by Laine Watson
“I’m so fucking tired.”
“So, we’re done?”
“Maybe, but seriously, I can’t fucking stay in that little hole of yours. It makes me go so fast. I never bust fast like that.”
“You think that was fast? It seemed like forever. It’s like four a.m.”
Haru smiles, checking his phone. “Summer, it’s barely past midnight.”
“Oh well, maybe it’s just me.” I sigh. “Well, my virginity is gone. You took it.”
“Yeah, so now you have to stay with me forever. There’s no return policy.”
I laugh. “I wish that’s how it worked: the guy who takes it is yours forever.”
“It could work like that … for us.”
“It could?”
“Yeah, do you want the necklace now?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“A serious one,” he says.
“Let me think about it.”
“It’s not like it’s a ring. I just want you to take it. You wanted me to kiss you and be intimate with you. So, don’t you think me giving you something that I have for you, and you refusing it makes me feel the same way you were feeling when you couldn’t give me what you wanted to?”
“I just don’t want you to think I can’t do anything on my own, Haru. All women aren’t like that. I can survive without you or my mom.”
“Summer, I’m not your mom. I just want you to be with us. I’ve spent so long being someone else, unable to be me. And you, I don’t know, just bring me to myself. I told you I’m not this great guy who is always doing the right thing.”
“But?”
“No, Summer. I have a horrible mouth and a dirty mind. I’ve never once paid any attention to what a woman wants or needs. But you make everything not horrible. Before Max came into my life, I didn’t really have one. I had this crazy spiral of doing everything I didn’t have a chance to do in school.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, I lived like every day was the last. I didn’t regret anything. I didn’t make friends. For a long time, I didn’t have anyone close to me, especially women. They were sort of like these dispensable things that showed up for me to take advantage of. They didn’t care about me. I didn’t care about them.”
“That’s horrible.”
“I know, but when I met you for the very first time, even though you were a bitch, I was captivated. No one captures my attention like you do. You’ve done it again. You-you found me.”
I smile and rest my head on his chest. “I thought you looked at me like I was nothing to you.”
“Why would you think that? How could you? You have this sweetness with this uncertainty and determination that is all over you. I’ve never wanted to know someone as much as I want to know you.”
“That was really sweet and not dirty, Haru.”
He laughs. “Max changed a lot for me. So have you. You guys saved me from being the worst person in the world. You know it’s not the murderers or thieves, it’s the people who do stuff without it affecting their conscience that fuck everything up.”
“You must have loved something.”
“My parents, I guess? Love seemed so transparent. Like it didn’t matter at all. I’m not even sure my parents love each other. Not the way you love me. No one would ever do the things you’ve done for me, Summer.”
“Haru—”
He cuts me off, “I don’t want to hold back anymore. I don’t want to pretend for the rest of my life. I can just be happy, learning how to love someone all the way. Learning how to balance life.”
“Wha … pretend?”
“What you know about me right now is enough for you to decide that you love me, right?”
“Yes.”
“But I want to do all the things I never got to do—the things that never mattered to me—with you. But I also want to fuck you … a lot, in different places and different ways.”
“Haru…”
“Yeah, I know I’m kind of hard to be around. I’m sorry. I’m not some white-collar dude who sips champagne and eats caviar. I’m a beer at the bar type of guy. I’m not the worst person in the world, but I know I’m not something you take home to your parents.”
“I want to know all of you. I want to know your fears and what makes you happy. What makes you mad, what turns you on, what gets on your nerves, and what makes you excited.”
“Yeah, I want to know all that stuff about you. And I sort of don’t want to be without you anymore. It’s starting to be lame making up things so you’ll come over. I just want you to stay with me.”
“I… I…”
“Think about it.”
“Okay.”
Chapter Nineteen: Essential Oils
The next day, I wake up in the late morning to my phone ringing. I had slept straight through my alarm and through Haru and Max leaving. I don’t opened my eyes. Suddenly, the comfortable restful sleep, turns into shooting pains in my back and aching in my nether regions. My body muscles are sore. It is similar to the almost immobile state after hitting the gym really hard, but far more painful.
“W-h-a…” I moan loudly. Every time I move something hurts. I grimace as my phone rings. “Haru!” I reach for my phone. My breath is a little heavy. “Hello?” I answer.
A sexy laugh comes from the other end of the phone. “You’re still sleeping?”
“Haru,” I whine.
“Do you feel like someone drove a forklift through your girly parts?”
“Yeah. I feel like I was in an accident, and I should be either soaking in Epson salt or lying in a hospital bed bandaged up with ice packs inserted inside of my vagina.”
“Yep, sounds about right. You didn’t go to school today?”
“No. I can barely move.”
“I’m going to come home and see you at lunch.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You want something?”
“Just you.”
“Okay, see you in a little bit,” he says, and the call ends.
I try to stretch. “Nope, can’t do that.” I whimper a little. “I’m just going to stay right here until Haru comes,” I say, closing my eyes.
His bed smells just like him. I swoon over his call and let thoughts run through my mind until I’m annoyed with waiting. He said he was coming home. It’s already been like an hour. I unlock my phone and call Haru.
“Hello, little broken pussy girl.”
“That’s how you’re going to answer the phone, Haru?”
He laughs sexily. “You’re so cute. I’m taking too long?”
“Um, yes. My body hurts. Come make it better.”
“I’m the one who made it like that.”
“Yeah, so it’s your responsibility to fix it.”
“You want me to fuck you again. Maybe—”
“No, no, no… I’m okay. I can do without it for a while. I just want you to come be with me. You said you were.”
“I know, and I am. I just had some stuff to do, but I’m pulling up now. I knew you were going to call. You are forever connected to my dick.”
“Shut up! Ugh! Why do you have to be so immature?”
“I’m not,” he says, and I hear a door shut.
“Yes, you are. You’re just like a fifteen-year-old horny little boy.”
“Summer, all men no matter what age, are fifteen-year-old horny little boys.” He laughs.
I join him. Suddenly, the door to his room opens.
“Haru.” I smile, extending my arms to him. I gasp. “Wha—you got hair cut! Why?!”
“Because it was time. I’m done being this guy who doesn’t really live. All I’ve been doing is existing. Then, here comes this fork in the road.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you,” he says and kisses me.
“Ow,” I say as his body presses up against mine.
He stands up and takes off his suit coat. “Let’s get a bath.” He places his coat on the bed and goes to the bathroom to turn the water on
.
“But I can’t move.”
“You’ll be fine after the bath. I put some coconut oil and lavender in it. Essential oils will make you feel better,” he explains, walking from the bathroom into the room and back.
“I thought you said you didn’t know how to take care of women and make them smile,” I say innocently.
He leans down over the bed in front of me. “Well, you just learned how to be fucked, so I’m learning how to be better at caring how you feel. Research is always the best way.”
“So, you used the internet to tell you that you need to give me a nice essential oil bath?”
“No, I called my mom.”
“Haru!” I yell, pushing him away. “I don’t want your mom to know about this.”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. She was probably happy to hear I was with someone and to hear from me at all. I only call home so Max can talk to them.” He picks me up, carries me to the bathroom, and gently places me in the tub.
I stare at him. He’s trying really hard. It warms my heart.
I watch him as he takes his clothes off and gets in the bath with me. My face burns, and I twiddle with my fingers.
“Don’t be embarrassed, and don’t be scared. I’m not going to try to fuck you when you’re like this. I knew this was going to happen, which is why I don’t fuck virgins. Not just because your body needs to get used to getting fucked hard, but because it comes with emotional baggage. I’m trying to make sure I’m not being selfish.”
“Emotional baggage?”
“Yeah, I wasn’t just kidding around when I was talking about you being connected to me forever.”
“You said your dick.”
“Yeah, but I mean everything. Now that I’ve been inside your body, you’re going to want me in ways you never knew were possible. It’s going to be mental, physical, and spiritual. Are you going to let me continue doing those things to you?”
“I don’t know. I’m still trying to wrap my head around being with you, Haru. I’ve never been with anyone, let alone anyone so confident and experienced as you.”
“This is my first relationship too, Summer. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you. You’ll never want to be with another guy. You’ll only ever want to be with me.”
“That’s already how I feel, Haru.”
“I know you think I have a dirty mind and a dirty mouth—I mean, I do—but ask some of your friends.”
“I only have one friend, Darby.”
“Well, ask her. There are guys who are like who I used to be—who are way worse than I was. I think before we go any further, you need to decide if you’re willing to compromise.”
“Compromise?”
“Yeah. I know this is sudden, but I told you I got the promotion, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I’m being transferred to Missouri.”
“What?” I say, assuming this is goodbye.
“So, I need to know you’re going to be with me because I want to take you with us.”
“You what?”
“I’m going to go out next week to look for a house. I got a babysitter for Max … I want you to come with me.”
“I can’t just up and move, Haru. I’m in school.” I twiddle my fingers under the water and stare into the ripples.
“Why not? What’s more important, finishing at this school or being with me and Max? There are schools everywhere. You can find a job anywhere. But where will I find another you—someone who I give a damn about and who gives a damn about me and my kid?”
My eyes travel up to his face as I stare into him—speechless.
“I know it’s a lot to ask, but I don’t really think we could live without you.”
I gulp. “No…” I say sternly and stand up.
“Summer.”
“I already told you. I don’t need you to take care of me.” I stomp my foot, splashing the water. I become light-headed and start to fall back into the tub.
Haru catches me in his arms.
I sigh. “This doesn’t prove anything.”
“It proves even if you can do it by yourself, I still want to help you—not do it for you—help you. And it proves that you trust me.”
“It proves nothing!” I say, getting off of him and wobbling out.
“What’s so bad about me wanting to take care of you?”
“I’m not worthless!” I turn toward him and wrap a towel over me.
“When have I ever called you worthless?”
“You think I am though! That’s why you thought I only wanted to have sex with you. Like I’m stupid or something, like the only thing I think about is sex because I’m too stupid to be successful. You’re just like my mom! You want me to do everything your way.”
“Summer…”
“I don’t need someone for everything. It’s just taking me longer than other people, so don’t judge me. I don’t care that you have two degrees and drive a fancy car or even that you own your own house. I’m going at my own pace, and someday, I’ll have all that stuff.”
“Have it with me.”
“No! If you’re going to leave, then leave. I don’t care,” I say, starting to cry. The towel loosens as I try to wipe my tears and hold it up simultaneously.
“Summer this isn’t between you and me. This is you and your mom. Why are you acting like I’m the one who is judging you?”
“You are judging me. You don’t think I can do it either. You’re always talking about how you want to take care of me. I don’t need your stupid money. I can make my own.”
“What is it with you?! You’re acting the same way you were when you were sixteen. You’re not really that stupid, are you?!” He splashes water around. “Why can’t you see I have something you don’t, and you have something I don’t? We’re equal. Why don’t you know you’re taking care of me, and Max too?”
“Shut up. What are you even talking about? And you’re stupid, not me.” My sobs lessen.
“What I wouldn’t give to have had a life growing up. To have connected to people. To have friends I could trust to share memories with, but I don’t have that. I have two friends from college. I had three—I fucked that up. So…”
I sympathize with him and walk over toward the tub, the towel barely covering me.
“The only thing I have in life is Max and you. I mean, that I give a damn about. I drive the car I drive because I wanted something hard to get for everyone one else. But now I have you and Max. None of this matters. You’d think because Hayden and me have been friends since college, our relationship is solidified, but it’s not. He doesn’t know my life, and I don’t know his. The fact he worked with me is a coincidence. He’s been a way better friend to me than I have been to him. I’m trying to not be so distant from everyone. I feel like I wasted my life and never really understood how to enjoy it. I don’t want to waste any more of it. Please, Summer, come with me. You told Max you’d always be with us.”
I never thought about it like that. “You always help me to see things in new ways.” The towel falls to the floor, and I step back into the tub with Haru. I lie on his chest for a moment, and then gaze up into his eyes. “You look so different with your hair like that.”
He smiles. “Time for a change.”
“Haru, do you love me?”
He inhales and exhales heavily. “Summer, I’m really trying to love you—to love Max, to love me—and live life for all three of us.”
“I think that’s okay, Haru. I’m sure there’s so much to learn about you and Max and life. I’m scared of life, honestly.” I look up at him. “I only wanted you to like me. This is a lot. I’ve always been with my mom; she hasn’t been the most supportive, but she hasn’t been the worst either. You’re asking me to leave her.”
“I get it. Missouri, even though it’s not far, it’s not here. My parents are there. I’m a little home sick, so I get what you’re saying. Also, I want Max to know them and grow up around them. For a long time, I resented
them and stayed away from them. Now, I want to not be so cold.”
“I’ve never thought you were cold.”
“I am though. You caught me off guard. You wiggled your way into my heart with that sweet little smile and some bomb-ass guacamole and your rack, which if I might add, has gotten even more exquisite.”
“Shut up.” I roll my eyes.
We both laugh.
The conversation fizzles out to idle laughter about random things as we finish bathing. Haru dries me off and walks me into the bedroom.
“Are you going back to work?” I ask him, as he lays me down in the middle of the bed and climbs on top of me.
“What do you think?” He smiles as he pulls the covers over us.
“Your hair is gone.”
“You don’t like it at all?”
“It makes you look like a teenager. Your long hair made you look grown and refined.”
He doesn’t respond, he simply kisses me sweetly. After which a sly smirk appears across his face. He turns over on his side and slides down my body. He opens my legs and leans on one elbow, looking at my flower. “Hello, there. Did I hurt you? Are you okay, little pussy?”
“Can you please stop talking to my vagina as if it is its own person?”
“Do you hear her? She’s just jealous because I lick you a lot.” He leans down and puts his ear to it. “What? What did you say? Lick you now? You’re so direct.”
“Stop! That’s embarrassing,” I say, trying to close my legs.
Haru grabs my knees and opens them back up. He leans into my flower and starts to lick it nicely, gently, sweetly. Of course, it makes me all tingly inside and makes me squirm, which in turn makes Haru do it harder. I moan and Haru wraps his arms around my thighs, making me groan louder.
“Grab my hair!” he says.
I do what he tells me, whimpering seductively as Haru does things harder, faster, and more forcefully. I grab at his shorter hair, pulling on it. The grip is better.
Haru groans. His movements are too much for me, so I start to climax. I pull his hair so hard, he grunts as my orgasm comes. Haru slurps my juices, not letting a drop slip to the sheets.
“Mm … stop,” I say, pushing him away, my back arching.