‘But if you married someone…’ Polly insisted.
Nina paused. She wasn’t sure where this conversation was going but it felt awkward now. Was she somehow hinting at physical relationships? Like she guessed Nina might have with Colm? What was she supposed to say to this?
‘Umm, I suppose if I was really worried I’d have to get a DNA test or something.’
‘Oh, yes, you could do that,’ Polly agreed. ‘My geography teacher told us they do that in Iceland.’
‘They do?’ Nina raised her eyebrows.
Polly nodded. ‘Because the population is so small. They have a DNA database and everything so if you want to marry someone you can check you’re not related to them first. That’s mad, isn’t it?’
‘Wow, your geography teacher knows a lot about it.’
‘Iceland’s his favourite place – he’s always going on about it. I expect it’s because they’ve got all those volcanoes.’
‘Hmm,’ Nina said uncertainly. She looked up to see Colm return, and she didn’t think she’d ever been gladder to see someone.
‘Lemonades,’ he said, handing them out. ‘One with ice and one without for my little fusspot.’
‘That’s no way to talk about Nina,’ Polly said, and they both began to laugh. Nina smiled. OK, so maybe Polly didn’t look much like Colm but it seemed she’d inherited his humour. Nina relaxed a little too. If Polly could find something to laugh about then perhaps Nina was really worrying too much about the impression she was making. Perhaps she didn’t need to try quite as hard as she’d told herself she did.
She took her lemonade with a grateful smile and Colm sat next to Polly on the sofa, across from Nina, who was on a soft armchair. It was a very deliberate move and Nina couldn’t help but reflect on how clever it was that he’d chosen to do that. He was sending a message to Polly that would reassure her; he was telling his daughter that no matter who else came into his life, she would always be the most important person in it, and though Nina wished she could feel his reassuring presence close to her, she understood his action perfectly.
‘So,’ he said, looking between the two of them, ‘what did I miss?’
‘We were talking about you, Dad,’ Polly said. ‘Which means we can’t tell you what we were saying.’ She grinned at Nina, who smiled in return.
‘Oh, I see,’ Colm said, playing along. ‘So who will I have to torture to get the information? Let’s see… who’s most likely to crack?’
‘Well, that’s obviously going to be me,’ Nina said.
‘I do believe you could be right,’ Colm said. ‘Believe me, after many years of interrogating Polly, I can tell you that she never cracks.’
‘I have to keep my secrets, Dad,’ Polly said with an angelic look as she sipped at her lemonade. ‘If you knew the half of what goes on when you’re not there your hair would turn white.’
‘Better not tell me then,’ he said.
Nina looked between the two of them and saw that despite their banter, there was absolute trust. Even at this point, where she hardly knew what the dynamic was, she could tell that they were different to Robyn and Toby. Colm trusted Polly to be sensible and Polly trusted that she could bring anything to her dad and that he would react with patience and love. Not that Robyn didn’t love Toby, of course, but at times it felt like a private war raged between the two of them, and that Robyn couldn’t always trust Toby and that Toby didn’t feel he could bring anything to her. The last few weeks had shown that, though Nina didn’t doubt for a moment that Robyn never did anything less than her best for her son.
‘Actually,’ Polly said, ‘Nina was telling me about being adopted.’
‘Ah,’ Colm replied hesitantly. He knew the story by now, of course, but perhaps he didn’t know how Nina liked to tell it to people other than him and didn’t know what to add.
‘I was saying how it doesn’t really bother me and how I think of my parents as my real parents,’ Nina said.
‘Right.’ Colm took a sip of his own drink. ‘He’s a grand fella is your da.’
‘I think so too,’ Nina said.
Polly smiled at her. Then she turned to Colm. ‘Can we have pizza?’
‘Tonight?’
‘Nina’s here – why not?’ She looked at Nina. ‘You are staying for a while, aren’t you?’
‘I think so… if I’m OK to do that?’
‘Of course you are,’ Colm said warmly. ‘Stay for as long as you want.’
‘But she’ll have to go home at some point,’ Polly reminded him. Nina had to wonder if she’d meant it in quite the way it sounded. Because it sounded very much as if there were going to be ground rules from the start, which included no staying over. Perhaps it was to be expected, and perhaps Nina ought to be happy enough with their progress so far. They were all getting along brilliantly, and she couldn’t expect total acceptance straight away.
‘Pizza sounds lovely,’ Nina said.
‘Good,’ Polly said, giving Colm an emphatic look that expected no argument. They might have had a trusting, understanding relationship, but at that moment there was no doubting that Polly had got used to getting her own way more often than not too.
‘Right,’ Colm said. ‘Pizza it is.’
Chapter Twenty-Two
Nina arranged the holly wreath against the headstone and stepped back with a critical gaze. The scarlet berries were rich against the waxy leaves and perfectly Christmassy. December, and Christmas especially, had been hard over the last few years but this one felt different. It was still hard, of course – not a Christmas would ever go by when she didn’t reflect on her loss of Gray – but the sorrow she always felt had been softened this time by the undeniable murmurings of hope. If things went well with Colm, if he was here to stay, perhaps the hope would soon become louder than the sorrow, until one day she’d be able to hear the sorrow only if she listened hard for it. Drowning it out wouldn’t mean that she’d forgotten about Gray, or that he would disappear from her thoughts, only that perhaps his loss wouldn’t constantly consume them.
But laying a wreath wasn’t the only reason she was here today. Here seemed as good a place as any to meet with Gray’s mother. Nina was filled with apprehension when she thought about the reason she’d asked Connie to meet her, but it had to be better to be open than let her mother-in-law find out through the town’s gossip network. Not that she thought for a minute Connie would have any issues, but still, Nina would rest easier having received her explicit blessing. She scanned the churchyard now, looking for the familiar figure painfully shuffling down the path on her crutches, but as yet, Nina was still alone amongst the graves, the only sounds that of birdcalls echoing through the still air.
Drawing in an icy breath, she looked down at the stone again.
‘So,’ she began, wrapping her arms around herself. ‘I expect you know why I’m here but I’ll say it anyway. I’ve met someone. I really like him, Gray, and I really feel like it could go somewhere and I just hope you understand. I think if you could tell me you’d say you do, and I think you’d be happy for me.’
She let out a sigh, breath escaping in a plume that rose into the blue skies, and took a moment to collect her thoughts.
‘I wish I could ask you,’ she continued, ‘but then I suppose we wouldn’t need to have this conversation because you’d still be here and you know that would have always been enough for me. I would never have looked at another man if not for… You know how lonely I’ve been without you and now… well, I don’t feel so lonely any more. I can see a future where things look better and brighter again, and it makes me so happy. I’ve met his daughter and she’s lovely and I think she approves of me and so there doesn’t seem to be any reason for us to be apart when we make so much sense together. He’s been lonely too, you see, and so I think… I think we’ve just been waiting to find each other, you know? And… I don’t know… if there’s some miraculous way you’re hearing this, then a miraculous sign would really be appreciated at this point, ju
st to know that it’s OK, otherwise…’
Otherwise what? Was she going to give Colm up? Live the rest of her life alone? She refused to believe for a single second that Gray would want that life for her, sign or not. This had to be it – this moment, right here right now. This, finally, had to be closure. It was time to let go. Never forget, never for a second, but to let go and look to the future regardless, and Nina couldn’t allow herself to dwell on any feelings of guilt for that or she would be alone forever. All she wanted now was one more blessing.
As she lifted her eyes to survey again the path that wound through the churchyard, dusted in the snow that had fallen during the early hours and not yet melted, she saw the figure she’d waited for, making her painstaking way over. Nina could have gone to meet her, but there was no point. She was already waiting at Connie’s ultimate destination, because for both of them when they came here, it always was. So Nina waited, watching Connie’s slow progress, until she was finally standing beside her looking down at Gray’s stone too.
‘How are you?’ Nina asked.
‘Oh, not too bad. I’m glad you phoned me because I’d been meaning to call you anyway. I had such a lovely time when we last went to that little café I’d been wondering if you wanted to go again. I don’t get a chance to go out much these days.’
Nina smiled. ‘Of course. You only had to ask. You only ever have to ask, you know that.’
‘Well…’ Connie coughed into a gloved hand. ‘You’re busy – I didn’t want to pester.’
‘It’s not pestering and I’d always make time for you no matter how busy. I can’t say I’m all that busy anyway. I still don’t have a job for a start.’
‘I expect you’ll get one soon enough.’ Connie turned back to the grave. ‘Did you bring the wreath?’
‘Yes. I thought… well, it’s nearly Christmas after all.’
‘It’s lovely. I’ve ordered one from the florist but mine was holly too. I might change it to something else so we don’t have two the same.’
‘Maybe ivy? Something a bit complementary?’
‘Maybe.’ Connie coughed again. ‘So, did you want to see me about something in particular or did you just want a chat?’
‘A bit of both really,’ Nina said, hugging herself a little tighter as a chilled gust lifted the hair from her neck. ‘I wanted to chat to you, but there was a certain thing I wanted to talk about. Ask about, really, I suppose… Ask for. I mean, from you.’
Connie looked up at her with an expression of vague bemusement, and it was no wonder, Nina reflected ruefully. She wasn’t exactly making herself clear.
‘How about we go somewhere warm?’ she added. ‘The café?’
Connie nodded agreement. She kissed her gloved fingers and laid them on the name engraved onto the headstone and murmured a few words. Nina said her goodbyes too, and then they began to walk at a pace slow enough to accommodate the difficult progress Connie was always forced to make wherever she went these days. The café wasn’t far at all – just outside the church grounds – and it would only take a minute or two to get there for most people. It would be more like ten for Nina and Connie today, the wait only adding to Nina’s growing anxiety.
Just as she was as sure as she could be about what Gray’s reaction would have been, she was as certain as she could be that Connie would understand too, but knowing that didn’t make the conversation any easier, and if Connie didn’t approve… what then? Nina didn’t want to hurt her feelings and she didn’t want to upset her, but there was a risk here that she might just do either or both of those things. She valued Connie’s friendship and she cared deeply for her – not least because this was Gray’s mother – but even if she didn’t want them to, things were going to change between the two women once Nina’s news was out. It was inevitable and Connie would see that too.
Finally they reached the café. It was housed in a little white cottage with a slate roof and leaded windows that had once belonged to the nearby church. Inside, the walls were rough and whitewashed and the scrubbed wooden floor was dotted with painted tables topped with delicate white vases and simple menus. Iron Victorian radiators gently heated the room.
Nina and Connie went in and took a seat at an empty table. The café was quiet and the only other customers were a trio of elderly ladies chatting animatedly and tucking into large slices of cake. The small talk Nina and Connie had made on the walk here was not like that at all. It had been almost painful when all Nina had wanted to do was say what she’d come to say, but she’d recognised that she’d have to be patient. This had to be done properly, and they had to be settled somewhere warm and comfortable because it was a conversation that might take a while. So they’d talked instead about her job hunting, her dad, Robyn’s latest news and the garden on Sparrow Street.
It wasn’t until they had a warming pot of tea on the table between them that Nina began. Connie fell silent at once, her pleasant smile now a sombre look of attention, as if she’d been able to tell by Nina’s expression that they were about to get down to the real business and that, maybe, she wasn’t going to like it.
‘Connie… I’ve met someone.’
The older woman nodded slowly. She didn’t miss a beat in her reply. ‘I thought as much.’
Nina stared at her.
‘It was only a matter of time,’ Connie continued. ‘You’re still a young woman, after all.’
‘So… you don’t mind?’
‘Whether I mind doesn’t matter.’
‘It matters to me.’
‘Why should it?’
‘I don’t know… because it changes things.’
‘I suppose it does,’ Connie agreed. ‘I suppose I’ll see less of you from now on for a start.’
‘That’s not my intention at all!’
‘So that’s not why you called me here? You weren’t laying the ground for that to happen?’
‘Oh, no!’ Nina’s tone was earnest. ‘That would never happen! You’re still a dear friend to me!’
Connie gave a slight smile. ‘It had already started to happen. It’s alright – I never expected anything else. We had Gray to bind us together and now we don’t.’
‘We still have him; we’ll always have him!’
‘Well, yes, of course, in a way we do. But let’s face it, whenever we meet we meet to remember him, to reflect on how much we miss him. But that’s not something you’re going to want for much longer if you’ve met someone else.’
‘I would never want to stop meeting up with you.’
Connie carefully poured a cup of tea for herself. ‘I’d want to continue meeting up with you too, but it’s going to get harder as time goes on if you stay with this new man. For a start, I can’t imagine he’s going to be happy if you’re always thinking of someone else.’
‘He’s not like that; he understands.’
Connie shook her head. ‘He says he does. It’s not only that…’
‘Because you won’t want to hear things about him from me?’ Nina asked. ‘Is that it? You think I might tell you things about him?’
‘To be blunt, yes. I wish you all the best, but I can’t deny it will be painful for me to hear how happy you are with a man who’s not Gray and I can’t pretend otherwise. And even if you don’t tell me, I’ll be able to see it.’
‘It would have always been Gray,’ Nina said quietly. ‘You know that.’
‘I do, but it wasn’t to be. It’s not your fault, it’s not Gray’s, and it’s not your new man’s; it’s just the way of things, but none of that makes it any easier to bear.’
Nina stared at the teapot. It was fat, with blue and white stripes like the old Cornish pattern, something homely and comforting about it. The tea here was always good too, but she didn’t really want any today. She just wanted this afternoon to be over. Connie had said only what Nina had already thought herself. Of course she’d try to be happy for Nina and she’d never bear her any ill will, but how could she forget that at the root of all this unas
ked-for change in her life was her dead son?
Connie stirred sugar into her tea. ‘Where did you meet him?’
‘He’s the gardener who worked on our plot on Sparrow Street.’
Connie nodded, silent for a moment. She stirred her tea again. ‘And he’s nice? He makes you happy?’
‘He’s kind. Patient and understanding. Yes, he makes me happy.’
‘Sounds as if he’d be good for you.’
‘He will be. I mean, it’s early days yet but…’
‘You must like him a lot for us to be having this conversation. I know what Gray meant to you, how hard it’s been…’
‘I do and I know he feels the same. At least, I believe he does.’
‘Then’ – Connie smiled sadly as an unsteady hand lifted her teacup from the saucer – ‘I couldn’t be happier for you.’
‘I have your blessing?’ Nina asked. That was all she wanted, to hear those words, and she’d know that it was meant to be.
‘Yes,’ Connie said. ‘I don’t have a lot to offer, but that I can give. Of course you have my blessing.’
Chapter Twenty-Three
‘We’re going to need all hands on deck,’ Robyn said as she surveyed the boxes of lanterns that had been delivered a couple of days previously. The sounds of cheap swing versions of well-known Christmas songs filled Nina’s kitchen, coming from the CD player Robyn had brought over for the occasion. She’d told Nina that there was far too little Christmas spirit at her house and while Nina couldn’t think of anything that would make her feel less Christmassy than a CD full of knock-off Christmas classics, she couldn’t really argue with that. ‘Do you think you can recruit some help?’
‘I shouldn’t think it will be all that hard,’ Nina said with a smile.
‘Hmm. Well, Colm’s little girl will want to be in your good books for a start so you could ask her,’ Robyn said. ‘And Toby definitely needs to stay in mine so he’s helping whether he wants to or not.’
Nina laughed. ‘That’s two unwilling volunteers then!’
The Garden on Sparrow Street: A heartwarming, uplifting Christmas romance Page 23