“Isaac, I am sorry. I am so sorry.” Benjamin said in despair. “You spared all our lives and we were undeserving! It has affected the men more deeply than they would like to admit. They can’t even bare seeing your mother. She blames every one of us and we deserve no less! And Jason is just a shell of himself. No longer with his sardonic smiles and sarcastic commentary. The guilt is eating at him. When he and Helena wed, she wept heavily, Isaac. I’ve never seen a wedding with such sorrow. Even she feels—”
“I don't want to hear this. What did you hope to accomplish by coming here, Benjamin? Now your mother will be the one in grief. Your life will now be on my head!”
“Isaac, I know the risk I took but I needed to know if you were alive or truly dead. I needed to. I know it was foolishness! I hoped to just catch a glimpse of you and give your family some hope. Then I knew I could encourage the men to come back here—"
“For what purpose? You don’t even realize what you’ve done.” I said, tempering my emotions in seeing Benjamin after so long. I didn’t realize how much I missed him. I didn’t realize how alone I felt here, until I saw him again. It only made things more difficult.
“Isaac.” Benjamin said sounding hopeful and gripping my arms. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “You are not alone anymore. We can plan an escape.”
“No, Benjamin—”
“Yes, we can! I know it's frightening, but we can do it together—” I yanked my arm away from him.
“Frightening? Is that what you think? That I remained here immobile in my fear? That I sat on my hands? That I made no attempt to escape on my own?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I only meant that you have added strength here now. We can—”
“Do nothing! No attempts will be successful. I promise you that. We have no strength and I will not act in disobedience to the Chieftess.” I needed time to think. I needed to plead to Kiatra to send him home. I racked my mind for a rule in the Fortress that would permit Benjamin to go home.
“We must do something! Isaac, you belong with your people. You belong in your home—”
“This is my home.” I said sternly. “Our people never wanted me. They’ve made that clear more than once.”
“That is not true!” Benjamin exclaimed as I turned away from him. “What have these people told you? What has happened to you here?” Benjamin started as he grabbed the back of my vest in an attempt to turn me around. I yanked back, ripping the already worn training garment. “Sorry—” Benjamin started before he gasped over the scars on my back. “They—They’ve beaten you!”
I tried to pull the shards of fabric over me again, covering the wounds. “You shouldn’t have come here, Benjamin. You should have just forgotten me. I am fortunate that I serve a fair mistress, but I have already tested her trust. I can ask for little else—”
“Your mistress?” He said in disbelief. “Who?” He pointed out toward the curtain at the doorway as agitation coated his voice. “Was it one of those women? The fair skinned, cruel one or the silent, dark skinned one.”
“Neither are cruel or silent I assure you. The dark skinned one, if you remember, is the one who bartered for our lives and who has taken me as her own slave.”
“And the one who has put those marks on your body?”
I had no interest to explain to Benjamin my life in the Fortress. I had no interest in trying to make him understand how I could have found some peace here. The last four years after my whipping had been difficult to regain Kiatra’s trust. The woman distanced herself from me. She removed me from her chambers, and I feared she didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. I worked hard to become something of value for her here. I studied the accounts. I used my visions to help her make fair judgements, while struggling to hide that I possessed such a power. I trained harder, offering myself as a guard for slaves to assist Natalie in her work.
There were often moments where I felt her warmth again. She was pleased with me, but she still wished to keep me at a distance. She didn’t wish to become attached to her slave. I understood that. I could accept that if I didn’t fear that her distance still came from distrust. It still stemmed from a fear that I would disappoint her again.
Yet in spite of this, the woman always treated me fairly. My work was hard, but I was doing it well and she recognized that. I had found some sort of peace in my existence as a slave. If I was honest with myself, I knew I enjoyed being Kiatra’s slave. How could I make Benjamin understand that?
“Isaac.” Benjamin shook his head in my silence. “This woman hurts you and somehow makes you feel that she is a fair mistress? Can’t you see how twisted that is?”
I shook my head trying to block out Benjamin’s words. “You don’t understand—”
“Then help me understand! Is it her beauty that allures you? Does she speak kindly to you after she abuses you? Does she convince you that you deserve your wounds—”
“Enough.”
“No! This woman took you away from us! Yet, somehow you are willing to give up your true home and family to stay with her! How can you abandon your people to be a slave to a Fortress whore?”
My fist came hard across Benjamin’s jaw, surprising the man and making him stagger. “I assure you that if it wasn’t for that Fortress whore, we would all be dead! My life was given in trade. You should have listened to the other men. By returning here you’ve made my sacrifice useless.” I could not keep the bitterness from my voice, but Benjamin did not know what he had done. He did me no favors.
Benjamin spit blood onto the ground and observed me silently as the curtain opened again. Natalie leaned against the doorframe, looking somewhat amused at the scene.
“Your mistress wishes to speak to you in the meeting chambers. I will watch your friend.” I nodded but spoke to Benjamin.
“I will plead with her, but the chances of her sending you home are little.” Benjamin stared at me without another word as I left. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he looked at me now with such a look of disappointment. It wasn’t fair that I held guilt and grief when I was the one who was wronged.
Chapter 18
I didn’t know what to say to Kiatra. When I entered the meeting chamber, the woman sat with her jaw set and hard. The last five years had garnered enough familiarity between us that she wished for me to speak freely with her when we spoke privately. Yet the way that she was looking at me now, with anger and judgement, my mouth felt dry. I could not think of a single word to speak to her.
“Why is he here?”
“He wished to know if I was alive.” I said simply.
“Why now? Why after so much time?”
I exhaled sharply before answering. “My father is dead.”
Her expression gentled with compassion. From the way she looked at me, I knew she was already aware of his death. My father, the man who abandoned me here and made no attempt to free me in five years, took his life to free himself from the guilt.
“I wished to tell you.” She said simply before her face became a mask again. “What did your friend hope to accomplish coming here?
“I don’t know, mistress. He wasn’t thinking clearly. He was desperate to know if I was still alive.”
Kiatra cursed under her breath. “Am I supposed to be moved by this display?”
I knelt before her and grabbed one hand. “No, my lady, but I still plead to your compassion. He acted foolishly, but he is a good man—”
“A good man? Do all good men come here armed? Do all good men call your mistress a whore?” I squeezed her hand and pressed my forehead against her knuckles.
“He spoke senselessly. I beg you, mistress, please show him compassion. He has a widowed mother and three younger sisters who depend on him—"
“And he should have thought of them before he returned here. I have already shown him compassion Isaac. My people already believe I was too lenient on your people so I cannot spare his life.”
I loosened my grip on her hand and looke
d at her with wide eyes. “His life?” I stood though my knees felt as if they would give way from under me. It never occurred to me that I would have to fight for his life. Only his freedom. “Mistress, no—”
“Why does this surprise you? You know our ways. Execution is not uncommon for trespassers. The leniency I showed your people five years ago was unheard of and it cannot be repeated. Not by me.”
“Kiatra, no!” I exclaimed, forgetting myself. “You can’t do this! This man is a brother to me—”
“Isaac, there is nothing I can do—”
“There is something you can do, but you choose to do nothing!” The words left my mouth before I considered what I was saying. It was too late to take them back as I saw the anger rise to Kiatra’s face.
“Do nothing?” She stood from her seat and stepped down to face me. Through the years I had just inched out Kiatra in height but that made her no less of an intimidating figure. Though at this moment, she wobbled slightly and off of impulse I reached out to her. She put her arm out to keep me at a distance as she steadied herself with the arm of the chair. “Is that what you believe? You know nothing on what I have done on your behalf, Isaac.”
“How can you say that?” I questioned in disbelief. “Every day I am reminded of how I owe you my life. Of how you spared me. Of how you showed me great mercy! Every day for five years I am reminded of how grateful I should be to be your slave! That you stand between me and death. I know I owe you my life! How can you accuse me of not knowing what you have done for me?”
“The day I spoke on your behalf was only the start of it, Isaac. Every day you are reminded of how I spared you? Every day for five years I have had to defend it! Your people learned no lesson five years ago. Your father never returned here. He was belligerent to our men who came to collect taxes and our guards who watch your village. Over and over again our council advises that your people need a harder lesson. In the early years, my father wished to rip your little brother from your mother’s arm and leave your father with no heirs. Others’ thought to execute your father in plain sight of your people. Many have thought to take your head off and send it to your village as a gift. I am the one who prevented it, Isaac. I am the one who intervened. Being my slave is what spared your life and the lives of your family. Do not take it lightly what I have done for you—”
“Then why do you do it, Kiatra? Why did you spare me? Why do you continue to protect me if I am such a burden to you?” Her words overwhelmed me. I was a greater burden to her than I had been led to believe. Her pardoning my people five years ago, then sparing me after I had run away twice was only the beginning of what she had done for me, yet she continued to keep and defend me. I didn’t understand it. “Why do you keep me?” I pressed on.
The words silenced her for a moment. She drew back from me and averted her eyes. “My decision is final, Isaac. I can’t spare him. I am sorry.”
“That is it then?”
“Yes.”
I fumbled with my thoughts for a moment, knowing that I had no other choice than to do the only thing I knew would spare Benjamin’s life. Yet I knew my words would create an irreparable wedge between Kiatra and me. I knew that she could no longer grant me any pardons after this. “You are right, mistress. I do know the laws. I do know that a man can stand in a place of a sentenced criminal.”
Her eyes flashed and she leaned forward. “Choose your next words carefully.”
I should have taken her warning, but I pressed on. “If you are unable to grant him pardon, then I wish to take his sentence. Execute me in his place.” I could not decipher her expression at that moment. Nor could I have predicted her next words.
“I truly mean nothing to you, do I?”
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“You do not respect me. You do not trust me. You have no care for me in your heart. I will always be the woman who ripped you away from your people and decorated your back with lashes. Nothing I do has any merit to you.” Kiatra never seemed to give much consideration on how anyone felt about her, which made her words more baffling. She always constructed walls around her, not wishing to become too close to anyone. She was Chieftess. She was our ruler. She commanded respect yet love often followed from her people, though she didn’t ask for it. She didn’t need approval for the decisions she made. Yet now, she was offended believing that nothing she did had any merit to me. That I possessed no care for her in my heart. Her slave.
“How can you believe that? Everything I do here is because I wish to please you. I desire your approval!”
“Or perhaps you just desire to survive.” She shook her head. “You are willing to give your life away so easily, no matter the cost to me. Do you not fear death? Or do you simply take me as a coward? You don’t believe that I will pass the sentence? To your friend or to you? You think you are so clever because you’ve read in our accounts others who have done the same to spare those they love. Well, it cannot be done without the permission of the Chief or Chieftess of the Fortress and I will not allow—” Her words cut suddenly as she put one hand on her stomach and the other braced her chair again. She folded into herself slightly. Her eyes darted to mine in panic. “Call Mara—” She started before she crumpled forward into my arms.
Chapter 19
“I can’t bear it Titus. I can’t bear it. If we lose the girl—”
“Shhhh. You will speak no more like this. Your fears will not help Kiatra recover. We need to send her every prayer and every well thought now.”
My eyes fluttered open as the whispers in the room came to my ears. I couldn’t move. I didn’t have the strength to move. I felt exhausted from the effort of just opening my eyes.
“How is this happening? Will God be so cruel as to take the girl away from us just as he took her mother.”
“Enough of this Mara.”
“Our Chief has become so desperate. He’s asked Rose to come and attend to her. I fought it knowing that woman has no benefit in Kiatra’s recovery, but he told me to stay silent and he must do everything for the child’s behalf.”
“He is not wrong. If the girl does not recover and he refused Rose, our Fortress healer, to see her, how will that seem? He must do everything for Kiatra.” The whispers silenced for a moment and I could only hear small sobs. “Go now. Get some rest. You’ve hardly slept in two weeks since the girl’s fallen ill. I will stay with her.”
Two weeks? Had it been that long? The days started to blur together. The mix of nausea and dizziness left me so weak I could no longer stand. It was a struggle to even stay awake for long portions of the day. I would open my eyes and somehow it would be night. I would close it again for only a moment and the sun would shine brightly through the windows into the room. Yet, I never felt rested. Only weary.
I turned my head toward where Titus stood. His eyes went wide for a moment, sending his thick eyebrows up to the top of his bald head. He came quickly toward me and knelt by my side. “How are you feeling, my dear?”
It was an odd question. I was not recovering. That much I was certain about. I did not feel better, but I did not feel worse. It was a state of constant sameness. “I am dying, aren’t I?”
“No—”
“Don’t coddle me, Titus. I should be able to accept the hard truth. The physicians aren’t finding anything wrong with me. They are just waiting to see what will happen next.” Titus said nothing to this. “You are next in line. You will be the Chief of the Fortress after my father.”
“You think that, don’t you? If you do not recover do you believe Rose and Sabrina will sit idly by and let me be named as Chief after your father? No. Before you are laid to rest, they will take advantage of your father’s sorrow and convince him to marry Rose and therefore legitimizing Sabrina. Then you will leave us with that little wretch as our next Chieftess. No. I will not have it. You will recover. You will surpass your father as is your birthright.”
I struggled to reach my hand out to him, but he caught it and placed it betw
een both of his palms. “We must think of all outcomes. If I am not to recover, I need to make preparations. I need to have them in writing and signed and my father as a witness, so they are honored.” If Sabrina were to be legitimized, she would not be kind to those in my service nor anyone of loyalty to me. She would likely execute them all or at the very least have them exiled. Though it would not be easy for her to overrule that in which I proclaimed on my deathbed. At least not while my father was alive.
My mind went to Isaac then. His face was the last thing I recalled as I crumpled into his arms. The hurt I had seen there in one moment shifting quickly to surprise and fear. “Where is Isaac?”
“Natalie is keeping him in the slave house. We thought it was best to keep those in your service away from here. There is no benefit for them to see you this way. He stayed with you that first night. By your bedside. He and Mara. Then when it seemed your situation was more serious, your father commanded them to leave.” He laughed lightly. “Although, even our Chief has no power to command Mara to leave your side.”
I remembered it vaguely. I was quite disoriented that first night. I remembered Isaac carrying me out from the main hall to my chambers as if it was no effort for him. I remembered wondering how he managed it. I wasn’t a light woman but perhaps the man was deceivingly strong. I remembered people speaking. I attempted to speak but I couldn’t understand my own words.
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