few questions about Brandi Beckett.” Griff bristled next to her. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it, pulling him out of the doorway.
“Please, come in. What do you need to know?”
“Are you aware that your stepmother - “
“Former stepmother,” she corrected.
“Are you aware that Mrs. Beckett was reported missing yesterday and has not been heard or seen from since then?”
“No.” She looked over at Griff. A scowl was across his face.
“When was the last time you saw her?” The detective asked. Griff shifted uncomfortably next to her, and placed his arms across his chest. He looked like a bodyguard getting ready to bounce the detective right out of the house.
“We were at my father’s house last evening and saw her there.” Clarissa’s narrowed her eyes. There was a weird vibe in the air suddenly, as if the mood had shifted from asking questions to being interrogated.
“Why were you at the house?”
“Where are you going with these questions, Detective?” Her heart picked up a little speed, beating harder in her chest, sending waves of anxiety through her body.
“I’m trying to find out if you might know what happened to your former stepmother.”