He jabbed his fist into his knee to keep from yelling at that. Visit? Yeah, that would have been fucking great if his mom had done that for him when he crashed his Cavalier. Damn bitch was his emergency contact, and the hospital had tried to get through to her. Maybe if she wasn’t such a selfish drunken idiot, he wouldn’t have wound up in Aurora’s clutches. He couldn’t be sure if he would have been better off that way-probably would have forced him back to crack-but at least he would have thought she cared.
He wanted to say all that, to demand that his grandma listen to reason for once and stop taking his mom’s side, but instead he ground his teeth hard and explained, “I can’t visit her.”
“Why not?” she asked innocently.
“I’m an addict,” he reminded her, knowing there was no reason that he should have to. “I can’t be around her.”
“You can’t see your own mother?” she asked incredulously.
He shook his head, losing the thin grip he had on his temper. His fist ground into his leg as he tried desperately to contain the rage that struggled to leach into his voice. He slid a glance over at Sandy before answering. “She’s not good for me.”
His cousin wore an expression of repulsion. Or was it… She was nodding, almost imperceptibly. He wasn’t sure if she even realized that she was bobbing her head up and down, supporting him in his decision to keep distance from his mom.
“The stuffing is delicious, Mrs. Whitmer. Is it a family recipe?” Eric asked brightly. His interruption was so perfectly timed that Todd wondered about him. Eric was incredibly likable, and that only made Todd want to hate him more, despite the fact that he was currently attempting to ease the tension at the table.
“It came from a box,” Linda muttered in reply.
“So does my mom’s famous apple pie,” he said with a playful wink.
She smiled, actually smiled at him. “It seems we have something in common.”
The guy was shamelessly using his mom to score points with Sandy’s mom. And it was working. Eric faced the bitter old lady at his side, clearly seeking their grandmother’s attention next. Just as he opened his mouth to say something sure to draw her attention off Todd, she spoke quietly. “Your mother’s having a rough time without you. It isn’t easy for her to be away from her son.”
Normally, he could deal with his grandma’s obsession with getting on his case. Usually, he could just sit quietly and nod his head until it was out of her system, but not now. Not after the hell he’d been through.
“Yeah,” Todd agreed with a snort. “Who the hell pays her rent now?”
“That’s not nice, Todd. She does the best she can.”
His jaw ticked, and the legs of his chair scraped against the hardwood floors as he shoved it back a hair. “The best…” he muttered under his breath, dropping his fork to his plate with a loud clatter. His fists clenched harder, and his gaze bored into his uneaten dinner.
“I tell you this because I care.”
At that, Todd’s anger spun from his control, like a spring bursting from his grip, and he scrambled to grab a hold of it. “You care? About who?” he demanded. “Not me. Sure, you helped me out when I needed it, but you also really screwed me over.”
“Todd, that’s enough,” Jack warned.
He ignored his uncle, and so did his grandma.
“What are you talking about?” she demanded, her pasty pale cheeks flushing in awkward blotches.
He shook his head bitterly. “I was a kid. Barely eight years old. I’d only seen my mom twice when you handed me over. I didn’t know her at all!” he exclaimed, gripping the table to keep from leaping up like a madman.
“She’s your mother. What was I supposed to do?”
“I called you. I begged you to take me home,” Todd stressed. He looked away and forced a slow exhale, trying to snuff out the emotions rising within him. “You didn’t love me enough to fight for me. I get it. I wasn’t your kid. You didn’t want the responsibility, but don’t sit there and tell me how I need to call my mom. I don’t need to do shit for her, and everyone here knows it. Including you.”
She slowly leaned back into her chair, shaking her head with a tight expression. “I don’t understand this hostility.”
He stood quickly, and his chair tumbled backward, crashing to the floor. “Like hell you don’t,” he growled. Mimi took off running to hide.
“Todd!” Jack interjected. “That’s enough!”
Jack was too late. Nothing could stop this train wreck conversation now. Todd’s temper had flared, and there was no use holding back. Words he had always thought but never said came rushing out his mouth in a torrent of anger.
“You sit there, acting like everything’s so fucking great,” Todd told his grandma with a punishing glare. “You live in your own little perfect world, hiding from the truth, never bothering to lift your head and take a good look at the mess around you. You think that makes you a good person, but you’re wrong. You raised a monster, and ignoring that isn’t helping anyone. So don’t sit there, lecturing me, pretending that you don’t understand. It’s time you wake up and see. Everyone in this family is worth shit except that girl over there,” he declared, angrily pointing in Sandy’s direction.
“How dare you,” his grandma muttered, voice trembling along with her hands.
Todd roughly yanked his chair upright and shoved it under the table. “I can’t stay for one more second listening to this shit. Thanks for the invite, Aunt Linda, although I don’t understand why you bothered. Come on, Mimes.”
He stormed toward the door, and Mimi raced him for it with her ears pinned down. He could feel everyone’s eyes drilling into his back as he left. Maybe he had taken it too far, verbally abusing an old woman on a holiday. Maybe he should have kept his damn mouth shut, but he was so sick of being dumped on about his bitchy mom. Why did it have to be his job to take care of her when she’d never done that for him?
Mimi scampered into his car, and Sandy rushed outside, eyes wide. He wasn’t sure what she intended to say, if she had followed to coax him back inside or give him a high five. Maybe curse him out, but he didn’t care. She followed.
Sandy stood awkwardly a few paces away from him, working her jaw, and he realized that she didn’t have a clue of what to say.
He exhaled slowly, clinging to his roof trim, struggling to calm down. He glanced up at her through a veil of messy hair. “I’m not going back inside.”
She swallowed slowly. “I don’t want to lose you again.” Her words were pleading and scared.
“You won’t,” he reluctantly muttered.
She gave him a doubtful look; then, an idea lit her eyes like a light bulb flashing in her head. “Drive me back to school?”
“What about Eric?” he asked.
“He’s leaving after dinner. They won’t let him stay.”
Todd shook his head, and his fist clenched. “Assholes. Fine. Sunday, I’ll be here. Call me with a time.” He started to get in his car but then looked back at her, checking to make sure that he wasn’t hallucinating. There she was, standing before him, as real as can be.
She smiled softly. “You’d better answer.”
CHAPTER 10
STICKY SWEET AND OH-SO BITTER
Todd had just pulled away when Eric rushed out the front door and skipped down the steps, barely touching half of them as he hurried toward me. There was panic in his eyes, that wild look he had when we sought answers to our deepest, darkest fears.
“We should go,” he said as he grabbed my arm and dragged me toward his car. I scrambled to keep up with his rushed pace.
“Why? What’s wrong?”
When he didn’t answer, I ripped free from his grip and spun to face him.
He backed me up against the side of his car. Smooth cold metal pressed against my back and palms as he leaned over me with an intense darkness clouding the deep blue of his eyes.
I shrank beneath him, feeling like he was some powerful, unfamiliar creature. I d
idn’t fear that he would harm me. It was like he was desperate for my safety.
Heat radiated from his body in waves, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to lean into him or push him away. His hands gripped the window trim at either side of my head. I stared at the anxious pulse of the vein in his neck, thrumming against his skin quickly… over and over.
“Eric,” I breathed uncomfortably. He didn’t move or respond until I glanced up into his eyes. Love and ferocity mixed together, creating a feral, intimidating look in his gaze.
“Something isn’t right with these people,” he explained vaguely.
“These people?” I demanded, taking offense. “Families argue on holidays. It’s a fact of life,” I stated. I wanted desperately to cross my arms with attitude, but didn’t have enough space to move. His face dipped closer to mine, his breath hot on my cheek.
“I’m serious.”
“What happened?” I exclaimed, exasperated. “I left you alone with them for two minutes! Did they kick you out?” Why was drawing out an answer suddenly so difficult? I wanted to scream in frustration.
“No, they wanted me to stay. All that I did was stand up to check on you. Your mom and dad freaked out that I would miss pie.”
I let loose a rough laugh.
“It’s not funny,” he said darkly. “They were desperate for me to stay through dessert. They didn’t care that you had taken off or even if you were coming back. They just shoveled pie on my plate. Your dad blocked the door.”
I gave a curt laugh that was part mocking, part scared. “What? Then how did you…?” I began, glancing around him to see my house. I could barely see where my parents stood by the window, watching us.
“How do you think? I moved him,” he explained, nostrils flaring. “Let me take you home.”
“I am home,” I argued.
He sighed. “I mean to the dorms. Let’s go, please.”
I looked him square in the eye, not budging. “Eric, you’re being dramatic.”
His eyes grew wide. “Do you not remember what we saw in our past? There’s no way in hell I’m eating that pie!”
I shook my head, annoyed. “I’m not running out on my family in the middle of dinner. I dealt for an entire dinner with yours. You should do the same for me.”
“Cassandra, something’s not right.”
“Of course it isn’t. Aurora has them!” I shouted. My voice choked in my throat. “They need me to bring them back,” I added in a whisper.
“You can’t be serious,” he argued. “It’s too risky.”
My eyes narrowed. “My parents won’t hurt me, Eric. They’d never do that.”
He flinched as if I’d slapped him. Guilt struck me, but it couldn’t soften my voice at all. I couldn’t manage to take back what I had said, nor even rephrase it.
“I want them back. If I think really hard, I can remember a time when things weren’t like this. When they were good and it… it wasn’t great, but it was different. Better than this.”
“But Sandra,” he began softly.
“I want what you have,” I declared. “A loving family. I want that.”
His eyes softened, and he took my hands in his. “You can have that. With my family.”
“Yours?” I whined incredulously.
“Forget my grandparents. And Ryder will come around,” he said in a pleading tone.
I was pinned against his car, unable to escape, so I backed up my head until my neck thumped against the roof of his car, but he leaned in closer.
“My parents love you,” he explained. “I never heard my mom raise her voice to my grams until she kicked you out. My mom was furious because she wants you around. Forget the dorms. Let’s go to my house.” I wiggled my hands out of his grip, but he didn’t give up. “Let me give you what you need.”
“I need my family,” I said, voice cracking with a choke on the last word. I swallowed down a lump forming in my throat and clamped down on my lower lip.
Eric hung his head. His short blond hair tickled my forehead before he pushed away from me. He went to the trunk and popped the latch. I followed him over, watching as he nudged his spare tire aside and lifted the carpeted lower compartment. Where the tire should have been stored hid a bottle of liquor. He lifted the glass bottle, moving to unscrew the cap.
I yanked it from his hands. “You are not going back in there drunk,” I commanded.
His blue eyes narrowed. “I have to. I refuse to hurt you again.”
I shook my head violently. “Aurora’s not in there. She can’t control you. She’s locked up.”
“Well someone’s controlling them. I’m not crazy. Todd saw it too,” he said, reaching for the bottle.
I swung my hand out of his reach, clutching the cold bottle hard in my fist, anger fuming within me. “If you love me at all, you will go back in there sober and with a smile plastered on your face, because I am not leaving, and I sure as hell don’t intend to let them think I’m dating a drunk. Do you understand me?”
He leaned in, snatched the bottle from my hands, and tossed it back into the trunk. It clinked loudly as it tumbled to rest. “Fine. Let’s risk your life for the fun of it,” he spat sarcastically, nostrils flaring with ire.
If there was any doubt that he objected to my decision, he slammed the trunk of his car so hard that the body rocked from the force, proving it. He leaned in, slouching so that he could glare into my eyes.
“Just remember that if anything happens to you, I’m the next to go, just like before.”
I gasped.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me close. My body fell against his, warm and inviting, but his tone of voice was only brutally hard. “If you get hurt I will throw myself in front of a bus. Think about that the next time I come after you. I’m dead anyway.”
He dropped his hold on me and stormed up the lawn toward my house, slapping a big fake smile on his face. I followed slowly, tucking my fingers inside the sleeves of my sweater nervously, memories of his 1804 suicide replaying in my mind on a terrifying, bloody loop.
I watched the trees pass by from the back seat of my parents’ Mercedes with my chin perched lazily on my fist. I was feigning boredom to hide how I truly felt. Nervous. Edgy. Depressed. Eric had left late last night. He didn’t want to leave me behind, but there was no way I was missing out on Todd driving me home on Sunday. I had waited too long for the chance he was giving me. Nothing and no one could keep me from that. After Eric left, I’d spotted his car circling the block, so I called his cell to demand that he just go back to the dorms. He kept me on the phone for hours, refusing to let me go until I fell asleep. One word for forced conversations… awkward.
I suppose I could have filled the time by telling him about my plans for today, but then he never would have left. He probably would have hog-tied me and dragged me back to campus if he knew that I was currently on my way to visit Aurora.
I’ll tell him after.
Reid-Pearce came into view through the bare branches of trees lining the road. It didn’t seem bad in the summer, but under the brown leaves of late fall, the large stone building and grassy grounds seemed gray and dismal. The woods bordering the parking lot had lost most of their leaves, and only a few shriveled ones still clung to the branches, making the scenery even more depressing.
My parents were thrilled, and their excitement was palpable even from the back seat. I wasn’t sure if visiting Aurora was the main cause, or the fact that they were bringing me along. Will this earn them brownie points with the witch? I wondered.
Together, like a real family, we surrendered our belongings. Anything that was banned or could be used as a weapon was set in a little plastic tray and placed behind the front counter. The staff wasn’t worried that we were a threat but of a patient gaining access to something dangerous. The three of us signed into the guest log, more names added to the thick bound book, and the nurse buzzed us through the door into the greeting area.
Aurora was waiting for us, sitting perfectly sti
ll with her hands folded innocently on the table. Her hair wasn’t what it used to be, but I could see that she was putting effort into her looks that she hadn’t bothered with in previous months. She wore some makeup but not much, and her full lips were pulled back into a warm, welcoming smile. A sheen of tears shone in her blue eyes as they lifted to the faces of my parents. She stood and they each gave her warm, loving hugs. She smiled wide with a grateful look in her eyes. Then her glance shifted to me. The smile faded as her mouth opened in a little “oh” of awe. Her pale blue eyes opened slightly wider, and the corners of her lips pulled up once more.
“Sandy,” she said sweetly. She opened her arms to greet me with a hug, but before moving closer, she looked anxiously to my parents. “Is it alright? May I?”
They nodded in approval, giving her looks of encouragement. Aurora stepped forward and folded me into her arms. My heart hammered against my ribs as her body closed around me. Breathing ceased. My throat constricted. She squeezed softly, as if truly happy to see me, perfectly playing the role of the poor little insane girl.
She drew back from me, still clinging to my shoulders, and tears slipped from her smiling eyes. “It’s so good to see you,” she gushed weepily. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Breathe, Sandy, breathe!
I sucked in a gulp of air just in time. Sparkly stars danced before my eyes, slowly dissipating now that my body had oxygen. Nausea churned in my gut, and my heart stuttered erratically. She truly was insane. How many times had I fallen for that smile? It seemed so sincere, so real, and even now, after everything she had done and everything that I knew, my heart struggled, wanting to soften toward her. She brushed the tears from her cheeks and sat down, still smiling and crying.
“It’s so good to see friendly faces,” she cooed as we all sat.
My mom reached across the table and stroked her arm lovingly. “Oh, Aurora,” my mom sighed, looking as though she finally felt settled once she could look into her eyes.
“Hang in there, sweetheart,” my dad said, but not to me, his daughter, the girl who was trembling so bad that the uneven legs of her chair clattered against the floor. No, he was talking to Aurora. “Soon you will be home and this will all be behind you.”
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