‘Oh, Noah, I am angry and I am hurt, but I’m also really lucky. I’m aware of that. And I’m on the cusp of realising my biggest ever dream. It’s hard to stay angry when that’s the case. I’m going to try to listen to some of Auntie Mags’ advice and start counting my blessings more. I have a great job, with a great partner in crime. I have the best family and friends. I’ll always have a roof to sleep under, even if I have to move out of the flat. And I have timeshare of an amazing dog. Not everyone is as lucky,’ she smiled.
‘Well, when you put it like that,’ Noah said.
‘Exactly,’ Jo replied.
Noah beamed and gave her hand a squeeze and when she looked up, she noticed that Lorcan was staring directly at her. With that same expression on his face that he had given her the night before. The expression that her mother had described as ‘not the way someone on the rebound looks at people’.
She held his gaze for just a second or two before she had to look away, afraid her face would give away everything that was going on in her mind. Because she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she was looking at him the way someone who was most definitely not on the rebound, and may in fact be interested in something romantic, might look at him.
Oh goodness, she thought, was she falling for him? Or was it just that he’d been so kind and open with her? Not that it mattered either way, she realised. Regardless of her feelings, or his, he would be going home to a different country, as he had so clearly explained to Clara the day before.
As Libby appeared from the stockroom, Paddy let out of a yelp of excitement before plodding to her, his tail wagging so strongly it risked knocking over a pair of toddlers who had locked heads over the last copy of Each Peach, Pear, Plum.
Jo watched as Libby smiled broadly, delighted not only to see Paddy but also her fiancé. The look on her brother’s face was equally happy.
‘They’re nice people, you know,’ Lorcan said, as he watched them hug. ‘People round here are pretty cool.’
‘I like to think that Derry people are among the best in the world,’ Jo grinned. ‘But yes, they are nice people. This is a lovely community. Noah always says there’s a little bit of magic in Ivy Lane. I used to tell him the only magic that existed here was lower business rates – but that was before we got the pub up and running properly. Noah grew up very close to here, you know, with his birth family. Just on the next street over. So he slipped into the Lane quite easily, which made it a little easier for me to fit in too. Then we got to know our neighbours, you know, the regulars and the other shopkeepers like your grandad. You know yourself, it’s impossible not to be won over by him very quickly. Then, when Libby started to renovate this place, and she and Noah fell in love as well… this is a great place to come and work.’ She realised she was babbling and was in danger of sounding like she was from the official Ivy Lane Fan Club.
‘If only there was a job for Chandler Bing computer nerdy types,’ he said. ‘I could be tempted to stay here and not go back.’
‘Really? But what about your family and friends?’ Jo asked, and Lorcan shrugged.
‘Flights are cheap enough for visits these days. Most of my mates are settling down, so it’s not like we’re out on the tear all the time. And, you know, the buns are much nicer here. Derry turnovers and baps are hard to beat,’ he smiled.
‘But you wouldn’t see Scraps,’ Jo said, trying to quell the excitement that was bubbling up at the thought of Lorcan moving here.
‘I think that’s just something I have to come to terms with. Sophie has moved on with her life. I am ready to move on with mine. That’s not going to work if we have joint custody of a dog and have to keep seeing each other. It was getting awkward as it was, which is why I needed time away.’
‘But aren’t you just running from your problems?’ Jo asked, at the same time that she realised she quite liked it that he had run from his problems and she had been able to get to know him. She enjoyed his company, even as just friends, sitting here in the bookshop, chatting. They slipped almost effortlessly between discussing Ewan’s betrayal, to what biscuits were the nicest, to break-ups and back to biscuits again. It was easy with him.
‘God, Jo. Do you really want rid of me that much?’ Lorcan asked and while his tone was light, Jo was sure she could see something sad in his eyes.
‘Not at all. But being somewhere on holiday is very different to living somewhere. You have your life in England. I just want you to think through what it would really be like to walk away from that. From the good things there, because there have to be good things too.’
‘There are plenty of good things there,’ Lorcan gave a lopsided smile. ‘But I’m starting to think there might be even better things here.’
She blushed, before realising that he probably wasn’t actually talking about her.
‘The way of life is slower,’ he explained. ‘The air seems fresher, somehow. And the people are good. Plus, Grandad isn’t getting any younger and while I know you have all been so amazing keeping an eye on him and making sure he has what he needs, I can see that he gets lonely. I can see him becoming a little frail and I want to make sure he’s okay.’
The way he spoke about Harry warmed Jo’s heart. She couldn’t believe she’d ever thought of him as an entitled brat, or that she’d accused him of being selfish to the core.
‘That’s very admirable,’ she told him.
‘It’s not really. It’s just the right thing to do. Or it would be, if I could bring my work with me.’
‘You do know there’s a pretty big computer sector here?’ she asked him. ‘There are quite a few tech jobs, but surely you’ve also just proved that you can do some of your work remotely. Have laptop, will travel?’
‘You have a point,’ he said. ‘I think I have some thinking to do.’
Jo found she really, really liked the thought that Lorcan could make a permanent move to Derry. She could see how he could slip into her friendship group, how it already felt as if he was part of the Ivy Lane community. She knew, in him, she had found a kindred spirit. Someone who thought like her, who brought out her silly side. Someone who knew what pain she had been through and could truly understand how much damage that had done to her.
But she realised that was also scary. What if it all went wrong? What if she got to rely on him and he’d decide Derry wasn’t for him after all? What if he left her? This was the real test, she realised. Not being brave about her book, but being brave enough to let someone in – someone who she knew she could be more than friends with.
Afraid to delve into this conversation any further, Jo took a sip from her now cold coffee and grimaced. ‘You’d better get back to the shop,’ she told Lorcan. ‘That heavy lifting still needs doing.’
‘He’ll probably have already done it himself,’ Lorcan said. ‘The man doesn’t know when to slow down. You’re right though, I’d best get back. But I’ll see you for dinner tonight?’
‘You will. Or Clara will have my guts for garters. I’ve heard rumours she is making jelly for dessert. You’re getting the full red-carpet treatment.’
‘I’m honoured,’ he said with a grin.
36
Tangled
Jo decided that, more than anything, there was one thing that she needed to do to allow her to be able to let go of what Ewan McLachlan had done. It wasn’t something she relished, and she was scared that she might let her emotions get the better of her, but she knew that she would ultimately feel better for doing it. She would feel empowered for doing it.
First, though, she made a mug of tea and stress-ate four chocolate digestive biscuits without even tasting them.
Then she went to her room, closed and locked the door and lit a scented candle. Sitting on the floor in Lotus Pose (one of the very few yoga poses she could do without swearing), she did her best to calm her breathing and focus on positive thoughts.
She didn’t need to go into this all guns blazing and screaming at Ewan at the top of her lungs. In fac
t, that was the last thing she wanted to do. She wanted to keep absolutely calm.
When she felt sufficiently zen, she took her phone and scrolled until she saw his phone number and hit the call button.
It all seemed so simple in her head, but she hadn’t prepared for the flood of emotions that would hit her as soon as she heard him say hello. At the sound of his Scottish lilt, the slightly wary way he answered, she felt a rush of adrenaline flood her veins. This was the man who had, in the space of a few days, made her believe in her ability as a writer and then strip her of the belief that she was able to judge people accurately. This was the man who would have sacrificed her big break to suit his own needs.
The anger she felt towards him momentarily floored her, so she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. At least he had answered, she told herself. She would be able to say what she wanted to.
‘Ewan, it’s Jo.’
‘I know,’ he said, his voice quiet.
‘I just need to know why,’ she said. ‘I don’t want spin or lies. I just want to know why you would do that to me? And why you would do it to others?’
She was able to disguise the shake in her voice, which she was grateful for.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean to, not really. I just felt under a lot of pressure to come up with a new book and I didn’t think. I would’ve told you, you know.’
‘Really? When? Before or after I sent it out for submission? Before or after you published it?’
There was a pause. ‘You wouldn’t have missed out. I’d have made sure you were financially rewarded. And with my name on the book, you know it would have sold well…’
She felt her temper flare a little but forced herself to think zen thoughts. ‘It isn’t about the money. It was never about money. It was about my dream, and you tried to steal that from me. And if Libby hadn’t already sent my book to Graham Westbury, you’d probably have done it. Was that why your mood changed so rapidly at breakfast? As soon as I told you about the email, you shut me off.’
‘I’ve said I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘My career is over, Jo. Is that not enough for you? You’ve got what you wanted.’
‘This is not what I wanted, Ewan. Not at all. And I’m not responsible for your career going south. You did that to yourself. Were any of your books genuinely your own or did you steal all your ideas?’
‘I don’t think we should talk any more,’ Ewan said.
She couldn’t help but agree. With the press of her finger on the ‘end call’ button, she did just that.
Ewan McLachlan was gone from her life as quickly as he had entered it, and a wave of relief washed over her.
37
Star Wars: A New Hope
Jo felt lighter in every way as she walked downstairs, the slam of the front door and a shout from Clara having pulled her back into the moment.
‘We have a secret!’ Clara bellowed as soon as she saw Jo.
‘Now, Clara, the point of a secret is that it’s supposed to stay a secret!’ Jo watched her mum tenderly help Clara take off her coat and hang it at the bottom of the stairs.
‘But it’s a good secret and it will make Jojo happy,’ Clara said. It made perfect sense to her, of course.
‘I do like secrets which make me happy,’ Jo said, pulling Clara into a tight hug.
‘Oh, okay then, Clara. You can tell Jo our news!’ her mum said.
With bright eyes and a huge smile across her face, Clara announced: ‘Daddy’s coming home tomorrow early as a surprise.’
‘Really?’ Jo asked as she looked from Clara to her mum and back again.
‘Oh yes, really,’ her mum beamed. ‘He finished up the contract early and said he just couldn’t wait any longer to get back to his girls. We were visiting Noah when he called.’ The smile on her mum’s face was full and radiant. She had the look of someone who had just fallen in love. ‘He’s flying into Dublin tomorrow at lunchtime, so he’ll be home for tea. I can’t wait to see his gorgeous grumpy face!’
‘And he says he’s going to bring me back a present!’ Clara chimed in.
‘I bet he will,’ Jo said and pulled her little sister into a giant hug. ‘And I suppose this really is my cue to get house-hunting,’ she said to her mother.
‘Josephine Campbell, you know you don’t have to go anywhere. At least not until you are ready to do so,’ her mother said.
‘I know, Mum. But I think I need to do it for myself too.’
Jo felt Clara grabbing her tighter. ‘But you won’t go far away?’
‘Oh of course not, honey. You’ll see me all the time and you can come to sleepovers with Buttercup and everything.’
That seemed to be enough to settle Clara, who released her vice-like grip and looked up at her. ‘Jojo,’ she said, ‘are you going to share a house with Lorcan?’
‘No!’ Jo said, her face blazing. ‘He’s just a friend!’
‘I don’t think so,’ Clara said matter-of-factly and Jo heard her mother burst into laughter.
‘Out of the mouths of babes,’ her mum said with a wink. ‘Now, Clara, can we go and start making dinner for your sister’s just-a-friend?’
The two of them left the room, and Jo stood in the hall feeling completely owned by a six-year-old.
Lorcan was due to arrive at half past five. Jo found herself considering changing her clothes and freshening up her make-up, but quickly reminded herself that they were very much in the friend zone, no matter what her mother or Clara might think. If she slapped on a bit of lippy, she would only have set their tongues wagging further.
So she simply ran a comb through her hair, to tame some of the frizz brought on by the day’s humidity, and spritzed on some perfume. Then she sat at the kitchen table and helped Clara with her reading, while her mum pottered about making pasta and meatballs, with her own special sauce. Jo noted her mother had picked up a bottle of red wine too. She really was pushing the boat out.
When Clara’s schoolbooks were finally put away, and her jelly was set in preparation for being served with ice cream later, Jo helped Clara change out of her school uniform and into one of her favourite dress-up costumes. Tonight, it seemed, Clara would appear for dinner like Merida from the Disney movie Brave.
She couldn’t help but notice her little sister seemed more fidgety than normal. ‘Are you okay there, dote?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know,’ Clara said. ‘New friends make me feel wobbly in my tummy.’
Jo gave a soft smile. ‘Can I tell you a secret? They can make me feel wobbly in my tummy too.’
‘Is Lorcan a new friend to you too?’ Clara’s eyes were wide, as if she couldn’t quite believe that grown-ups would have new friends.
‘He is,’ Jo told her.
‘Is he a kind friend?’ Clara asked.
‘Well, how do you know if someone is a kind friend?’ Jo asked her little sister, who then screwed up her face and pulled a very exaggerated ‘I’m thinking’ expression.
‘Well, I know my friends in school are kind if they smile when they say hello. And when they lend me a pencil to use if mine gets lost or broken. And I think a good friend is also someone who gives you a hug if you fall down and then goes to get the teacher to make sure you’re okay.’
It was a very simplistic take on friendship, as things went, but it was also perfect. At the heart of any friendship should be the ability to know when your friend needs a hug or when they need to borrow a pencil.
Jo smiled and hugged Clara. ‘Well, you know, I think Lorcan would definitely give me a hug if I fell over, and he does smile when he sees me.’
‘Then he’s a kind friend,’ Clara said authoritatively.
‘And I’ve heard he loves jelly and is very excited about dessert,’ Jo stage-whispered.
‘I really think he likes you, Jojo. Like how Westley likes Buttercup in The Princess Bride.’
Jo didn’t try and convince her otherwise. For a while, at least, it was a nice fantasy to entertain for a moment or two until th
e ring of the doorbell made them both jump.
‘Will we bring our wobbly tummies to the door to say hello to Lorcan?’ Jo asked.
‘Yes. Will you hold my hand?’ Clara asked, looking up at her solemnly.
‘Always, sweetheart.’
‘I’ll watch to see if he smiles,’ Clara said with an attempt at a wink which turned out to be just a very exaggerated blink.
Together they walked to the door, and as they opened it, they were greeted by Lorcan carrying a tub of ice cream and a bunch of flowers. He greeted Clara first of all, crouching down and handing her the flowers with a smile. ‘Miss Clara, these are for you to thank you for your very kind invitation.’
Clara beamed like the cat who got the cream, before Lorcan stood back up and handed the ice cream to Jo.
‘And I thought this might just go very well with jelly,’ he said, grinning. ‘Which just happens to be the best dessert ever.’
He winked at Jo, before he glanced down to Clara, who dropped her hand from Jo’s and reached out to Lorcan instead, before leading him through to the kitchen.
‘Thank you,’ Jo mouthed as he walked past her and she realised that being a kind friend also involved making a child your friend loved with all her heart feel like a proper princess, whether or not she was wearing a Merida dress.
This was Lorcan. Caring. Protective. Willing to make a complete eejit of himself just to make a child smile. He had turned all of her expectations of him entirely on their head, and she was struck by a feeling that this man – the man currently helping Clara fill a vase with water – was real and genuine.
Her heart contracted, not only that he would be going back to England in a couple of weeks, but also that their timing was so bad.
After dinner, they all watched Toy Story together, during which Lorcan maintained a respectful silence, much to Clara’s approval, and then he’d read her two bedtime stories and would have read a third if Jo hadn’t rescued him.
In Pursuit of Happiness Page 24