He’d clearly shocked her as she didn’t move an inch or say a word.
Finally, she broke the silence. “Did you try to defend her?” Her voice wavered.
Her hesitation slipped between his ribs, and for a moment he didn’t know whether to bare all his secrets or keep quiet. He decided on the former. This was Katherine, and she’d never judge him.
“At first I tried. But my classmates knew things about my home. Things that they couldn’t know unless they were … in the bedrooms.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I still didn’t believe it, but then one day, it was a night of revelry, another theatre party. Meri came to my room. He was eight, and I was ten and three.”
“What happened?” She tightened her fingers around his.
The movement was so inconsequential, but it infused him with strength. He’d never shared this with anyone. “Meri said he’d seen some of my friends go into his mother’s bedroom.” He laughed at the mockery of the word friends to hide the pain. It still shamed him to this day.
Katherine scooted up the bed so they could be eye to eye. She never released his fingers.
He closed his eyes for a moment at the painful memory. “Meri was visibly upset so I kept him entertained until he fell asleep in my sitting room. As I made my way to my father’s study, it was loud and boisterous. Music and uncontrollable laughter filled the halls. The servants were nowhere to be seen.” He shivered slightly at the ugliness of it all. “All of it made my skin crawl. I knew my father wouldn’t give a care about me, but I thought he’d be upset with his wife. Besides the fact his favorite son was worried.”
“Christian,” she soothed.
He brought her fingers to his lips. “It made no difference. I always knew whom my father favored. Though he pretended otherwise, I always knew.”
“Go on.”
He released a deep sigh. “When I went into his study, my father was sitting at his desk with two well-known actresses draped across his lap, one on each leg. None of them had a stitch of clothing on. He laughed when he saw me and said, ‘Join us.’”
“Oh, Christian,” she said softly.
Christian pressed her palm to his cheek. The softness of her skin was a balm he would not deny himself. “Said it would mark the day I became a man.”
She grimaced slightly. “Oh, God.”
“Though I was only ten and three, my father, the Duke of Randford, wanted me to fuck a woman in front of him. Unbelievable.” He whispered the last before he pressed a kiss to the middle of her palm. “I’m sorry for the vulgarity.”
“It’s all right.” She stroked his face, offering comfort, something he sorely needed. “What happened?”
Christian looked at her. “Disgusted, I turned and left. I’ll never forget the sound of my father’s laughter as it followed me out the door. He called me a stiff prick. I packed up Meri and ordered a carriage. We went to our ancestral home where Wheatley met us at the door. We were there a week before Meri’s mother wrote to him.” He lifted a brow in defiance. “My father never asked about me at all. Not. Once.” His gut squeezed at the memory. “I meant nothing to him, so he meant nothing to me. From then on, I discovered where my father and Meri’s mother were residing before I came home from school. I ensured that Meri and I never were in the same house with them. We always spent the holidays alone together. No one ever challenged me. Not my father. Not Meri’s mother. Not even Meri.”
“You protected Meriwether.” Katherine squeezed his hand, keeping him from losing himself in loneliness. “No wonder he adored you.”
He shook his head slightly. “But it was a wasted effort. As Meri got older, he came under their spell and spent more time with them than me. It’s speculation on my part, but perhaps the allures of pleasure and self-gratification were too much for him to resist.”
Her brow creased into lines of worry. “Did Meri partake…”
“I don’t have a clue, but our relationship changed from then on. He turned wild and reckless, as if rebelling against me and the world.” He let go of her hand. “I tried to talk to him, but to no avail. I lost him and could do nothing else for him.” He reached for Katherine and brought her close. The warmth of her body next to his was a heady solace for all his past heartache. “Maybe I could have tried harder. But after he ruined my horse…” Saying the words felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest again. “He didn’t care. He had turned into my father. Whatever brought him pleasure.”
“I’m sorry.” She brought their clasped hands to her heart. “That had to be hard to live through.”
No one had cared about his loss. No one but her. The simple act undid him. He bit his lip to keep the tears in abeyance, then took her into his arms and held her. Burying his head into her neck anchored him from drowning in the memories.
“You’re kind to say that. In many ways, it was harder than all the times I faced the enemy.” Christian kissed her on the forehead, a thank-you for letting him share this part of himself. “But as far as I am concerned, the duke ruined the duchy. He was a poor excuse for a father. He never grieved for my mother. I’m not even certain he loved anyone but himself. His entire life was a lie.” He laughed to hide his pain. “But I’ll rebuild the Randford duchy. Ensure that its reputation is transformed and buffed to a shine.” He smiled down at her.
“I have no doubt about it,” she said with a grin. “You can do anything.”
Her smile brightened everything in the room, including his mood. The effect she had on him grew every day, and he was richer for it. Never had he felt this close to another. Frankly, she was the most unique person he’d ever met. Being with her made him want more in life. The charity was a start, but they could accomplish so much more together.
“The charity will help rebuild the duchy. The second shall be a soiree at Rand House.” He kissed the back of her hand. “You’ll be my hostess and stand by my side. We’ll invite all of London to the event.”
Katherine pressed her lips together, and her eyes flashed. “I don’t know if that would be appropriate … at least, for me … not now.”
“What are you about?” he murmured, truly surprised at her response. “We’ll announce your royal appointment and your efforts with the charity. We’ll have your linens and some of the furniture on display. We’ll even invite the Prince Regent. I want to show you off to everyone. Your name will be famous throughout the land.”
Indeed, it was the idea Grayson had suggested, and it was brilliant. It would be a night to celebrate the charity, but more importantly, Katherine and all of her accomplishments.
* * *
Bile threatened to choke Katherine at Christian’s words. For a moment, she thought she would become ill, but the sensation left as quickly as it came. His idea of a soiree as a way to launch his arrival in London along with the start of the charity was sound.
But she didn’t want any part of it. Having ladies come into her shop was nothing like a society event where she would be front and center. Her customers weren’t focused on her. They wanted to shop and have an experience that was uniquely their own. She was just a vehicle for them.
But to appear as the hostess for the Duke of Randford in all of London, she couldn’t risk it. Someone might recognize her. My God, would these fears ever leave her be? What would he think of her if he ever discovered the truth? She had little doubt that her face was paler than the full moon outside. She had to escape before he knew something was wrong.
“I think Willa and Morgan should attend the soiree along with Reed and the other men.” Resting on a propped elbow, he peered down at her. “We can work out the details later. Probably the one good thing that came out of the war was my friendship with Morgan. I think of him much like you think of Willa.” He took her hand in his. “May I tell you a story?”
“Of course,” she murmured, not really listening. Her ears were still ringing with his earlier comments.
“In the military, a so-called career scout entered my regiment after it became
common knowledge that we wouldn’t see any battles for a week or so. He sang his own praises of finding the perfect defensive positions. My commanding officer believed him, but I had a hunch something wasn’t right. I believed he was lying to us.”
“Did you say anything?” She scooted back, creating distance between them.
“I tried to convince anyone who would listen that we shouldn’t rely on the new scout for the next battle until we saw the battlefield for ourselves. It was to no avail. My commanding officer allowed the man to map our battle position. As soon as the French attacked, the coward ran. The rest of us were cornered with no escape. That’s where I earned my scar.” The anger in his voice was unmistakable. He closed his eyes briefly and took a breath. “Men died that day, Kat.” He shook his head as if awakening from a dream. “Morgan saved my life and has been by my side ever since. I learned immediately that honesty to others is the most honorable asset a man can possess.”
“I’m sorry you and Morgan suffered.” In a poor attempt to cleanse her own lies, she added softly, “I’m sorry too.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder to expose the man.” He leaned over and brushed his lips against hers.
Without glancing her way, he stood in his full naked glory, then walked to an inlaid dressing table where a basin and ewer of water rested. He poured water, then soaked a linen toweling. After wringing it out, he came to her side. “Let me wash you.”
“I can do it.” She made a move to sit up, but he quickly bent over and kissed her soundly on the lips.
“I want to take care of you. Allow me to do that?”
She froze when she saw the streaks of blood on her thighs. By then, he was already washing all traces of their coupling from her legs and stomach. Once he was satisfied with his work, he returned to the basin and rinsed out the cloth, then cleaned himself.
For some bizarre reason, she didn’t even feel as if she was in the room with him, but watching a dream or performance unfold before her eyes.
When he returned to the bed, he lay next to her and brought her into his arms, still seeming completely oblivious to her torment. “I have news regarding Constance. I saw Sykeston. He’s agreed to marry her.”
Her fog immediately cleared at the mention of her friend. “Tell me.” She was desperate to change the subject.
Christian made quick work of sharing his conversation with the earl.
“What kind of a man is he?” Under no circumstances would she allow Constance to suffer another ill-fated marriage. It really wasn’t within her power to control, but she’d do her best to protect her friend.
“Honorable and loyal, the best kind. Let’s tell her tomorrow.” He gently pulled the sheet and duvet out from underneath her, then carefully draped it over her naked body.
Always before, the sensual sensation of the linens hitting her bare skin never failed to please her. But this time, she couldn’t enjoy them, even though she lay next to the man she’d made love to, a man who touched her with care and deep regard.
He kissed her neck, then burrowed close beside her. Katherine let out a tremulous breath. He was everything kind and sweet, particularly when he brought her into his embrace.
But she had to get out of there as soon as was humanly possible.
His arms tightened ever so gently around her before he relaxed. “Stay with me.”
Within minutes, he fell asleep, holding her.
She held her breath then slowly released it. Her mind reeled with what he’d shared tonight.
It all led to one conclusion. If he ever discovered who she really was, he’d no doubt despise her.
And her heart would crumble into nothing.
* * *
Early the next morning, Katherine arrived home and, thankfully, the house was blessedly quiet.
Willa had to be asleep, which left Kat able to take a long soaking bath in the kitchen without anyone knowing. Really, she shouldn’t care. She was a successful woman of commerce and managed her affairs quite adequately, if she did say so herself. It was her business who she kept company with and what she did. Her shoulders slumped a tad. Still, if Willa had discovered what happened last night, she would have worried about her, nevertheless.
And for good reason. Katherine ached not only from Christian taking her, but from her heart being ripped to shreds.
Yet, how she longed to be with him again. The tenderness he’d shown her and the sweet things he said had stolen her heart. He wanted to celebrate her, and she wanted nothing more than to do the same for him. He was kind, generous, and had a heart that kept on giving. If the world was perfect, she’d dress and return to his side immediately.
But the world wasn’t perfect. Whatever it took, she had to keep her secrets safe.
How could she have been so foolish as to think and hope they could build a life together? Dukes didn’t marry bastards. They certainly didn’t marry convicted thieves.
Soon, she finished her bath, then made a pot of tea before retiring to her sanctuary, her office. She took a sip of tepid tea and munched on a piece of toast covered with elderberry jelly. Katherine worked on several new orders, then her travel plans to Brighton as best she could.
A gentle knock sounded on her study door.
Expecting Willa, Katherine called out, “Come in.”
Helen peeked around the door. “Good morning, darling,” she called out. “May I come in?”
Katherine swallowed at her friend’s appearance. She took a quick inventory of where the others were. Constance was in bed. Beth would be with her. Katherine prayed that Aunt Vee, the unpredictable one, was still enjoying her morning tea with Willa. Hopefully, for the next half hour, they could chat without Helen being aware that Katherine had house guests.
“Of course, Helen. I’m delighted to see you.” Of all the days, why couldn’t her friend have sent a card over first? Helen’s visit this morning would be the first real test of whether Katherine was any worse for wear from last night’s visit to Christian’s bedroom. Helen was almost as ruthless as Willa when it came to Katherine’s well-being. If Helen could tell something was amiss in their conversation, then Willa would sniff it out within two minutes. Bother. The cost of letting people close to you. “I thought I was coming to your house for tea.”
“I couldn’t wait to see you.” Helen settled into the chair across from Katherine. “Are you feeling well?” Helen asked as she leaned in Katherine’s direction. “Why are your cheeks flushed?”
“I ran up the stairs.”
“Hmm,” Helen murmured. “When Willa answered the door, she said you’d been in your study all morning.” She smoothed her dress, then leaned forward. “I understand congratulations are in order for your latest triumph.”
“Pardon?” How in the world could Helen have known she was with Christian last night?
Her friend shook her head. “Darling, I’m talking about the appointment as the supplier to the Prince Regent’s Royal Pavilion.”
“Thank you,” she said woodenly.
Helen peered at her again. “What is the matter with you this morning?”
“Nothing.” Katherine released a long sigh. “As you can imagine, I have much on my mind.” Including a certain war hero duke with wicked lips and a glorious body designed so a woman would lose all her rational sense. “I’m surprised to see you here.”
“Are you?” she asked with a purr, then continued in a singsong voice. “Guess who’s set to call on you within the week?” Helen was absolutely beside herself today with joy. “I won’t allow you to guess. I want to say it myself.” She laughed. “Miles.”
Katherine pasted a smile on her lips. “How wonderful. Does he want to purchase more bedding?”
“No, goose,” Helen said affectionately. “Stop teasing me. He’s going to start courting you.” She leaned back in the slipper chair. “I expect a wedding announcement within the month.”
Katherine tried to mask her horror, then blinked slowly. “Did he tell you that?”<
br />
“Well, not in so many words. But it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. He told me he was going to call on Randford to discuss your situation with him. That only means one thing. He’s going to ask permission to call on you.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Her voice sounded weak to her own ears.
Helen’s lips dipped into a moue of displeasure. “I thought you’d be excited.”
“I’m surprised, that’s all.” Katherine looked at the papers on her desk and made a show of straightening them. “Well, that gives me all the more incentive to finish my work.” She didn’t add the word “here,” so she could scramble to the workroom. Best to hide out the next week at her places of work so the earl couldn’t find her.
Helen stood. “I must leave. Benjamin wanted my opinion on a few bills he’s proposing next week.”
“I’ll see you out,” Katherine murmured.
Thankfully, they chatted about mundane things as they made their way downstairs. By then, Katherine had decided their tea would best be postponed until next week. She used the excuse of more work orders that she’d received. Thankfully, there was no mention of Lord Abbott again. Katherine let out a silent sigh of relief when she escorted her friend to the door without running into another wife or Aunt Vee.
“Darling?” Helen stopped outside the front door on the portico. Her footman already had the carriage door open for her. “Someone said in passing they thought a midwife had visited your residence two days in a row.” Helen’s gaze bored into Katherine’s. “It isn’t for you, is it?”
“Of course not,” Katherine scoffed. “They must have had the wrong house.”
Helen nodded. “That’s what I thought.” She laughed gently. “What a silly thing to have brought up. I apologize. You have not been with anyone since Meriwether.”
With a wave, she continued to her carriage parked out front.
Katherine’s blood seemed to rush to her feet. Suddenly dizzy, she closed the door then rested her head against it with her eyes closed.
A Duke in Time--The Widow Rules Page 25