by Matson , TC
“No.”
“Am I not good enough for you?” Her voice wavers slightly and Dotty’s words about her insecurities and how she only needs to be proven wrong come back.
“No. It’s nothing like that.” I take a breath and meet her gaze. “My life still carries a darkness I struggle with. I carry a lot of guilt and it eats at me. Everyone I’ve ever loved has been ripped away from me and I felt if I kept you just on the outside, I could keep you. That I wouldn’t lose you too. I fell fast and hard for you and if I lost you, it would destroy me.”
“Is that why every time we’d get closer, you’d do something to sabotage it and push me away?”
“I tried convincing myself that I didn’t love you so the universe wouldn’t take you away, but when there was no denying it, I was paralyzed with fear. Losing you would wreck me. Then this week, seeing the pain in your eyes, I wrecked myself.” Taking her hand in mine, I turn her to face me. “I love you, Kenlyn. So fucking much you’re in my blood.”
Her lips curl up slightly. “You said it out loud.”
“I did.” I swallow. “No matter how worried I am that I’m going to lose you, I’m more scared you don’t know it.”
“Do you want to be with me?” I almost laugh at her question.
“More than you know.”
“But that’s the problem. Everything is more than I know. You’ve kept me in the dark…a lot.”
“My parents made it where I don’t have to work a day in my life for the rest of it, but I do because I believe I don’t deserve the money or the house they left me. I’ve dipped into their savings three times—to buy this place, my truck and my motorcycle. The rest, I use to donate toward charities. I kept the house because I can’t let it go. It holds all the memories and their possessions. To this day, Jenny’s room still has her college book opened to what she was studying. Her pajamas are still folded on the bed waiting for her to wear them. It looks like they could be on vacation. I moved here and Tig’s was my fresh start. Dad loved my knack for tattooing, so I went for it. Fay reminds me a lot of Jenny, which is why I think we clicked.” I squeeze her hand. “I haven’t been in a relationship since ninth grade and hell, that only lasted for three months. I messed it up before it got started. High school love isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Another secret—I’ve pictured a future with you although I keep going back and forth about walking away from you and running away with you. You complement my recklessness, my need to experience life on the edge with your apprehension of the edge. I love pushing you to new heights and seeing the glint in your eyes behind the fear in them. Those are my secrets, everything I’ve kept from you. The most important being that I’m insanely in love with you and if it wasn’t too fast and petrifying, I’d run off and marry you tonight.”
My heart thunders in my chest at my admission. It surprises the shit out of me that I’ve even said it. If she didn’t think I was insane yet, now she will.
Tears run down her cheeks as she blinks up to me with a goofy smile. “Can we date first before marriage?”
I laugh. “Of course.”
“Promise me no more secrets?”
I smile. “I stopped in and saw Dotty the other day. Now, you know everything. I promise.”
Stretching, she kisses me softly. “I love you too.”
Two years later…
“Don’t be a chicken. Do it!” Ash needles Ollie.
Twenty minutes ago, Ollie dared Ash to do a back flip off the diving board thinking Ash couldn’t do it, but not before he fell victim to the “if I do it, you have to do it too” dare back. Little did Ollie know, Ash could and he did it flawlessly.
All eyes are trained on Ollie whose toes are curled at the end of the diving board looking like he wants to puke. Smugly, Ollie cocks his head to Ash. “I don’t want to show you up in front of K-Mom.”
A month after Ash and I got back together, he asked me to move in. Made sense since I was already there all the time helping him with the boys. Cody had permanently moved in too. Three months after that, Ash kept his promise of keeping Ollie out of the system and officially adopted him. Ash asked Cody about adopting him too, but Cody refused, telling Ash he was going to be eighteen soon and a piece of paper couldn’t tell him who his family was. He already knew.
Three months after the adoption, on the rooftop of a building with Cody, Ollie, Lucia, Fay, Luna, my dad and stepmom, and my brother Chris watching, Ash proposed to me. Later that night, Ollie sat beside me on the couch and very bravely said he couldn’t ever call me mom because he loved his real mom so much, but wanted to know if it was okay if he called me K-Mom. I bawled like a baby and hugged him up.
Seven months after his proposal, we got married in a small ceremony in the backyard of his parents’ house surrounded by people we love, including Dotty. We lost her about six months ago, but not before she could see her “grandson.” I miss her. A lot.
“Dude. Do it!” Ash taunts again, hanging out on the side of the pool closest to the diving board. “Chicken. Chicken. Chicken.” He adds a bawk bawk for good measure.
Dad chuckles beside me. “You would’ve killed me with a glare if I did that.”
“Still will,” I smile up to him.
Ollie takes a deep breath and slowly turns. I watch him close his eyes and take another breath.
“I’ve got you, dude. You can do this,” Ash assures him. “Jump out, tuck your knees to your chest, and hit the water. You got this.”
“You’ve got about ten seconds to grow a pair,” Chris calls out with a wicked edge to his voice.
Just then, Amanda comes walking out of the house and Ollie spots her. He bounces a few times, hyping himself up, and then springs up and follows through with Ash’s instructions, landing in the water with a hell of a splash.
Chris gives Ash a knowing look. “What thirteen-year-old boy can resist showing off for a girl?”
I cackle. “My husband’s almost thirty and still shows off as much as possible.”
That grants me a cocksure smirk from my husband as Ollie swims up to the wall beside him, throws his arm on the side of the pool, and leans on it like he’s the king of the world. In Ollie’s mind, Amanda is not blood related. Therefore he’s free to pursue her. They’re cute, flirting all the time. Ah, young love.
“I told you that you could do it,” Ash says proudly.
Before Ollie can respond… “Cannonball!” Comes from behind me just as Cody blurs past and jumps into the pool sending a wall of water into everyone in the water.
Marty—our beautiful seven-month-old named after Ash’s Dad, Martin—begins to stir from the commotion in the chair beside me. Big beautiful blue eyes squint against the sun when he lifts his head. He coos a few times with a few unintelligible words.
“Hey there, sleepy head,” I thrum, scooping him up and sitting him on my lap. “You have a good nap?”
He answers with a smile that reminds me so much of Ash’s. As usual, when Marty is up, Ash homes in on him. He hauls himself out of the pool, water rushing down his body as his muscles flex under their strain. His hair is flat but messy and his eyes are smiling. I’m so damn lucky.
“There’s my little guy,” Ash steals him from me and devours his neck. Marty squeals a laugh, kicking his feet. Ash lifts him, stretching Marty high above his head and making a swooshing noise. “Let’s go get you fed and changed so we can play in the water.” He disappears into the house.
Instead of letting his parents’ house sit vacant, Ash decided to use it for summertime fun. The first time we visited, we came alone. It was hard on Ash. He needed to process and cope. Years after he walked away without looking back, he stood in the doorway fighting his emotions. My husband’s strength speaks volumes. Outwardly, he didn’t break, but I know inside he was dying.
That weekend, we went through his parents’ room, moving what he wanted to keep into his dad’s home office or throughout the house and donating their clothes, except for his mother’s wedding dress and a gray
tailored suit of his father’s. However, he did laugh and smile as we laid in his childhood bed and looked around his room. He was a stud in high school and all the pictures of girls on a corkboard and their tokens of professed love proved it.
It took him a month to recoup and go back, and this time he tackled Jenny’s room with tears in his eyes. He bookmarked her textbook and put it on the bookshelf next to her diary he found. We contacted her best friend Alyssa and had her come get anything she wanted. She ended up taking Jenny’s collection of all things dragonflies to give to her daughter that she named after her best friend. Then we took her clothes to the women’s center and donated them.
It took a few weekends spread out over a few months, but Ash made the house as much his as he could. We can stay here without the pain, and we do. Whenever the time is right, I’m sure we’ll leave the big city behind and move here. I’ll follow Ash anywhere he goes. There’s no more secrecy. He’s my best friend, my lover, my husband, and the best dad any of these boys could have.
He’s still reckless, still a rebel in his own way, and continues to live life right on the edge. Our house is full of dares, adventures, and love.
Just the way I love it.
Falling in love with the stranger who kissed me in front of my cheating boyfriend, the same man who made me dance in front of strangers and pushed me outside of my comfort zone was the best thing the universe could’ve ever given us. While it tore away a lot of his life, it also brought us together.
And I couldn’t be any happier.
THE END
Cocky Hero Club
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Books by TC Matson
THE FIGHTER SERIES
Blindsided
UnExpected
Awakened
No Holds
No Hesitations
Leveled
No Limits
No Control
DEBONAIR SERIES (Standalones)
Broken Boundaries
Persuading Perfection
Seductive Secrets
TAKING CHANCES SERIES (Standalones)
Set Up
Hook Up
Slip Up (Coming in 2020)
STANDALONES
Open House
Mistaken Identity
More about TC’s books here
To My Readers
A special thank you. Without you, I am nothing and my characters sit around and mope. Thank you for taking a chance on me, on my characters, and on my stories.
Thank you for all your love and support.
Connect with TC Matson
www.tcmatson.com
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Acknowledgments
Vi Keeland and Penelope Ward: Thank you for creating an incredible world and giving me the opportunity to write in it. I had an absolute blast writing Reckless Rebel.
Angela: I am so very grateful you’re as patient as you are. Between all the messages and freak out moments where you talk me down from the ledge, you are my rock. Thank you for your unwavering support and friendship. I know I wouldn’t be where I am without you. Love ya, Hooker.
Fran & Megan: You two shape me and push me to be better, force me to thrive and force me to laugh. For that, I can’t thank you enough.
Ivy Love: Thank you for being my sounding board and my momma bear.
To all the bloggers and to my readers: Thank you for taking a chance on me. I feel all the support and love. I see all the shoutouts and the tags. From the depths of my soul—I truly appreciate it.