by Rye Brewer
She was humming the same old tune—I never knew what song it was, or if it was actually a song at all, but it was the song she had always hummed when she was rocking either of us.
I closed my eyes as the tears continued to flow, soaking into the soft, cream-colored tunic she wore. It even smelled the way I remembered her smelling. I breathed deep, wanting to capture all of her that I could.
“My baby,” she whispered. Her hand on my head was like a balm on my soul.
I felt instantly soothed.
All the hardship and pain and questions, endless questions, of the last couple of months melted away as she stroked my hair.
I was afraid of holding her too tight, thinking I might hurt her, but really, I was just as afraid of letting go. What happened if I found out it was all a dream? What if none of it was real, or if she went away again? What if I never got another chance?
“Mom,” I wept. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too. Both of you. Oh, you’ll never know how much my heart has ached. How my arms ached to hold you again.” She pressed her lips to the top of my head. “I love you so much. I’ve always loved you, every minute.”
I pulled away and smiled up at her. She wiped the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs, then took one of my hands as she continued to apply cold water to Sara’s skin with the other.
“You look well,” she murmured. “Beautiful, just the way you always did.”
“So do you.”
“Even if I look different?” she asked, her eyes cutting to mine before moving back to Sara’s face.
“Even so,” I grinned.
I looked around the chamber. It was comfortable enough, or looked that way. Along with the lounge which Sara rested on were a pair of plush, soft chairs.
Off toward the back of the room was what I guessed passed for a kitchen, with a table and chairs, and even a stove which vented out through the roof.
To the side just beyond that was a bed with a chest at the foot. I noticed the drawing supplies on the kitchen table and wondered if she had been working on something when we arrived.
“Are you comfortable here? Are you happy?” I asked.
“As happy as I can be,” she said, sounding the way a person sounds when they’re trying to be diplomatic.
She wasn’t happy, obviously, but she was making the best she could of the situation.
“You can’t let anybody know you’re here,” I whispered.
“Sweetheart, I’m not even supposed to be alive,” she reminded me. “But let’s not talk about that now. What about you?”
“Oh. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about that, either,” I murmured, looking at the floor.
“That good?” Mom asked in her all-knowing Mom voice.
“Something like that, yes.” My head snapped up. “I’ve met Gregor.”
“You have?” Her eyes softened, and she smiled. “I always wanted you to.” Her gaze had that faraway look. “I hope you understand.”
“I do. He told me all about you and how you met and how you fell in love. And how you couldn’t be together.”
She patted my hand. “It was all a very long time ago. He was very special to me. I want you to know that—and to know why I couldn’t tell you the truth. It was bad enough that many others already suspected my child wasn’t full-blooded.” Her eyes darkened, and her voice deepened. “So much prejudice and hatred, and for what?”
“I know.”
I didn’t want to share stories of how much worse things got for Sara and me once she wasn’t around to protect us anymore. There was no need to make her feel even worse.
“What do you think of your father?” she asked with a playful smile which wiped away her anger and sadness.
“He’s… forceful,” I said, trying to be diplomatic.
“That’s a nice way of putting it,” she chuckled. “What else?”
“He’s protective. I know he only wants what’s best for me.”
“That will always be so,” she agreed. “Even when he couldn’t be with you, he wanted to be. And he loved you, just like I loved you when we couldn’t be together.”
“He protected me when things got tough,” I added.
“Tough?” she frowned.
Right. She didn’t know about any of that.
“Oh, there’s so much to tell you. I don’t even know if I want to get into all of it right now.” I glanced over at Allonic, who sat at the table.
He stayed quiet, letting us have our moment.
“We have time now, my girl—and your brother told me about a few of the challenges you’ve faced, though I’m sure you have more to share. You were always so strong and brave. You never backed down from a challenge—that worried me, sometimes, since we need to know when to turn around and walk away if a challenge is too great.” She ran her hand over my head, down the side of my face. “You’re so lovely. Both of you. My beautiful girls. My heart is so full right now, I can barely speak.” She looked over at Allonic. “All of my children, all together at once. It’s something I never dared dream, but it was always hidden in my heart. I don’t think I could be happier than I am right now.”
“I know what you mean,” I whispered, and the tears threatened again behind my eyes.
“What do you think of your brother?” she asked.
Nothing like being put on the spot, I thought. “It’s nice, having a brother,” I said, smiling at him. “I called for him tonight when I needed help with Sarah, and he came. I knew he would, if he could.”
Mom looked pleased, the way any proud mother would.
Sara stirred, muttering something, and we turned our attention to her. Her skin had lost the flushed, sweaty look it had when we first brought her inside the chamber.
“She’s getting better,” Mom murmured, putting a hand to her forehead. “What happened to her?”
I looked again at Allonic, who nodded.
“I only found out about this tonight,” I began. “She’s exhibiting signs of being an elemental witch.”
“An elemental witch?” Mom’s eyes widened as she examined her daughter’s face. “I don’t believe it.”
“It’s the only explanation we could come up with. I mean, she shoots lightning from her hands, Mom.”
“Can she pinpoint when it began?” she asked.
“Not long ago. She never said exactly when, but it hadn’t been more than a few days since I last saw her. Maybe a week.” Or more. I had lost track, hadn’t I? “I sort of left her in the protection of a family of vampires while I took care of a few things. Including staying with Gregor for a little while.”
“I see. Well, you’re not your sister’s keeper. You couldn’t follow her around all day.” She looked at me. “You’re not to blame for this, you know.”
“I didn’t realize I thought I was until you just said it,” I admitted. “I promised I would protect her after I… after we left the mansion,” I said, not wanting to get into the torture Sara had gone through or what Marcus made me do to save her life. I would’ve gladly forgotten all about it, too, if I could. “You know Sara. She’s always needed protecting. She’s my little sister. Of course, I feel responsible.”
She shook her head, and her beautiful, wavy hair moved over her shoulders. “No. Things happen all the time—strange things, wonderful things, things we can’t explain. Sometimes they happen to us, sometimes they happen to others. We can’t control them.”
“I’m tired of not being in control,” I whispered. “Things have been so confusing lately.” I leaned against her knees, and she let me rest there.
It was nice, being able to rest, letting go of my burdens for a little while. It was nice having a mother to talk to again.
“I can imagine that they have been,” she whispered, glancing again at Sara.
She was still out cold, but her eyelids fluttered every so often.
“We’re trying to understand how this happened to her,” I said. “We thought she might have drank contaminated blood, but
Allonic doesn’t believe she would possess these powers just after feeding once or twice.”
“I think it depends upon the concentration in the blood,” Mom replied. “I did a lot of studying when I was in the Sanctuary.”
I noticed for the first time the stacks of books on either side of the bed, not to mention another stack behind where Sara’s head rested on the lounge.
“Well, no matter how it happened, she’s struggling with this. We had to get her out of sight, before another vampire saw her and spread the word. I think a sparking, cracking vampire will attract attention.”
“What about the one she was with?” Allonic asked.
Mom gasped. “She was with someone else?”
I waved a dismissive hand. “Raze. You remember Raze.”
“Oh, yes.” She grinned. “He was always crazy about you.”
“Mom.” I blushed. I couldn’t believe she was teasing me. “We’re just friends like we always have been. Anyway, he’ll keep her a secret. I mean, he didn’t have to hide her, did he? But he did.”
“I trust him,” Mom said, turning to Allonic. “You were smart to bring them here.”
“I had always intended to bring them to you, like we discussed.”
It was still so odd, thinking about them having a relationship apart from the one Sara and I had with her.
They had their memories together.
I wondered if he knew the song she hummed, too.
3
Anissa
“I think I’ll make us some tea,” Mom announced, standing. “She’ll be all right. She just needs some rest now.” She stood in a graceful, fluid movement.
I had always thought she could’ve been a dancer, she was so graceful. I loved watching her move around the chamber, soaking her in with my eyes. I had years and years of missing her to make up for.
While she was busy in the kitchen, I motioned for Allonic to join me by the window—if Mom noticed, she was discreet enough to pretend she hadn’t.
“I have a few questions for you,” I whispered, glancing back at Mom and Sara.
“Perhaps you could make it a little more obvious that we’re having a secret conversation right now,” he whispered. “Perhaps we should whisper behind our hands.”
I scowled. “All right. I’ll let you have that one, because I’m always giving you a hard time, but that’s all. Deal?”
His chuckle was a deep rumble in his chest. “All right.”
I grew serious. “You never did tell me why you drank from Valerius when we were in Sorrowswatch.”
His smile, faint as it was, faded completely. “I thought I had.”
“No. You said it had something to do with needing his blood, I’m sorry if I don’t quite remember—it was a very hectic trip.”
“A good way of describing it,” he agreed.
“So? What was it all about?”
He gazed out the window, down, down, down to the world below.
It was overwhelming, being so far up.
I was sure I could touch the moon from where we stood.
Everything below us looked small in comparison, almost minuscule. Except for the mountains, which were just as majestic as they were from the ground.
When he spoke, his voice was softer than usual. “It’s not easy, being an outsider.”
“I know all about that,” I agreed.
“Then, you know what it’s like to feel as though you’re caught between two worlds. For me, I know I’ll never be accepted by either side of my blood.” He scoffed, shaking his head. “As far as my fellow shades are concerned, my position is tenuous at best. I’ll never reach a position of authority, even though I should rightfully do so based on my parentage. If I were full shade, there would be no question. The only reason I’m kept around, in fact, is because of who my father was. If he were just some lowly shade living at the Sanctuary, I might not have a home there.”
He took a deep breath. “And if that were the case, I wouldn’t have a home anywhere, since we both know how accepting and welcoming vampires can be.”
“Oh, yes,” I growled under my breath.
“If I’m barely existent according to the shades, I’m a non-entity as far as vampires are concerned. I’m nothing. I have no position. I shouldn’t even exist, according to the beliefs held by a good many of them. I have no claim to a name, no respect, no anything. I simply happen to have a vampire mother.”
“But why feed on Valerius?” I asked, still not understanding.
“Because Valerius has power. Ancient, incomprehensible power. Power I would never have on my own, as myself.”
“Power is that important to you?” I murmured, looking again at Mom.
Her back was to us, and she was humming happily as she added tea leaves to a pot and poured boiling water from the kettle.
“Not power in and of itself. But when power can be used for protection or in times of crisis, yes. Wouldn’t you prefer having power to the alternative?” He looked down at me with searching, questioning eyes.
He always seemed to be so collected and in control, it was slightly jarring to watch him question the way he was.
“When you put it that way, of course. I would want to protect those I care for, or cover my back in case someone challenged me. Yes, I would take the power if I could.”
He nodded.
I could tell he was relieved, even if he didn’t want to speak the words out loud.
“When I saw my chance, I took it. I didn’t even think much about it. I’ve spent so long wondering if there would ever be a time when I would fit in, or at least deserve a little respect. I don’t worry about that as much from the shades as I do from the vampires, since I know the vampires actively hate anything slightly different from themselves. So, I took Valerius’s blood.”
I looked him up and down, noting how he looked the same as he ever did. “Do you feel different?” I whispered.
“Not very,” he replied in a hushed tone. “But I have this… this knowing. I know the power is there if I ever need to call on it.”
I placed a hand on his arm. “For what it’s worth, I hope you never have to call on it.”
Strange, but true: I had started to become really fond of him, even outside the fact that he was my brother. He was always there for me when I needed help.
He nodded, smiling a little. He needed to do more of that. He looked handsome when he did. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Are you going to tell the Bourkes about the contaminated blood? You should, and soon. What if there are others going through this same thing Sara’s going through? That could be extremely dangerous.”
“I know. This is all on my mind at once. Knowing what I have to do, knowing why I have to do it. Not wanting to do it.” It was my turn to look out the window, away from him.
“Why don’t you want to do it?” he asked.
“Because I’m not sure that I want to see Jonah right now—and yes, I know that’s immature, and I’m only thinking about myself, but haven’t I spent enough time thinking about everybody else? I mean, for years. I had to work to keep Sara alive. I had to protect her when I rescued her—and I would do it again, don’t get me wrong. It hasn’t been entirely about me for a long time. Even with Jonah, I’ve been worried about him for almost as long as I’ve known him. Maybe it’s time for me to be a little selfish. Just a little.”
It was a long time before he spoke again. “I understand how you feel. I felt the same way when you first came to me.”
“You did?”
“Yes. It was a big risk, taking you in. And then you ran off…”
“I remember,” I said, wincing.
“But Anissa, this isn’t just one or two other vampires facing the possibility of getting… these powers,” he said, looking over at Sara.
She was still resting. I wondered how much longer she would need to recuperate.
“There are thousands of Bourkes in that building. Any number of them might
have gotten that contaminated blood.”
“And one of them might have brought it to the clan,” I added with a frown. “There’s no way of knowing yet how it got there.”
“Don’t you want to know?”
“Of course, I do. But it’s definitely not my place to walk into a clan meeting and start asking questions.” I leaned against the stone lining the window and wrapped my arms around myself, still looking out across miles and miles of land that looked silver in the light of the full moon. “I could talk to Jonah about it, though, and he could go to the clan. That’s his job.”
I turned away from the window and looked up at my brother. Brother. The word still stuck in my mind sometimes.
“You’re right. I’ll figure something out, even if it’s not to help them but to help myself. Because I do want answers. Who did this to my sister?”
“That’s a start,” he said, then added, “Our sister.”
I smiled. “Right. Our sister.”
Mom’s voice floated over to us from the other side of the chamber. “The tea is ready.”
She practically glowed from the inside out.
It hit me that this was the first time she had prepared anything for all her children at once. No wonder she looked so jubilant, even if she was only pouring tea for us.
I took a deep breath and breathed in the sweet, slightly spicy blend before drinking.
“What happened?”
The three of us looked over to where Sara was sitting up, looking around with a dazed expression.
4
Anissa
“Sara, sweetheart.” Mom rushed to her side and sat with her as she had before—only this time, she folded her in her arms. “I’m so glad you’re all right.”
Sara, meanwhile, looked at me over Mom’s shoulder with wide, frightened eyes.
I nodded, smiling, encouraging her, reminding myself that she was just as clueless as I used to be. I remembered how shocking it was, finding out Mom was still alive.
She pulled far enough away to look at her. “It’s really you?” she asked.