by Laine Watson
“Yeah,” I agree thoughtfully.
“Well, cool.” He changes the mood. “I’m going to call the school and put you on the pick-up list, so you won’t have to deal with all the stuff you did last time.”
“Good. It’ll be nice to hang out with Max again.” I keep the mood light.
“Yeah, everything is still the same: the key’s in the mailbox, credit card on the table, and get whatever you want.” He pauses. “You have no idea how much I appreciate this. A lot of people probably wouldn’t even help me.”
“What? Why?”
“Nah, it’s okay. That’s a conversation for another time. Thanks again.”
“Yeah, no problem. Thanks for calling.” I am slightly confused by the sincerity in his voice and his statements.
“Yeah, my pleasure.”
There is some awkward silence.
“Well … um—bye then,” I say.
“Oh, yeah,” he says, like he had been waiting for more conversation. “Bye.”
The call ends, and I hold the phone in my hands like it’s precious to me. The door swings open, and students emerge from my classroom and other rooms. My focus is fully on my cheeks warming and the smile I can’t contain. I let out a dreamy sigh, and then I do a little dance in the hallway.
“What’s wrong with you, dork?” Darby asks, appearing behind me, freshly out of her class.
I am not as embarrassed as I would be, had it been someone else. “I’m babysitting again, tonight.”
“For the guy you hung up on me for?”
“I didn’t hang up on you. I told you I’d call you back.”
“Which you never did.”
“Darby, you don’t understand … I know this guy.”
“What?”
“Okay, so remember when I was in the Junior Entrepreneur Program back when we first met?”
“You mean when I was a freshman? Before I became a freshman again?”
“Yeah.”
“Ever regret any of that?”
“I barely remember any of it, like it wasn’t me.”
“Yeah…” Darby sighs. “But we’re here now at this rink-a-dink college, taking a few courses at a time and paying for our mistakes.”
“Yeah, meanwhile the tutor I walked out on is the guy I’m babysitting for.”
“No fucking way! That’s the weird name guy? What was his name?”
“Haruki.”
“Wait—pause! Why are you so happy about this? You said he sucked.”
I never told her how I really felt, and I can’t tell her now, can I?
“He did, back then, but now…” I say, my arms dropping. “He’s so out of my league. He’s got this big house, expensive car, and an awesome job, while I’m living at home and attending a second-chance college. He might as well be one of these instructors—off limits. Plus, my mom sort of has the hots for him.”
“Yeah, he sounds out of your league. Mine too.” She smirks.
“He looks the same, but he’s not this weeny guy anymore. He actually seems kind of bad ass, which is horrible because I sort of liked him when he was a weeny dude. Now, I like him even more,” I say, without thinking.
“Wait—you just said.”
Crap! “I mean…”
“No … no … you meant what you said. You did like him. You didn’t walk out of that tutoring session and never go back because you hated this guy. You liked him, and you didn’t want to deal with it.”
My lip quivers. I scour my brain to object her words, but as my body weakens, I can’t hold it anymore.
“It doesn’t matter. I was just a kid to him then, and I’m probably the same to him now. He might as well be my dad or my big brother. I can’t like him. Like you said, I ran away from it before, so I can run again.”
“I don’t think that’s how love works. It has no respect of person. You just feel it, and then you become dumb as shit.”
I giggle, but I immediately take it back. “Love? No way. I’m not in love with him.”
“Bullshit. Twice he knocked you off your axis. Twice.”
“It’s because he’s really hot. Like, unbelievably hot, and most guys like that are jerks.”
“You sound like a teenager.”
I sigh. “I know! He definitely looks at me like that too.”
“Well, you do sort of act like a kid. Your mom pays all your bills, and you chill at her office. Basically, you don’t have a life separate from her.”
“Well, I’m going to show him I’m a woman and how valuable I can be.”
“Ew, shut up. You just said you were going to run away again. Make up your mind. And, loser face, you’re valuable because you’re you, and if he can’t see that, it doesn’t really matter how amazing he seems to be, he is a jerk.”
“I didn’t say he couldn’t.”
“Well, get your panties out of the bunch and go find out. Talk to him and stop obsessing over him. I bet that’s what you’ve been doing since the last time you saw him.”
I roll my eyes and pout my lips, slightly angry because she speaks the truth.
“Use your position to hang out with him. If he does think you’re a kid, his guard is down, so you can ask him anything, and he’ll be honest. There’s no reason he needs to lie to you. Use what you find out to make him see you as a woman.”
“That’s a great idea—wait, the last time I took your advice, I spent a year and a half underage drinking and not graduating on time.”
“This time, I’m not a stupid eighteen-year-old who has a grudge against men, and you’re not a stupid sixteen-year-old who hasn’t gotten over her first broken heart.”
“Yeah.”
“Plus, you’re a great cook. Guys love when women know how to cook. Don’t let that shit go to his head but let him know you are both fierce and womanly, if you want him like that.”
“I don’t know how I want him, honestly. I just know I’ve never felt like this in my life. It even hurts to be honest about it, but I guess, I can’t lie to you.”
“Nope, not at all. You love him.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I’ve never wanted to spend time or get to know any guy, not even Jacob. I literally was happy with idle phone conversation. I’m disconnected from humanity or something—except you, but you kind of bombarded your way into my life.”
“True story.”
“Since what happened in high school, I thought me and guys couldn’t work out. I don’t understand them. Whatever I’m feeling is not what they’re feeling. I don’t want to feel helpless against Haruki. Maybe I should just… I don’t know. He probably won’t ask me to keep Max again. Maybe after this time, I won’t see him anymore. Max is only going to be going to my mom for six months, so after that, I won’t have to see Haruki, and I can just go back to being my old reclusive self.”
“Again, he fucked you up twice, Summer, without touching you. You can’t just let it go this time.”
He did touch me. I recall him in my face, sternly demanding I say his name properly. “But just being around him makes me want to touch him. It’s so weird. I don’t know if I can handle this. I’m so bad at it. All I really know how to do is keep guys at a distance from me, by making it seem like I’m into them. I don’t know how to actually make a guy interested in me.”
Darby laughs. “Because you can’t. He either is or he isn’t.”
“Darby.”
“Just let it flow naturally. Be honest with him and his kid. I promise you, the older you get the more people appreciate genuineness.”
“You mean, the older you get the less of a crazy bitch you are?” I smile thoughtfully.
“That’s still up for debate.”
When school lets out, I rush home to change my clothes, but then I change them back. I don’t want to present something that isn’t me. I want to know if he can like the real me.
Chapter Nine: Woman
At around 8:30 p.m., I draw Max a bath in the u
pstairs bathroom. As he plays with his toys and washes himself, I look around the upstairs.
Max was so happy when he saw me today, I smile to myself. He literally was jumping up and down.
There are three large rooms, a hall closet and another bathroom. It’s cleaner up here and nothing is thrown anywhere. Max’s toys are perfectly in place in his room.
I hear the door open, and I head down the stairs. Halfway there, I see Haruki taking his shoes off near the door.
He’s wearing sneakers with that nice suit? Did he have some on last time, too?
“Hey!” He smiles, shutting the door behind him.
“Hi.” I smile. Aw, he looks so good. “Max is taking a bath.”
“Really, he got in there for you?”
“Yeah, no problem.”
“Great, so you’ll have to be here at bath time every night. He refuses to get anywhere near the tub for me. I literally have to bribe him.” He laughs as he takes off his suit jacket and loosens his tie.
As I stand at the bottom of the steps watching him. He rolls up his sleeves, revealing his tattoos. I gasp; my cheeks burn a little when I realize I am staring.
Oh, he didn’t notice. “There’s some mac and cheese in the microwave for you.”
“Again? I guess that’s better than what I would have eaten.”
I smile as he approaches the stairs. “Hang out for a bit, okay? I’m going to get him to bed.”
“Oh … sure … yeah…” I smile as he passes me on the stairs.
He wants me to hang out? I pant, walking away from the stairs. I gather up the dishes and hand wash them. Since there is no drying rack, I let them dry in the dishwasher. I put away the game we played and place it back on the shelf where we had gotten it from.
I walk around looking at pictures—the ones I hadn’t paid attention to before. I hear footsteps. When I look over, Haruki is descending the stairs.
“You wore him out. He didn’t even try to argue with me about going to bed,” Haruki says. “I even got a shower. That, like never happens, unless he’s sleeping.”
As he speaks, I notice he is wearing a fitted T-shirt and some baggy jeans.
I take a breath, trying to ease all the feelings I have inside so they don’t come out of my mouth.
“Thanks.” He looks at me as he sits down on the sofa.
“You’re welcome. It was a lot of fun.” I join him on the opposite end of the sofa.
“I didn’t think a college kid like you would be interested in watching kids, especially given our first encounter.”
Before I can even notice, my heart breaks a little. My thoughts turn into words. “College kid?”
“Oh,” he says, noting the disappointment in my voice. “I didn’t mean that you were a kid. I just—you’re young.”
“I’m twenty-two.”
“That’s young compared to me.” He smiles. “I’ll be twenty-eight this year.”
“I’ll be twenty-three next year,” I rebut.
“Hey, don’t think too much of it. I don’t really know how to talk to women. I didn’t back then, and it’s gotten progressively worse since. I’ve never really had to. I guess that’s why people tell me Max doesn’t seem like a five-year-old. I don’t know how to talk to kids either.”
“Oh, so you don’t think I’m just a little girl?” Why my entire identity seems to be hanging on his answer, I don’t know.
“No, I don’t. You’re responsible as far as I can see. Max really likes you. He has fun. He’s not dead when I get home or all banged up, so I’d say you’re pretty grown up.”
I smile.
“Don’t listen to me. I don’t know anything about women as far as making them happy or making them smile. I kind of ultimately suck at that.” He glances at me for a moment. “But you’re smiling, so I guess, I win this. I’m pretty sure you hated me the first time you met me.” He lifts his eyes to me.
He sounds pathetic, but he’s still cute.
“So, anyway, I was wondering if you could get Max tomorrow?”
“I can do that,” I answer, without giving any thought to it.
“Awesome.”
“No problem.” I smile.
“So, what did you guys do today?” he asks, getting up off the sofa. I wait for him to come back.
“We finished the game we were playing—he totally won. He kind of sucks at winning though; he made fun of me for like ten minutes.” I laugh.
He comes back to the sofa with his steaming bowl of mac and cheese and a spoon. “He’s way competitive. I don’t play with him a lot anymore because he’ll do anything to win. And then if he doesn’t win, he’ll throw a huge fit. I can’t deal with that.”
“Really? I’m glad I didn’t win.” I laugh.
When I glance over, the mac and cheese is gone. “Man, that was great.”
“You’re finished already?”
“Finished? Not at all. That was like an appetizer. I could eat six of these.” He laughs. “You want to order some more food? Did you eat mac and cheese, too?”
“We ate at five, so I could probably eat again.”
“Cool, what do you want?”
“I could cook something?” I suggest.
“I’m pretty sure there’s only some old iced coffee, maybe some milk, and some mustard in the fridge.” He laughs. “Unless you work miracles, there’s nothing you can whip up with that combination—at least, nothing I’d eat.”
“Take out it is.” I grin.
“American? Asian? Mexican?”
“Mexican.”
“Awesome. I love Mexican.”
“Order anything with chicken and I’ll eat it,” I say.
“Second that.” He picks up the phone. “I’m going to get something from this authentic Mexican joint.” He places an order, sets his phone on the table, and walks back over to the sofa. “This place is legit. Completely authentic. No one speaks English, but it’s so fucking delicious—oh, I’m sorry. I’ve kind of got a bad mouth. I had to clean it up for Max, you know? But still, I’m surprised he’s not constantly flipping people off.”
I laugh. “It’s fine. Darby has a potty mouth, too.”
“Darby—that a guy?” he inquires with a raised eyebrow.
“No, it’s a girl.”
“Well, I mean, there are a lot of unisex names these days. I was just checking.”
“Yeah, you say it like you’re way old. And what about your name? It sounds unisexual.”
I can’t believe I just said ‘sexual’ in front of him.
“Nah, not really. My grandpa named me.”
“Your grandpa?”
“Yeah, an old wrinkly dude in a yukata with an unbelievably long mustache.” He laughs.
“Yukata? What’s that?”
“Traditional Japanese clothes.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, my dad’s side of the family is Japanese.”
“What about your mom?”
“I’m pretty sure she’s just American.” He smiles. “But she’s way obsessed with Japanese culture. Honestly, I don’t know a lot about Japan or the culture. I’ve never been there, but my friends still give me a lot of shit for my name.”
“Do you know how to speak Japanese?”
“Not really. I know a few things, but we never spoke it growing up. You can call me Haru, by the way. That’s what my parents call me. Most people at my job and my friends call me Arima.”
“Yeah, I remember. I also remember you get pissed when people don’t pronounce your name with a rolled ‘r’, I’ll probably never forget that.”
“Damn straight, you remember.” He laughs.
“You were way extreme. That was unnecessary.”
“Yeah, especially since I don’t know shit about being Japanese.”
“That’s funny.” I giggle.
“Well, I still like my name. I just like the way it sounds. Haruki Arima—sounds legit. Like, I grew up in Japan or some shit,” he says proudly.
I reall
y like his name too. “You should go visit sometime.”
“I don’t know.” He sighs and pauses for a minute. “What about your family?”
“I’d like to say we’re multicultural, but I don’t really know. I haven’t talked to my grandparents since before my parents divorced. I never knew my dad’s parents, and I haven’t seen my dad since before I started high school. It’s a mystery to me, but I’m definitely black. We’ll leave it at that.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“What about Max’s mom? Is she Japanese or something?”
He hesitates. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
What?
“I can’t really remember her.”
Wow, was their relationship that bad?
As I am thinking, the doorbell rings.
“Oh, I’ll get it.” Haru hops up to open the door. He tips the delivery person and takes the brown bag before shutting the door.
“Finally!” he says, walking over to the sofa. He immediately removes the containers, placing them on the table, along with the bag.
“So yeah, not a lot of history between us. And I know nothing about her family. My mom and dad are way up in the mid-west somewhere. I’d like to go and see them sometime, but with work and Max, I don’t have a lot of free time.”
“You sound pretty busy.”
“That’s another reason why I want this promotion. Max has never met my parents in person. They’ve only ever chatted on the phone or video chat. It’d be nice to go home and let him see where he comes from, you know?”
I nod.
“Hey, you want to try this? It’s a shrimp and avocado taco.” He hands me a thin shell with a few shrimps and some avocado strips in it. He places a little lettuce and pico de gallo sauce on top. I move to take it from him, but he puts one hand under it and holds the taco with the other. I scoot over to him, and he feeds me.
“Oh, sorry. You got a little on your face.” He laughs.
I wipe it off as I chew. “That’s really good.”
“This is as close to home-cooked as we get around here.” He finishes the taco.
He’s so free and unalarmed by things. He’s way laid back, nothing like I thought he would be. I wish I wouldn’t have walked out of that dorm room back then. Maybe it doesn’t matter now.
“I cook almost every night for my mom and me.”