Ashes To Ink

by Carrie Ann Ryan

“I still don’t want to hurt you by saying those words. I try to watch what I say and be aware that sometimes, using the vernacular as you put it, isn’t being sensitive to others.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t need you to be careful around me, Ryan. I hope you know that.”

  He looked at her then, his gaze boring into hers. She swallowed hard, not letting go of his hand. Her stomach once again filled with those butterflies.

  The waiter came then, leaving the final check. They paid. Soon, Ryan would be taking her home, and the date would end.

  But she didn’t want it to end.

  “I had a nice time tonight,” she said later as he walked her to her door.

  “Yeah? I didn’t scare you away?”

  She looked up at him then, her heart racing. “No. And maybe that surprised me. I tend to get scared easily.”

  He shook his head. “No. I don’t think you do. I think you’re much stronger than you think you are.”

  She let out a breath. “I hate that. Sorry.”

  He frowned. “What? The fact that I think you’re strong?”

  “No, just that phrase. I like the fact that you think I have strength, but it’s the whole…stronger than you think you are. And it’s not because it’s not true, it’s just the fact that everybody and their mother said that to me. Literally, and their mother.”

  “Really?”

  They were standing on her porch, the wind a little bit too cold for them to be doing so, but she wasn’t ready to go inside yet, and she didn’t know if she was going to invite him in either. “Everybody always assumed that I thought myself weak. At least that’s what the words sounded like to me when I thought about them. I know that’s not what they meant. I know that they were trying to tell me that I was doing well, and that despite everything happening to me, that I was making strides. But it just made me think that they thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it. And yet, I did. Because I had to. Because there was no other way to keep moving forward if I didn’t handle it.”

  Ryan reached out and brushed his thumb across her cheek. “That’s not what I meant. And I’m sorry I made you think about it that way.”

  “It’s not you.”

  “It’s me?” he finished for her, and she shook her head.

  “No, that’s not what I meant. People have a way of underestimating the power of their words. And I know they don’t mean anything by it. I know when faced with loss and especially faced with other people’s loss, they just don’t have the words. And sometimes that’s okay, to not have the words. I know it’s on me that I’m feeling that way, but because I heard that phrase so much, sometimes, it just annoys me a little.”

  “Then I’ll try not to say it again. Even if I do think you’re pretty kickass.”

  She smiled then. “Really?”

  “Very kickass. Abby?”

  She swallowed hard again. “What?” Her voice was breathy.

  “Can I kiss you now?”

  “I want you to. But only if you come inside.”

  She hadn’t meant to say that, but as soon as she said the words, she knew they were right.

  He looked at her then, his gaze dark and intense. And then he nodded.

  She led him inside, waiting for his kiss—and maybe more.

  Chapter Six

  Ryan could barely think straight and hadn’t been able to since the moment Abby invited him into her place. His dick was hard, and his brain had gone on the fritz.

  But he’d be damned if he walked away now.

  To say that he wanted Abby was an understatement. He’d always wanted her. Had found her attractive from the beginning. Had loved the way she smiled and looked at him, making him freeze and wonder what to do next.

  But this wasn’t any of those times.

  This was him. This was Abby.

  And she had let him in. In more ways than one.

  And now, all he wanted to do was lean forward and brush his lips along hers. But he needed to make sure that she was really okay with this. That she wasn’t just acting in the heat of the moment and would regret it later.

  He didn’t want any regrets between them. He already had enough of those to last a lifetime.

  “Are you sure, Abby?” He tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned forward. He didn’t kiss her, but he wanted to.

  From the heat in her eyes, the way her pupils dilated, he figured that she wanted him to as well. But he needed to hear the words. There would be no mistakes.

  This would not be a mistake.

  “I invited you in, didn’t I?”

  “I need to hear the words, Abby. I need to hear exactly what you want.”

  She smiled then, and he about swallowed his tongue.

  “I want you to kiss me. And then I want you to help me strip out of these clothes, although these boots might take a little bit. And then I want you to stand there while I strip you out of yours. And then I want you to kiss me again, though maybe not on my mouth. I want you to make me feel. I want you to make me smile. I want you to make me come. I want it all. Is that okay? Do you think you can do that? Do you think you can take me right against this wall? Or maybe on the couch over there. Or maybe even in my bedroom?”

  He swallowed hard, and then ran his thumb over her cheek, loving the way she shivered at his touch. She wasn’t afraid of him. That much he knew. That much he could tell. And the fact that she could just come out and say those words right then? The fact that she could just tell him exactly what she wanted?

  No wonder his dick was so fucking hard.

  “I think that can be arranged. But you need to tell me what you want the whole time, okay? I don’t mind being told what to do.”

  She laughed and then took a step forward, placing her hand on his chest. He wondered if she could hear the racing of his heartbeat. Because that was about all he could hear in his ears.

  Thud. Thud. Thud.

  A rapid succession of beats that made it hard for him to think.

  Abby made it hard for him to think.

  “Kiss me, Ryan. It’s just you and me here. I promise.”

  He didn’t know if that was quite true. They might be alone in this house, but they weren’t the only two people there. And that was okay. Max would always be there. The fact that Michael was also on Ryan’s mind made it a little harder, but he could just focus on Abby. She deserved that and more.

  “I think that can be arranged.” And then he lowered his head, gently brushing his lips along hers. She sucked in a breath, a barely audible sound, and it made him groan.

  When she parted her lips ever so slightly, he let his tongue slide along hers, deepening the kiss. She moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck. That brought her breasts right to his chest, her hard nipples poking him even through her bra and dress and his shirt. He didn’t mind; he wanted all of her. Wanted more of her.

  And tonight, he was going to have her.

  Tonight he would give her himself, as well.

  “Where do you want me?” he asked, his lips practically still against hers. It was just a whisper, just a breath of words, but she had heard him.

  “Anywhere. Anywhere.” She repeated the word, her voice but a whisper. So he kissed her again, tasting her and teasing her ever so slightly.

  She tasted of the wine from dinner, of the Alfredo they had shared between laughs. She smelled of tea, and he knew that was just the scent of her. She would always smell that way, of home and happiness. Every time he scented tea, he would likely get hard.

  There was probably something wrong with him for that, but he didn’t give a fuck.

  He had Abby in his arms, and that was all that mattered.

  “We’ll go slow, I promise.”

  “What if I don’t want slow?” she asked, her hand moving to his waistband. When she tugged, he smiled.

  “Okay. The first time we can go slow. The second time? I can go as fast and hard as you want.”

  “Second time? Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself?�
�� She winked, and he leaned into her, his body inexplicably pulled to her. Hell, more than his body was drawn to her.

  He grinned and then stole a kiss before cupping her face in both of his hands and kissing her even harder. Then he broke away to say more. “Let’s just say I don’t think I’m going to get enough of you just once. I hope you feel the same way.”

  “I think…I think that sounds about right.”

  And then they were kissing again, lost in each other. Ryan wanted more of Abby, wanted to taste every inch of her. And if she let him, he would do that tonight.

  And maybe again tomorrow.

  He probably shouldn’t think about tomorrow. Probably shouldn’t think about anything beyond right now.

  Because if he weren’t careful, he knew he could fall for her. And he couldn’t do that. He didn’t have enough of himself to give to her. It wouldn’t be safe. Michael always ruined everything that Ryan touched, and he had to be careful.

  And with Abby, he had to be even more gentle with her than with anyone else in his life.

  She deserved everything from him—gentleness, calmness, him.

  And he would do his best by her.

  Even if that meant walking away after tonight.

  “What’s wrong? You went all still.”

  “I’m sorry. Forget about it.”

  She shook her head and took a step back, still touching him. “No, what’s wrong?”

  “I get lost in my thoughts sometimes, I can’t help it. But I promise, I’m all here.” And because he wanted to make that the truth, he pushed Michael, his future, and everything that might worry him out of his mind before he kissed her again.

  “If you’re sure,” she whispered against his lips and then sank into him, her eyes closed as she kissed him back.

  “I’m sure,” he whispered.

  He ran his hands through her hair, tugging slightly just to see how she liked it. When she groaned, he tugged a little harder and then wrapped her hair around his fist. He tipped her head back ever so slightly and then left her lips to trail kisses along her jaw, and then licked down her neck. When he left a single bite mark on the part where her neck met her shoulder, she shivered again in his hold, and he used his other hand to press at the small of her back, moving her even closer to him.

  He knew she could feel the hard line of his erection against her stomach, and it made him even harder.

  She didn’t back away. If anything, she rocked against him even more.

  She liked this, and damn, he liked it, too.

  When she tugged on his pants again, he let go of her hair and slid his other hand down to her ass. And then he lifted, picking her up in his arms as if she weighed nothing. And she didn’t really weigh much. She was perfect for his arms—perfect for him.

  He shouldn’t think about that.

  Nothing was perfect.

  He knew that more than most.

  She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he kept his mouth on hers. He wanted to take her in the bedroom first.

  Later, he would take her against a wall, or maybe against that couch.

  But she deserved the bedroom for their first time.

  She deserved soft sheets and even softer caresses.

  Of course, she also seemed to like it when he tugged on her hair, so he would do that again. And do it often. And more than once. They got back to the bedroom, and he kept his mouth on hers before biting her chin.

  She looked up at him, surprised, and then bit his chin in return.

  “I like you with a beard. It’s kind of hot.”

  “I like the beard, too. You like the scent?”

  She licked his lips and kissed him hard. “Yeah. It’s like honey this time.”

  “Yeah. I think there’s lilac in it, too. Not quite sure. But I like the honey. Although it always makes me hungry.”

  “I’m sure we can find something for you to eat.” She winked, and he laughed, not able to hold himself back.

  He let her slide down to the floor, her feet touching softly. The way he did it, though, her whole body slid down his, each part touching.

  If she hadn’t known he was hard before, she was damn well sure of it now.

  “I wonder what I could eat here?” He tapped his beard. “Do you have anything sweet?”

  “Maybe. I guess we’ll just have to see.”

  He kissed her again, and then slowly slid her dress up over her hips. His fingertips brushed along her skin as he did, over her tights. He swallowed hard as he licked down her neck, biting her again. When she raised her hands over her head, he pulled her dress over the curves of her body.

  And then she was standing in front of him, in just a lacy black bra, tights, and her boots.

  He had probably seen something hotter before, but he couldn’t think of anything.

  No. In fact, this might be the sexiest thing he’d ever seen in his life.

  He was a damn lucky man.

  And he wanted to keep her.

  No, he wasn’t going to think about that.

  Just be in the now. In the moment.

  He needed to make this all about her.

  He slowly traced his fingers over the swells of her breasts, grinning as she sucked in a breath.

  “Your curves are perfect.” He cupped a breast with his hand. “See? Fits my hand perfectly.”

  “Good to know you have big hands.”

  He smiled. “It’s not the only thing that’s big.”

  She snorted and then reached between them, running her hand over his thick cock straining his jeans. He swallowed hard and rocked into her touch. Then he pulled away, shaking his head.

  “You do that, and I’ll come in my jeans like a teenager. Let me take care of you first.”

  “Take care of me?” she asked coyly.

  He didn’t have to explain. Instead, he went to his knees and kissed her through her tights. She sucked in a breath and ran her hands through his hair. And then he worked on her boots, knowing that with her tights on, he wouldn’t be able to do what he wanted to do. Although, having her tights around her knees as he fucked her from behind might be fun. Later, though.

  Right now, he wanted skin to skin.

  Right now, he needed skin to skin.

  He worked off her boots, and then while looking at her, he slowly rolled down her tights, taking her panties with them in one fluid movement.

  Her eyes darkened even more as she looked down at him, running her hands through his hair as he looked up at her.

  And then she reached around her back and undid the clasp of her bra.

  When she tossed it away, her breasts fell heavily. Her nipples were hard, and Ryan knew they were aching.

  It was all he could do not to stand up and put them in his mouth.

  But her shaved pussy was right in front of him. He needed to touch her, needed to suck her. He needed everything.

  “Ryan? What are you going to do now?”

  In answer, he looked up at her and put one hand on her hip. With the other, he used this thumb to slowly trace her slit. She sucked in a gasp, and he grinned before using his thumb and forefinger to spread her ever so slightly in front of him. Her clit was already out of its hood, peeking, swollen, begging for his tongue. And so he leaned forward and licked her.

  “Ryan.” She called out his name, and he couldn’t help move even closer and take more of her into his mouth.

  She tasted just as sweet as he imagined, with a little tartness. Perfection.

  He sucked on her clit and used his fingers to continue to spread her for him. He lapped at her, sucking, licking, kneading.

  And then he used his other hand to slowly trace her lower lips before spearing her with two fingers.

  She gasped again and almost fell back on the bed.

  Luckily, he moved his hand from her to keep her steady, though he knew her knees were shaking.

  His knees were shaking too, but thankfully, he was kneeling.

  She put a hand on the edge of the bed and ta
ngled the other in his hair, pulling his face closer to her.

  He smiled as he licked and sucked at her. He fucked her with his fingers, loving her little moans and the way her breaths came in short pants.

  And then when she came, arching into him, he kept his mouth on her, tasting every single drop of her orgasm. Before she could pull away, before she could tell him that she wanted him inside her—because that’s exactly what she was going to say, because that’s exactly what he wanted—he pushed at her slightly and then helped her sit on the edge of the bed.

  “Ryan?” Her voice was a little groggy, and her eyes were fairly black with lust.

  She looked beautiful when she came, and he wanted to see it again. So he put both of her legs on his shoulders and went back to eating her out. This time when she came, she fell back, her hands on her breasts as she panted his name. He licked up her second orgasm and then stood up so he hovered over her.

  The fact that she was completely naked and he was fully clothed just made everything hotter. He didn’t know why. But damn if he didn’t want to just lean over and kiss her until she somehow came again by his touch alone.

  That wasn’t going to happen, though, not when he was already straining the seams of his jeans.

  “I need you inside me.”

  He looked down at her and then licked her taste off his lips. “I had a feeling you were going to say that.”

  “I would throw a pillow at you, but I’m a little too weak to do it. So if you could just get a condom and get inside me, that would be great.” She paused. “I bought a new box, just in case. They’re in the drawer.”

  He leaned over her, her naked body pressed against his clothed one as he kissed her. He knew that she could taste herself on his tongue, and that made him even harder.

  “I brought a condom, too. But the fact that you wanted to be safe for both of us? The fact that you thought that this could happen? It just makes me want to keep fucking you. Keep making love to you. Is that okay?”

  She looked up at him, tracing her fingertips through his beard. When she gave him a slight nod, he swallowed hard. “I bought the new box for you. And for me. I wanted to be safe, and maybe I was putting the cart before the horse, but considering what we’re doing right now, I’m glad I did it. And I’m glad you brought some. I’m glad you thought of our safety.”