Understanding shown in her eyes. “It must be hard to lose a sibling. I don’t know, but I’m certain it’s like a piece of your heart was chipped away.”
Her empathy was one of her most attractive strengths. Instead of refuting her, he smiled. Meri was never part of his heart. As he continued to stroke the petal’s softness, he imagined it was her skin he caressed. Each touch would teach him what she liked, what she craved from a man.
He wanted to be the man that brought forth the soft, sweet cries of ecstasy that would slip through her lips.
His nostrils flared as his body grew taut. His cock swelled at the image of him making love to her in his conservatory while discovering every secret she possessed. Each thrust slow and deliberate as he learned what she liked. The sweet fragrance of blooms and the smell of damp soil would surround them. Time would cease to exist when he pleasured her, both losing themselves in each other’s arms, not caring what day or week it was.
He took a deep breath and released it slowly.
She reached out to touch another rose in bright pink. He imagined her nipples would be the same shade, perhaps a little lighter.
Such thoughts were enough to drive a man mad.
He leaned slightly, and not touching her anywhere else, he brushed his lips against hers. The softness of her mouth would make the goose down in her workshop feel coarse in comparison.
When she gasped gently, he wrapped her in his embrace and swept his mouth against hers again. The blood in his veins pounded. All he could do was pull her closer as he deepened this kiss. She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck, and a small moan escaped.
That soft sound and the supple taste of her lips could bring him to his knees. Her kiss reminded him of the sweetest wine, and he drank freely. He supped on her strength, her fortitude, her kindness, and her regard for others.
It was foolhardy to be kissing her when anyone could walk in, but a small growl of need rose within his chest. This woman made him want all the wonderful things that life had to offer, like the comfort of holding another. He cradled her close with one hand, while the other traced the curve of her waist upward, counting her ribs.
She placed her hand over his and guided it to the soft mound of one perfect breast.
“Katherine,” he whispered against her lips, pulling her tighter as his cock hardened. God, it felt like heaven.
She felt like heaven.
A soft sigh escaped her, an invitation to deepen the kiss. Then she did something that made his heart stumble in its steady beat. She trailed her hand down his chest slowly until she stopped at the hem of his waistcoat.
He groaned in response, hoping she’d take it further and unbutton the falls of his breeches.
“Your Grace?” Wheatley called out from the doorway. “The tea service you ordered is in your study.” He cleared his throat. “Whenever you’re ready.”
It was their good fortune that they stood surrounded by large rosebushes and his worktable blocked the view from the doorway. Slowly, Christian drew away, not wanting their interlude to stop. “Damnable timing. I’ve half a mind to dock his pay,” he teased, a secret between the two of them.
The pulse at the base of her throat fluttered even faster than before. Her chest rose and fell as if she’d run a race. He knew the exact feeling. The sight of her flushed face, pinkened by desire, was so erotic, he wanted to capture such a vision and hold it in his thoughts forever. He took her in a brief kiss again, not wanting to let her go.
“Katherine…” He cleared his throat.
She glanced down and smiled at the obvious tenting in his breeches, then took a step back. Immediately, he wanted to follow. He’d follow her anywhere right now.
“We should go,” she said.
Reluctantly, he nodded. The interruption had to be a curse or a punishment that Meri had gladly cast upon him from above.
On second thought, it most likely came from below.
Either way, his brother was playing a cruel game with him.
Half brother, that was.
Christ, he should be concentrating on the correspondence in his office rather than Meri’s widow’s sweet lips.
What was happening to him?
If any soldier had deserted him like his well-bred willpower just had, he would have called for a court martial of the fugitive.
* * *
Meri’s personal items were spread across the burl wood library table that matched Christian’s desk. It stood centered between a set of bay windows that overlooked a private courtyard only accessible through the study. The samples of upholstery and fabric that Katherine had admired before were missing. The tea service sat on a table surrounded by matching sofas facing one another.
Interesting was the only way Katherine could describe Christian at the moment. After Wheatley had interrupted their kiss, Christian had politely escorted her to the study without sharing a word.
Whether it was because Wheatley had interrupted their lovely interlude or because he was in a high spirit from their kiss was anyone’s guess.
She was certainly in high spirits and wanted more and everything from him. When they spent time together, she forgot her past.
Finally, Christian broke the silence between them. “Will you pour?”
“Of course.” So lost in her thoughts, Katherine had sat like a frog on a log while the hot water for tea cooled. She quickly arranged a tower of cucumber sandwiches, lemon tarts, and fresh raspberries on a plate, then served him. He looked calm as he took a sip of tea while forgoing the delicious treats.
She took a sip of tea from her own cup at the same time. His large Adam’s apple danced as the hot tea slid down his throat. Her gaze wandered to his massive hand holding the cup. It wasn’t the normal way a person held a teacup. He didn’t thread his forefinger through the handle. Instead, his entire hand surrounded the piece of bone china.
She took her time chewing a bit of tart while he continued to stare at her mouth. Then he glanced at the table where Meri’s personal items lay. Immediately, he thrummed his fingers against one of his knees. She quietly wiped her serviette against her mouth, then set down her cup. “I noticed the way you hold a teacup. I’ve never seen anyone do that before.”
“My fingers don’t fit,” he mumbled. “The blasted cups have tiny handles.” He stole another glance toward the table, and the color seemed to drain from his face immediately.
“Hmm,” she answered noncommittedly.
It was quite possible, even probable, that he’d never grieved over Meriwether’s death. Christian kept things bottled up. But every once in a while, the grief spilt, and she could see the pain. He tried to act immune to hurt, but he was as human as the rest of the population who inhabited the planet. Besides, he had a good heart. He had committed to help Constance and Beth. He cared for Morgan and the rest of his men who had served him. Though he groused, he cared for his servants and probably the same for his tenants. Even the way he took his time to protect Poison Blossom showed his intention for good. He had so much to give others—his leadership, his ideas, and his love.
“Shall we?” He stood and waited for her to join him.
Together they crossed the study to the table. He held out a seat for her before going around the table and sitting opposite her.
“I can sense your unease.” She placed her folded hands on the table, a sign that she wanted to proceed without any awkwardness.
He reclined in the chair with an insouciance she might have believed if it hadn’t been for him kicking her in the shin with his boot as he tried to settle. “Pardon me.” He pulled a satchel toward him.
“Don’t worry over it,” she answered.
“I wish I didn’t have to do this,” he murmured, then shook his head. “I’m afraid I’ll open this satchel and there’ll be another Meri-created catastrophe for me to sort through.”
“I’ll help you,” she offered.
“That’s very kind, but I couldn’t ask that. He’s already caused you enough heartache to l
ast a lifetime.” Businesslike, he reached inside and retrieved more papers and placed them next to the ones already neatly arranged on the tabletop. “Meri had two satchels. I thought we’d start with this one first as it contained the majority of his possessions.”
“Wait.” She reached across the table and placed her hand over his. “I’d like to talk about your brother.” He immediately stilled, but she didn’t remove her hand. “He admired and wanted to emulate you. You’re aware of that?”
His attention never left the papers before him. Slowly, he slid his hand from hers.
“What nonsense.” The gentle exasperation in his deep voice was in direct contrast to the way he thinned his lips. Pain radiated from his dark brown eyes. It was all the more reason to continue.
“He wanted to win your admiration. He confided in me several times.”
“Of course he confided in you. He confided in everyone. Everyone felt close to Meri. He had a way of wooing one over.” Christian pulled several loose pieces of foolscap and three packets of papers toward him, then straightened several letters that sat to his right. “All play-acting on his part.”
Katherine sat completely quiet, ready to listen to him rant, but she was determined to help him through his unacknowledged grief, a dangerous emotion that appeared to be festering inside him. The anger, then the contrived disinterest, had to be taking a toll on him.
From the looks of it, the papers Christian had in hand were old racing sheets and correspondence. No matter how he tried to organize his brother’s belongings, it wouldn’t straighten out the chaos that had befallen Constance and Beth, let alone Christian and herself.
“Not that I’m interested or care about Meriwether, but it appears you want to talk about him.” Christian feigned a nonchalance that wasn’t convincing. With a contrived sigh, he continued, “Go on, then. What did he say?” He never lifted his gaze.
She took a breath for courage, then began, “Well, Meri repeatedly told me that no matter what mischief he found as a lad, you had infinite patience with him. He said that his mother and father wasted little time on him, but you were always there when trouble found him.” She softened her voice. “He was proud of you, Christian. He said you would make your mark in this world, just as you’d done on the battlefield. He wanted to host a welcome party for you when you returned.” She reached across the table and took his hand in hers, then squeezed it gently, hoping he’d react in kind. With his head bent, he didn’t return the gesture. She hadn’t a clue how he was reacting to what she was sharing. “I wanted that too.”
“Indeed?” His voice was cold when he finally lifted his gaze to hers. The blast of brilliance in his brown eyes could have easily been mistaken for annoyance, but she recognized the longing that glimmered there. It was a grim reminder of all he’d lost.
“I’m so very glad you’re home safe and sound,” she added softly.
“Thank you. It’s … I’m weary of all of this.” He waved a hand in the direction of the papers, then leaned back in his chair and drummed his fingers ever so slightly on the table. “I have so many other things I want to concentrate my energies on.”
A gentle smile fell across his lips, and in that moment, she imagined it was her he was referring to instead of his charity.
“Meri was a magnet for trouble. If there was anyone or anything illicit, illegitimate, or ill-advised, he found and welcomed it with open arms.”
Katherine kept her face still as her stomach tightened at the word “illegitimate.”
Completely oblivious to her turmoil, Christian continued, “As a result of my good deeds to save my half brother’s neck, I’ve been thrashed within an inch of my life, suffered a broken nose, had my purse stolen, and been chased by a jealous husband who discovered my brother…”
“In bed with the man’s wife.” She finished the sentence for him.
“Yes,” he said curtly. What others might see as abruptness, she saw as a man who was desperately trying to keep his emotions on an even keel.
“I shouldn’t have said that about him,” he said with a hint of contriteness. “However, those are a few of the consequences I suffered when I tried to defend him. There are millions more,” he argued.
“He said you were a marvelous brother.”
“Before I left for the war, I completely broke with him and his antics.” He shook his head in denial as he slashed his hand through the air. “I was finished with him. The final straw was when Meri took my horse and raced him for a fifty-pound purse. For years, I’d trained the animal. He’d been groomed and directed to obey my every command. A battle-ready horse is hard to come by. Mine was exceptional. Instinctively, he knew how to protect me.” He exhaled heavily. “I planned to take him with me when I joined the war, but he turned up lame after the race.” He shook his head as if he still couldn’t believe it. “My stupid half brother took a war horse and tried to turn it into a racehorse. From then on, I brushed my hands of him. He had no respect for that animal or me.”
Horrified at the story, Katherine sat there silently for moment. “Did you destroy him?” she asked softly.
“If you mean Meriwether, no. But I wanted to. Neither did I destroy my horse. I felt closer to it than I did my own family.” He leaned back in his chair and directed his gaze to her as if challenging her to dispute his statement. “He has a permanent home in the stables at Roseport, my ancestral seat.”
Another confession that proved what a kind man he truly was. “I understand why men would follow you into battle. You’re not only brave and determined, but you possess a compassion that must have served you and your regiment well.”
“That’s kind of you to say.” Something in his voice hinted that he didn’t believe her.
“I am being sincere, Christian.” She paused, letting the words sit between them.
He exhaled then nodded once.
“You already knew you’d enter the military years before you joined.” She held his stare. “It’s rare for a peer, particularly a ducal heir, to buy a commission, isn’t it? I’m surprised your father let you.”
“Exceedingly rare. By then, my stepmother and father’s theatrics and outrageous parties were a constant in my life. I had to escape. Besides, I wasn’t a duke then, and my father didn’t care. He considered me dull and too regimented. He only cared about pleasure.”
Katherine sat quietly while his words flowed freely. It was as if she weren’t there. He seemed to be far away in his memories. But then he surprised her. He took her hand and squeezed gently, then leaned toward her.
“Thank you for saying that you’re happy I’m home.” He exhaled gently. “It means something … a great something.”
“It’s not just me,” she answered. “All of England is happy you’re home.”
He shook his head with a wry smile. “But you see, there’s a difference. A huge difference. All of England isn’t sitting here with me and holding my hand.”
* * *
Christian studied her hand. So small compared to his, but hers had the strength to comfort. When she’d said she was happy he was home, he might have fallen a little bit in love with her.
He shook his head slightly to clear the sickly-sweet cobwebs he was experiencing.
It was all nonsense. He’d never fallen in love with anyone before, but somehow, someway, she had invoked all these wants and desires to come rushing to the surface, begging for viability.
For God’s sake, her words were simple and pure. Nothing more. She was happy he’d returned home.
Yet they held power over him. Even if his immediate family had been alive, there wasn’t much chance they would have been happy to see him return. Not that they’d wish him gone, but they probably wouldn’t have even noticed.
He huffed silently. To spend any more time on such notions proved he was a nodcock loon. Christian vowed to put away all those ridiculous thoughts and concentrate on the task at hand, then finish cataloguing Meri’s correspondence. That’s what he was here for. Not to
fall in love.
He chanced a discreet glance Katherine’s way. Her skin glowed, and she held herself at ease. He’d always found he preferred people who were comfortable with their own company. And with her, he was relaxed without the need of formality. They could even sit and enjoy each other’s company without conversation.
He cleared his throat and continued to gently rub her hand. He hadn’t stopped since he’d taken her hand in his.
To touch her nurtured something deep inside that he’d always wanted but never dared hoped to find. Contentment. Acceptance. Someone who saw him as a human and not just their heir, or their guarantor in Meri’s case.
What it all boiled down to was that he wanted someone to put him first in their life. Because with that person, he’d do the same.
“Your friend Lady Woodhaven mentioned a few things about your marriage to my half brother … but I’d like to hear it from you.”
She shrugged. “There’s not much to tell. Your brother came into my shop one day, and we were married three weeks later. It was a whirlwind courtship.”
“Did you love him?” The words trailed to nothing, and for a moment, Christian didn’t think she’d answer. He stared, waiting for her to say something. Eventually, the silence grew tenuous.
She schooled her features into a pleasant expression. Yet her hazel eyes briefly flashed as if portending storms. Perhaps it was too painful for her to discuss.
“I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s all right.” She leaned away from the table, creating distance between them. Her gaze grew cloudy, her expression wistful. “Did I fall in love with him?”
His chest tightened waiting for the answer.
“No. I think we both fell in love with the idea of falling in love. At least, I did.” She glanced out the window.
Katherine let go of his hand, and immediately he wanted to take it. Instead, he smiled and said, “You’re a remarkable person, Katherine. Meri was lucky to have you, however briefly, in his life.”
When she turned her attention back to him, she had lifted her brows in shock. “Thank … you.”
A Duke in Time--The Widow Rules Page 17