by Rebecca York
She swallowed a lump in her throat and scanned the room for a water cooler. Sarah spotted one in the corner but never made it that far as her phone dinged.
She froze. Her phone slipped out of her damp fingers, and full-blown panic set in. She glanced at all the faces of the women she’d never see again and saw the same look she must be wearing. Fear. Uncertainty.
Or was it her imagination playing tricks? She didn’t know and didn’t care. Leaving the phone and the text where it was, she ran out the door and raced to her car. She had the engine running, but tears blinded her and she couldn’t see to drive.
There was a knock on her window and she looked up to see one of the young women from the waiting room waving Sarah’s phone. Sarah hit the button for the window to slide down. “Thank you,” she whispered, her throat raw.
“I know how you feel. I couldn’t go through with it either.” The young girl smiled through her tears. “The way you ran out like that, well, it just made me want to cheer. Like I too, had permission to leave. Made me feel empowered and brave. I have choices, and I choose life. My baby thanks you and so do I.” Her voice broke. “Good luck to you.”
“And to you.” Sarah blew her nose and the young woman left. She took several deep breaths, trying to get her emotions under control. First thing she did was delete the text. Then she saw Rick had called again, but didn’t leave a message. He’d called the day before too. What did he want? What could he possibly have to say to her that she’d want to hear? Nothing. Not a damn thing.
She sent him a text. “Don’t ever call me again. It’s over. No message, no text. Got it?” She hit send, then, still breathing heavily, she called her girlfriends. She needed to hear their voices right now and the comfort they would bring.
“Kate? You got a minute?”
“Sure. Don’t have to be in for another couple of hours. I’m so glad you called.” Kate giggled. “We can have some girl talk. So did you tell your sister yet?”
“About what? The baby?”
“Of course the baby. The longer you leave it the harder it gets.”
“Uh, no.” Sarah blinked back tears. “I’m sitting in front of the pro-choice clinic right now. Figured today was the day.” Her voice hitched, and a sob slipped out. “I couldn’t do it, Kate. I ran out.”
“I knew it! You’re the best person in the world and you will make a great mother. I’m so happy for you. And I’m really proud, too. I know it was a tough decision to make, especially with Meghan six months pregnant. If you want, I can drive up this weekend and we can tell her together.”
“Oh, Kate. You are the sweetest friend in the world. I’d love to say yes, but I think it would just be awkward. I need to talk to her alone, and it’ll be easier in January because I’m going to move out.”
“Where are you going to go? Not Hawaii, I hope.”
“No,” she laughed. “I’m staying here. It really is a special place. I’m going to put an offer in on an apartment and I got a job, too. It’s at an out-patient clinic about twenty minutes from Heaven in West Chester. Four days a week, six to four.”
“Awesome! Lucky you. How can you swing the apartment?”
“I bought an annuity after Mom and Dad died. Was saving it for a rainy day, and guess what? It didn’t rain, it poured.” Her parents would love what she was planning to do with the money. They’d be so happy she was here in Heaven with Meghan. And that the two of them were going to have babies.
“Yeah, you never liked to do anything half way. When you screw up you do it royally. But this is the best kind of screw up. You’re going to have a baby! I’m so jealous.”
“You’re crazy. Your time will come and when it does, I want to be there with you. Your birthing partner or something.” She felt excited too, for the first time she knew she really wanted this baby, and would love it, no matter what.
“Deal! As long as I can be yours.”
“You’re on.” Sarah’s heart felt lighter speaking with one of her best friends. Meghan and Byron were good souls and they’d love her baby as much as their own.
“So tell me more about the job,” Kate said. “I can see myself doing that one day. But right now I’m having too much fun chasing all the good-looking interns.”
Sarah snickered. “Don’t think you have to chase them very far. But don’t do what I did and forget the pill once in a while.”
“Roger that.”
“Okay, the job is probably boring as all hell, but the hours are great, plus the money’s good too. I’ll be making more than I did working the ER.”
“Seriously? That’s amazing.”
“It’ll come in handy as I’ll have a pretty big mortgage.” And a new baby to take care of. Diapers, day care, formula, the list would go on and on.
“Yeah. There’s that. Perhaps you could find some hottie in Heaven. Does your sister’s hubby know any great, single guys?”
“Probably, I never asked. But I did meet someone. Funny thing is, he’s the most unlikeliest person in the world that I’d ever hook up with.” Her Mick. Sweet, serious, and super sexy.
“You’ve hooked up with him?” Kate gasped. “Holy crap. I want details, girlfriend.”
“He’s a vet, a soldier. I met him last year when my sister first came to town. Guy had a pretty rough time growing up. His dad was a cop and killed on duty, so his mother pulled him out of school and moved to New Jersey in his freshman year. He had a hard time settling in, and joined the Marines. He was a sniper, Kate.”
“Oh, no! That sounds awful.”
“I know. He was homeless for a while, wouldn’t take his meds. But he stumbled into Heaven, and just stayed. Anyway, we’ve become friends. Meg and Byron invited him to dinner. I told you that she’s a counselor right?”
“Yes. So I guess she’s trying to help him?”
“Hmm. He’s made a lot of progress, but he’s still got a long way to go.”
“So, you kind of hooked up, because he needs your help and you need his?”
“Yeah. Something like that. He’s a real solid guy. Very high standards of what’s right and what’s wrong. That’s probably what screwed him up. He can’t forgive himself. And now, well, I can’t explain it, but I really like him. He’s a good guy and could use a break.”
Kate sighed. “You sound serious. Like you really care about him. Are you sure you’re not taking on too much?”
“I’m not sure of anything, but he’ll be so darn happy that I’ve decided to keep the baby.” She felt another ray of happiness. “Matter of fact, I can’t wait to tell him. I think he’ll insist on being with me when I tell Meghan. You’d like him, Kate. I know you would.”
“You sound happy,” Kate said with surprise. “One week ago you were in a mine field with no place to go. If this guy has helped you that much in this short of time, he’s already got my vote.”
“It’s probably not going any place, but he is a real friend and he’s going to be over the moon when I tell him what I did today.”
“It’s what you didn’t do that counts. I’m so darn proud of you. You should see me right now.” Kate took a selfie and sent it. “I just sent you a picture of me grinning from ear to ear.”
“I love you, Kate.”
“Back at you.”
“Look, I tried to call Carrie but she’s at work. Can you give her a shout for me and let her know the good news. I’m going to drive to Veteran’s Hospital. Mick is a volunteer there, and I want to tell him right now. After our little celebration we’ll go tell Meg together.”
“After?” Kate giggled. “You bad girl. Go. Have fun. I’m so happy for you. Carrie will be too.”
“Maybe we can all get together at Christmas.”
“Sounds like a plan. We both need to take a road trip and see this Heaven for ourselves.”
“Yes, you do. But be warned. You won’t want to leave. No one does.”
She clicked off, and feeling a load lighter, drove the short distance to the hospital, parked and entered th
e enormous, brick and glass building.
Sarah had to go through a metal detector before stepping into the large foyer where chairs were lined up against the walls, and more than a dozen men and women sat—waiting. Some filled out forms, while others simply stared at nothing.
In the center was a circular partitioned reception area. She went to one of the ladies. “Where can I find Mick Johnson? He’s a volunteer here.”
“We’ll page him for you, honey. Have a seat right over there.”
Sarah took a chair nearest the exit, but her nerves wouldn’t let her sit for long. She walked around the room, looking at the framed photographs on the wall. Finally, she heard someone’s steps behind her and there he was.
His face broke into a smile when he saw her. “You looking for me?”
She grinned. “I was. Can you get off work early? I have something important to tell you.”
He sidled up to her, his dark brown eyes shining. He looked incredibly handsome, and his expression was almost cocky. It was a good look on him. Her heart leaped and her pulse raced. She wanted to give him a big hug and kiss right there.
“You look excited,” he told her, with a furrow between his brows. “You got the apartment, right?”
“I’m not going to tell you here, so don’t try guessing.” She gave him a happy grin, her emotions on overload. “If you can’t leave yet, I’ll be outside waiting for you in the car.”
He turned and headed to the receptionist. “Hey, Mary. Call upstairs for me, and tell them I’m taking the rest of the day off, would you please?”
Mary lifted her hand in a shooing motion for him to get moving.
Mick hooked his arm around her shoulders and the two of them walked out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Mick felt like a million bucks as he walked out of Veteran’s Hospital beside Sarah. He had been the conquering hero, the real-life action figure in a horrific story called war, but he’d never been rescued before. Yet, she’d come to his place of work and swept him away.
“So what is it?” He fastened his seat belt and turned to face her.
She left her seat belt undone, giving him her full attention. “First of all, before I tell you anything, I need a kiss.” She shifted in her seat, her face lifted to his. “I deserve a kiss.”
“Oh, you do, do you?” Their eyes held as his fingers walked up her arm, and then he took her chin in the palm of his hand. “Well, you look so pretty and saved me from hours of work, so I guess you do.”
Her smile got his heart beating fast, his blood hot. He put a hand on the back of her head and drew her mouth to his. The kiss, soft and sweet, didn’t stay like that for long. Her hands went around his neck and her mouth opened under his, her tongue dancing in and out.
“Whoa, girl.” He broke it off and looked into her eyes. “What’s got you so worked up? Not that I’m complaining, but I want to know why you’re glowing like a ripe peach right now.”
She laughed. “I went to the clinic today. You know pro-choice?”
His smile faded and he pulled back, his stomach roiling. “Naw.” He shook his head, not wanting to believe it.
She took his hand and raised it to her lips. “I didn’t do it, Mick. I couldn’t.”
“You mean...” He looked down at her lap, but there never had been a baby bulge. “You still have the baby?”
“I do. It’s my choice and I know I made the right one. Meghan won’t be upset, she’ll be happy, I know she will.” Tears were in her eyes as she tossed her head back and laughed. “How stupid was I? We can have our children growing up together. It’s going to be wonderful, and, and, why are you not saying anything?”
“I’m just so darn proud of you. Have you thought of a name?”
“Uh, no.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I’ve had less than two hours to really accept the idea that I’m going to have a baby.”
“The hospital will likely ask for the name of the father.” He couldn’t help the wave of hope that made his own eyes tear. “I’d be mighty proud if you gave him my last name. It’s a good solid name. Johnson. I think he or she will like it.”
She put both hands on his face and looked deeply into his eyes. Hers blurred with tears. “Let me think about it, okay? You have your own needs to worry about.” The back of her fingers caressed his cheek. “Mick Johnson, I want you to be the best man you can be. I know the war messed with your head, and you lost sight of who you really are. I want you to find yourself, to forgive what you had no control over. You are the best guy I know. And this baby would be the luckiest child in the world to carry your name. But right now he or she is my responsibility, not yours. And I’ll have Meg and Byron’s support.”
He flinched and pulled back. His heart hurt, like she’d sliced him open. She didn’t want his help with the child. What did she want from him? Anything? He shifted away from her, his hand on the door. “Seems like you have all the answers. Guess you don’t need me after all.” Bitterness crept into his soul taking away the warmth that was there. He would change the world for her, but she didn’t want his help. She had her life sorted out now, and it didn’t include him.
“That’s not true. I do.” She reached for his arm but he released the seatbelt and flung open the door. He had thought they were in this together, but now she was leaving him behind. It shouldn’t hurt, but it did.
He knew he wasn’t good enough for her. A half-assed ex-Marine living in a one room apartment. Didn’t own a thing to his name. He’d been proud of that fact yet now it filled him with shame. He didn’t have a decent job. Didn’t have a decent place to live. A car, a phone. She needed to set her sights high. Find a man who was an equal to her, one who’d love her child as his own. And give her the financial support she’d need as a single mom.
The man she needed was a far cry from the one who had to let her go.
“Good luck, Sarah. You’ll be fine, I know it.” Then he took off at a run.
***
Sarah sat there for a few seconds, wondering what had just happened. They had been so happy to see each other; she had nearly climbed into his lap to be close to him. He had been as happy as she’d expected about the baby, and then simply because she’d turned down his sweet offer to give the baby his last name, he’d taken it as a personal rejection.
It hadn’t been that at all. She still wanted him for a friend, a friend that she cared for very much. She was willing to see where the relationship would take them, but it was too soon to let him into the baby’s life, and her own. They had only been involved with each other for a little more than a week. When they made love, she knew it was special and she believed with all her heart that he was kind and gentle. All she wanted was time. The baby wouldn’t be popping out anytime soon. She had close to eight months to get to know Mick better if he would let her. She knew she had hurt him, but she hadn’t meant for it to be that way. She had to plan a future for her and her baby, and she needed more time to decide whether or not Mick would be a permanent player in their lives. She hoped he’d be.
Right now though, it was time to come clean with Meghan, and hope her sister would take the news well. Sarah made a quick stop on her way home, wanting to cook dinner and give Meghan a night away from the kitchen.
She had wanted Mick to be with them, and couldn’t help but feel sorry for him and for herself. Mick would be alone tonight in his empty apartment instead of the warmth of the Watts home and the companionship of his friends. Yet maybe this was something she had to do alone.
She entered the quiet house knowing she’d be by herself. Another couple of hours and everyone would charge in at once, but she had a few things to do. Keats greeted her at the door, yipping with excitement, so she took him for a quick walk down the street, her mind plotting and scheming with ideas. Once he had done his deed, they went back in and she removed her coat and her boots, and tossed Keats some treats before closing the door to her bedroom.
She had two things she needed to accomplish. Before
preparing dinner, she wanted to make something special for Meghan and for Byron. And for their baby. Something they could all share with pride.
Sarah was determined to learn more about her dad’s life in the army, to find something that would make them all proud. And tonight she wanted to understand him better, wondering if his truths would help her to understand Mick. Two very different wars, but a similar outcome for both men. Back on home ground, they’d fought hard to forget the things they’d done instead of remembering with acceptance and pride.
Had her mother known about his time served, she wondered? Surely she had.
Sarah pried open the box and sat on her bed to leaf through the journal once again.
A clipping from a newspaper listed the details but her father had written his own version of the events. “On April 23rd, 1972 Hanoi Radio broadcasted Colonel Dinh’s explanation for his surrender, stating falsely that other units of the 3rd Infantry Division had retreated in face of the “Liberating Army’s” ferocity at Camp Carroll. This was not true, but the units left were now faced with fighting their enemies alone. The Colonel’s surrender to the communist forces was to prevent further casualties to his unit, he stated, and called for other ARVN units to do the same.”
Big parts of her father’s handwriting was unclear, either due to the many years of being left in a box or because he may have had to write in the dark. The best she could decipher was that the Colonel’s broadcast did not dampen the will of the Marines but it put the American Advisors on alert. Two had narrowly escaped the base in a helicopter while the North Vietnamese rained fire upon them from every direction. The helicopter was hit but limped back to a safe zone. By this time in early April the communists occupied eleven of the fire bases near the DMZ.
Their father, as far as she could gather, had been in the 3rd Infantry. Reading further, Sarah discovered that the responsibility for the Dong Ha Bridge was under one of their units. Instead of protecting it they had not stayed to fight but withdrew after the 3rd Infantry Division Headquarters retreated to the citadel in Quang Tri.