“So, you think the center will allow me to take a trip? What if my beeper goes off while I’m out of town?”
“As long as you feel pretty good and if you only stay away for a couple of days, I’m sure it’ll be fine. And if they find you a donor, we’ll fly straight back.”
“Dr. Hooper, my doctor at home, told me that I’d have to participate in some kind of therapy group,” Chelsea said. “Is that true?”
“It’s not so bad. Actually, the shrinks need to check you out to see if you’d make a good organ recipient.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m sure they’ve told you how few organs there are to go around. Lots of people need them, and not enough people are donating their organs or the organs of people they love who die in some tragedy.”
“You mean like Josh’s brother?”
“Exactly.” Katie remembered the things she’d been told while she awaited her transplant. In some ways, it seemed so long ago. And she’d been so sick. “Anyway, just because someone needs an organ doesn’t mean she can emotionally handle getting one. Not everyone can handle being sick or getting well.”
Chelsea nodded. “You mean like Lacey and the way she acts as if she doesn’t even have a disease.”
“Exactly. Unless she accepts her diabetes, she’d be a poor choice for a pancreas transplant, for instance. The doctors have to be sure a recipient will take care of herself, or what’s the use of transplanting? I mean, if the doctors give you a new organ and you don’t take care of yourself—” Katie shrugged to make her point.
“The transplant would be a waste,” Chelsea coneluded. “Plus it could have gone to someone else who would have taken better care of herself. Is that what you mean?”
“Exactly.” Katie fiddled with the bedcovers while she talked. “Besides, you’ll be put in some therapy group with others waiting for transplants. I was too sick to attend one, and my transplant opportunity came up quickly, so I never went to group.”
Chelsea made a face. “It doesn’t sound like much fun—waiting around with a bunch of people desperate for an organ. In fact, it sounds sort of ghoulish to me. ‘Excuse me, miss, did you need a heart or a kidney? Could we pass you a lung?’ ” Chelsea mimicked.
“I didn’t think so either,” Katie admitted after laughing over Chelsea’s black humor. “But after spending the summer at Jenny House, after meeting so many kids who were sick with something or other, I can see how it does help to meet others like yourself. It makes you feel less alone.”
Chelsea closed her eyes, as if gathering her strength to continue talking. “Going to Jenny House and meeting you and Lacey and Amanda was the best thing that ever happened to me.” The mention of Amanda caused both Katie and Chelsea to pause. “Will it always hurt this way when we think about her?”
“Josh says no. He lost his brother, and he says you never forget, but you learn to adjust. I trust him because he’s been there.”
“Will Josh come by to see me today?”
“Tonight.”
Chelsea smiled. “Good. Too bad there’s only one of him.” Her hand slipped into Katie’s. “Lucky you.”
Katie glanced away. She still was upset and surprised at the way Garrison had made her feel. In class Friday morning, he’d said, “If you change your mind about the football game tonight, I’ll be sitting near the fifty-yard line.”
She’d shaken her head no. She knew she’d be with Josh. “I’m busy.”
“Until next time, then,” he’d answered.
She knew there wouldn’t be a next time. She now avoided looking at him.
Katie glanced down at Chelsea and saw that her energy was sapped. She tugged the covers up under Chelsea’s chin and stood. “I’ll let you get some rest.”
“When will you come back?” Chelsea sounded as if she was afraid to be alone.
“When you wake up, ring this bell.” She handed Chelsea the bell she’d used to summon her mother when she’d been so sick. “And I’ll come running.”
“You’re my best friend, Katie.”
“Same here.” But when Katie left the room, she leaned against the door frame, suddenly apprehensive. How was she going to juggle Chelsea, Josh, and school—especially when Garrison Reilly made her feel quivery whenever she gazed into his eyes?
Three
ENVIOUS. CHELSEA ADMITTED to herself that envy was the overriding emotion she felt whenever she was with Katie. To Chelsea’s way of thinking, Katie had it all. Katie had already been through the heart transplant procedure, and she’d survived it with flying colors. Chelsea knew the statistics by heart: Over eighty percent of all heart recipients were still alive a year following the procedure. And almost seventy percent were living five years after a transplant.
“The odds are in your favor,” Katie told her enthusiastically. But knowing such facts didn’t make Chelsea’s fear go away. If only she could be confident the way Katie was!
Chelsea kept up a brave front, especially in front of her mother. But deep inside, she struggled against the rising tide of doubts. Certainly, the summer at Jenny House had helped her face some of the fears she’d carried with her all her life. She’d done things she’d never even dreamed of doing before. Daring things, like riding horses and playing games and climbing up to the special mountain plateau Amanda had discovered.
But those fears were different from the one that gnawed at her now. Now that she was actually on the beeper, now that she was actually waiting for her own heart to be exchanged for a healthy one, she was scared to death. And Chelsea wouldn’t share the fears with anyone. Not her parents. Not Katie. Not even the doctors in charge of the therapy group she was attending at the university’s transplant center.
As she waited for the therapy session to begin, Chelsea glanced around the small auditorium at the assortment of kids who, like herself, were awaiting heart or lung transplants. At the first group meeting, Dr. Cummings, the psychiatrist leading the group, had welcomed, “At this center alone, approximately five thousand patients are on the beeper for hearts and lungs, and the smallest segment consists of kids ten to eighteen.”
Dr. Cummings had split the group, putting younger kids into one session and older ones into another. They were to meet twice a week to discuss their potential transplants and their feelings. Chelsea walked to a refreshment table and helped herself to some food.
“Don’t you think this seems more like a Girl Scout social than a head-shrink program?” a girl standing beside Chelsea asked in a thick drawl.
Chelsea turned. She saw a girl with frizzy red hair, blue eyes, and a million freckles smiling at her. “Too many boys to be a Girl Scout social,” Chelsea answered. “Boys always mess up the curve.”
“And not enough crazies to qualify for the funny farm. I’m Jillian Longado. I’m sixteen, was born and raised in Texas”—she placed her hand over her heart in reverence—“and I can’t wait for these fancy doctors to find me a new heart and a set of lungs so I can get on with my life.”
“You need both?” Chelsea blurted out, then wished she’d used more restraint.
Jillian didn’t seem to notice. “Actually, that’s three organs. One heart and two lungs. How about you?”
“Just one heart.”
They laughed together as the absurdity of their situations hit them. Chelsea noticed that Jillian had a faint blue cast to her lips and that her fingertips looked clubbed—a sign of oxygen deprivation. Jillian said, “My twin brother calls me the queen of hearts—and lungs, and lungs.” She made a rolling motion with her hand. “He says that so long as they’re transplanting, maybe I could get a new brain too. You got a brother?”
“No, I’m an only.”
“I have two grown sisters, then along came me and my twin, DJ—that stands for Douglas Jed. He also always says I talk too much. What do you think?”
Chelsea couldn’t help smiling. “You remind me of a friend I once had. She was real talkative too, but Amanda was from Kansas. You know, like Dorothy in
the Wizard of Oz.”
“I’ve heard of Kansas. I think Daddy tried to buy it once.” Jillian’s eyes twinkled. “My folks own a big cattle ranch outside of Dallas, and Daddy’s pretty used to getting what he wants. That’s why it’s real bothersome to him that I need these organs and he can’t do anything about it except wait.”
“Have you been sick for long?” Chelsea asked, glad that the ability to pay was never a factor in who got organs. Her family wasn’t rich, as Jillian’s obviously was, and so they’d never have been able to pay for her to receive a new heart. Even Katie’s Wish money hadn’t been able to buy her heart.
“Just since I was born,” Jillian said.
“Me too,” Chelsea confessed.
“It didn’t happen to DJ. Just me. It’s called Eisenmenger’s syndrome. The doctors operated on me once, but it didn’t do much good. My heart’s too big on one side, and that’s put a terrible strain on my lungs. And even though the doctors have got me stabilized with fistfuls of medicines, I’ve been sent here to wait around for someone who’s about my size and has my blood type to kick off so I can get a new set of inside plumbing.”
“You act pretty cheerful about it.” The flip, irreverent way Jillian discussed her problems amazed Chelsea.
Jillian looked thoughtful before saying, “Well, I can’t change it. And I’m all cried out about it. I guess the only thing to do is go with the flow and make the best of it.”
“Where are you staying while you wait to be transplanted?”
“Daddy’s got me and Mama a suite at a hotel downtown. How about you? You live around here?”
Quickly, Chelsea told Jillian about Katie and their friendship.
“You mean, Katie’s actually living proof that this transplantation stuff works?”
“Living and thriving proof.”
“Can I meet her?”
Chelsea considered the request. “I guess so. She’s really special.”
“How about if the two of you come to my hotel and we can visit and eat.”
It seemed like a good idea. “I’ll ask Katie tonight. She could drive us over.”
“Don’t bother. I’ll have a limo sent for you. Just let’s arrange a time.”
Taken aback, Chelsea said, “That would be cool.”
Jillian shuffled back to her seat in the auditorium and fumbled in her purse. “Here’s my phone number.” She wrote the name of her hotel and her number on a business-size card of baby pink embossed with her name in gold letters and gave it to Chelsea.
Chelsea was impressed that a girl would have her very own name cards. “I’ll call you,” Chelsea promised, tucking the card into her pocket.
The auditorium door swung open, and Dr. Cummings entered, along with a small army of doctors and psychologists. Chelsea smiled and settled in the seat beside Jillian, suddenly feeling happier than she had felt in days.
That night, when Katie came by, Chelsea sat up in bed, put aside her book, and told Katie all about her new friend. Then she showed her the card.
“I’m impressed,” Katie said. “I’ve never met any really rich people. She’s not a snob?”
“No way. She’s a regular person. Really nice. Can you imagine needing a heart and lungs? It made me feel lucky to only be needing a heart.”
“No matter how bad off we think we are, there’s always somebody worse off.”
“You know what I was just thinking? Maybe we could find a way for Jillian to visit Jenny House. Even with all her money, she’s probably never seen anyplace like it.”
Katie looked hesitant.
“Jenny House is for people like Jillian. For people like us. Remember, Mr. Holloway said we had standing invitations to come whenever we wanted.”
“I guess we can write Mr. Holloway and ask. But I want to meet this Jillian for myself.”
“I could see if Saturday’s all right with her.”
“Josh and I have a date for Saturday night.”
“Saturday afternoon’s open, isn’t it?”
“I was supposed to go to the library and start on a research paper for English lit.”
“Please?”
“A limo?”
“It’ll come right to our door.”
Katie offered an exaggerated sigh. “Oh, well, if you’re going to twist my arm this way.”
“Great! I’ll call Jillian tomorrow and ask her if Saturday’s okay with her.”
Katie stood. “I need to crack some books, and you need to rest. You look tired.”
“All I do is rest,” Chelsea grumbled, but she was feeling weary. She peered up at Katie. “Is something bothering you?”
Katie started. “Of course not. Why do you ask?”
“You’ve seemed a little preoccupied lately. Like something’s on your mind.”
“Nothing special. Just school and all the work I have to get done.”
Chelsea’s eyes narrowed. “You sure there’s nothing else? Remember who you’re talking to—the girl with intuition. Wasn’t I the one who first noticed Amanda’s crush on Jeff this summer?”
“How can I forget? Really, everything’s fine with me.
“It’s not my being here?”
“Oh, no,” Katie answered.
“You’d tell me if something was going on at school with you? You know how I love to live vicariously.”
Katie laughed and breezed toward the doorway. “Don’t worry. All’s well.”
Just before Katie stepped into the hallway, Chelsea playfully called, “It’s a good thing you already have a boyfriend, or I’d have to give you the third degree.”
Katie didn’t glance backward. Chelsea watched her leave, but noticed a slight stiffening of her friend’s back. She wondered at Katie’s reaction. If Katie wanted to share secrets with her, she would.
Chelsea turned off her bedside lamp and thought about spending the day with Jillian until she fell into a dreamless sleep.
Four
KATIE WALKED INTO the public library Friday night and allowed herself one nervous glance about the room. She hoped with all her heart that Garrison wouldn’t be in the library tonight. She proceeded directly to a study table in the farmost corner behind the reference book stacks.
“We should get started on our paper,” he’d told her on Wednesday following class. “I’m helping my dad shape up our yard Saturday morning, but I’ll be free later in the day.”
“I can start the project without you,” Katie said.
“But that’s the problem. I don’t want you to start without me. I want to be with you. Even if it’s for some dumb class project.”
The way he looked at her left her with a feeling of lightheadedness she couldn’t explain. Or ignore. She told herself he was just some guy putting moves on her, but the logic of her arguments didn’t make her feel less attracted to him. Keep away, she insisted silently. That was her only safe recourse.
On Thursday, she’d coolly informed him that she would start the project without him on Saturday, although she knew she’d be spending the day with Chelsea at Jillian’s hotel. She felt her cheeks redden when she lied, but hoped he didn’t notice.
Katie settled behind the stacks, arranged her notebook and note cards, and went to the card catalog to look up basic information on the topic she and Garrison had been assigned: “The Role of Evil in Shakespeare’s Othello.” She was busily taking notes when she heard a male voice say, “Hello, partner. I didn’t expect to find you here.”
She almost dropped her pencil, mustered her composure, and told Garrison, “Something came up for tomorrow.”
“Good. Then we can get started tonight.” The way he said it, the way his eyes appraised her, made her wonder if his words didn’t hold a double meaning.
“You take these references,” she said, handing him the sources she’d scribbled on a piece of notebook paper. “I’ll get others.”
He nodded and sauntered toward the stacks. She took several deep breaths and turned her attention back to the card catalog. Later, wh
en she returned to her table, Garrison was already seated, poring over several volumes. He looked up as she sat opposite him. “There’s not much here,” he said.
“Sure there is. We just have to find the right angle.”
He studied her. “Do you want an A on this project?” His question sounded challenging.
“Yes. My grades are important, what with college and all.”
“My grades are important to me too. That’s why I think we need to go the extra mile.”
“How do you mean?”
“I think we should do our research at the University of Michigan library. I can get access because my father’s faculty. That library will have reference material this place never even heard of.”
His plan sounded like a winner to Katie, and she said so.
“Good,” he said. “That means we’ll have to go together. How’s Monday night? I’ll pick you up.” His smile was quick and disarming.
Katie felt as if she’d been bamboozled. As if he’d already mapped out an agenda and she’d unwittingly agreed to it. She remembered the cool, casual way Lacey had handled Jeff over the summer. Lacey had feigned indifference to the point where Jeff had been left totally in the dark about her actual feelings for him. But Katie knew that she herself wasn’t cool and collected like Lacey. She was slow and scattered and not very skillful in dealing with the opposite sex. “I’m not sure,” she told Garrison. “I have other things going on.”
He cocked his head, as if waiting for her explanation.
Josh’s image floated in her memory. “You know I have a boyfriend,” she began slowly.
“I’ve heard. Martel, isn’t it?” She nodded, and Garrison flashed another smile. “You didn’t think I was coming on to you, did you?” He chuckled. “Look, you’re a pretty girl, Katie, but I’m not into snaking away another guy’s girl. You’re one of the few people I’ve met who’ve been nice to me, and so, of course, I want to return the favor. I think getting an A on our lit project is the least I can do.”
She Died Too Young Page 2