“I knew your engagement was quick, I just didn’t realize you only knew each other for that short of a time period. You guys didn’t waste any time!” I said with a chuckle as I shook my head.
“Cadence,” my mother said in a more serious tone. “Why are you asking me?”
I looked at her, only to find her watching me with a worried expression.
“No reason,” I lied.
“Honey, your father and I are rare. Love has a funny way about it. Somehow, you just know. But there’s a difference between love and lust. Most couples who marry as quickly as we did don’t have a happily ever after. You’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you. No need to rush things.”
I blushed. My mother was always so observant. Although I hadn’t actually told her, I knew she was aware of something between me and Fitz but had chosen to respect my privacy. She usually waited for me to open up to her about things first. While I normally confided in her about almost everything, I hadn’t about Fitz, and I wasn’t sure why. It was strange. Fitz was still a forbidden secret that I wanted to keep all to myself.
“I know, Momma,” was all I said. Dahlia scratched at the front door. I looked over at her, grateful for the excuse to escape my mother’s troubled gaze. “I’m going to take Dahlia out for a bit.”
My mother came over to me and placed her hands on my shoulders. Her worry lines deepened.
“Don’t be out too late,” she said and pressed a quick kiss to my cheek.
I nodded once as a wave of guilt washed over me. I stepped away before I ended up spilling everything to her.
Grabbing Dahlia’s leash, I opened the wooden screen door and stepped out onto the porch. Dahlia jumped around at my feet, anxious to finally go for a walk. I had buried myself in sociology homework over the past nine evenings. When I felt like I couldn’t write another sentence about the social patterns in society, I picked up my worn and faded copy of Pride and Prejudice. That didn’t go well–I just wasn’t in the mood to read about the prideful conflict between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth. On the other hand, when I switched to Sense and Sensibility, it got me thinking more about my relationship with Fitz. Although my circumstances were much different than Marianne’s, I allowed myself to get distracted by the wrong things.
As a result of my book musings, I was sure Dahlia was feeling more than just a little neglected. I squatted down and scratched her behind the ears.
“Sorry, girl. But you know why we had to stay inside. I had some thinking to do,” I whispered to her. I stood and hooked the leash onto her collar. The two of us started out down the path with only one destination in mind. The lake.
Despite my efforts to avoid Fitz, I had seen him here and there around camp. Those moments were tense to say the least. At times, Fitz looked angry, but it was impossible to know what he was thinking. Every time I saw him, I seemed to falter and shake. When I saw him today in Creator Hall during lunch hour, I lost all focus and walked right into the side of one of the cafeteria tables, causing my plate of sloppy joe to dump all over an unsuspecting student.
And of course, the embarrassing moment just had to have happened all under Fitz’s watchful eye. At the end of lunch hour, Fitz had come up to me. The only thing he said was, “Meet me at the lake tonight. Eight o’clock.”
Those were the only words spoken between us since the night he told me he was to marry someone else. It was now seven o’clock. I debated all afternoon about whether I should go to him. In the end, the love I felt for him won out over the anger and hurt.
Although I made the decision to see him, I still wanted an hour alone to think things through one final time. I had thought long and hard about everything he told me, but I wanted to be sure about the decision I was about to make. The solitude of the lake seemed to be the only place I could think clearly without interruption or distraction.
Dahlia and I weaved through the wooded path that led to the lake. Once we were almost there, I unfastened her leash and let her run on ahead. When I reached the end of the path, the trees parted. The sun was low in the sky, but it hadn’t quite lowered far enough to showcase the array of colors that always came with nightfall.
My gaze moved to the dock. Fitz was already there.
I wanted to feel disappointed about him beating me here. I wanted to be upset over losing an hour of alone time. But seeing him there petting a cheerful Dahlia, my heart melted a little. Any sane person would still be angry at him. After all, he hadn’t been truthful and led me on. However, over the course of the past nine days, I had asked myself a series of questions.
If I were in his shoes, what would I have done?
If I were in trouble like Fitz was, what would I choose to do? The phony marriage or jail time?
If I had met someone along the way, someone I ended up falling in love with, would I have been truthful? Or would I have tried to make the most of the time I had left?
My parents didn’t control me. They guided me for sure, but they let me make my own choices.
What if they didn’t?
I couldn’t be Fitz’s judge and jury. It wouldn’t be fair, especially since I may have made the same choices he had.
I slowly walked toward him and stepped up onto the dock. A beach blanket had already been spread out. The Boombox was there as well. I was so upset the last time we were here, I ran without thinking and had mistakenly left it and the blanket behind. Fitz must have taken it all back to the barn with him; however, there were a few additions tonight. Candles surrounded the blanket, but they weren’t lit. Along with the candles, freshly picked dahlia flowers were scattered around the dock.
“Hey,” he said, nervously running a hand through his hair.
“Hi,” I replied, unable to bring my gaze to meet his for some reason.
“I’m glad you came.”
I didn’t respond but moved closer to him and sat down on the blanket, calling to Dahlia.
“Come here, girl.”
Dahlia’s tail wagged as she plodded over to me. She lay down next to me and nudged my hand with her nose, signaling she wanted me to pet her.
“I, ah…” Fitz began as he sat down next to me. “I wanted to have this all ready before you got here, but you showed up early.”
I looked at him.
“What is all of this, Fitz?”
“It’s my apology. I wanted to do something nice for you.”
“Flowers and candles?”
“Yeah. I mean, girls like that shit. Don’t they?”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I suppose some do. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been wined and dined. Is that what you’re doing with me?”
“Not really. I was just trying to find some way to make it up to you. I fucked up bad, Cadence. I should have told you the truth sooner.”
“I thought so at first too, but then I asked myself how I would have handled it if I were in your position. Your father has forced you into an impossible situation.”
“I hate the mother fucker,” he hissed.
“Fitz, stop. When you hate someone, you let them take up space in your thoughts. Every day, they claim your focus, and that allows them to control you. What happened to you, the accident, then the fallout, can’t be changed. He may dictate your future, but he can’t take away what we have right now.” I paused, realizing my words were coming out more aggressively than I intended. His hard body sat rigid, and his perfectly chiseled jaw was set in a firm line. Despite his obvious tension, he was still beautiful. “I really wanted to be mad at you, but I don’t know if I would have done anything differently.”
He shook his head vehemently.
“Yes, you would have. You’re too honest. I should have been upfront with you right from the beginning.”
“Everything happens for a reason, Fitz. If you had told me earlier, we wouldn’t be here right now. I never would have taken the time to get to know you. We wouldn’t have shared all these evenings here by the lake. I wouldn’t have…”
I trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Fitz reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair back behind my ear.
“What is it? You wouldn’t have what?”
I searched his eyes, losing myself in those expressive pools of gray.
“I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you,” I admitted. “Because yes, Fitz, even though I tried, I realized I could never stop loving you. But at summers end, I’m going to lose you. We have less than two weeks left. I don’t want to spend what little time we have left being angry or passing blame. I want to make the most of it. Together. With you.”
Tears brimmed my eyes, and I blinked them away.
“Oh, sweetheart. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life. I’m sorry this is happening,” he murmured and leaned in to kiss each cheek. Then my eyes. Then my forehead. “I’m so very, very sorry.”
His mouth moved to my lips. I eagerly welcomed his kiss and allowed the tears to fall freely down my cheeks. All the love and lust that had ever percolated and boiled between us, spilled over onto the surface as he wrapped me tightly in his hard arms. His kiss was different from all the others we shared. It felt needy and full of desperation. The clock was ticking for us, and now that we both knew it, there was a sense of urgency that hadn’t been there before.
Fitz’s fingers laced through my hair as he devoured my mouth. Our tongues tangled, trying to memorize every action and every taste. He kissed me like he would never kiss me again. It made my head spin and my breathing uneven. At some point we moved from a sitting position to horizontal on the blanket. I had no idea where Dahlia wondered off to, but I didn’t particularly care. I was lost as Fitz’s tongue glided across mine.
The sun had lowered further in the sky, creating a rainbow mirror on the lake for the trees that surrounded it. Darkness was coming faster now as the days became shorter. To me, the fast approaching twilight was like a clock, symbolic to the little time we had left.
Magic seemed to hum in the air as Fitz’s hands roamed over my body and over my breasts before coming up to cup my face. I found myself wishing that the barrier of clothing between us would disappear. It was as if I had been waiting for this moment my whole life, as if this was the piece of the puzzle I never knew was missing. There was a longing inside me that was a living, breathing thing. Fitz had reached in, pulling at that part of me until it was brought to the surface with nothing more than the soft brush of his fingertips over my face.
“Fitz,” I breathed as my body involuntarily arched against him. “You once told me you didn’t want me to have any regrets.”
“I did,” he said as his mouth moved down the line of my neck. We were both panting, his tongue flicking over the pulse pounding rapidly at my throat. I felt his hand at my waist, tugging at the hem of the shirt tucked into my shorts.
“I know I’m going to lose you, and it’s going to crush me.” I paused and took a deep breath. Stepping out onto a limb, I felt myself teetering until it threatened to splinter. “I never want to regret my first time. I want it to be with someone I love.”
His hand froze as he lifted his head from my neck to look at me.
“What are you saying, Cadence?”
“I’m saying I love you. You are the keeper of my heart and I want my first time to be special. I want it to be with you.”
Fitz sat up. His face was flushed, and I was fairly certain that mine was as well.
“I don’t…” he faltered at a loss for words.
“No regrets,” I reiterated.
“I understand, but Cadence.” He stopped short again and then swore. “Fuck. You don’t know how bad I want to. But I don’t have a condom. Like, at all. Not even back at the barn. And I doubt they’d be sold at The Flourish.”
My face fell. I hadn’t even thought of protection, and I knew they weren’t sold at the camp store. After all, I was the one who ordered the supplies sold there. But then another thought occurred to me.
“I think we’re okay. I mean, I took health class and I can do the math. My period just ended two days ago,” I told him. I quickly dropped my head, hoping to hide the flush that crept up my neck. I wasn’t used to talking so openly about my time of the month.
Fitz closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He seemed to be fighting some sort of internal battle. In a way, I was too. What I was proposing was essentially Russian Roulette with my womb.
“Cadence, I’ve always used a condom, so I know I’m clean. But even if your calendar says you’re safe in other ways, you’re a virgin. I don’t know if I can do it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve never been with a…a,” he faltered. “With a virgin. What if I hurt you?”
I smiled softly, appreciating his worry and reached up to touch his striking face. My hands trembled. For the first time since meeting him, I felt like I could see all the way past the gorgeous exterior and into his huge, bleeding heart.
Rather than offer reassurances I wasn’t completely confident with myself, I stood up and walked over to the Boombox. I opened the cassette player to find one of Fitz’s mixed tapes inside. I pushed the cassette door closed again and pressed play. The sound of Mazzy Star filled the quiet night.
And I couldn’t think of a more perfect song.
I glanced around to see where Dahlia had wondered off to. She was laying at the other end of the dock, sleeping peacefully. She’d been around for enough of my make-out sessions with Fitz to know the drill.
Good girl. Just stay there.
Next to the radio was a box of matches. I struck one of them against the side of the box and lit a candle. Fitz watched me curiously as I moved to light each one. There were eight in all, and I had to stop twice to light a new match. Once all the candles were lit, I blew out the match and turned to face him. My heart began to pound.
I want this. I want to be with him in every way. No regrets.
I repeated those thoughts over and over again as I slowly began to remove my clothes.
17
FITZ
Cadence stood before me, clad in nothing but a pale pink bra and matching panties. Reaching around to pull the ends of her golden hair forward, she tugged at the tie that secured the braid she had woven into it. Shaking her hair free, the tendrils fell in crimped waves over her shoulders. I loved it when she wore her hair down. It reminded me of the first day I laid eyes on her.
I looked her up and down, drinking in the sight of her. She looked nervous, almost as if she were afraid to shed the last two pieces of her clothing. The image of her standing there, uneasy yet possessing this subtle hint of bold confidence was like the dirtiest fantasy I’d ever had of her come to life. My dick throbbed, screaming at me to do something about it, but my conscious made me pause.
Fuck, this girl is going to destroy me.
A flush crawled up her skin, from the pale flesh just above her breasts all the way to her sun-kissed cheeks. She nervously fingered a heart-shaped pendant that she wore around her neck and cast her eyes down demurely.
“I want you, Fitzgerald,” she whispered.
Hearing my full name on her lips caused my cock to strain against my shorts. I wanted her more than I wanted my next breath, but I had to be certain she was really up for this.
“Cadence,” I said hoarsely. “Are you sure?”
She nodded shyly, and I reached out my hand to pull her back down to me. She straddled my hips and lowered her mouth to mine. She tasted sweet and tangy and better than anything else I’d ever tasted in my life. I brought my hands around her waist to cup her behind. It felt soft and firm beneath her panties and I nearly groaned.
God, I shouldn’t be doing this.
I tried to talk myself off the ledge, but it was useless. Her mouth continued to move, her sweet tongue dancing with my own as she pulled at my t-shirt. I raised my arms to assist her, our mouths only parting for the briefest of seconds before crashing together once again. Her hands roamed over the lines of my chest and abs with an innocent
curiosity that was an aphrodisiac like no other. Unclasping her bra, I tossed it to the side and cupped her breasts. Her hips were rocking, grinding against my waist, and I could feel her damp heat against my skin.
Rolling to the side, I shifted her body, so she was on her back, careful not to crush her petite frame with my weight. She seemed to melt into me. Her small hands wrapped around my neck as she pulled me closer with her legs, gasping when my hard erection pressed against her. Although I still had my shorts on, Cadence going off like a firecracker when touched in the right place was not a reaction I expected from her. Everything she did, every touch, every reaction was going straight to my dick.
I was losing control, and I had to get it back.
“Sweetheart,” I panted. “We should think about this more.”
I said the words, but I didn’t believe them. The only truth I knew at that moment was how much I wanted to be buried balls deep in her. I hoped and prayed she would listen, perhaps be the voice of reason to bring us both to our senses.
“I’ve been thinking for nine long days. I don’t need to think anymore, Fitz.”
She lowered her hand to my hip and slid her delicate fingers under the waistband of my gym shorts. She reached lower and lower, sliding my shorts down farther with every inch she traveled. Her simple touch sent me flying, knowing full well I wanted things with her I shouldn’t. Every thought I had about being the good and decent guy went out the window.
Almost.
“Shit,” I hissed and grabbed her hand. “Cadence, wait. We can’t just…I need to make sure you’re ready first. Because, baby, the minute you pull that out of my pants, it’s all over.”
I sat up and looked down at her perfect pale skin and tiny waist. Sliding my hand up her side, I cupped one of her perky breasts, just big enough to fill my palm, and leaned down to capture a nipple between my teeth. She all but purred beneath me.
“How do you do that, Fitz? How do you make me feel so good?” she whispered.
I didn’t answer but moved down her torso instead. Looping my fingers under the sides of her panties, I slowly pulled them from her body. Now that she was completely naked, I looked at her once again. She shivered in response.
Cadence Untouched: A Dahlia Project Novel Page 14