by Morgan James
Jana was a walking wet dream, and it felt like my insides were literally twisted up in knots over the woman. My pulse kicked up and blood pumped furiously through my veins at the thought of her in that sexy swimsuit, and I dropped my head back on a soft groan. The only way I could think to solve the problem was to exhaust my body so completely that I couldn’t even get turned on by her. I had serious doubts it would work, but I had to try something. Because touching her was not an option. If I ever laid a hand on her, I knew it would be over.
Staying as quiet as humanly possible as, I warmed up then moved into some of my Krav Maga workout. I preferred to work with a partner to sharpen my skills and reaction time, but the movement felt good, and time slipped away as the sun rose higher in the sky. I was breathing heavily by the time Jana stepped onto the patio in a sports bra and another pair of tiny shorts.
Despite my fatigue, I felt my dick twitch at the sight of those lean legs. So much for hoping my body would be too tired to react to her. I clenched my teeth as she practically skipped over to me, her perfect, white smile lighting her face.
“What are you doing?”
Trying to kill myself so I’ll stop getting so worked up over you. I cleared my throat. “Working out.”
“Well, yeah.” She rolled her eyes. “I know that. But I mean”—she wiggled her fingers in my direction—“what kind of moves are those? Is that some type of karate?”
“Krav Maga,” I corrected.
“Krav Maga.” She tested the words on her tongue, then bounced on her toes, her eyes shining with interest. “Can you teach me?”
I froze. “What?”
“You know.” She made the hand gesture again. “The self defense stuff.”
“Um...” I couldn’t deny that it would actually be a good idea for her to learn, but self-defense was up-close-and-personal. My hands would be all over her, every inch, and I broke into a sweat just thinking about it. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
My mind spun to come up with an excuse. “Beginners normally start on the mats. The grass can get slick, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
It sounded feeble to my ears, and they burned as she stared incredulously at me, like she wasn’t buying the bullshit I was selling. Neither was I.
She pursed her lips. “Well, it’s not like some stranger is going to wait until I’m in some soft, padded area to attack me.”
And there it was, the logic I so desperately despised. I grunted. “You don’t need to learn.”
“What if I need to protect myself?”
“You won’t,” I snapped. “I’m here to take care of that.”
“You won’t be around forever,” she pointed out.
Damn. Score one for the blonde. And why the hell did hearing those words hurt so bad? A dull ache thudded through my chest, infuriating me further. “I’m here now.”
“So?” She threw her hands in the air. “What about when you’re gone?”
“Goddamn it, Jana, just leave it alone.”
“I don’t understand—”
“Enough!” I barked out. “I’m not fucking teaching you, and that’s final.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Tears shimmered in her eyes as she glared up at me. “You’re such a dick.”
She spun on a heel and stormed into the house, and the sliding door slammed in her wake. She was right. I was a complete asshole. All she’d done was ask that I teach her some moves to defend herself, which wasn’t an unreasonable request at all. But the thought of running my hands all over her body knowing I would never be able to have her... it was too much.
I was pissed at myself for overreacting and hurting her feelings again, but I didn’t know how to fix it. I’d either push her away or cross the line and do something I couldn’t take back. Because I knew I didn’t have the self-control to have her in my arms without wanting to kiss her and so much more.
Now I’d ruined the tenuous balance between us because I couldn’t set my attraction for her aside to do the right thing.
Fuck, it was going to be a long two weeks.
Chapter Fourteen
Jana
I threw down my pencil and heaved a sigh as I rolled to my back. My brain was fried, and I couldn’t come up with anything good to save my life. I’d tried off and on to work on some new lyrics, but any motivation and inspiration had been zapped.
For the past three days, I had alternated between lying by the pool and watching whatever happened to be on TV, which most often, seemed to be one reality show or another. While I had enjoyed relaxing for the most part, I had pretty much reached my limit being stagnant, and I was ready to throw myself into the ocean. God, how did people live like this? I was not made to be sedentary.
My body vibrated with irritation, and I stared vacantly at the ceiling, debating what to do. Things between Vince and me had grown even more tense than before. Every night, he slipped into the role of protector, sleeping at the foot of the bed. Each morning, he was gone long before I awoke, apparently to work out in the small rectangle of grass next to the pool.
I still harbored a fair amount of resentment toward him for refusing to show me any self-defense moves. To my way of thinking, it made sense to know how to protect myself, and I couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t want to teach me. Unless, of course, he just despised me so much that he didn’t want to spend one more minute with me than absolutely necessary. I supposed that, given his attitude for the past couple of days, it was a distinct possibility.
Considering the house was so tiny we literally almost tripped over each other, we technically ate dinner together each night. Even so, I would bet we hadn’t exchanged more than a hundred words since our fight on the patio three mornings ago. I couldn’t figure him out. One minute he was my white knight in shining armor, ready to leap to my defense; the next, he was an overbearing, arrogant asshole who seemed to think that, because I was a woman, I was incapable of caring for myself.
That pissed me off more than anything. I’d been on my own for most of the twenty-two years I’d been on this earth, and I would still be on my own long after he was gone. He was a chauvinist if I’d ever seen one. I should probably consider myself lucky that he let me use the bathroom by myself, because I certainly wasn’t allowed to do anything else. Although I’d broken down and practically begged, he had staunchly refused to entertain any notion of going back to the beach. It wasn’t even real work; it was literally three steps off the patio into the sand.
As far as I could tell, the island was perpetually calm and quiet, exactly what we had seen when we arrived. No one had approached us while we were out that first day, and I didn’t think anyone had been able to recognize me under the hat and sunglasses. Unfortunately, Vince seemed to be taking his bodyguard duties more seriously than ever. There was no doubt in my mind that if I tried to escape to the beach on my own, he would drag me back and tie me to a chair for the remainder of our time here.
I hated that I was stuck here with him. We were literally a thousand miles from home, away from whoever was stalking me, yet he refused to bend at all. I’d been too mad to even revisit the subject since yesterday, and even if I did bring it up, I was certain he would shoot me down again.
A thought suddenly occurred to me, and I wasn’t quite sure why I hadn’t realized it before. I had some leverage here. If I made enough noise, complained enough, Harvey would be forced to step in. I didn’t really want to throw a temper tantrum after the conversation I’d had with Con at my house last week, but I was getting desperate. Gritting my teeth, I steeled myself as I pushed up from the bed and stalked into the living room.
Vince sat sprawled on the couch, arms stretched over the back, feet propped up on the coffee table in front of him. He flicked a glance my way as I entered the room. I paused several feet away and stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to speak. Not surprisingly, he didn’t. Instead, one dark eyebrow rose in silent question, stirring my ire.
“I’d like to go down to the beach.”
He was silent for a long moment. Then he shook his head. “No can do.”
“Why the hell not?” I motioned toward the windows. “It’s almost dark anyway. Even if we did run into somebody, there’s, like, zero percent chance they would recognize me.”
“Doesn’t matter. We’re staying here.”
“Fine. Then I want my phone.” I stepped forward and held my hand out expectantly.
His gaze dropped to my hand, then rose slowly again to meet my eyes. “What for?”
“This is ridiculous.” I made an aggravated gesture with my hand. “I want to call Harvey.”
“Why?” Vince scoffed. “So you can call and throw a temper tantrum like the spoiled, self-righteous little girl you are?”
“Says the overblown, chauvinistic tyrant.”
He lifted one shoulder as if he couldn’t care less that I’d just insulted him. “Tough shit. This tyrant’s keeping you safe, which you would understand if you utilized that one remaining brain cell reserved for common sense.”
I sucked in an outraged breath. I knew I wasn’t the smartest person in the world, but neither was I stupid. The heat of humiliation raced through my veins, and I fought to shut down my emotions as I lashed out at him. “Keeping me safe?” I let out a mirthless laugh as I crossed my arms over my chest and stared down at him. “How’s that working out for you? Because I’m pretty sure I could’ve been killed due to your negligence.”
His face darkened. “Are you this much of a bitch to everyone, or am I the unlucky bastard who gets saddled with your bad attitude?”
“Pretty sure it’s just you,” I snapped. “I seem to get along just fine with everyone else.”
“You sure have them fooled, because you’re a pain in the ass when you don’t get your way.” He gave a short laugh. “Since you seem so determined to throw yourself in harm’s way, maybe we should’ve left you at home where your stalker could find you. I’m sure he wouldn’t have made it out of your subdivision before turning around and taking your bratty ass back.”
God, he was such an asshole. I glared at him. “Believe it or not, most people actually like me.”
“That’s a lie if I ever heard one,” he snapped. “Your personality is as fake as those tits.”
Cold washed over me, and I could practically feel the blood drain from my face. He may as well have reached out and slapped me. Of all the things he could’ve said to me, that was the worst. I directed my gaze over his shoulder as silence fell like a lead curtain around us. Tears burned the back of my throat, and I bit my tongue to keep them from rising higher and spilling from my eyes.
I dug my fingernails into the palm of my hand, using the bite of physical pain to distract myself from his hurtful words. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Instead, I pulled my shoulders back and lifted my chin. I’d be damned if I would give him the satisfaction of knowing his words had impacted me, that they’d cut deeper than a knife.
Swallowing down the emotion that had risen in my throat, I fell back a step, then turned to leave. I almost hoped that Vince would stop me, but he didn’t. All fight left me as my heart cracked wide open. In the span of only a few seconds, Vince had solidified exactly where we stood. He didn’t care about me at all. Though I’d continued to hope that maybe he was just holding back, I knew in that moment I was wrong. It hurt more than I wanted to admit, and I was furious with myself for allowing a man to dictate my happiness and self-worth.
Bypassing the bathroom completely, I headed straight for the bedroom and quietly closed the door behind me. As soon as the darkness enveloped me, the tears came, falling hard and fast. I fought to control my breathing as my lungs heaved and my chest constricted. This whole thing had been a huge mistake. I had no idea how we were going to keep this farce going when he obviously hated me so much. I climbed into bed and hugged my pillow close, pouring every ounce of despair into the cotton fabric.
The remaining slivers of my heart shattered with each sob that racked my body. He made me feel horrible, insignificant. Worst of all, he’d just validated every negative thought I’d ever had about myself. I was beginning to wonder if maybe I really was as awful as he said I was. Vince was about as brutally honest as a person could get, and if nothing else, I could always count on him to speak the truth... and the truth hurt like hell.
Chapter Fifteen
Vince
A sick sense of dread curdled in my gut as I watched her stiffen and turn slowly toward the bedroom. I dropped my feet to the floor, ready to stand and stop her—beg her forgiveness. The second I leaned forward, though, I caught myself.
Fuck.
I couldn’t go after her—not like this. I felt like shit that I’d hurt her feelings, but what the hell was I going to do? The reminder of every word I’d said tasted like acid on my tongue, and I longed to pull her to me, tell her I hadn’t meant any of it. God, how I wanted to... but I couldn’t.
Aside from that, a huge part of me was still pissed at myself for what had happened back home. Her words hit me hard, because I blamed myself for not noticing someone had tampered with her brake lines. It was no consolation that we couldn’t pin down an exact time, but I hadn’t forgiven myself, and apparently, neither had she. The hell of it was... she was right. I wasn’t cut out for this—not at all. She deserved someone better, in all aspects.
For the past few days, ever since that morning out on the patio, I’d done my best to ignore her. I’d pushed her away, unable to stand being in her company for more than a few minutes—and not because I disliked her. Each time she was near, I felt the overwhelming urge to pull her close and lose myself in a kiss that I knew would change my life irrevocably forever. Seeing her half-naked in those skimpy swimsuits tested the limits of my self-control, and it was all I could do not to strip the tiny scrap of fabric from her body and pull her under me. Over me. Fucking anywhere, as long as I could have her.
I’d shot down every opportunity to leave the house, telling her that we needed to keep her out of the public’s eye. But that was only half of the story. The truth was, I was terrified. Going out, even for a walk on the beach, would force me to interact with her, and if we ran into someone who was interested in talking, we’d have to act like we were married. The last thing I wanted was a replay of the scene in the airport when she’d slipped her hand into mine. Her skin had been so soft, so perfect, I couldn’t help but wonder how the rest of her felt.
It called to mind the night in the shower when she’d been pressed against me from chest to thighs, and I nearly broke into a sweat at the thought. I fucking craved her like I’d never wanted anything else in my life. Though she’d thrown herself at me that night, she’d been drunk—possibly drugged—and out of her mind. I refused to make a fool of myself by laying a move on her and being turned down. It wasn’t the idea of her refusal that stopped me, but everything else. Her safety, as well as my job, was at stake here, and I couldn’t risk it.
I sank back against the couch and scrubbed my hands over my face. Fuck. I’d made a huge mess of things, and I had no idea how to fix it. Hell, maybe things were beyond repair. Guilt pressed in on me, rendering me motionless. I didn’t know how long I sat there staring blindly at the TV before I finally turned it off and stood. I had to at least apologize.
I did a quick once-over of the small bungalow, then used the bathroom and headed to bed. The room was completely dark when I entered, though that was no surprise. She probably needed the privacy of the dark after everything that had happened. What I’d said was horrible and completely uncalled for, that was a given. But I couldn’t figure out her reaction. The Jana I’d come to know over the past couple of weeks had a backbone of steel, a sharp retort at the ready. But not today. Instead of fighting back like normal, she’d turned and fled. That alone told me how badly I’d hurt her, and the knowledge made me feel sick to my stomach.
I couldn’t shake off the way she’d looked at me the moment those wor
ds left my throat. Her eyes were like an open book—I’d read everything in the blue depths from “you’re an idiot” to “you’re right, but I don’t want to admit it.” This time, though, there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. They’d been completely devoid of emotion as if I’d reached into her chest and ripped out her heart. I literally watched the walls go back up over her expressive eyes, the vibrant sparkle leaching away as she shut down and pushed me away.
What made everything worse, though, was the amount of trust she’d placed in me. She was so certain that I would protect her, keep her safe, and the thought was both bolstering and daunting. It was hard to fathom having that kind of faith in someone.
Silently, I closed the door behind me, then crept toward the bed. Not wanting to scare her, I dropped to one knee next to the mattress. A silvery shaft of moonlight spilled through the sliding doors and over the bed, illuminating her pretty face. What I saw there made my heart clench. A trail of dried tears was visible over the curve of her cheek, and I hated myself for putting them there.
I stretched one hand toward her then halted, frozen in midair. Helplessly, I let it drop to my side. I’d done this to her. God, I was such an asshole. Heaving a sigh, I pushed to my feet. Making my way to the foot of the bed, I collapsed onto the pile of blankets and lay back, staring at the ceiling. Guilt and unease swirled in my stomach. I had to find a way to make it up to her. By holding back and keeping her prisoner in the house, I was only hurting us both. There was no reason we shouldn't be able to coexist in harmony. Besides, it was my fault that things had been so awkward.
After tossing and turning for hours, I finally fell asleep only to wake again just after dawn. Jana slept soundly as I crept from the room, for which I was grateful. I knew I needed to apologize, but I wasn't ready to eat crow just yet. I needed to come up with a game plan. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, then headed out to the patio for my daily morning workout.