by Jordyn White
And I don’t know how to start talking about any of it.
It doesn’t help that I see something weighing on him.
So I give voice to the one thing in my heart I feel I can say aloud. “I missed you, Jack.”
His face softens. “Did you?”
“Of course,” I say softly. “Dork.”
There’s a brief smile. “I missed you, too.” Then, he’s back to looking heavy.
My fingers absently caress his bicep. He’s taken to watching his own fingers, as they trace lightly on my stomach and my scar, sending ripples of sensation all over me.
“Do you...” he pauses and I search his face. He’s not looking at me on purpose. I have a feeling that whatever he’s getting ready to say, it’s the thing he’s needed to say since he got here. It’s the thing he couldn’t say in the kitchen, and it’s something that’s been lingering with him. “Do you see me differently now?”
He glances at me hesitantly, but I don’t get his meaning.
“Because of before,” he clarifies.
Ah. “The fallen man,” I say, understanding now, but his face falls and I instantly regret it.
“I really, really wish I could go back and do things differently,” he says. “Not... being with you. That I’d keep.” I feel a warm flush slide over my body. “But I wish I could go back and not be with her. I should’ve broken up with her before. It wasn’t fair to her and she didn’t deserve to be with someone who wasn’t really with her. And she really didn’t deserve... you know.”
This is eating him up. I knew it would.
“And now... now I’m always going to be that guy.”
I sigh. There’s no easy fix to this, but I can’t stand that he’s re-writing who he thinks he is. “Jack—”
“Don’t try to tell me it wasn’t a big deal,” he says firmly.
“I wasn’t going to,” I say, just as firmly. “It was stupid. Awful. I wish I could take it back, too.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says, frowning.
“Yes, I did.” He looks ready to argue with me, but I hold up my hand to stop him. “Hey, you feel bad, and I feel bad, because it was bad. It was.” I lower my hand, resting it on his chest now. “And you’re never going to look back on that and think it was okay. We fucked up.”
“I fucked up.”
I sigh. “I can see you’re determined to beat yourself up over it. Well, that’s fine. Maybe you need to do that for a while. But at some point you’re going to have to let it be in your past. You’re going to have to move on. And you’re going to have to allow yourself to understand that one moment, even a moment like that, doesn’t necessarily change everything else about you.”
“I really hate that I did that.”
“I know, sweetheart. I hate it, too.”
“I feel like....” He brings his fingertips up to my cheek, and watches as he strokes it. “Like I don’t deserve to be happy now.”
His eyes meet mine, and even in the middle of a conversation like this, there’s that swept away feeling again. I swear to God, I really don’t know if I can handle this. I feel like if I don’t hang on to something with both hands, it’s going to tear me to shreds. But I don’t know what the fuck to hang on to.
But there’s one thing I know, and that’s this: if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s Jack.
“You can be happy,” I say. “It’s okay. I promise. It doesn’t make you a horrible person. Emily’s going to go on and live her life and do all kinds of things and have happiness and sorrow that has nothing to do with you. Her life doesn’t revolve around you now. She’s just... going to go on and live her life because that’s what people do. That’s what you have to do, too.”
“But...” His hand stills, warm and soft on my cheek. There’s so much pain in his voice and on his face. My heart just breaks. “Do you see me differently now?”
I shake my head slowly. I do see him differently now, but not for the reason he thinks. “No, sweetie. I don’t see you differently.”
“You promise?”
Jack, stop this. I bring my hand to his cheek and caress him gently. His eyes lock on mine, hurting and desperate. “I promise.” He blinks at me, his expression unchanged.
I slowly scoot closer to him and hold his face in my hand. I give him a gentle kiss. “I promise,” I whisper.
His expression starts to soften. He’s giving way, but not there yet. I kiss him again, and this time I linger. I put every ounce of love I feel for this man into that kiss. My own tenderness surprises me. I didn’t know I had it in me. I swear, I didn’t.
I pull away, and there’s what I wanted to see. He believes me now. “I promise,” I say again, holding his eyes.
His arms come around me, one hand on the back of my head. He brings me to him for a kiss, and this time, he’s the one in control. He kisses me firmly, deeply and I kiss him back. He overpowers me. It’s crazy how quickly it happens.
Still kissing me, he rolls me onto my back, his weight on top of me. His hardness is gentle and firm against my thigh. He’s gentle and firm on me everywhere. He pulls away and looks at me, his hand stroking my cheek. “I do want to be happy,” he says. “I want to be happy with you, Sam.”
My heart’s pounding out of my chest. I’m scared, I want to say, but he’s pulling, pulling, pulling and I’m going right along.
“Is that all right?” he asks quietly, those brilliant blue eyes holding me.
I give a slight nod, terrified, then kiss him. Because even though he terrifies me, there’s so much comfort in him, too.
Chapter 18
Jack
The next morning, in the shadowy light of pre-dawn, I wake for a few seconds, aware of only two things. One, I’m happy. I’m indescribably, unworthily, helplessly, sky-over-the-moon happy. Two, Sam is readjusting herself back into my arms. She’s still asleep, from what I can tell. She’d been on her side, facing away from me, my arm around her. Now she’s snuggling back into me, tucking her head onto my shoulder, and letting out a long breath as she settles in.
We’re now in almost the same position we were in when we fell asleep in last night. It strikes me that over the course of the night, she hasn’t gone far. She hasn’t been throwing her arms and legs all over the place, tossing and turning like she usually does. This woman always sleeps like there’s something a bit restless inside of her. But not now.
No.
Sam is in my arms, nestled into me, one arm around my side. Her breathing is soft and calm. Her presence washes clean over me and my heart swells right out of my chest. I close my eyes and settle in deeper, drawing my arms more snugly around her warm, naked body. I fall back asleep with a smile on my face.
I’m destined to wake with a smile on my face, too, thanks to Sam. This time—it must be an hour or so later based on the light in the room—Sam’s sitting up and straddling my thighs. She’s running her hands down my chest, then slowly lower to my stomach, then slowly lower to my...
“Ho there,” I say sleepily, my eyebrows raising.
She grins at me and my heart starts pumping. My cock’s already pumping. She gives me a devious look.
“What are you up to, missy?” I’m waking rapidly.
“The question is, what are you up to?” She’s already got the base of my cock in one hand, and is shimmying her gorgeous, naked body down my legs so she can lean over my shaft. Well, good morning.
I open my mouth to say something clever, but fuck if I know what it was because she just put her wet mouth over my head and somehow manages to suck on the tip in pulses as she takes me in deeper and deeper.
I drop my head to the pillow and exhale long and deep, rubbing my hand on her shoulder. She comes back up, again doing god-knows-what to make my rod feel like that.
It’s not that I’m exactly surprised that Sam knows what to do with the business end of my dick, but good lord.
She cups and squeezes the tip of my cock with one hand, then gently lifts my sack with the ot
her. “I—” Again, thought obliterated as she takes my balls into her warm, wet mouth. I open my legs a bit to give her more room to work. As a thank you, she works me up so well I don’t even know where I am. It’s only Sam sucking my balls, expertly working my shaft with her hands, licking and sucking my cock, back to taking my balls in her mouth, back to my dick. This woman is perfection.
She’s been taking me deep, but when I feel her open up and take me clear into the back of her throat, she damn near makes me shoot my load right then. This is a rare treat, let me tell you, because most girls find my length way too much to handle properly.
“Fuck, Sam.”
I look down and watch her gorgeous mouth working my shaft and it’s all I can do to keep it together. But her pretty little ass is sticking up in the air and I want it. And I mean now.
“Get up here, woman,” I say thickly.
My dick still in her mouth, she manages to look up at me and give me a devious grin. She brings her mouth up to the tip, deposits an extra amount of saliva, and slides back down so slick while sucking me firmly.
My head falls back on the pillow again and I angle my hips slightly toward her mouth. Damn. I know what she wants. She’s determined to make me come, but I know what I want too. I want inside her, this minute. I hook my hands under her biceps, pulling her firmly toward me. She grins at me again—man, this girl is so damned sexy—and slowly starts crawling up my body.
“Whatever do you want?” she asks innocently, aiming herself right over my erect cock and wiggling her ass.
“Big tease.” She grins, but I need her right now. She knows it, too. “Where the fuck are the condoms?” We cleaned out the supply in my wallet last night.
“Nightstand.”
I look over, grateful to see the drawer is within reach. As I pull out the box, she’s back to stroking my shaft with both of her hands. I tear open the package and start to put the condom on but she takes over, using one hand after another to roll it all the way down. She’s not just putting it on, she’s stroking me and squeezing me and threatening to send me into heaven.
My eyes rake over her. I take in her breasts, the curve of her stomach, the pink lips of her sex. Since she’s still straddling me, she’s hovering right above my thighs. When she’s done and starting to climb back up, I grab her hips and bring her into position, slowly inserting myself into her tight warmth. I close my eyes and groan.
“Is that what you wanted?” she asks, starting to ride me slow and glorious.
“Fuck, yes.”
I open my eyes so I can watch her watching me. It goes straight to my heart. Damn, girl. I run my hands down her full breasts, her soft stomach, her sweet mound. I watch my cock going in and out of her. I still can’t get over how deep she’s able to take me. I thrust up to meet her, but she’s controlling the rhythm and it’s driving me mad. I could come any minute, but I hold out. Ladies first.
I use one finger to tease her little bud. Her eyes flutter shut, and she tightens around my dick. That’s right, darlin’.
I bring my finger to my tongue and taste her sweet juices as I deposit a generous dollop of saliva on the tip of my finger. I go back to her clit, slick as I rub her now. She throws her head back, arching her back. She’s breathing heavy and losing control. “Damn you, Jack,” she whispers, and I grin.
She glances at me, a sexy look of determination in her eyes. Still riding me, she shimmies her knees a little further apart so she can take me even deeper, then she slowly leans backwards until she’s resting her hands on the bed behind her. My cock thickens even more, as every ridge of her rubs against me, her breasts in the air.
Fuck. I’m right there on the edge, my breaths coming in ragged spurts. I’ve never had to fight so hard to control myself like I’ve had to with her, and here I am again, ready to blow my wad first like an untrained teenager. But she’s so damned sexy and feels so incredible and I love her so fucking much she’s driving me wild.
I manage to keep it together though, as she rocks on me harder and faster, as I keep one hand strumming her engorged clit, as my other hand roams everywhere I can reach: along her thigh, over her stomach, cupping and squeezing her breasts, rolling her hard nipples between my fingers.
She sits up, her beautiful face flushed and full of ecstasy—I adore that look on her—and comes to me. Her body presses against me and her mouth joins mine. I hold her tight, sliding into her harder and faster now that my hips are unpinned. She whimpers, her chest flushing hot, as I start kissing and suckling her soft neck. I smack her bare ass hard. Again, harder.
She climaxes, gasping and convulsing over me, and I finally let my body go. All the pleasure I’ve been reigning in rushes in a high, hot peak. Every muscle in my body flexes and I’m delirious with pleasure. She’s contracting so hard, it feels like she’s sucking on me, determined to milk every last drop.
God, she’s perfection. She blows the 1 to 10 scale clear out of the fucking water.
When it’s over, we’re both on our backs, panting weakly. I’m stunned. Every time, she leaves me stunned. I glance over, giving her a dopey grin. I can’t help it. “That’s one way to wake me up.”
“I had to sneak attack you,” she says breathlessly, “before you made me all loopy again.”
“Huh?”
“I had to prove I’m not completely useless in bed.”
I chuckle, still trying to catch my breath. “Darlin, if the other times were your version of useless, I am one lucky bastard.”
It’s past time for Sam to start getting ready for work, yet here we still are. I have a meeting with a client this morning, too. I have just enough time to dash home, take a quick shower, and get my tail to the coffee house.
I lean over Sam anyway, drinking in her smell and her kiss and her amazing body. She wraps her legs around my waist and I know I’m sunk. The only question is, do I text my client that I need to reschedule before or after I make Sam mine again? But it’s a big client and I really shouldn’t.
My hand goes to one of her ample breasts and squeezes. “Jack,” she breathes. My cock pulses hot at the sound of her saying my name. “Work,” she whispers.
I know she’s right. We have to stop. I groan, ducking my head down to the crook of her neck and sucking gently. She tastes so good.
We hear the rattling of a lock and the front door open.
We jolt apart and look at one another for half a second. She scrambles that lovely, naked body out of bed, nearly getting caught up in the covers. I grin at her.
“Sam?” Ashley’s voice calls. Sam dashes toward her closet and I climb out of bed, bending down for my clothes. “Jack?” I realize my truck parked out front is a dead giveaway.
“Yo!” I answer. Sam glares at me as she disappears into the closet, but I can only grin back as I step into my briefs.
By the time Ashley makes an appearance at the bedroom door, I’ve hitched up my jeans. As she was coming down the hall, she was saying, “I put the peaches on the—” but when she sees me she halts, wide-eyed.
“Hey Ashley, babe.” I button the top button and zip the zipper.
She blinks at me as I pick up my shirt and pull it on. Sam comes out of the closet wearing her black, silk robe, crossing her arms and leaning against the door jamb and looking flustered. It’s cute as hell.
“I have a meeting,” I say, approaching Ashley, who’s still blinking at me, speechless. “I gotta run.” I give her a kiss on the cheek.
“Uh, bye.” She glances at Sam.
I turn to Sam, who’s gathered some composure and is trying to play it cool. “As for you.” I grab her around the waist, snake my other hand into the back of her hair, and plant a kiss full on the mouth.
She makes a little sound of protest and her fists go to my chest, like she’s going to push me away. Half a heartbeat later, she softens in my arms and lets me hold her close. God, I love making this woman melt, even though I know it’s against her will.
Oh hell, who am I kidding? Especially
because it’s against her will.
I pull back and she sways a bit. I hold her by her upper arms so she can catch her balance. Score one for the Jack-meister.
When I cast around for my shoes, I notice Ashley gaping at us, her mouth a big “O.” My shoes are by the closet—I don’t even remember taking them off—so I hop over and pick them up. This gives me a chance to pass Sam on my way out. I give her a grin and a firm slap on the ass. She jumps, then crosses her arms and scowls at me. “See you later, sexy. Bye, Ashley.”
Ashley’s grinning widely now. “Bye, Jack.”
Just before I leave the room, Ashley spins toward Sam, wearing a gleeful expression.
I bound out the front door to discover it’s the most beautiful day Central California has ever seen.
Chapter 19
Sam
Ashley’s grinning at me like the Cheshire cat just ate the fucking white rabbit. “I knew it.”
I groan and drop my head in my hands. After the night I just had, I’m spinning and need a soft place to land. I don’t know if I can handle all this glee.
She laughs—laughs—then says, “I know this wasn’t part of your life plan, but try not to freak out too badly.”
“I’m not freaking out.”
“Uh-huh.”
“But I do need to get ready for work,” I say, scowling. “Don’t you have someplace to be?”
“Yeah.” But she doesn’t move and is still smiling at me.
“For Pete’s sake, what?”
“Don’t I get any details?”
“You want details? Are you crazy?”
“Well, I don’t need you to tell me if he’s hung or anything.”
“Ashley!”
“Because we already know he is.”
“Wait. Say what?” What the hell? “Have you been checking out Jack’s package?”
“Uh, it’s kinda hard to miss. It’s not like you’ve never noticed either.”
I’m shaking my head firmly. I hardly know what to think about having this kind of conversation with Ashley. Isabella, maybe. Chloe, sure. But Ashley?