She closed her eyes. “You have a right to be angry, but Ryan, please understand what I’m about to say. We knew bringing you home, pretending to the world you were our daughter, would create a divide in our family. We knew that some people would guess, and you might even find out the truth before you were ready. We knew Wendy would not forgive easily, but we brought you home anyway. We knew we could never forgive ourselves if we didn’t. And we knew—” Her voice caught, and my mother, who never cried, suddenly had tears running down her cheeks. “We knew we would mourn your loss forever. And so, we made a choice between you and your sister.”
They had chosen me. They had chosen a baby with serious health problems, not knowing whether I would need more surgery in the near future, not knowing if I would survive. And despite that, they had chosen me over the daughter they had raised for eighteen years, the daughter they had doted on, the daughter whose entire childhood had been documented, preserved and treasured in the pages of scrapbooks.
“Ryan Rose.” This time she took my hand, threaded her fingers through mine, and held it tight. “I have never, not once, regretted that decision.”
We sat that way, as I tried to believe her. I wanted the conversation to end on that note. But I knew it couldn’t.
“I grew up in your house. And I heard stories about how perfect my sister was. I never measured up, and I knew that.” I freed my hand and held it out to stop her from interrupting. “You were never cruel, but you had less invested in me. That was clear. Maybe you were just older, weary—”
She interrupted anyway. “I was both, yes, and so was your dad, but that had nothing to do with the way we treated you.”
“So what did? Because there was a difference. Don’t pretend otherwise.”
“Of course there was. We treated you differently because we understood how many mistakes we’d made with your sister. I realized we had to change the way we raised you.”
She was no longer attempting to explain away Wendy’s faults. “Well, you certainly did change.”
“You don’t think it was a struggle? Especially at first with your health problems? It would have been so easy to shelter you, to hover over you the way we’d hovered over Wendy and guided every step she took. We wanted to wrap you in cotton. Every time you got winded from running, or forgot to take your meds, or refused to do anything the easy way, we wanted to grab you and store you in a closet until you finally grew good sense.”
I thought about John Quayle. “You would have had to wait a good long time.”
Her smile was watery. “If you ever have children, you’ll understand how much you want to protect them. But we realized we had to let you find your own way, the way Wendy should have been allowed to find hers. Your sister rebelled after a lifetime of being told what she should do and how she should do it. We knew we had to let you make mistakes, try this path, then that one. We had to let you fail, so ultimately you could succeed.”
“Succeed? I’m the imperfect daughter, remember? Not good advertising for your parenting skills. I’m not even your real daughter. I’m an illegitimate granddaughter with an imperfect heart.”
She turned and put her arms around me, pulling me close, even as I resisted. It was so odd, so un-Arlie, that I finally let her. I felt myself relax unwillingly against her. The tears on my cheeks were my own.
She stroked my hair a long time before she spoke. “Oh, sweetheart. I can’t imagine how you could say something like that and believe it. Don’t you realize we never, never saw you as less than who you are? We loved you as a daughter, just the way you were, right from the moment you were born. In our eyes you were and are absolutely perfect.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
When I arrived home, Teo was parked in my driveway, car seat cranked back and Latin jazz playing on the radio. I parked on the street and tried to sneak up on him, but he still had a cop’s instincts. Just as I stuck my head through the front passenger window, he opened his eyes and smiled.
“‘A Deeper Shade of Soul,’” he said. “Ray Barretto. My mother heard him in concert once before I was born. She still talks about it.”
“Latin jazz was a favorite at my house, too.”
He brought his seat back to driving position. “Name one song.”
“‘The Girl from Ipanema.’”
“Name another.”
“‘The Girl from Ipanema Goes Walking’? ‘The Girl from Ipanema Just Doesn’t See’?” I turned up my hands in defeat. “My father played that song as often as he could get away with it. Now the two of you have something to talk about after he trashes his diet.”
He clicked off the music and came around to join me, leaning against the side of the car with his arms folded. “That’s promising. Both that you expect me to speak to your father in the future and that you’re planning to keep speaking to him.”
After the morning’s confrontation, I was wrung dry. So I leaned against the car, too, and edged closer until our shoulders touched.
“I had a talk with my mother.”
“And you’re still calling the Graceys your mother and father, unless you’re talking about the woman formerly known as your sister.”
“Did you ever read Horton Hatches the Egg?”
“An elephant’s faithful 100 percent?”
Not every man would admit a children’s book had made a lasting impression. I inched closer. “I loved that story. Horton the elephant did everything required to make sure an egg hatched after an irresponsible bird abandoned it.”
“I mostly remember the story because my mother called the bird a lot of bad names. Mamá is very maternal. She can also cuss like a sailor, usually in Spanish.”
“I like your mother. Maybe she’ll give me Spanish cursing lessons.”
“Be careful what you wish for.”
Now our hips were touching, too. “When the egg finally hatches, after weeks of horror for poor Horton, the creature that emerges is half elephant and half bird. The little bird-elephant and Horton return to the jungle together for a happily-ever-after.”
He slung an arm around my shoulders. “Are you planning to live in the jungle with Arlie and Dale?”
“If I have to. I know who my real parents are.”
“So is Wendy the bird?”
“Only if the bird was barely out of high school and forced to lay the egg when she didn’t want to.”
“They forced your sister to go through with the pregnancy?”
“They made it impossible for her not to. I can’t support what they did on a lot of levels, but you know, Teo—” I opened my arms wide, whacking him softly in the chest. “Here I am.”
He squeezed me closer. I absorbed his comforting warmth before I told him the rest. “When they decided to tell the world I was theirs, the decision opened a rift between them and my sister. They knew it would, but Mom says that by then, they also knew she and Dad would give me the best home.”
I would tell him the rest later. For now, I knew exactly what I needed to do. “Tropicana is a great place to run. Want to try it with me?”
“I thought you might need to. I’m wearing my running shoes.” He lifted his flesh-and-bone leg and wiggled his foot.
“You always wear your running shoes.”
“I fell flat on my face a lot at the beginning. I don’t let vanity get in my way.”
“You know, someday if you fall, I’d like to be there to pick you up.”
“And if I won’t let you?”
“I’ll keep asking. You can’t scare me off.”
He touched my cheek. “You got those dimples from your dad. You know that, don’t you?”
Last night I’d texted him the archived article from the Seabank Free Press about Sean Riley’s death, complete with a photograph of Sean in his camouflage battle uniform. “I always wondered where they came from. No one else in the family has them
.”
“I’m sorry he never knew you.”
“Once I’m ready, I may go see his parents. I guess they’re officially my grandparents. But I need to find out more about them. I don’t want to be an unwelcome reminder.”
“You could never be unwelcome.”
That was enough sentiment to make my insides quiver again. I needed to work off the emotion coursing through my body. Teo understood. He grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the car, and in a few moments we were out on the street.
Once we hit our stride, he spoke. “How’s Biz this morning?”
“Probably mad we didn’t bring him. I’m sure he’s already figured out you’re here.”
“Still limping?”
“Not that I’ve seen.”
“I think those little girls gave him a workout. I’ll check on him when we get back.”
Our pace was now in sync. Somewhere between slow to medium, arms swinging gracefully—at least I hoped so. Ominous clouds were gathering forces to take over the sky. I mentally mapped a route through the streets that wouldn’t take us too far from the town house, in case the heavens opened.
“I’m sorry if the girls are responsible for the strain,” I said. “But Biz is helping them loosen up, so I hate to set limits. You ought to see them at the park tossing balls for him, or a Frisbee. They even roll around on the ground. They’re not very good at any of it, but they sure love the activity.”
“He’s good for them. You’re good for them.”
“Wendy may not think so when she comes back and takes over.”
“When...”
He was right. The word was wrong. “If.”
“That’s a big step. Semantics, maybe, but still.”
“She’s the one who nudged me to talk to Claire Durant. Do you think she hoped Claire would drop the bomb she’s my biological mother?” Saying that out loud felt odd, even distasteful. But disloyal? I wasn’t sure anymore.
“It’s an interesting question. Does Bryce know?”
I hadn’t asked my mother, and I hadn’t asked if Wendy ever wanted to tell me the truth. “I have a lot of questions for later,” I said, “after I’ve absorbed the answers I got today. But let’s say she did want me to find out, or at the very least, she isn’t worried that I might. What could be her reason?”
“You’re exploring new territory here. Do you really want my help?”
“I have to get to the truth, whatever it is. I have to know so I can protect Holly and Noelle.”
“And your parents.”
I nodded. “So if Wendy wanted me to figure out she’s my mother, why?”
“I think you already know.”
I did have a theory, and I could see he wanted me to be the one to voice it. I watched the road more carefully than I needed to. “Because if I know she’s my mother, not my sister, I may be even less likely to turn her in if I think she’s guilty of murder.”
“Does that seem like a real possibility to you?”
“That I’d walk away and let a murderer go free?”
“Not what I meant, and I don’t think you’ll know the answer to that until you’re faced with the question.”
I moved down a notch to the less challenging one. “If she’s hoping for greater loyalty from me, maybe revelations are coming that require it.”
At the end of the block we turned left, then left again, circling back to my street. I moved over to the side, off the bumpy pavement to a well-trampled path beside it. Grass and spongy soil made running here easier, and I knew that from this point to the town house, there were no real obstacles.
I felt the first drops of rain when we were still a block away. We picked up speed, but I didn’t want to sprint. Teo’s leg was good enough for jogging, but I wasn’t sure it was up to a race. We were doing fine. Even the worst of the rain held off, until we hit a dip in the ground where previous rains had washed away soil. I jumped over it without thinking, but Teo slipped, and suddenly he was facedown on the grass.
What else could I do? I plopped down beside him, the rain falling faster. “Fancy meeting you here,” I said. “You okay?”
By then he’d flipped to his back. He was breathing hard but looked fine otherwise. I did the only sensible thing. I propped my hands on each side of his head, leaned over and kissed him. Hard. He put his arms around me, and the only thought that managed to worm its way through a haze of desire was that I was glad we were off the road.
“You know,” I said, when I propped myself just high enough to see his face. “When I said I wanted to pick you up, I didn’t mean right away. You could have waited until we were inside.”
“I stubbed my toe. That doesn’t happen often.”
“Too bad. The result was so much fun.”
“You have raindrops in your eyelashes.”
“You look a little worse for wear yourself.”
He held up his hands to look at his palms. I saw they were red, but not even skinned. I leaned over and kissed one, then the other. “And now I get up, extend my arm, and even if you don’t need it or me, you don’t refuse either.”
I did exactly that, positioned myself over him, with one foot on each side of his hips, and held out my hand. He took it reluctantly, sat up, then in one smooth motion he pulled me down on top of him again. “This is so much more fun.”
I squirmed, but he wrapped his arms around me. “We have to get up sometime, Teo. This is a public place. And I saw lightning.”
He slid his hands under my T-shirt and his thumbs under the bottom of my bra. He kissed me again.
I gave up being practical. This felt exactly right, even as the rain fell harder. I was consumed with memories of other moments like this. I remembered, too, where they had always led and how good our lovemaking had been, right from the beginning.
Only when the distant thunder grew louder, and my bra was in danger of being unhooked in somebody’s front yard, did I finally wrench myself away, get back to my feet and hold out my hand again. This time he let me help him up.
Rain was now falling in earnest, but I couldn’t stop smiling. “You didn’t injure anything, did you?”
“No, but Peg’s not so fond of getting wet.”
I laughed at the nickname. “Peg Leg?”
“She’s a ravishing beauty, my Peg. She’s worth every penny I spend on her.”
“Did you really slip?”
“You’ll never know.”
I punched him, and then I took off for home. He came, too, and we made it under the overhang just before the heavens opened and lightning split the sky.
Inside Bismarck greeted us, so happy to see Teo that he immediately forgave us. Teo checked him thoroughly and pronounced him greatly improved. Delighted, I went upstairs to wash my face and comb my hair while Teo washed in the downstairs bathroom with his sidekick in the doorway. I thought it was possible, even probable, that the fall had been staged to take my mind off the drama in my life. For a few minutes, at least, it had worked.
Mostly, the aftermath.
I came downstairs in time to find Bismarck on a great room sofa. I watched as he was told to get down by his handler, who was meaner than I was. Biz wandered off to nap on the floor by the front door. I was sure I heard him sigh.
Teo turned down my offer of lunch, so I poured water for both of us and handed him a glass. “If Peg doesn’t like getting wet, does this mean you never shower? Not that I’ve noticed much of a smell...”
“Peg takes a break. Sometimes I use a crutch, sometimes a chair, I have grab bars. I shower as often as you do, probably more considering what I do every day.”
“You handle everything well. To me it all seems a part of who you are now.”
“I miss the leg, but I don’t miss the life that went with it.”
“How can that be true? You loved your job. You were
a hotshot.”
“I lived on adrenaline. If I wasn’t having an adventure, even a bad one, I wasn’t alive. That was part of what I had to get used to. Slowing down, letting my heart beat at a normal rate, thinking about things that didn’t have to do with chasing bad guys. Not risking my life isn’t as exciting, but it has its own rewards. I sleep at night. I eat regular meals. I see more of my family. The only thing more dangerous than being a K9 officer is undercover narcotics. My time was coming.”
“And the life you have now?”
“I’m good at it. I make a difference for dogs and people. And I can go home and look at the stars every night and not worry that my phone will ring and I’ll be called out again.”
“Then you have everything most people want.”
“Not everything.”
I knew better than to pursue that.
We went out to the screened porch to watch the rain, and neither of us spoke until the storm began to move away.
“Do you have more trips to Against the Wind planned?” Teo asked.
Luckily, I could give him the answer he wanted. “I found what I needed and more than I wanted.”
“If you want my opinion?” He waited until I nodded. “I think you’d be wise to keep Bismarck close. There’s more going on here than you know. And whatever happens next could be more dangerous than just getting flattened at your front doorstep.”
I’d had a lot of other things to think about since that morning, but now I went back to that scene in my imagination, visualizing everything that had happened. “The roofer? The guy I saw at the bar? What was he doing here? Was he prowling around because he knew Kim wasn’t home? Maybe he wanted to break in and steal whatever he could. I think he might have tried before.” I told him about the hanging screen.
“Maybe he was looking for something specific, rather than something he could pawn or sell quickly.”
I had thought of that, too, and something worse. “Is it possible Wendy hired him to break in and grab something she left behind?”
Teo gave a low whistle. “You’re thinking on a new level.”
“The old one wasn’t working.”
A Family of Strangers Page 29