by Bethany-Kris
And sad.
That heaviness was always sad.
“What was the nightmare about tonight?” Roman questioned.
Karine blinked, trying to clear her mind and will back the images that had scared her awake simply because he asked her to, but it was pointless.
“I don’t know—I don’t remember,” she admitted, shaking her head. “But I couldn’t breathe. When I woke up, it felt like I was choking. I was gasping for air, but it was like my lungs were empty. I couldn’t tell if I was drowning or suffocating.”
Roman said nothing when she continued, saying, “I jumped out of the bed, hands around my throat, but—” Karine stopped short, sucking in a gulp of air and forcing her hands to stay at her sides instead of covering her throat again like she had when she woke up alone and scared in her room. “I didn’t know where I was, so I went running for the door.”
“Oh?”
“I almost fell over Masha.”
That interested him.
“Masha?” Roman asked.
Despite the drips of fear still falling through her bloodstream, his voice was heavy and warm in the darkness. It wrapped around her like a hug, tight and secure.
“She was sleeping at the door of my room,” Karine explained.
Roman’s form shifted, the shuffle of the sheets echoing before a click sounded, and the room flooded with light. His hand fell away from the bedside lamp that he’d turned on, and back to the bed.
The warm, yellow glow was more than enough for her to be able to see him clearly now. And he was a sight to see.
Naked, save for the black boxer-briefs he wore, Roman rested comfortably on gray sheets seemingly unbothered that she openly stared. Karine couldn’t stop it, taking in the black roses tattooed on his upper chest and how the ink only served to draw someone’s gaze to his body.
Right now, hers.
And the sight of him made her weak in the knees.
His sheets were kicked off around his feet, leaving the rest of him on display for her to admire. The ropes of muscles that made up his muscular thighs. The dark dusting of hair that trailed from his navel to the waistband of his boxer-briefs. Even the way his hand rested against the defined track of abdominal muscles was tempting to her senses.
She’d rather her head be lying there, and his hand stroking her hair. It wasn’t lost on Karine that before Roman, she hadn’t even admired the sight of a man, never mind wanting one to touch her. Then again, she had certainly never been as close to a man as she allowed herself to be with Roman, either.
For the first time, she wasn’t opposed to the idea of letting someone in.
Just a little bit.
As long as it was him.
Roman’s left brow cocked high as he watched her fidget. It felt like he was constantly trying to figure her out, and she wondered what he saw when he looked at her.
Did he see someone broken?
Lost?
Or maybe just her?
“Does that happen often?” he asked.
She’d lost the trail of their conversation in her distraction, and the furrow of her brow made Roman chuckle.
“Masha needing to sleep at your door,” he clarified. “I assume it’s to stop you from wandering off in your sleep, yeah?”
Right.
The nightmare.
Masha ...
Karine’s cheeks flooded with heat, and she no longer wanted to meet Roman’s gaze. “I ... well, it’s not ... it’s only—”
“You don’t have to answer,” he added quickly, saving Karine the embarrassment of continuing to stumble over her words. “You don’t have to explain anything you don’t want to.”
Her silence grew the longer she considered what he said, and asked. Because she didn’t know how to answer his question truthfully without the shame eating her alive. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to answer.
She had some idea of what he thought of her. He’d suggested it already—that she needed professional psychiatric help to figure out and understand what had happened and was happening in her mind. Now, with Roman probing and away from the influences of her father’s control, she had no choice but to hold the stark reality in her hands.
Like a morbid offering for the man in front of her—here’s this mess they’ve made of me.
He didn’t take his eyes off her, and Karine couldn’t decide if that made it worse or better for her when it still felt like he could see right through her.
“I’ve not really had time to deal with ... all of this,” she said lamely, waving at herself. “That makes it hard.”
“I get it,” he replied quietly. “It’s fine, Karine.”
It wasn’t, but she wanted it to be.
Things like that were a lot sharper and clearer without the constant supply of mixed medications at the ready. Everything had become just a tad more difficult to deal with because she wasn’t so numb anymore. She couldn’t spend her days in a haze, walking around dazed, her time and thoughts and choices controlled by everyone around her as she certainly hadn’t been in a state to do anything for herself more often than not.
Mostly.
She was actually feeling things—real things, not manufactured by pharmaceuticals and a situation that was entirely out of her control. The universe seemed to enjoy playing cruel jokes on Karine because she hadn’t been at all ready for any of this.
No one cared to ask about that little detail, though.
She wasn’t sure she could do this, stand there in his room and be scrutinized by the intensity of his gaze. This was a bad decision. Katina had been right—what was she even doing here? She shouldn’t be there at all.
“I’m sorry. Maybe I’m just thirsty—I’ll leave now,” she muttered under her breath.
Even her excuses weren’t good enough to her own ears, but it was all she had. When she swung around to leave, she caught the sight of Roman shifting straighter in the bed from the corners of her eyes.
“Wait, I have water here if you’re thirsty.” His voice stopped her in her tracks. He had to know she really didn’t want water—it was just the excuse to use to get away. She was tempted to look over her shoulder and say exactly that, but she couldn’t meet his eyes. “But I’m not sure you are, babe. Thirsty, I mean.”
“I could be,” she replied shakily.
Why did her heart thunder like that whenever he was near? Better yet, why did she like it so much?
“Except you came here—in here. You wanted something, right? That’s why you came to my room.”
She shook her head in response to that. The last thing she wanted him to think was she needed him. Karine didn’t want to be only someone that he took care of. As it was, she relied on him—and others—far too much.
At least, that’s how it felt.
Karine wasn’t in Chicago anymore, she was surrounded by strangers here. Not that being engulfed by her father’s people and his world made any difference. Everywhere she looked, as far back as she could remember, she had been under threat.
Call it instinct.
Or force of habit.
Either way, running always felt better.
Right.
“I don’t want anything, I just—I-I should go,” she insisted, reaching for the doorknob. “Sorry for waking you up.”
“You didn’t. I couldn’t sleep, either.”
Her hand froze before it could turn the knob. He couldn’t possibly know how he made it even more difficult for her to talk simply because she wanted to hear him more. That voice in her head commanded her to leave while she still had the chance to do so, but there was also a part of her too tempted to look back at him and ask why.
Except she didn’t need to.
“Karine, you’re here. You obviously wanted something. Do you know what you want?”
God.
Why did he have to be like that?
So, matter-of-fact.
Black and white.
It kind of pissed her off because when he offered her
statements like that—so clear, no options but yes or no—she felt like she was lying to him if she didn’t answer. That didn’t mean she always had an answer, though. Or rather, one that would make sense.
“I don’t know, okay?” she snapped, throwing the words over her shoulder. Karine didn’t mean to let the irritation bubble over—it wasn’t his fault she had trouble dissecting her own wants and needs—and was quick to add, “You should know this about me by now, Roman. I never know what I want because it feels like I don’t even know myself.”
Roman hadn’t reacted once, not even when she raised her voice and snapped at him. She wasn’t sure if it was because he’d been expecting her outburst, or was trying to provoke one when he replied, without inflection, “And yet, you’re here in my room right now.”
Right.
He wasn’t wrong.
So, fine.
Turning and letting go of the doorknob, Karine raised her face up, thrusting her chin out in his direction—finally, she found that courage from before to meet his eyes. She had to tell him something.
“I’m here because I feel safe.”
“You feel safe here?” he asked.
“With you,” she clarified. “Like my feet are on steady ground, the rest doesn’t really matter when I feel like that because I never do. Except with you. I like it, I’m not sure I should, though.”
The admittance had Karine’s cheeks burning even if she had willingly told him the truth. Not that her secrets seemed to bother him as his gaze roamed over her where she stood a nervous mess. She became hyper aware of her night attire the longer his gaze lingered. An old oversized T-shirt, and a pair of tiny cotton shorts. Roman gave no indication that he even noticed what she was wearing, or cared, for that matter as his gaze crawled back up to meet hers.
“I think you do know what you want, Karine. Maybe it’s become easier to distinguish your wants and needs without everyone else constantly plying you with whatever they wanted or needed at the time to serve their purposes, but either way ... you do know yourself. And you’re allowed to. No one’s taking that away from you here. I promise.”
She couldn’t look away from him, then, her reason for being there undeniable as that urge to run diminished to practically nothing. The hunger pooling low in her belly as Roman leaned his gorgeous form toward the edge of the bed took center stage for her focus instead.
Karine didn’t even try to hide the way she swallowed hard, or how she couldn’t stop her tongue from sweeping along the seam of her lower lip like she might find the taste of him there. Or the memory of it. Roman didn’t miss the actions either, his attention drawn to her mouth and back up to her wide stare.
“If there’s something in this room that you want, Karine, you should take it,” he told her, hesitating after he’d swung his legs over the side of the bed. A sensual grin tugged at the corners of his lips. Despite herself, and how in over her head she was with this man, she grinned, too.
Just moments ago, she’d been lost, her mind dark, at war with herself and the people inside her head fighting for attention—for presence. And now, it was just her and him, a single moment between them, and she wasn’t going to waste it.
“Even if what I want is you?” Karine asked.
“Especially if what you want is me, Karine. You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want you, too.”
“Good,” she said in a whisper. “Because I do.”
Roman slid out of the bed, bare feet touching the floor for only a second before he moved toward her, making Karine drag in a shaky inhale of air that left her body on fire. He was a sight to see, coming at her fast, eyes drinking her and hands clenched into fists that he released only when he reached for her.
Every hard line of his body, each chiseled muscle, flattened to her soft curves when he scooped her into his arms, and pressed his mouth to hers. The fire he’d ignited inside her was nothing compared to the way pleasure speared through every one of her nerves at his kiss, bruising and unforgiving against her own.
But she liked it.
And how that bliss melded with the heat spreading through her limbs at an alarming speed. Karine sighed into the kiss, her lips curving into a smile when his tongue teased the seam of her mouth for a taste.
“I like the way I feel when I’m with you.”
The words slipped out before she could stop them, but Karine didn’t regret saying it all the same. It was the truth, and he should know.
“All you had to do was say so,” his voice rumbled with her next kiss.
Good to know.
Not that she could say anything at the moment. But it was fine. More than. Roman sucked on her bottom lip, his teeth dragging along the plump flesh until she was gasping for air. Feeling his fingers tease her shorts, daring to dance beneath the waistband, she stole his next kiss before he could take it, parting her lips for his tongue to dart deeper, finding hers.
She didn’t even care that her arms were folded against his chest, trapped while his kiss pulled the air straight from her lungs. That hungry, harsh kiss turned softer, suddenly deciding to take his time with her. There was no rush as her back flattened to the door when he pushed them forward, never once breaking the kiss.
Karine’s heart stuttered when she realized she could spend the rest of the night with him. Tangled up in him, again.
If that was what he wanted, too.
And it certainly seemed like he did.
Roman only pulled away from the kiss to spin her around. The change was so abrupt, the room became a dizzying blur before she came to a stop. Her back molded into his chest, her ass tight to his groin where she could feel the hardness and length of his cock between his thighs. His strong arms crossed over her front, engulfing her, pinning her to him while he grabbed a fistful of her hair. Tugging her head to one side, earning a soft moan from Karine, he pressed featherlight kisses along the column of her neck.
She couldn’t quite understand how his gentleness mixed so perfectly with the roughness—or better yet, how it made her body sing.
“How good do you wanna feel?” he asked, his words drifting along her sensitive skin and making her shiver. And then, more demanding came his dark, “Tell me.”
Karine rushed to say, “So good.”
Still slow, his mouth moved over her skin, coaxing those flames licking under her surface even higher, and Karine floated higher with each one. His tongue lapped at the curve of her shoulder, then sucked after his teeth dragged over the same spot.
One of his hands shoved quickly down into her shorts at the same time she turned to catch his mouth for another kiss. His grunt of approval when he found she wasn’t wearing panties pulsed against her breathless whine; those deft fingers of his had found her already tender clit, and he rubbed her alive with fast strokes .
Karine jerked away from his kiss, the broken cry bursting from her lips as the air ripped from her lungs. He showed no mercy in the way his fingers played her body, making every one of her breaths come faster and harsher than the last. She pushed herself into him even more, and his cock fit right between her butt cheeks.
It was almost too much.
She had to fight the urge to attempt to bat his hand away when it felt like her knees were going to give out from how intense the rolling waves of sharp pleasure were ravaging through her shaking body. Except she didn’t—it was also too damn good. Too good to make him stop now. She rolled her hips to the rhythm of his fingers, earning herself his low moan of her name when her ass grinded harder into him.
He grew stiffer.
So big.
She could feel how damp she was, slick between her thighs and hot, ready for his cock to fill and stretch her open again the way he had that first time.
Fuck.
She’d needed that.
Missed that.
“Is this what you wanted—why you came to my room, baby? Admit it, Karine.” His voice came out harsh, but sinful, too. As tempting and wicked as the rest of him. He had his other arm tight
ly wound over her breasts, keeping her in place against him while he made her wild.
And she was.
So crazy like this.
The more noises he invoked from her, the harder he rubbed her. Then, three of his fingers slipped Karine’s soaked, but clenching, sex. Her cry of shock and melted into guttural joy.
Because yes.
That’s what she’d been waiting for—a part of him inside her. His fingers fucked her relentlessly, his palm still firm against her clit all the while and before she knew it, Karine was on the edge of coming.
Just like that.
Karine’s lips trembled with every word when she said, “Y-yes ... oh, my God, yes, I came here for this. Please don’t stop.”
Who was that girl?
It didn’t sound at all like her.
Yet, it was.
That was the best part.
“I’ll never stop,” Roman murmured in reply.
The words wrapping around her like a dark promise she hoped he kept. It was like the floor had disappeared under her feet, even the walls around her drifted away, while he took her over the edge. He didn’t slow, the only softness he showed was the sweet kisses he dotted along the back of her neck and shaking shoulders until Karine came. It was the wet sounds his fingers made between her thighs that truly pulled her under—it was almost embarrassing how wet she was, and yet the sound still made her fly when he uttered, “Fuck, do you feel how much you’re loving this, so wet, Karine.”
Roman held her up through the orgasm—the floor hadn’t actually disappeared. She just couldn’t remain up, knees buckling as the pleasure raced out of her mouth in a high, aching cry of his name.
For a moment, she forgot everything. Where they were, every monster that had reared its ugly head in her life and nightmares—everything was gone. That was bliss for Karine. Nothing could be more perfect.
Except, apparently, the man who gave it to her.
Karine fought to catch her breath as the feeling came back to the soles of her feet, and on wobbly legs, she became a little steadier while her palms flattened to the door. Roman pulled his fingers out of tender pussy, leaving her clit throbbing, and her inner walls still shuddering.