by Seven Steps
My feet were moving before I knew what was happening.
I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t rip Julius’ life away for the sake of my own.
I had to speak up.
Julius looked at me wide-eyed as I approached the podium. One of my hands went to his back, rubbing it gently. Then, I was surrounded by huge arms, a hard body, and soul-melting heat.
“It’s you and me, Coats,” he whispered. “It’s just you and me.”
My throat burned. Tears fell down my cheeks.
I’d come to have feelings for Julius Samson, feelings that were deep and exhilarating and confusing. Feelings I hadn’t thought I’d ever have again after Homer.
It was a gift, and I’d cherish it for the rest of my life.
I hugged him extra tight and whispered in his ear, “I’m going to miss you, Golden Boy.”
He pulled away, confused, but I didn’t give him time to ask me any questions. I had to do this before I lost my nerve.
I felt Clay’s eyes on me, but I didn’t care.
I was no longer worried about saving myself.
I was worried about saving Julius.
“Uh, hi.” Scattered boos came from the crowd. They didn’t bother me, though. I deserved them. “Most of you know who I am and what I am to Julius, and I just want to say to all of you that I haven’t been totally honest.” I cleared my throat, and my chest felt tight. Even with Julius beside me, I felt exposed, like a nerve.
“My father is Marco Kotopuli. Some of you may know him due to his recent popularity in the media. Because of my dad’s business dealings and my mother’s bout with cancer, my family has just about run out of money. That’s a foreign concept to some of you, so I’ll make it a little clearer: I can no longer afford to attend school at St. Mary’s Academy.”
“What are you doing?”
It was Clay’s voice behind me. One threatening hand went to my shoulder, but I didn’t care. Clay Roman couldn’t control me anymore.
“So, when Clay Roman approached me with an offer to help get Julius kicked out of school in exchange for tuition money, I accepted.”
Julius gasped behind me.
“The plan was that I would pretend to be pregnant to get Julius to leave school to care for me. In exchange, Clay would pay my tuition and get to be the new quarterback, I would get to stay in school, and that would be the end of it.”
The gym was dead silent.
“But then I got to know Julius and found out that he’s a great guy.” I looked at Julius, who stared back at me in disbelief. “I am so sorry I did this to you, to your family, and to your teammates. But I want to make things right. I know you can’t forgive me, but please know that I care about you, more than I’ve ever cared about any other person—ever. I love you, Julius, so I’m giving you your life back.”
Julius’ eyes hardened. His entire face seemed set against me.
I deserved it.
I deserved it all.
Clay stepped in front of me, shaking my shoulders. His usually slick blond hair was wild, his eyes full of fire and hatred.
“You had one job, and you couldn’t do that right! I was so close!”
I sneered at him. “You will never be Julius Samson,” I whispered. “No matter how hard you try.”
“Get off of her!”
Clay’s grip on my arm released a second before one of Julius’ massive arms wrapped around his waist and sent him flying across the gym.
Clay’s back hit the floor with a dull thud.
“You were supposed to be my friend. Instead you’re plotting against me?” He moved across the floor like a cat, straddling Clay, grabbing his hair and pulling his head up. “You were my brother. I loved you like a brother! Why would you do this to me?”
“Because you’re poor trash!” Clay screamed back. “And I shouldn’t want to be you.”
Julius froze, meaty fist hanging mid air.
He and Clay stared at each other, their eyes dueling before Julius released Clay’s head. It dropped to the ground with a thunk.
Coach Phil came over, helping Clay to his feet. The crowd left the stands and were crowding around them, trying to get a better look at what was going on. They were thick around me, but I managed to squeeze and push my way out. I’d almost made it to the door when it was pushed open for me by a large arm I immediately recognized.
Julius.
My heart thudded in my ears as I stepped out into the hallway and turned to face the boy who’d stolen my heart without me even realizing it. His face was red, his muscles straining against his football jersey. He loomed over me, strong and powerful. It took all I had just to keep my chin up.
“I know you’re mad,” I said. “And I want you to know that I’m sorry for what I did.”
He ran his hands over his face and shook his head.
“I don’t know what to say to you right now. You lied to me, over and over again. You lied to my family, my friends. You took everything from me. How could you do that? I thought we meant something to each other.”
My bottom lip trembled.
“We do. Julius, I love you.”
“So why did you lie to me?”
“Because I had no choice.”
“You always have a choice. You could have said no. You could have found another way. I could have helped you.”
“Helped me? You never even looked at me before I spoke to you. Isn’t that what you said? That you didn’t even know who I was?” Tears streamed down my face, but Julius wasn’t moved by them. His anger seemed to grow by the second.
“That’s not the point.”
“It is the point. You don’t understand. I had to do it.”
“No, you didn’t!”
“Yes, I did!”
“No. You didn’t have to turn my life to crap just because yours was.”
It was like a slap in the face. I took a step back, my brain reeling.
“That’s not fair.”
“Don’t tell me what’s fair and what’s not. What you did to me was not fair, but that’s done now, because we’re done. I never want to see you again. You and Clay can have each other.”
With those last, biting words, he turned, yanked the gym door open, and slammed it behind him.
Leaving me alone and feeling as if I’d just lost everything.
12
They say confession is good for the soul, but I didn’t know whose soul they meant. It certainly wasn’t for mine. I found no peace.
After the rally, I locked myself in my room and wailed into Julius’ coat like a starving newborn for the rest of the night. Hour by hour, I released loud, agonizing, soul-wrenching tears, that seemed to increase every time I remembered how angry, disappointed, and hurt he’d looked when I admitted my part in Clay’s plan.
The pain in his eyes would be etched in my memory forever.
He hated me, and it ripped my heart apart, producing more waterworks than I’d thought I could shed in my entire lifetime.
The worst part was, I knew I deserved his anger.
I deserved his hate.
After all I’d done, I deserved worse.
I cried until the sun’s rays peeked through my lavender curtains. The tears continued until I forced myself to dress for school. I’d received an email the night before from Mr. Mann saying he wanted to meet with me first thing in the morning, and now morning had arrived.
My time at St. Mary’s had officially run out.
If he didn’t expel me for my lies, I’d be kicked out for nonpayment of tuition.
When I peered in the mirror to fix my hair, my bloodshot eyes seemed as lifeless as I felt.
I didn’t want to leave school, especially because it meant leaving my friends—both old and new—and the amazing digital media department, but it was unavoidable.
I’d done all I could to stay.
It wasn’t enough.
My heart sank as I entered Mr. Mann’s office. His secretary directed me to sit in a tall leather cha
ir before she left, leaving me and the principal alone. I wasn’t sure if it was me or the office, but my body grew cold. The old wooden shelves full of ancient books should’ve generated a warmer feeling inside me, but they didn’t. I stared at the football player bobble head while Mr. Mann began his monologue about responsibility and lying.
His voice droned on.
I wanted to beg him to sentence me already so I could escape, but he continued, tapping his pen on his desk at a fast tempo.
“Miss Kotopuli, are you listening?”
I swallowed the saliva gathering in my mouth. “Yes, sir.”
He raised his bushy eyebrows. “I’m not sure what possessed you to agree to such a scheme. You showed a blatant disregard for Julius and his family’s future. You could’ve ruined that boy.” His sharp eyes bore into mine.
I lowered my head and without glancing up, I whispered, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go as far as it did.”
He shook his head. “Well, my hands are pretty much tied. Your actions were incomprehensible. Some might even say they warrant immediate expulsion.” He tapped the pen against the desk slowly, as if it was easier for him to think with the relaxed tempo. “But because of your family’s long history here, I’m debating what the best course of action is for you and the school.” He stood and walked to the door. “As of this moment, you are suspended indefinitely. If we decide to officially expel you, you and your parents will be officially notified.”
Biting the insides of my cheeks to keep from crying, I pushed myself off the chair and wandered to the door.
Mr. Mann had torn my heart into a thousand pieces, and I deserved it. I deserved it all.
“Goodbye, Miss Kotopuli. My secretary will call your parents to pick you up and we will deliver any personal items left in your locker within a day or two. Good luck, and I hope you’ve learned from this experience.”
The door slammed, and that was it.
My days at St. Mary’s were done.
The secretary called my father and directed me to wait on the bench by the door.
I leaned my head back against the wall, eyes closed, mind numb.
I didn’t even realize Dad stood in front of me until he touched my shoulder.
He did not look happy. “Meg, let’s go. Now.”
I picked up my bag and followed him out of the office, casting my unseeing eyes downward.
The entire ride home, Dad didn’t say a word. I silently busied myself by staring out the window.
Finally, we pulled up to the house, and my father broke his silence.
“Megera,” he said in his low voice, “your mother was having a good day before the phone call, so please don’t upset her any more than you already have. Understand?”
I nodded, still in a daze.
The moment we entered the house and I saw my mother, the weight of my guilt crippled me. Mom was lying on the couch, her eyes red and swollen.
“How, Megera?” she squeaked out. Each word exhausted her, but still she forced them out. “How could you think this was right? Haven’t we taught you better than this?” Her voice had weakened from the cancer. Before, it would’ve shaken the walls. Now, I could barely hear it.
“Megera, don’t you have an answer for your mother? Or at least an apology?” Dad’s eyes bored into mine.
Eyes I still didn’t know if I could trust.
Eyes that could’ve told lies just as bad as mine.
Did Mom know the rumors about my father? Did she care?
I looked back into my mother’s grieving eyes, and something inside me broke. I wanted to collapse at her feet and beg for forgiveness, but I had too much pride for that. Instead, I knelt beside her and laid my head on her lap. Tears streamed down my face.
“Mom, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for anything to happen to Julius.”
“Really?” My dad’s voice rose slightly. “Your pregnancy announcement to that boy and his parents leads me to believe you were a willing partner in this whole fiasco.”
He lifted one eyebrow.
My teeth chewed on my lower lip before I answered.
“I didn’t intend for it to go this far. I—”
The doorbell chime interrupted my excuses. My dad’s low voice said, “I’ll get the door. Stay right there, Megera.”
I obeyed.
I heard the door close above my mother’s low whimpers.
My dad’s deep voice rung through the house.
“Yes, of course you can talk to her. We’re in the living room discussing why she thought she could get away with all this. Please, let me take your jackets.”
I began to stand and in the process knocked over Mom’s glass of water that’d been sitting on the end table.
“Oh, jeez Mom, I’m sorry. I’ll go grab a towel and get this cleaned up.”
With soft steps, I walked out of the living room and peered into the hallway. The light was off, and I could hear voices but couldn’t see any faces. A door squeaked, the closet door maybe?
I quickly ran to the bathroom, grabbed a towel, and returned to the table to blot the water seeping into the rug.
Dad’s voice sounded closer.
“Yes, Mr. Samson. I understand your position. We can’t believe she would do this to you and your family.”
Julius’ dad is here? Is Julius here too?
I finished drying the water and stood again.
“I’ll just put this towel in the laundry room.”
“No, you won’t.”
Dad stood in the doorway with Mr. and Mrs. Samson, their faces drawn.
“Um, hi,” I squeaked out.
“Hello again, Meg.” Anger tinged Mr. Samson’s deep voice. “We would like to talk to you.”
My lungs ceased functioning and I raised the damp towel. “I should throw this in the laundry room.”
My dad stepped forward.
“Megera, sit.”
I bit my lower lip and sat on the couch opposite my mother’s.
The Samsons remained in the doorway, arms crossed, faces furious.
Mrs. Samson stepped forward and spoke first.
“Meg, I want you to know how disappointed we are that you went along with this plan. This lie could’ve cost Julius his future. You’ve hurt him. Do you understand how you’ve hurt him? How you’ve hurt us?”
I nodded, heat building behind my eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I mean, I did, but that was before I knew him.”
Mrs. Samson crossed the room to the couch where I was sitting. She towered over me, her raging voice shaking me to my core.
“You’ve embarrassed my son in front of his school, his teammates, his friends, and, most importantly his brothers and sisters. They worship him. They should be thinking about toys and having fun, not about their older brother having a baby. They don’t even know where babies come from yet.” Tears rolled down her face. “Do you know what position you put us in? You robbed my children of a piece of their innocence. You did that. What do you have to say for yourself?”
I was bawling now. My entire body was trembling.
“I’m so sorry. I tried to stop it. I tried to get Clay to stop.”
“Stop blaming Clay and take responsibility!” Millie roared. “No one put a gun to your head. You made a decision to lie, and you kept making that decision over and over and over again. This wasn’t Clay. This was you—you and you alone.” She kneeled in front of me. “You hurt my son, my baby. You hurt him.”
I looked at her, because she was right—I had to take responsibility for this. Clay hadn’t forced me to do anything. He’d given me an easy way out, and I had taken it because I was afraid.
But fear wasn’t an excuse. It never was an excuse.
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Samson. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. Julius didn’t deserve this, and neither did you.” I put my head in my hands and openly wept. “I’m so sorry.”
And then, something strange happened.
Mrs. Sam
son’s arms wrapped around me and held me tight.
“You’re just a baby too,” she said. “Just like him.”
She hugged me like a mother hugs a child with a scraped knee. Millie Samson had every reason in the world to hate me, but there in her arms, I found something I’d never expected.
Forgiveness.
I sometimes forgot there was goodness in the world. The news and internet mainly talk about the terrible things we as humans do to each other, but they never report on stuff like this. Where were the news articles about Millie Samson, the woman who looked her son’s accuser in the eye and gave her something no one else could give?
Mercy.
My heavy guilt felt just a little bit lighter, and my heart opened wide to this woman.
Another emotion erupted within me.
Hope.
Hope that, one day, I would be a better person, that I could grow into someone who forgave others. I’d learned a valuable lesson.
Everyone is worthy of redemption.
Even me.
Above my tears, I heard my father clear his throat.
“Look, Mr. Samson, I’m sorry about all this. If there is anything I can do to make amends—”
“There are no amends to be made,” Mr. Samson snapped. “My family will get through this. Get your life together, and get your daughter some help. That’s how you can repay us. Both of you need help.”
“I’m not sure I know what you’re refer—”
“Don’t, Marco Kotopuli. I’m here because of your daughter’s lie. I’m not going to tolerate one of yours.”
I gasped.