by Matson , TC
She searches my face, opens her mouth and then shuts it. Her lips pull into a smile. “I’d love to. You like pizza?”
Ollie rolls his eyes. “I’m a man. Of course I like pizza.”
Fay laughs. “You’re like what? Ten?”
Ollie gives her a smoldering look. “Age is just a number.”
“I’ll bring manly pizzas then.” Kenlyn giggles. “If you want to go ahead and start, it won’t hurt my feelings.”
I walk her back to the door, my hands itching to feel her. “Thank you,” I tell her when she turns toward me.
She stretches to her tip toes and kisses my cheek. “You’re welcome.”
I grab her wrist before she can leave. “I miss you.”
Her smile is soft. “I miss you too.”
“Stay with me tonight. Please.”
“We’ll see.”
* * *
Ollie’s on the floor with the building set on his lap. Since Fay left, he’s been quietly staring out the window.
I drop beside him, leaning my back against the couch. “You good?”
“Yeah.”
“I never had anything this cool.” I tap the box. “But I had this one building set that I made into houses and garages for my hot wheels.”
“Will she come back?” Ollie asks quietly, not looking to me.
I proceed with caution, hearing the emotions already in his voice. “She knows three guys are waiting for pizza. She’s not crazy.”
Mindlessly, he nods. “Where will I go?”
“To the table to eat with us.”
He shakes his head and gives me a look. I know what he’s asking, so I guess now is better than ever to let him know where I stand. “I was waiting for you to be ready to talk. I’ve got some pretty awesome people backing me up, and if you want, only if you want it, you’ll be here with me. I’ll keep you out of the system and adopt you. But Ollie, no one is forcing your hand here. This is your choice.”
A small smile crosses his lips. “You’d do that?”
“In a heartbeat, dude.”
His smile drops and unshed tears fill his eyes. “What if I go to prison?”
“You’re not going anywhere. That I can promise. The detectives know you acted in self-defense and you were trying to protect—”
“But I didn’t.” His bottom lip quivers. “I couldn’t. Mom saw him hit me and she started yelling and… It’s my fault she died.” The words rush out of him in a sob.
Grabbing him, I pull him into me as his little body shakes. “It’s not. Your momma did what she’s always done since you were born. She protected you fiercely, selflessly. She loves you so much.” I squeeze him.
“I miss her,” he chokes.
My heart aches and tears threaten. “I know you do. I know…” I soothe. “Not a day goes by that I don’t miss mine too. But I know wherever she is, she’s proud of me. Everything I do, I try not to disappoint her. She was always my rock.” I clear the lump in my throat. “I promise you we’ll get through this, Ollie. Together. I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
I don’t hear Cody come in until he sits on the other side of Ollie and puts his hand on his leg. No other words are spoken, yet everything is said at the same time. We’re here. We love you.
Tomorrow’s going to be a bitch. I haven’t had to attend a funeral since putting my family in the ground. Now I’m watching a child have to do it.
* * *
By the time Kenlyn came back with two large supreme pizzas and a large pepperoni, Ollie had collected himself and slipped back into his normal self. It comes and goes, and it’s the reason I’ve taken so much time off work—to be here when he broke.
As promised, Kenlyn helped the flirting Ollie start building the body of a car while my job consisted of learning how to make the moving parts moveable. He and I will do that tomorrow so it’ll give us both something else to focus on rather than the funeral.
Unfortunately, three hours later, Kenlyn declared she was leaving and my hopes for her to spend the night dissolved. The past few weeks we’ve been so distant and I have no clue what’s going on in that head of hers or where we stand. I’m stuck holding onto hope from our little text exchanges and the small glances I catch from her.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The air in my lungs gets trapped when Ash steps through the door of the coffee shop. Antsy, I got here twenty minutes early, ordered his normal black coffee with a shot of espresso for the extra boost he likes and have taken up residency in a corner booth so we can have some privacy.
The navy-blue t-shirt clings to his chest hiding the skin and muscles I miss. Missing him is the reason why I called and set this up. I hate how things are on the fence between us and I need to know what’s happening.
“Hey,” he says as he takes the seat across from me.
“Hey,” I offer a small smile. “How’s Ollie?”
The corners of his lips tic slightly. “He’s good. Cody decided to get him out of the house and now I’m sure they’re causing chaos somewhere.”
I titter. “How’s the adoption?”
A few days after he brought Ollie home, he told me through one of our text messages that he wanted to adopt Ollie. I encouraged it. The way he looks at Ollie is like he’s looking at his own flesh and blood.
“It’ll take time. I had to get my fostering license so Ollie could stay with me. Under the circumstances, the judge was understanding. Next will be the actual adoption process. Since Ollie’s father won’t see a free day in the next sixty years, he’s agreed to give up his parental rights so he can be with me.”
My smile radiates. “That’s great news.”
“Yeah.”
The air is awkward around us, which isn’t anything I’m used to with him. With Ash everything comes easily, never forced.
“How’d Ollie do with the funeral yesterday?” I wanted to go for support, but Ash rejected the idea and said he had it handled. It hurt my feelings, but at the same time I understand men handle things differently. Or at least that’s what my dad told me.
“He did pretty well, given the circumstances.” He takes a sip of his coffee and sets it back on the table. “I hate this. The tension between us,” he points from me to him. “Not knowing if I can kiss you anytime I want. I need to know what’s happening, Kenlyn.”
Always straight to the point. “I feel the same way. That’s why I wanted to meet outside of your place and talk. It’s been a hectic few weeks and a lot to process.” He nods his understanding. “When all that happened…I felt like you were a stranger, that I was falling in love with someone I had no clue about and it set me back. A lot.”
“I’m sorry I never told you. It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just…” he pauses for a moment, his view dropped to his coffee. “It doesn’t have anything to do with you and everything to do with me. I’m not ready to divulge and relive parts of my life. I have a lot of ugly scars and pain, and I’m not ready to see the change in you.”
“That’s a bit selfish. Don’t you think? Do you think I’ll leave over ugly and pain? I’ve got a lot of that in my life too, you know. The one I’ve told you about?” It’s an immature jab and I regret it immediately. “There’s nothing wrong with being adopted. I wouldn’t ever look at anyone any differently because of that.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“First Fay, then you being part of an amazing mentor group, and then you being adopted. Can’t you see how it made me feel? Like I wasn’t good enough for—”
“You are,” he interrupts sternly, staring at me intently. “You’re beyond good enough. So much so, I feel like I don’t deserve you.”
“Ash…”
“Don’t pity me, Kenlyn. I hate it.” No humor. No playfulness. Just profound resolve. After a few moments of silence, he takes my hand in his and runs his thumb over my knuckles. “Can you trust me? Can you put your trust in me to know that when the time is right, I promise I’ll tell you everything? I miss the
hell out of you and right now all I want to do is kiss you.”
Can I trust him? That’s a resounding, “Yes.”
His face lights up. Quickly, he moves to my side of the table and kisses me. It’s not gentle. It’s desperate, slow and full of ache. His hand slides around to the back of my neck while the other cups my cheek. “Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he breathes against my lips.
* * *
Ash pulls the chicken from the oven as I finish preparing the mashed potatoes. Ash informed me since the Ollie incident, Cody has basically moved in too. As he says, he went from a single man to a single dad with two sons overnight. He wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s a glint in his eyes when he looks at them.
The kids are at the table when we set the food down. Ollie begins to snicker under his breath, which grants him a look from Ash.
“You need an apron. A frilly one that says kiss the cook.” He laughs and I love how childish it sounds. “You make a good house bi—”
Ash startles me when he pulls his chair back and lifts it so the legs slam the floor. The neighbors below us just pissed themselves too.
Cody snickers under his breath. “I told you he doesn’t like it when we cuss.”
Ollie chuckles. “My bad, A. I’ll get used to the rules.”
Ash smirks. “Think of ways to do it when you’re cleaning up the kitchen tonight.” Cody laughs and Ash points his fork to him. “Help him think of ways while you help.”
This sends Ollie into a silent giggle fit.
As we eat in silence, I watch Ollie scarf food down like he hasn’t eaten in days. “Slow down. No one’s going to steal it from you.”
Ollie makes a face as his eyes shift to mine. “Mom used to say that to me.”
I offer him a smile and lean closer. “So did my dad, but he didn’t know my brother Chris did steal food off my plate.”
Ollie’s little mouth turns up into a small smile and then he looks to Cody. “I ain’t as nice as her. I’ll stab you with my fork if you think about taking my food.”
It causes us to laugh. “What makes you think I didn’t stab him?”
Ollie shrugs. “You probably pass out when you see blood. Plus, you seem too nice.”
“You’ll have to ask Chris then.” I pop a piece of chicken in my mouth. “I bet he won’t agree with you.”
We’re silent for a few minutes when Ash breaks it. “Are you ready to try and tackle school next week?”
“Yeah,” Ollie lights up. “I got all that stuff done Mrs. Stapleton brought over. She said I didn’t have to do it all, but some so I can keep my grades up.”
“You got it all done?” Ash asks, surprised.
“Yeah. Cody helped though. He’s better at math than I am.” He takes a swallow of his tea. “You gonna make me change schools or stay?”
“What do you want?”
“It don’t matter. I don’t want to be a burden.”
“Dude. You’re not a burden. I work in the evenings so I can get you there. You want to stay at your school with your friends, then that’s where you’ll stay. I can’t promise next year you’ll still be there though.”
Ollie nods and then goes back to shoveling food.
After the boys clean up the kitchen and head off to bed, Ash hands me a glass of red wine and drops beside me on the couch with a beer in his hand. His head rests back on the cushion and his eyes are closed.
“Rough day as the house bitch?” I tease with a snicker. Ollie has “slipped” up and called him that a few times tonight.
He laughs, peeking his eyes open. “I’d wash his mouth out with soap, but he’s a lot like me and he’d cuss the entire time.”
“He’ll come around.”
He takes a long pull from his beer before setting it on the coffee table.
“Sooo…” I draw out over the rim of my glass, suddenly feeling nervous. “Promise Hope is coming up and I was wondering if you’d like to be my plus one? I mean, if you’re okay with a black-tie event.”
He arches a brow. “Did you just ask me on a date?”
Dammit, I feel the blush on my cheeks and it causes Ash to grin from ear to ear.
“I was going to ask you,” he says, sliding his hand up my thigh. “After I had you sated from multiple orgasms with no way for you to say no.”
I scrape my teeth along my bottom lip. It’s been weeks since I’ve felt him. “Are you asking me to spend the night?”
“Fuck yes I am.” He takes the wine from my hand, deposits it on the table in front of us, grabs my hand, and drags me down the hallway to his bedroom.
The door clicks shut and his mouth is on me. Hands roam my body, dipping below the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head. I fumble with the button on his jeans as he walks us backward.
“I need you,” I tell him unabashedly.
“You’ve got me,” he whispers thickly against my neck.
He scoots me up the bed and wastes no time devouring me. Spreading my thighs, he dips his head low and licks from my entrance to my clit, swirling his tongue before sucking. My body reacts with a jerk of the hips that spreads up my body. He feasts on me, gloriously bringing me to the edge and pulling me back in. It’s torturous, a wicked pleasure. Hot and cold shivers roll through my limbs and I tighten my grip on his hair, pulling his face harder against me.
My orgasm aches in my gut, winding me up tightly. He nibbles my clit before flicking his tongue across it while pumping his fingers into me. A tsunami slams into me. Waves of euphoria crash, ebbing and flowing. His hand clamps over my mouth, quieting me as he climbs above me.
Prideful amusement dances under his hooded lids as he positions himself at my entrance. I have no clue when he put the condom on, but in this moment I’m glad I don’t have to wait. He surges forward, filling me full with one solid thrust.
The muscles in his jaw flex as he drags his dick out and pushes back in. My body begins to hum and I’ll be damned if I’m not on the verge of another orgasm. His chest and abs tighten with the roll of his hips.
“You feel so damn good,” he pants between thrusts.
Leaning back, he removes his hand from my mouth, grips the back of my knees, and pumps into me. I bite my bottom lip to suppress my whimpers as he hits every single pleasurable nerve in my body, coaxing another orgasm from me. He doesn’t just give them, he lures them. He knows what causes my body to hum, what makes me light up like a firework show.
Reaching down, he uses his thumb and circles my clit. Immediately, molten lava slides over me and I’m thrown into my orgasm. He jerks, leaning down and slamming his mouth to mine to swallow my cries. The process brings a new angle and the new angle brings new sensations, drawing out the strongest orgasm I’ve ever experienced.
His dick swells and his rhythm studders as his body tenses under my palms. He juts forward, burrowing to the hilt, and stills. His breath comes hard against my face. Our kiss is a hot and sexy mess.
“Holy shit,” he pants, dropping his sweaty forehead to mine.
“My words exactly,” I breathe.
I wince when he pulls out and heads to the bathroom to clean up. I don’t know how he’s walking. My legs—hell, my entire body for that matter—feel boneless. All I can conjure the strength to do is smile.
Getting back in the bed, he pulls me to his chest and kisses the top of my head. No words are exchanged. We’re perfectly satiated in each other’s arms, allowing our bodies to say everything we’re not before lulling us into a peaceful slumber.
* * *
“No.” Ash groans in his sleep, pulling me awake.
The alarm clock beside the bed says it’s almost six in the morning. His body twists and jerks, sweat beading across his forehead and running down the side of his head. It glistens across his chest. “Please no.” It’s a heart-wrenching cry.
“Ash.” I shake his shoulder.
The sound from his throat is pure anguish.
“Ash.” I shake him harder. “Wake up. You’re having a nightma
re.”
He wakes with a start, eyes springing open. He jerks, sitting up and breathing like he’s run a marathon. I place my hand on his bicep. “You okay? You were having a bad dream.”
His eyes are glossy as he blinks the room into focus. “Yeah. I’m good.” But he doesn’t sound it.
“You sure?”
He swings his legs off the bed and rakes his hands over his face. “I’m fine.”
Again, he doesn’t sound like it. Sliding on a pair of shorts he heads into the bathroom. The toilet flushes and then the sound of running water before I hear his heavy shaky exhale.
I get dressed, knowing I’ll never be able to go back to sleep since I need to get up in thirty minutes anyway, and am sitting on the edge of the bed when he finally steps back out.
His eyes look empty. His body is tense. “Leave it alone,” he gruffs.
“Are you sure you’re—”
“I said leave it, Kenlyn,” he growls his warning while glaring at me.
“Yeah. Okay.” I fight off the sting of his bite. “I need to head home anyway so I’m not late for work.”
The kiss he gives me is empty and he doesn’t follow me out. Whatever he dreamed about shook him to his core and I hate that I have no idea how to help him.
Chapter Thirty
“Where are you going?” Ollie stands at the door watching me.
“Are you my dad now?” I quip, shoving my wallet in my back pocket. “I’ve got a meeting with Julia. She’s with the fostering department of One2One and also the guest speaker at Promise Hope. I’ve known her for a long time.”
“Do you like her?”
I arch a brow as I finish buttoning up my shirt. “As in a girlfriend? No. I’ve got a pretty great one of those.”
“She like you?”
I’m being interrogated by a ten-year-old. “Doesn’t matter if she does. Again, I’ve got Kenlyn. This is a business meeting, Ollie.” I stride past him into the living room and grab my jacket. “I’ll be home in a little bit. Cody’s going to order dinner.”