by Zeke Biddle
I hold up a hand to silence Alexandra’s ire because I’ve got plenty of my own I’d like to express. “I hate to break it to you, but just because you’re muy bonita doesn’t mean we’re following you anywhere.” I’m happy my high school Spanish is finally coming in handy. “Just a reminder: We woke you from the slumber. We’re doing just fine. We’d be happy to take you to safety, but I’ll be taking the lead. No offense.”
“Well, look who put on his big-boy pantalones. Fine. You lead. I’ll follow. It may have been ages since I’ve seen a cute butt. Who knows how long I’ve been asleep down here?”
I’d expected a much longer argument. Her quick agreement throws me off balance. “Well, great, then,” I say entirely too loudly. “Do you have any things to gather up?”
“Nada.” She hops off the dais and runs her hands down her curves. “Just my body. Why? Do you think I need more than that? No one has ever complained about Ynes Ynez Marquez before. Will you be the first?”
I’m not going to let her fluster me again. Not too badly, at least. “Glad you’re on board. Come on. I’m starting to get sick of hanging out underground. Let’s go finish this quest.”
14
“Fifty-five bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-five bottles of…crap.”
After fifteen minutes of walking deeper into the cave, in silence other than my lame song, we reach another cliff.
I’m so sick of cliffs.
On the plus side, some unknown source lights this portion of the cave better than the sections we’ve already been through. I suspect magic, and wonder how I could learn a similar spell.
We spread out to look over the edge. Unlike the one outside the caves, this one clearly has a bottom, but it’s so far down I’m not sure which I prefer.
This one has a long bridge that stretches to the other side, not that a rope bridge ever provided anyone with all that much comfort. On the best of days they are scary as hell to walk across. At least there’s no wind here in the caves, but there are a bunch of orcs on the far side, shaking their daggers at us.
“Think there’s another way around?” I ask.
“Nope,” Alexandra answers. “You?”
“No. I suppose I don’t. Think they’ll cut the bridge while we’re crossing?”
Gillian shakes her head. “I don’t. I think they need this bridge, and it would be too much hassle to rebuild.”
“I guess that’s some comfort,” I say.
“You sure? I mean, we’d basically be sitting ducks out there. That’s the other reason they won’t bother destroying it. They’ll probably have more fun killing us with their own hands.”
“Thanks for the comforting talk, Gillian.”
Ynes assures me she can fight, so she, Alexandra, and BoomBitch form the front line. “Just teeth and hands, BoomBitch. No booming,” I remind her.
She nods with a somber expression on her face.
“Eulalia, Gillian and I will stay a few feet behind you ladies. Gillian, as soon as those arrows of yours can reach them, say the word, and we’ll all stop so you can start picking off those fuckers. Hit the ones closest to the bridge first to try and create an obstacle that will slow them down. When you run out of arrows, or they get closer, I’ll start zapping the fuckers. Any questions?”
BoomBitch raises her hand.
“Yes?”
“What do we do if they cut the bridge?”
“Grab hold of anything you can, and don’t let go.”
It’s a surreal feeling, leading my ever-growing party of hot women into battle. In the video games, I basically just bark orders and they are followed without question, but it feels different here. I’ve built relationships with most of the women in my party over time. For the most part, my interactions have helped solidify our team full of different personalities.
Not bad for someone who is such a fuckup back in the real world.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to just stay here forever. I’ve got two beautiful women who make love to me every night, and that will soon grow to be three. I’m growing more powerful by the day. I get to throw around lightning and fireballs.
Life is pretty good stuck in the game with my own personal harem.
My legs wobble when we walk out onto the ever-shifting bridge. Against better judgment, I glance down. Unlike Infinity Drop, I can definitely see the bottom about one hundred feet down. It’s full of jagged stalagmites…or are they stalactites…I look up and confirm we in fact have both kinds, so it doesn’t really matter if I know which is which. Not that discovering any of this makes me feel any more comfortable about falling to my death on whichever kind cover the ground beneath us.
The bridge bounces and sways from side to side from our weight as we make our way slowly across.
I freeze in place and close my eyes. A cool hand touches my forehead. When I open my eyes, Eulalia’s soothing brown ones steady me.
“You okay?”
“No. I hate heights worse than rock giants.”
“Take my hand. We’ll get through this together. Just look at a point off in the distance, and it won’t be so bad.”
I smile ruefully. “You mean, at the horde of orcs trying to kill us?”
She smiles back. “Sure. Channel that rage and let it steady you.”
“That sounds like something Alexandra would say.”
“She’s not always just a stupid warrior. Come on.”
We quickly rejoin the rest of the group and start our slow trek across the long bridge. Once I get used to the swaying, it’s not too horrible.
“Can you hit them yet?” I ask Gillian.
“Not with any accuracy.”
“But can you shoot that far?”
“Easily.”
“That should be fine. Just aim somewhere in the middle and you’ll be sure to hit something. Maybe they’ll chicken out and run away. Oh, can you make sure the first arrow goes well clear of the bridge, too?”
“Sure.”
As if thinking I am challenging her skill, she shoots right away, and I just barely manage to imbue the arrow with a touch of fire before it gets out of range. It sails through the mostly dark cavern like a firework. Other than a few of the orcs making a clearing for the arrow to land harmlessly in, no one moves.
But then a fireball explodes on contact with the ground, and a circle of orcs scream in pain and fall over dead.
“Keep doing that,” she shouts.
I shake my head. “They won’t be so stupid next time. They’ll clear a bigger space. We’re too far away for the arrows to catch them by surprise again. But look, here come some for easy pickings.”
The first group of orcs storm out onto the bridge. It takes several seconds for the bouncing wave of energy their weight causes to pass through the bridge, but when it does, the only thing that keeps me from falling off the side is Eulalia’s death grip on my hand.
“When they are close enough that you can be accurate…”
Gillian doesn’t wait for me to finish. She unleashes arrow after arrow into their midst, and orcs die by the dozens. If she had enough arrows, the battle on the bridge would be child’s play. But she’s already used over half of her arrows and barely made a dent in their numbers.
Accepting her fate like the musicians on the Titanic, she keeps firing, though.
“Where are all these orcs coming from?” she asks after she shoots the last arrow.
She replaces the bow with her dagger.
I ignore the rhetorical question and focus on the slight shift in battle formation we have planned for when she is out of arrows. “Just remember. Alexandra and BoomBitch are on point, making a shield we’ll fight behind. Gillian and Ynes stay slightly back and attack the orcs when they engage one of them. Eulalia, stuff the front line full of healing whenever anyone calls out for help. I’ll try to do…something useful.”
My fireballs would destroy the bridge that we need to keep as solidly under us as possible. The lightning bolts fly too imprecisely to trust with
my party so closely bunched together around me.
That leaves just my familiar.
I summon him and give the order to knock as many orcs off the bridge as possible.
And then there’s nothing left for me to do but watch and wish I were a warrior so I could be of some use.
Alexandra’s blade bites into the first orc’s belly, causing it to double over in pain and fall off the side of the bridge.
“I knew it!” she shouts, staring down at her arm. She swings the sword again and shouts with glee, “It’s a fucking vampiric sword! The cut on my arm healed right up.”
She kisses the blade before returning back to her bloodbath. For the first time since seeing the orcs on the other side of the bridge, I think we might actually have a chance. In the narrow confines of the bridge, Alexandra’s a cork that will bottle up all but a few of them.
With the sword healing her as she kills, she’s practically invincible against the orcs, considering how little damage they can cause her with their little daggers. The rest of us should be able to handle any that get past her easily enough.
“I could kiss you!” I shout.
“Wait until we level up, wizard!”
We start reclaiming the bridge and slowly making our way across.
“Kill them all!” BoomBitch shouts between barks.
But when the line of orcs at the far side of the bridge splits and a towering giant with a staff the size of a tree trunk appears between them, I shout, “Retreat!”
I tug each and every woman to make sure they all follow my order.
The only one who gives me any resistance is Ynes.
“You’re going to get yourself killed!”
She nods back toward where the other women are running. She shouts, “Go with them!” and then turns into a cloud that only vaguely resembles herself.
I want to argue and convince her to come with us, but she’s already started drifting off in the other direction, rapidly gaining speed.
When the giant raises its staff and points it in my direction, I sprint, desperate to get off the bridge. Dealing with magic will be bad enough on solid ground, but it’s a certain deathtrap on the flimsy bridge.
I’m so focused on the other ledge that I can only tell the giant has cast a fireball when I feel the heatwave after it explodes against the spot on the bridge where I’d just been. The bridge jumps from the impact and then starts to fall and swing toward the cliff wall.
The fireball has split the bridge in two.
“Grab hold of something, and don’t let go!” I shout as much to myself as anyone else.
I hook my arm around one of the planks of the bridge and lock my hands together. I’m not a praying man, so I only promise to go to church every Sunday for the first five years if I ever return to the real world in exchange for surviving the fall.
I brace myself as well as I can, but the impact with the rocky face of the cliff still knocks the air right out of me. I manage to hold on, though, and a quick glance above me confirms everyone else did, too.
Ynes.
I look back in time to see a fireball many times bigger than any I can cast pass harmlessly through her.
“Whoa. How’d she do that?” Alexandra asks.
“No idea,” I reply, wondering how she can fly and how a body so faint that it can just float through a fireball can possibly cause any damage to even one of the orcs, much less a giant with an arsenal of magic.
The giant roars and bangs its staff on the ground defiantly as the cloud drifts closer. It throws its arms wide the instant before Ynes’ body passes around his and seems to get absorbed into it.
BoomBitch cries out. “What the hell is it doing to Ynes?”
“I think she might be the one doing something to him,” Eulalia says.
I can’t imagine what kind of magic, or special skill, she’s even using.
Or maybe I’m wrong, and the giant is somehow consuming her.
If it is, though, it’s getting something more than it expected.
He flails at his shirt as if a bee flew up it, then his body convulses and smoke starts to come out of his eyes and mouth.
“What the fuck?” Gillian asks on behalf of all of us.
The orcs back far away from their enormous leader, as if expecting him to explode.
He doesn’t, but what he does do is almost more disconcerting.
He turns to goo and just melts into a lake on the ground. The remains flow to the cliff, dripping right over the edge.
In its place, a cloud solidifies into the shape of Ynes again.
We climb up the bridge that’s now functioning as a ladder until we reach the safety of the edge of the cliff. From there, we cheer for her while she floats back over the ravine to join us.
She turns back to her solid form when she hits the ground.
“What are you?” I ask, experimentally poking her shoulder.
“I’m an elf,” she says as if that explains everything.
“Okay…” I offer as a prompt for her to continue, but she doesn’t. “What do you say we set up camp for the night and try to figure out a plan for getting across without the bridge?”
Everyone nods except Ynes. She’s staring at me as if I’m about to do something that will shake her to her core, and hasn’t decided whether to say yes or not.
“I can get us across,” she says after great hesitation. “But the cost will be steep.”
Before I can tell her we’ll do whatever we can to make it easier for her, a couple of messages pop up in rapid succession.
“About fucking time!” Alexandra says.
Out of the blue, she starts undressing.
“What the hell are you doing?” I ask, grabbing her arm to stop her.
“There’s a spot in your harem, buddy, and I’m taking it.”
Wondering how the women always seem able to tell when the time has come, I chuckle, happy for her…and myself.
Ynes grabs my arm before I can hurry to Alexandra’s side. “I can help, but I’ll have to join your harem.”
“No way, bitch!” Alexandra, already topless, says while reaching for her sword.
“Hold on, Alexandra. None of us are going to harm any of the rest of us. Ynes, what do you mean? How would that even help?”
“My special harem skill is to turn into a dragon. I’ll only be able to hold the form for a few minutes, but it will be more than enough to carry you all over to the other side.”
Silence envelops the room while she waits for a reply.
15
It only takes one look to read the disappointment on Alexandra’s face for me to make my decision.
“That’s a really great offer, Ynes, but I made a promise to Alexandra, and I have no intention of backing out just to make things a little easier to get to the other cliff. She’s been with me since the beginning, and I want to make it official.”
When Alexandra presses her body against mine and pulls my hand to her breast while she kisses me, I know I’ve made the right decision. I want her by my side in battle and between my legs in bed.
She pulls away and dries my lips with her thumb. “Don’t be an idiot. We need Ynes, and she’ll be a great member of our team. Besides, this will stop you from getting fat and lazy, because I’ll be pushing you hard to keep fighting until you’re ready for another to join your harem.”
She places my hand in Ynes’ and says, “Welcome to the harem, Ynes.”
As she backs away, the other women surround her to comfort her. Rather than shoving them aside, she accepts their embrace.
Ynes Ynez Marquez has joined your harem. You currently have 3 of 5 women in your harem.
Ynes gets straight to the point. “So, my skill will be activated after we make love, right?”
I clear my throat. “Yep. Once I make you have an orgasm, you’ll get that skill of yours for twenty-four hours.”
“Sounds good,” she says like I just explained how to make bread. “You’ll have to show me what to do.�
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“Oh, well, you just…maybe we should find a private…”
“Stop being such a prude, Marcus,” Alexandra says. “We’re a team. We’ll all help her through this, as long as that’s okay with you, Ynes.”
Her shoulders relax as a smile spreads across her face. “That sounds wonderful. I’d hate to do anything wrong.”
Alexandra snorts in my direction. “He’s a man. Just flash him some titty, and he’ll be fine. The key is making sure he doesn’t do anything wrong.”
I blush but can’t really think of any good arguments.
“The first thing you need to do is get in the mood,” Gillian says. Her clothes have already managed to disappear. “Let’s start with some kissing and see how that floats your boat.”
Ynes bites her pretty, thick bottom lip and nods.
I take a step toward her and lick my lips to get them ready, but Alexandra pushes me back.
“Not so fast, cowboy. Why don’t you just stand by and let us teach her what she should be able to expect out of lovemaking.”
“Right. Great plan,” I say, wondering how Alexandra changed so quickly.
When Gillian lightly cups Ynes’ cheek with her hand and leans forward just enough for their lips to brush together, I decide watching them for a while sounds perfectly fine, and I just wish for a chair or bed to make myself comfortable.
I’m breathless as I watch Ynes and Gillian staring at each other’s lips, Ynes looking like she wants to beg Gillian to kiss her again and Gillian refusing to budge an inch. It’s one of the most intense moments I’ve ever seen.
Ynes cracks first and crashes into Gillian, devouring her lips. She presses forward and Gillian gives ground until she backs into Alexandra, who props her up like a wall. Eulalia slides around behind Ynes and runs her hands down her body.
“That’s something, ain’t it,” BoomBitch says, sitting at my side.
“It sure is, but why aren’t you joining in?” I ask, more frustrated with my own exclusion than anything else.