by Land, Alexa
As he added a pat of butter to the pan, I asked, “How can I help with breakfast?”
“This sauce will probably go to hell the moment I stop stirring it, so could you take over for me? That’ll give me a chance to get the rest of the meal together.”
I did as he asked, and he turned his attention to poaching four eggs and toasting the split English muffins. When everything was ready, he went for a California variation of Eggs Benedict with avocado in place of the ham, then layered on the perfectly cooked eggs. I stuck the tip of my pinky in the pan and sampled the sauce, and he asked, “How is it?”
“It’s good.”
“How is it really?”
I admitted, “I’d go with an extra dash of lemon and a touch more seasoning.”
He sliced a lemon and handed me half, and I squeezed it over my palm to catch any seeds before adding some salt and pepper. After I stirred it, he tasted the sauce and said, “You know what you’re doing.”
“I’ve been trying to improve my cooking skills, since I’m occasionally called upon to produce a breakfast buffet or some other meal at the ranch. That’s mostly when my uncle’s business partner and his huge family are visiting. I haven’t been brave enough to attempt Hollandaise sauce for a crowd, though.”
It was a gorgeous day, so we decided to eat out on the balcony. We lingered over breakfast, and after we finished eating, I insisted on doing the clean-up. Once the kitchen was spotless, I grabbed a book and a pair of sunglasses and went back outside, where I found Lee reading a leather-bound book written in Greek.
There was only one lounge chair, but it was double-sized and shaded by a large umbrella. He slid over to make room for me, and I smiled as I settled in beside him. I was beginning to realize everything in the apartment had been designed for a couple.
Lee glanced at the book in my hands and said, “A bit of light reading, I see.” It was a used textbook entitled Hotel Operations Management: Theory and Practice.
“I don’t have time to take classes, so I figured this was the next best thing.”
“Does that subject actually interest you? I know the ranch means a lot to you, but if your uncle had never built that place, would you want anything to do with the hospitality industry?”
I considered the question before saying, “I suppose it’s like an unplanned pregnancy.”
He grinned at that. “Is it?”
“Here’s what I mean. Let’s say it wasn’t your intention to get your partner pregnant, but it happens anyway. You might never have imagined yourself as a parent, but what does it matter, really? You still have to rise to the occasion and try your best, because the baby’s depending on you. That’s exactly what it’s like with the ranch. It might not have been what I ever expected or asked for, and it’s certainly frustrating at times. But I truly love it, and it needs me to take care of it to the best of my ability.”
“I see what you’re saying, although technically, you’re raising your uncle’s baby.”
“That’s true.” I glanced at his book and asked, “What are you reading?”
“An old volume of Greek mythology that was gathering dust on my shelf for years.”
“Your culture really means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”
“It’s a huge part of who I am.”
“But then—” I thought better of the question I’d been about to ask and cut myself off.
He filled in the blank for me. “Why have I never been back?” When I nodded, he said, “Too many ghosts and questions I really don’t want answered. So, instead of visiting, I do the next best thing. I keep my culture alive for myself through books, food, and various other things.”
I dropped my gaze to the textbook’s cover and murmured, “I’m sorry I ask so many questions. I know you don’t like talking about yourself.”
“You’re a naturally curious person. There’s nothing wrong with that. And technically, you stopped yourself before asking that last one.” When I glanced at him, he kissed me tenderly, then said, “Don’t worry about asking questions. If it’s something I don’t want to discuss, I’ll tell you, and it won’t make me angry.”
He draped an arm over my shoulders as we both turned our attention to our books. Mine was painfully dry, and after a while I gave up on it, put my head on Lee’s chest, and studied the pages of his book instead. The Greek alphabet was familiar and not at the same time. I could pick out individual letters, like delta, which was a little triangle. But forget about stringing the letters into words.
He was still dressed in the outfit he’d slept in, which was unusual for him, and as I ran my bare foot over his, I asked, “Will you please read to me?”
“In Greek?”
“Yes. I know I won’t understand any of it, but I like the way it sounds.”
He grinned at me, and as he began to read, I returned my head to his chest. I couldn’t decide if it was the language itself, his wonderful, deep voice, or the two combined, but it sounded gorgeous. He kept that up until he reached the end of a chapter, and then he closed the book and said, “That was the story of Hera, Queen of the Gods.”
“Thank you for humoring me.”
He set the book aside, and when I draped my leg over his, he rested his hand on my thigh and said, “It was no hardship.”
I looked up at him and asked, “How would you like to spend your birthday?”
“The same way we’ve spent each of our weekends together: by relaxing, fucking, and enjoying each other’s company.”
“But I want to make it special for you.”
“All of that is special, Beck. These weekends are the best part of my life, by far.” He caressed my cheek and added, “I do have one unusual request though, and it involves that chair in the bathroom.”
“I was wondering about that.”
“You once mentioned you’d trained to be a barber. Ever since, I’ve been fixated on the idea of receiving a haircut and a shave from you. For some reason, it just seemed intimate and sexy. So, when I saw that barber chair online, I couldn’t resist.”
I said, “Sounds fun.”
“You don’t think it’s weird?”
“Not at all. Want to do it now?”
When he agreed, I accompanied him to the bathroom and found the tools I needed. After draping a large towel over his shoulders and dampening his hair with a spray bottle, I combed out a small section, slid it between my fingers, and carefully trimmed the ends.
I’d always enjoyed cutting hair, and doing that for Leonidas was surprisingly satisfying. I followed the lines of his last haircut and concluded by cleaning up the edges with an electric clipper. When I removed the towel and stepped back, he looked in the mirror and said, “You did a great job, just like I knew you would.” I felt so proud of myself.
The next part began by reclining his chair and massaging a pre-shave product into his beard. Then I soaked a towel in hot water, wrung it out, and draped it over his face, leaving just his nose and eyes exposed. While it sat for a bit, I looked for a razor. What I found surprised me, and I said, “You don’t really want me to use a straight razor, do you?”
“That’s exactly what I want.” I turned to look at him. His eyes were closed, and he seemed perfectly relaxed.
“But what if I cut you?”
“You won’t.”
“What are you basing that statement on?”
He murmured, “The fact that you’re an extremely competent person.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, but this worries me.”
All he said to that was, “I trust you.”
That was what this all came down to. It wasn’t about the haircut or the shave. Not really. It was about Leonidas giving up control, even in just some small way, and showing he had faith in me. I was absolutely determined not to let him down.
I hung up my robe because I didn’t want to get anything on it, then removed the towel from Lee’s face. After I applied some shaving cream, I took a breath and picked up that scary-looking razo
r.
The last time I’d shaved another person was during my barber training. Even though I remembered what to do, it had been years, and the first stroke was light and hesitant. That was definitely the wrong approach.
While I gave myself a silent pep talk, he laced his fingers over his stomach and kept his eyes closed. The fact that he was so relaxed bolstered my confidence. I wiped the razor on a towel and tried again with a series of short, deliberate strokes, leaving a clean path in the blade’s wake. That was when I realized I really could do this, and do it well.
There was a kind of Zen to it, an almost meditative quality to the quiet repetition. Glide over his skin, wipe the blade, repeat. It was intimate too, surprisingly so. Had this been happening in a crowded barber shop, it would have been an entirely different experience. But here, it made me feel connected to him, in a way I never would have predicted.
Once I finished the right side of his face and neck, I moved to the left, the side with that long scar. It was old, faded, and almost flush with his skin, and I quickly learned it didn’t really present a challenge to shave around it. But since he hadn’t even let me touch it until recently, allowing me to do this felt like a significant breakthrough.
When the job was done, I used a cool, damp cloth to wipe off any residue and soothe his skin. Then I kissed him gently, and he looked up at me and said, “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome.”
He ran a hand along his jaw. “That was the best shave of my life. I knew you’d do a great job.” He guided me into his arms, and I climbed onto the chair and straddled his hips as he said, “You gave me a wonderful gift by doing that. What can I do for you in return?”
As if paying me an exorbitant amount for these weekends wasn’t enough. “You don’t have to do anything. It was a pleasure.”
“Still though. There must be something I can give you.”
I weighed my options, then decided to ask for what I really wanted. “If you want to give me something in return, tell me a fact about you that no one else knows.”
“No one knows a thing about me, so you’re already way ahead of the curve.”
“Tell me something anyway.” I grinned playfully and added, “Preferably something embarrassing.”
Even though I was probably pushing it, his smile was warm and genuine. He rested his hands on my hips and said, “Okay, fine. How about this? I never learned to ride a bike.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed by that. I didn’t know how to ride one either, until about four or five years ago.”
“Seriously?”
I nodded. “I grew up in foster care, and nobody ever taught me. Finally, I just decided to teach myself.”
He asked, “What about your uncle, the one who owns the ranch? Why didn’t he raise you, instead of putting you in foster care?”
“The publicity stunt known as my adoption happened when I was fifteen. I didn’t know Uncle Ren when I was a kid.”
“How was your adoption a publicity stunt?”
I said, “It’s a long story.”
“I have nothing but time.”
“Okay. Well, when I was a sophomore in high school, I made the news by raising enough money to buy backpacks and school supplies for almost three hundred homeless kids. I guess it was newsworthy because I was just a kid myself, and in foster care. The story was picked up nationally, and they did a follow-up interview with me and talked about the fact that I’d been waiting over twelve years to get adopted.”
I shifted a bit and continued, “This all happened to coincide with Luis Medina’s run for the State Senate. He thought I’d be a public relations gold mine, so he and his wife adopted me. Of course he didn’t tell anyone that was the reason for the adoption, but come on. It was so obvious! The joke was on him, though. He lost to the incumbent by a landslide, even after trying to make everyone think he was some kind of saint.”
Lee looked disgusted. “What kind of asshole would use a kid like that?”
“He’s a piece of work, no doubt about it. His brother is wonderful, though. My adoptive parents and the rest of the Medinas might not want anything to do with me, but Ren and my friends at the ranch are all the family I’ll ever need anyway.”
“Why don’t they want anything to do with you?”
“Because I’m a total fuck-up who made a terrible mistake.” Instead of looking at him, I kept my gaze on my hands as I lightly traced the neckline of his T-shirt.
He said, “I don’t believe that.”
“It’s the truth.” I took a breath and found myself telling him about my ex-boyfriend and how he stole from my grandmother and betrayed me. Then I said, “They didn’t even struggle with the decision to disown me after that. And really, why would they? None of them wanted me in the first place, aside from Ren. I was just a stranger who’d been brought into their family for all the wrong reasons. I spent my late teens trying so hard to be good and earn their affection, but nothing I did mattered. When I met Hal, I thought I’d finally found someone to love me. God, was I wrong.”
He said, very quietly, “Your ex hurt you, didn’t he? I don’t just mean by betraying your trust. He physically hurt you.”
When I nodded, he pulled me into an embrace. “I’ve held on to this secret for such a long time,” I whispered. “I don’t know why I’ve never been able to talk about it. Why do I feel ashamed of this, Lee?”
“Because abuse changes and distorts us. Maybe we blame ourselves because that’s easier to accept than admitting we were totally helpless and vulnerable at the hands of another person.”
He’d been hurt, too. There was no doubt about it. Knowing he understood gave me the courage to say, “When I tried to talk to Hal about the theft of cash and some jewelry from my grandmother’s house, he denied it, and I was dumb enough to believe he was innocent. I took his side over my family’s and defended him, and that was when they disowned me. But later on, I recognized a pair of ruby earrings that I found in his apartment. When I confronted him, he became enraged. He told me to get out, but I stood my ground and demanded that he give me what he’d stolen so I could return it to my grandmother. I’d seen glimpses of violence in him, but I really didn’t know what he was capable of until the moment he grabbed my hair and slammed the back of my head through a window.”
Lee swore under his breath, and I murmured, “There was so much blood, more than I’d ever seen. I now know head wounds just bleed like crazy, but at the time I thought I was going to die. I was so scared as I drove myself to the hospital.”
“Tell me that fucker went to jail for what he did to you.”
“Actually, he skipped town. The police didn’t seem to put a lot of effort into their search for him. Then again, I couldn’t even confirm that his real name was Hal Andriessen, so maybe it’s no wonder he got away. Everything else was a lie, so why not that, too?”
Lee’s voice was low and laced with malice when he said, “I promise I’m going to track that fucker down for you.”
“While I appreciate the sentiment, that wouldn’t really accomplish much. I doubt the police could get any charges to stick without a confession, and good luck with that. Plus, I already paid back every penny he stole from my grandmother. It took me over two years to raise the money, but I did it. As for my scar, that’s a lifelong souvenir. Nothing’s going to change that. I just hope I don’t lose my hair when I get older. I’ll keep wearing hats, of course, but they’re not appropriate in every situation. I’d hate having to field nosy questions about how I got it.”
“I guess I’m lucky in that regard.” I glanced up at him, and he said, “Most people are afraid of me, so they don’t dare ask stupid questions.”
“Why would anyone be afraid of you? You’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever known.”
“Only you get this version of me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy your wonderfully skewed perspective.” He kissed my forehead, and then he noticed goosebumps on my arm and said, “Come on, let’s get yo
u dressed. That jock strap is sexy as hell, but I don’t want you freezing your cute little ass off.”
I accompanied him to the bedroom, and when he brought me the same sweatpants and frumpy, oversized T-shirt again, I said, “I want to look nice for you.”
He was perfectly sincere when he told me, “You’re the most beautiful boy in all the world, Beck. That doesn’t change based on what you’re wearing.” That was one of the best things anyone had ever said to me.
As I pulled on the sweats, I said, “I’m sorry I took the conversation in such a serious direction. We should be talking about happy things on your birthday.”
“Don’t apologize. It means a lot to me when you open up like that.”
I put on the T-shirt and announced, “I’m going to lighten the mood by making you a birthday cake. We should have all the ingredients, since the kitchen seems very well-stocked.”
“Can I help?”
“Nope. What you can do instead is relax, and I’ll join you once it’s in the oven.”
Lee kept me company while I made the batter for a lemon cake, and when it was baking, we both got comfortable on the couch. Just as we started kissing, a buzzing phone interrupted us.
It was unexpected because we’d never been interrupted, not once in all our weekends together. Lee’s expression instantly became grave. “I have to get that. Everyone is under orders not to call me unless it’s a matter of life and death.”
I climbed off of him and watched as he strode to the bedroom. He was gone for several minutes. When he returned, he was dressed in a perfectly tailored dark suit, and his jaw was set in a grim line. “I’m really sorry,” he said, “but I have to go.”
“Is everything alright?”
“No, not really.”
That brought up a million questions, but it was obvious that he didn’t have time to answer them. I followed him to the door and asked, “When will you be back?”
“I’m not sure. I’ll call you as soon as I can.” When Lee kissed me, it was intense and laced with emotion. I hugged him tightly, and when I made myself let go, he caressed my cheek. He began to say something else, but then he stopped himself and left the apartment.