“Thanks,” he mumbled, picking up the shirt and stuffing it into his own bag. Then he added, “Don’t forget your box of tapes.”
I glanced at the box of tapes that sat open on my bed. Their worn labels seemed to glare at me, every handwritten song title a reminder of all the nights I had listened to them with Cadence by the lake. I’d never be able to listen to them again without thinking of her.
“I’m leaving them. I can replace the music with CDs when I get home if I want to.”
“Dude, are you joking? You love those damn things,” he admonished. “I watched you for years, running to the stereo and timing it just right, not pressing record until the very last second when the DJ stopped talking. They’re like a work of art.”
“Yeah, well. Things change.”
He shot me an appraising look. I felt the muscles in my jaw bulge and tense.
“I noticed you skipped the performance this afternoon,” he pointed out.
“Big deal,” I stated flatly. “You know I couldn’t risk running into Cadence.”
Earlier that morning, as the camp filled with eager parents and the students buzzed with excitement, Devon and I worked to line up long rows of folding chairs in front of the stage. I was a nervous wreck the entire time, terrified I’d see Cadence on set. I knew if I saw her, my resolve would crumble. Devon noticed my odd behavior and asked what was wrong. That was when I filled him in on everything that had happened between me and Cadence the day before.
He’d told me I did the right thing, yet now, he stood there shaking his head, his lips pressed into a tight disapproving line.
“Our ride back home won’t be here for another two hours,” he pointed out.
“And?”
“Just saying,” he said with a shrug. “I’m going to head out and say goodbye to everyone. Most of the staff will be heading out soon.”
“Alright. I’ll catch up with you at the main entrance.”
Devon didn’t say more. He simply nodded and threw his body over the top rung of the ladder. Before descending, he paused and looked pointedly at me.
“You know…” he trailed off, hesitating. “Maybe I was wrong about breaking it off with Cadence. I mean, it is inevitable, but I didn’t expect you to be such a dick about it. There’s still time to fix it with her.”
I gave him a death glare.
“Break it off, don’t break it off! You can’t make up your damn mind. I did what I had to do. What’s done is done now.”
Devon shook his head.
“It’s your call, man.”
He disappeared down the ladder, leaving me alone to contemplate his words. I looked to the bale of hay where my duffle bag and a box of tapes sat. An ache clawed at my chest as I stared. Cadence should have those. Perhaps if she listened to them, she’d be reminded of me and what we shared here in this place.
Memories of all the nights we shared flashed before my eyes. I squeezed them shut, hoping to block out the visions, only to realize they’d forever be seared into my brain.
“Fuck it,” I swore under my breath.
I couldn’t leave things like this with her. Grabbing the box of tapes, I rushed out to find her.
I started the walk toward the cottage Cadence shared with her parents. The walk eventually turned into a jog, then to a full-blown sprint until I ran into a crowd of people. I pushed my way through the horde, each one of them smiling or laughing. Some were singing songs from the musical they’d just watched. Others talked loudly, offering words of congratulations. I barely saw or heard any of it. My only focus was getting to Cadence.
After what seemed like forever, I managed to get past the crowds and raced up the path toward the cottage on the hill. My feet pounded up the wooden steps of the front porch, stopping only when I reached the door. I banged my fist against the wooden frame.
“Cadence!” I called. More banging. “Cadence!”
I anxiously paced back and forth on the porch. Much to my disappointment, Jamison Riley and Dahlia came to the door. Not Cadence. Her father looked shocked to see me standing there. I stepped back, fairly certain I looked like a lunatic.
“Fitz. What can I do for you?”
“I need to see Cadence. Um… sir,” I stumbled, barely remembering my manners. Mr. Jimmy knew me even if it was only through a work relationship. Still, he was the father of the girl I loved. Making a good impression suddenly seemed to matter.
“She’s not here, Fitz. She left early this morning.”
Left?
My stomach dropped. I couldn’t be too late. I had to apologize. To fix this.
“What do you mean she left? Where did she go?”
Dahlia began to whine. Mr. Jimmy opened the door to let her out, then stepped out onto the porch to stand in front of me. He crossed his arms over his barreled chest and stared at me, conflict evident in his gaze.
“Fitz, look. I like you kid. I like you a lot actually, but I think it’s better if you just head on home and leave her be.”
“I mean no disrespect, sir, but I need to see her. You don’t understand.”
“Actually, I understand better than you think. I know you’ve been sneaking off to the lake with her all summer long. Her mother and I aren’t stupid, but we respect her privacy. She is eighteen after all. But I also know that you have certain obligations that don’t really add up to me.”
“Obligations?”
“Your father called nearly every week since camp started. He was checking in to see how things were going with you. Rest assured, I always gave him a good report. However, he said something last week that left me scratching my head. What’s this business about you getting married in September?”
Fuck!
I wanted to scream. I could only imagine how the situation looked.
“It’s complicated,” I stated, not knowing where to even begin.
“I’ll bet,” he stated caustically. His tongue clicked, and I half wondered if he was literally going to pick me up by the shirt front and toss me off the porch. He didn’t, and just continued on with a judgmental stare. “Imagine my surprise, to hear that the boy who’s been spending all kinds of time with my daughter is supposed to be getting married. My wife wanted to murder you. At least, that was until I reminded her that Cadence is a smart girl. I thought there had to be some sort of explanation. So, tell me. Are you really getting married?”
Slowly, I nodded.
“I am, but it’s not by choice. All I can say is I made a mistake, and now, I’m paying for it. I can’t really say anything more.”
Mr. Jimmy pressed his lips into a tight line, but he didn’t say anything right away. Instead, he stood and stared, appearing to size up the situation. He looked back and forth between my eyes like he was searching for something. I could only hope he saw the truth in my words and my desperation to see his daughter.
“Does Cadence know the details?”
“She does, sir.”
He grumbled something I couldn’t make out. He looked out, staring absently into the woods that lined the side of the house and shook his head.
“Well, it appears you’ve got yourself into quite the jam, now doesn’t it?” he eventually said. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I will say I’ve never seen my daughter take an interest in any boy the way she has with you.”
“I didn’t plan for this to happen. It just did,” I said earnestly. “When I tried to break things off, I didn’t do it the right way. Because of that, I need to set things right with her. I need to apologize.”
He watched me contemplatively again for a moment before offering a single nod.
“If that’s the case, I think you know where to find her.”
The lake.
“Thank you, sir!”
Without another word, I turned and sprinted down the steps. I ran back though the crowd of people. It had thinned some, but they still slowed my progress. I passed Creator Hall, then the barn, finally reaching the little parting in the trees that would take me to t
he lake. Just as it had been all summer, the clock was ticking, and the sun was setting. Except now, I only had one hour left. There would be no tomorrow with Cadence. This was it. The minute I climbed into the car that was supposed to take me home, it was all over.
The box of tapes rattled in my arms as I ran. I finally stopped running once I neared the end of the path. Walking the last few steps to the clearing, I tried to catch my breath. When the trees parted and the lake came into view, my steps faltered. Cadence was sitting alone on the dock, her back facing me, and she had the Boombox with her. Even from this distance, I could hear the music flowing from the speakers. She had on one of my mixed tapes, the one I had left in the cassette deck the last time we were here. Forever Young by Alphaville glided across the air.
I felt like there was a magnet pulling me toward her. Slowly, I put one foot in front of the other. Her golden hair shone like a halo around her head. She looked like an angel at sunset. My breath caught in my throat. The pain of what I was going to lose stole all the air from my lungs.
I was halfway to the dock when she turned to face me. I couldn’t tell if she was sad or happy to see me. She shook her head and held out a hand to stop me from coming any further, but I didn’t stop walking until I reached the edge of the dock. Only then did I pause. She stared at me, and I at her. Emotion welled up inside me, erupting from a place I didn’t know existed.
“I’m sorry, Cadence,” I called out. “I’m sorry for–”
I stopped, realizing I could be here all day apologizing for the multitude of ways I hurt her.
She closed her eyes and nodded before turning to gaze out over the water for a moment. When she looked back, I could see the tears glistening in her eyes. But then, much to my surprise, she smiled. It wasn’t a beaming, cheerful smile but one that came from a place of bitter sweetness.
“No regrets, Fitz.”
Then, she turned her back to me once more.
I wanted to go to her, to beg for her forgiveness. But for some reason, I knew the few words we exchanged were enough.
I still clutched the box of mixed tapes in my hands. Bending over, I placed it on the worn wooden planks of the dock. This summer, I had found paradise. I’d always be forever young in this magical place. But now, paradise was gone. I knew the memories we shared would forever play in my head, over and over again. Cadence, so beautifully untouched, had trusted me. She had given me not only her body, but her heart. Saying those three words, expressing she had no misgivings, told me what I needed to know. She knew I loved her and that was all that mattered.
Stepping away, I began to walk back toward the woods. I looked back only once. When I did, I saw Cadence standing at the beginning of the dock with the box of tapes opened at her feet. In her hand, she held a piece of paper. I knew what it was. It was an unfolded origami fortune teller, one I had made at some point during the night when sleep refused to come. Inside each of the four flaps, I had written four sentences.
Sunsets will always belong to you.
When it’s dark, I’ll remember you to find the light.
You will forever hold my heart.
Leaving you will always be my biggest regret.
Cadence stared at me with her hand held over her heart. I did the same, each of us sending our own silent messages. My throat tightened. An ache so all-consuming slammed into my chest, nearly causing me to choke.
As I turned to walk away, I took her in one final time. Her loose-fitting tank top billowed in the breeze, causing the pale blue material to cling to one side of her body. I memorized her every curve and the way the sun shone behind her golden hair. I breathed deep, hoping to catch a hint of her vanilla scent. I didn’t, but that was okay. I wished I could look into the expressive pools of her emerald green eyes once more. I couldn’t, but that was okay too. I’d never forget.
Just like I’d never forget her.
25
Six Weeks Later
Bethesda, Maryland
CADENCE
I burst through the doors of my bedroom in our old Victorian house in Bethesda and threw myself onto the bed. I didn’t cry. There were no more tears left to shed. Instead, I just stared at the ceiling as a feeling of finality began to seep into my veins. Thunder rumbled in the distance and I knew a storm was moving in. The TV was on in the downstairs living room. I could hear the voice of Pat Sajak, and the click-click sound of a wheel spinning carry up the stairs. I pulled my pillow up on either side of my head to cover my ears.
It had been forty-one days and thirteen hours since I left Camp Riley. Not that I was counting or anything. In all that time, I hadn’t heard a word from Fitz. I shouldn’t have expected him to call or reach out to me in some way or another. I tried not to think about what he was doing or who he was doing it with. With every day of silence, the reality became more fatalistic.
Still, a part of me refused to let go of that last shred of hope. I promised myself that I wouldn’t miss him. I began my classes at American University and tried to keep myself as busy as I could. However, the daily battle I had with myself to look up his phone number to call him, to beg him to come back to me was soul-crushing.
When he left me that final day at the lake, it had been a bittersweet goodbye. Still, the box of tapes he left for me rekindled a tiny flame of hope. The Chinese origami he made was still under my pillow. However, I knew now, whatever Fitz had felt for me wasn’t enough to make him stand up to his father and choose me over the shitty deal he’d been given. That fact became a reality the moment I entered the living room to join my parents for a bit of TV.
Wheel of Fortune was about to come on, but there was still five minutes left of the local news. That’s where I saw him again. Fitz. My Fitz–although he wasn’t mine anymore. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much, but seeing him being photographed next to a beautiful woman in a white dress was a blow to the chest like no other.
He had actually gone through with it.
In that instant, I knew there never would be a call from him. I could never call him. See him. Touch him. He was gone forever.
The newscasters rattled on about the happily ever after for the son of a rising politician and daughter of a prestigious judge, but I didn’t stick around to hear everything they were saying. I couldn’t stomach it. As I struggled to breathe, the ache in my chest was so severe, I thought my lungs would collapse. Both my mother and father had looked at me with a worried expression, but I just gave an excuse about having to do homework and left the room.
I couldn’t face them, especially now. They didn’t know my period was late. Very late. They didn’t know I had taken a pregnancy test that very morning. They didn’t know how I sat on the edge of the toilet and cried at the appearance of that second blue line. There was no doubt.
I was pregnant.
The well of tears I thought was dried up began to fill again. I let them fall, streaming freely down my face as I stared up at the white ceiling in my bedroom. As much as it pained me to let Fitz go, I had to get over him. He was now officially a married man. But living here, knowing Fitz was only thirty minutes away, yet still so far out of reach, would be next to impossible. I had to work at moving on for the sake of our baby–my baby. Because, yes–I knew I was going to have to do this alone.
It would be torture seeing my parents’ disappointed expressions day in and day out, and I refused to allow myself or my unborn child be a burden to them. They raised me better than that. They taught me to be independent and to stand on my own two feet. I had to show them I could do exactly that, and just hope that I wouldn’t disappoint them with yet another thing. Sure, I had school to worry about, but I could sort that out later once I settled someplace. In the meantime, I had some money saved. It wasn’t a lot, but it was something to get me started.
Impulsively, I jumped from the bed and went to my closet. Pulling out my suitcase, I began to toss items inside. I had no idea where I was going, but I’d figure it out. Maybe Abingdon, Virginia. It was a quiet town and I
always liked it there. But then again, that meant I’d be close to Camp Riley.
And the lake.
Memories of Fitz began to overwhelm me once again. No. I couldn’t go back there.
Pouring rain began to pelt against the windows and flashes of lighting peppered the blackened night sky. I struggled to muffle the sound of my sobs as I emptied the contents of my dresser. I jumped when I heard a creak in the wooden floorboards of the old house. I paused.
Glancing up from my suitcase, I spotted my mother standing in the wood doorframe of my bedroom, her eyes kind and sympathetic.
“I know why you’re trying to leave, Cadence.”
Maybe she did. My mother always knew everything. But what she didn’t know was why I felt I had to leave.
“Momma, no. You don’t understand,” I sobbed. I hastily wiped my tears away, only to find more had followed. She came to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. As she stroked my hair, I nearly crumpled to my knees, the action soothing me during my darkest moment.
“I do understand, honey. You’ve never been a good liar, so you don’t know how to cover your tracks very well. I saw the pregnancy test in the bathroom wastebasket.”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…I didn’t,” I stuttered.
“Cadence, look at me,” she said more sternly. I picked up my head and stared into what was sure to be a future version of me. Her green eyes, while kind, were glossy with unshed tears. “All the doctors said it wasn’t possible for me to get pregnant, yet here you are. You were my miracle. Your baby is a miracle. You don’t have to run. We will get through this together and as a family.”
“Oh, Momma,” I wept, dropping my head to her shoulder once again. “But, Fitz. He’s…he’s married now.”
“I know, honey. I know. We’ll figure it out. Come now. Wipe those tears. There’s a good thunderstorm moving in outside. From the sounds of it, St. Peter is having a good game of bowling with the angels. How about we go sit on the back porch and enjoy the show?”
Cadence Untouched: A Dahlia Project Novel Page 18