by Ward, Vivian
A few of the women answer, asking if the men are okay too. They reply that they are but warn us to make sure we all have something to grab onto so we don’t get tossed against the wall or floor. If one of us were to sustain an injury, we’d have to wait for morning for help to arrive since the officers never come down in the dark. Most of the time, they won’t even come down during the day and getting the doctor down here is even more impossible. They’re afraid that us convicts would do something to the doc—as if we’re that stupid.
As the night goes on, the boat continues to rock and shift, occasionally tossing some of us into the floor. At one point, my head is banged against the wall and Charlotte immediately comes to my aid.
“Are you okay?” She asks.
“Yeah,” I say, rubbing the side of my head. “It was just a bump, nothing too bad.”
One more rock of the boat and all of us slide to one side, allowing a few people to bump into us. A couple of the other women have noticed my growing stomach and figured out that I was pregnant and apologize for knocking into me.
“I’m sorry, Victoria. Are you all right?”
It’s funny. They always hated Charlotte but somewhat liked me until they catalogued me with her. I guess they have every right to; it’s obvious that both of us are with officers which makes some of them jealous while others think we’re downright whores.
They didn’t start seeing me in a different light until I put up a fight for better conditions for us and that seemed to change some of their minds. It earned me a little respect but never any real friendships with them, and I’m okay with that. I’m just trying to survive, not become best friends with them.
“Fine,” I answer, wishing they’d get back to their side before another big wave comes.
“Charlotte,” I whisper. “Are Robert and Matthew on duty tonight?”
She shrugs. “Robert worked until this evening. I’m not sure about Matthew. I didn’t see him out but that doesn’t mean anything.”
“Yeah,” I say.
But I’m worried about him. Since I haven’t seen him much, Charlotte has been our liaison, relaying messages back and forth so that we can still communicate. It’s horrible that it has to be this way but, hopefully, things will change once we reach the island.
Something in my gut is nagging at me, telling me that he’s in trouble. Of course, it could just be my motherly instincts kicking in. We always tend to worry about those we love.
It’s driving me insane not knowing whether he’s safe or not. I wish I could sneak up on deck to check on him. I’d feel more secure if I were in his arms because I know he wouldn’t let anything happen to me or the babies.
A fast jarring motion sends a wave of water crashing through one of the few portholes that we have. Now everyone’s really in an uproar.
“Oh my god!” Some of the women shout.
Water begins coming in slowly at first, and then it starts rushing in. All of us begin screaming, startling Lizzy out of her sleep. She immediately begins to cry from all of the panic surrounding us.
Grabbing her tightly, I tuck her under my arm and run straight for the steps and climb to the top but am unable to open the door because something is on top of it.
“Go on!” One of the other women yell. “Open it up so we can all get out before we drown in this bloody prison hulk!”
Pushing against it harder, I give it everything I’ve got but it’s no use and it’s never been this hard to lift it. “I can’t open it! Something is preventing me from opening it!”
“Let me try,” Charlotte says, climbing up beside me.
We watch her try to force the door open but she’s also unable to pop it open. A couple of the others come to help her but even with three of them pushing it, their efforts are fruitless.
“What are we going to do?” I ask Charlotte, fearing for all of our lives.
“We’re going to die,” one woman shrieks.
A new uproar of mass panic breaks out and we do the only thing we can: beat on the door, pleading for help. Soon, the water is almost two feet deep, covering the ankles of the women standing in it. “It’s freezing,” one woman cries, trying to climb her way to safety.
Everyone begins fighting, pushing and shoving one another as they all try to find higher ground. I’m so glad I climbed to the top of the stairs first. Most of the women take refuge on the wooden boards lining the walls where we sleep but as the water continues rushing in, it threatens their safe haven.
It doesn’t take long for the men to chime in as the water begins making its way under the wall into their area. “What the bloody hell?” I hear one of them yell. “Where is all this water coming from?”
“One of our portholes busted open,” a woman shouts.
We’ll all drown in an icy grave if they don’t come let us out but I’m not sure that the deck can contain all of us. The belly of the ship is barely big enough for all of us convicts and when you add us plus the officers, Marines, and other crew members, it will be more than overcrowded up there.
The water continues rushing in and now very few people are safe. Some of the women try to push others off the steps while we keep beating on the door but when they come close to me, Charlotte puts a stop to it.
“Back up! We were here first and she’s with child,” she shouts, pointing at Lizzy who is wailing in my arms.
“So the two whores get to live while the rest of us drown?” A larger, heavier woman yells back. “Get out of our way!” It’s the crazy lady who’s always talking to herself.
Oh my God, she’s going to kill us all tonight.
She starts up the steps with purpose but, to my surprise, Charlotte kicks her right in the face, knocking her down to the bottom of the stairs.
“I warned you to back up!” Charlotte snarls at her. “And if any of you others think you’re taking refuge up here, you’d best think again! Victoria has a baby and children always come first!”
This gets everyone up in arms as they begin fighting and wrestling with one another as they continue to seek higher ground.
Just then, the door finally opens and I see Matthew. Drenched in rain as he stands in a colossal downpour above us, he begins yelling for us to all come up. “One at a time!” He barks, seeing how everyone is pushing and shoving. His eyes are fixated on Lizzy and me as he tries to help us up and out of the way.
“What’s going on?” He asks.
“What took you so long?” I yell, scared for our lives.
He points to one of the masts that had fallen on top of the doors, blocking us in. “Tell me what happened. Why is everyone screaming?”
“One of the waves broke a porthole and water came gushing in, but you’ve got to help the men, too. Their area is flooding as well and they’ll freeze to death if they don’t drown first.”
He nods. “Okay, I want you two to stand here,” he shouts over the howling wind and rain. “You should be safe here and I can keep an eye on you while I get the men.”
“Be careful,” I call after him but he doesn’t hear me. With the growling sea, the howling wind, and all of the commotion, you can’t even hear yourself think.
I watch him as he makes his way to the men’s housing and opens their door. They’re more hysterical than the women as they rush past Matthew, shoving him to the side. All of them are acting like animals, shouting and pushing each other. I know it’s scary but at least we acted with a bit more common sense and decency.
It only takes a few seconds and a fight breaks out among the men. At first, it’s only two of them but soon, they all join in. Matthew is caught in the midst of it all and catches a few punches as he tries to break it up.
“Matthew!” I scream.
I see it coming a mile away but he’s too busy trying to protect himself to see what I do. A group of men—about six or seven—are rushing towards the men who started everything. With Matthew near the edge of the railing, he flies overboard when they knock into him.
Running to the side
of the boat, I scream for help but my cries are not heard over all the turmoil as the convicts fight amongst one another.
Charlotte runs to my side, “Get back, you’re going to fall!” She pushes me out of harms way.
“Get Robert! Matthew went overboard!”
My heart is shattered.
All of the officers, Marines, and crew members rushed to save Matthew but the violent sea swallowed him up. The rough, choppy waves were no match for anyone. Maybe the most horrific part was watching his wide eyes as he plunged toward the water before he tried to swim for his life.
Our Captain brought the ship to an immediate stop once he was alerted that we’d lost a Marine in all of the chaos, but it took nearly ten minutes to immobilize the boat. By that time, we were almost a mile away from where he’d fallen.
They searched effortlessly to try to find him once we finally got turned around but his body was nowhere in sight. I tried my best to hold back my emotions but I failed miserably. How do you contain your heart ripping in two?
Watching him go down like that was the most painful thing I’ve ever seen. My heart splintered into a million pieces before finding its way to my throat, leaving the jagged edges to stab my chest and pierce my lungs.
While I should be focusing on Lizzy and my pregnancy, I’ve just been going through the motions of life. I’m too numb to process things. Matthew and I had finally found our way and were planning a future together. I know in my heart that he would’ve jeopardized his position so that we could be a family. He would’ve made things work no matter how difficult they would have been.
For days, I watched on as all of the convicts worked tirelessly to empty buckets of water from our living quarters. They created an assembly line to remove the icy water and when it was finished, a few of the men were permitted to enter the women’s area to repair the porthole.
While on deck, I was questioned about my pregnancy. It was the first time I’d been up there in almost a month. By then, my stomach had grown quite a bit and there was no hiding it. The Captain pulled me aside with one of the commanding officers.
I was questioned and grilled until I couldn’t take it any longer.
“Who is the father of your child?” They demanded.
I sat in silence as their questioning continued until I broke. “It was Officer Kent,” I blurted out, tears in my eyes. “But I suppose it doesn’t matter now, does it?”
They were taken aback by my confession. “Are you saying that since he’s no longer with us to protect someone else?” The Captain asked.
“What?! No! He and I had fallen in love,” I admitted. I could tell by their faces that they didn’t believe me as they studied my expression. “I am telling the truth.”
With him gone, there are no consequences. For all they know, I could’ve been lying—though I wasn’t—but they were quick to tell me, “You should’ve never been involved with an Officer. Your child will be a bastard and that will be punishment enough,” they laughed in my face.
Their insults added nothing to my injury because the damage had been done when I watched him die. That was more than enough punishment, torture, and anguish for me to deal with. Life will be impossible once we reach Botany Bay. I have no idea how I will raise two little ones by myself and I miss him terribly.
What I fear most is being alone. There will be no one to protect the children and me, there will be no one to confide in, no one to comfort us when things get bad—and I know they will. I won’t have a partner to lie awake with and talk about our dreams. The children won’t have a father-figure.
And, sure, maybe over time I might be able to move on but it’s not going to be easy.
A loud bell breaks me from my thoughts as they call out to us. “Attention all convicts! We will be approaching Botany Bay within the next few days.” Everyone begins to shout and rejoice, eager to get off the boat but we have no idea what our new hell will be like. It takes several minutes to regain control over the group again before they continue. “You are expected to remain calm and orderly when we reach land. If you do not cooperate with our orders, you will be punished to the severest extent of the law.”
Everyone ignores their warning as the volume of the chatter continues to grow. Some are talking about how they can’t wait to see sunlight again while others are making plans about growing fresh food. A few are talking about how they’re going to escape.
Meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to manage to get by. I don’t have any big plans like the others because I have nothing to look forward to. Nothing excites me anymore.
“I’m so happy we’re getting off this ship,” Charlotte says to me.
I nod. “Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?” She asks.
“Nothing,” I murmur.
Her frowning face tells me that she knows. “You know, once we get off of here, Lizzy will have a place to play and run. And we’ll finally be able to stretch our legs and enjoy plenty of sunshine. Robert told me that it’s very hot where we’re going.”
My eyebrows contort as she tells me the last bit. I can’t imagine it being hot where ever we’re going with as cold as it is now. There’s no way that’s even possible. “I think he’s wrong. It’s too cold if we’re only a few days away.”
She laughs. “You know how the weather is. It changes so fast. Are you at least a little happy to get off the ship?”
“Some,” I say.
Because I am. It will be nice to watch Lizzy run and play but I’m more concerned about delivering this baby without a midwife. Yes, there will be a doctor but who says he’ll be like the midwife that helped deliver Lizzy? There are so many things that can go wrong and even though I’ve already had one baby, it’d be good to have someone who knows what they’re doing there in case anything happens.
* * *
While everyone is still asleep, the door swings open and I hear my name being called. Daylight is just upon us and I wince as I reach the top of the stairs.
“Yes?” I ask, trying to keep my voice down so I don’t wake the others.
“The doctor has requested to see you,” the officer says.
I should be happy but I feel as though I’m in trouble. Following him down the deck, we make our way to the doc’s office where he knocks on the door.
“Come in.”
Leaving us alone, the officer shuts the door behind him when he leaves.
“You asked to see me?” I say. It’s not really a question, but more of a statement.
“Yes,” he says, washing his hands. “I was informed by the Captain that we have an expectant mother on the ship.” He studies my belly, “And I’d say you are the one,” he cracks a small smile. “So, how are you feeling?”
“Tired,” I reply.
He pats the table and asks me to hop up, helping me balance as I climb up. The doc does all of the usual things such as check my pulse, listen to my heart, checks over my ears, eyes, and throat, and asks me to lie down so he can check my abdomen.
“Do you know how far along you are?” He asks.
“Not exactly,” I say. “I already have a baby whom I’ve been nursing so I wasn’t getting my monthly visits because of that. I had no clue that I was pregnant until I felt the baby moving.”
“How long ago was that?”
“About two months ago, give or take.”
“I see,” he says, grabbing my hand to help me sit up. “Judging by the size of your belly, I’d say you’re only a month or two away from having your baby.”
A month or two? Oh my god! I didn’t realize I was that close! Fear begins to consume me as I imagine what childbirth on the island might look like. “Doc, will you be staying on the island or going back with the crew?”
“I’m not sure. The original plan was to go back but knowing how many are still sick and having an expecting mother might change things. I’ll keep you posted.”
“Thank you,” I say, hopping down from the table.
As I turn to leave
his office, I notice the broken medicine cabinet. My eyes instantly begin to water as I think of how Matthew broke into it to steal mine and Lizzy’s medicine.
I miss him so much.
Just as they’d said, we’re almost to land and I must admit, I’m starting to get a little excited. For a brief moment, they allowed small groups of us to go up on deck to see it when it was within sight but they’ve since put us all on lockdown until they have their affairs in order.
And just as Robert had told Charlotte, it is warm. Warm isn’t the right word, it’s bloody hot! It amazes me how we can go from cold and icy to hot and sunny in a matter of days.
“What’s the first thing you’re going to do?” Charlotte asks me.
“I don’t know, I hadn’t thought of it yet,” I tell her. “What about you?”
“The first thing I’m going to do is swim in the water!”
I think about how I’ll need to teach Lizzy how to swim, among other things. But I doubt I can do much until her brother or sister is born. There will be a lot of things that I won’t be able to do straight away, not until I have this baby.
We sit inside our hot, musty prison area until they slowly call us up in groups to be taken to shore. Part of me is relieved to be getting out of here because it’s no way to live but it also makes me sad because this is where Matthew was. I feel like I’m leaving him behind in a strange way, but I know that so many things await us ahead.
All of the women are brought out first and just as we had boarded the ship, they put us in small rowboats to be taken to land. I immediately see Charlotte’s disappointment when we realize how shallow the water is. The boats can’t make it the last bit so we’re forced to get out, in our chains, and walk through the water until we finally reach Botany Bay.
The island looks unlike anything back home. Aside from being hotter than hell, which I’m not used to, it looks desolate. There is nothing besides trees, not a building in sight, and the soil looks too poor for vegetation. I look around at the rest of the women to judge their thoughts of our new ‘home’ and they’re all equally disappointed.