Now James is slowing to a normal speed. “Vinnie didn’t tell me about another girl.”
Vinnie. I vaguely remember meeting a friend of James’s with that name. “So Vinnie was at the mall and he recognized me. He spied on me.”
“I’m going to kill him,” James says.
“Not if I get him first.”
I am angry. I don’t say another word as James pulls into the parking lot.
He gets out of the car and starts walking toward the school. I run to catch up.
I tell him I really want to talk to him. I say we’ve wasted the entire ride to school with a stupid argument. I wish the eleventh-graders’ lunch wasn’t one period after the eight-graders’, but maybe we can meet in between.
James shakes his head. He says he’s going out for lunch. With some friends. Then he suggests, “You could come with us.”
I laugh. “Right. And cut math?”
James shrugs. “I cut all the time. Nothing ever happens.”
I say no, of course. But it’s tempting.
Ducky’s hanging out by the eighth-grade lockers, talking to Maggie, Sunny, and Dawn.
I’m thinking about James. About our conversation. Somehow the ride to school has left a bad taste in my mouth, and I can’t figure out why.
As I’m taking my books out of my locker, Maggie is singing a new lyric she wrote for Vanish.
It’s absolutely beautiful. Something about a sad, lonely girl who spends her life only doing what everyone else wants her to do. As I’m listening, my heart is breaking.
Maggie’s songs are so personal. she’s struggling, Nbook. She’s really learning to break away from her Daddy’s-good-little-girl image.
I wish her parents were more like Mami and Papi, who don’t put too much pressure on us. Maggie may have all that money, but what’s the point if she’s not allowed to be herself, right?
Anyway, I’m lost in my own world when I hear Ducky mention something about tonight’s rehearsal.
“Are you going, Ducky?” I ask.
“We all are,” Ducky replies. “Sunny, Dawn, and me. We’ll be…groupies!”
He shouts the word “groupies” in this high-pitched voice that makes us all laugh.
At that moment, James walks around the corner. He’s giving Ducky a wary look.
Ducky sees it and flinches.
“Yo,” James calls out, gesturing to me with his head.
As I walk toward James, I hear Ducky mutter, “I should try that sometime. So much more efficient than ‘would you come here, please?’”
“What was that?” James snaps.
“Nothing,” Ducky replies.
James starts walking toward Ducky, but I take his arm. “What’s up, James?” I ask.
“You forgot your makeup,” James says.
I remind him I don’t wear makeup. But for some reason he’s still glaring at Ducky, so I wave in James’s face. Jokingly. To get his attention.
Finally James turns to me and says, “Fiesta Grill.”
“Huh?” I reply.
“Meet me there. My lunch period.”
I have no time to answer because the homeroom bell sounds. We all scatter.
I am a total space cadet in class, Nbook. I can’t concentrate. I’m worrying about everything. Whether it’s really okay to cut math. Why James is so moody. What’s happening with Mikey. My school notebooks are filling up with doodles instead of classwork.
On top of that, I can’t get Maggie’s lyric out of my mind. I think of the sad girl in the song, the girl based on Maggie.
But it’s not Maggie I’m picturing. I’m seeing someone else. Another girl who does things for others. Who thinks of herself second or third or fourth, but never first.
Someone with the initials A.V.
And I’m realizing why I feel so strange about my ride to school with James.
The fact is, he’d accused me of lying. Just like that. He heard a rumor from someone and assumed I was guilty.
I tell myself he’s human. He’s hotheaded. And no one is immune from jealousy.
I admit, I can be that way too. Believe me, Nbook, I have apologized my way out of plenty of situations.
The thing is, if James had apologized, I’d probably have forgiven him on the spot. But he hadn’t. He hadn’t said a word about it.
You weren’t around when I was a little girl, Nbook. But whenever Isabel or I hurt someone’s feelings, Mami always used to say, “The injuries that you can’t see are the most painful.”
Well, I believe that. And I think James needs to learn it too. I have to talk to him.
You know what, Nbook? I really don’t need to go to math.
1/8
soc. stud.
Here I am, after all that.
And he’s not here yet.
1/8
4:38 P.M.
First I should tell you, Nbook, that he showed up.
I’m standing by the candy machines, trying to look invisible, and I feel this sharp tap on the shoulder.
I practically scream.
James is laughing. “What are you doing here?” he asks.
“Waiting for you,” I say.
“I mean, here at the machines. Why didn’t you sit, save us a booth?”
There’s so much I want to say to him, but people are all around us, so I just smile and follow him to a table.
He opens a menu. “The cheeseburgers are the best.”
“Uh, James? Listen, I need to tell you something —”
“It’s okay if you have no money. My treat.”
“It’s not that. It’s —”
“Yo! Bruce! Patti! Over here!”
I turn. Bruce and Patti have just entered the grill, and they’re headed our way with big smiles.
“It’s what?” James asks me, distractedly.
“Nothing,” I say.
Our friends sit down. Everyone orders chili dogs and cheeseburgers. They’re all talking and laughing. But I’m not hungry. I hardly say a word.
A few minutes before the start of next period, we leave together. We stroll up the street. We walk into school. Mr. Schildkraut is across the hall, and James nods to him.
He waves back.
Then he squints at me.
I am such a fool, Nbook. I have totally forgotten that the eleventh-graders are allowed to leave school – but us eighth-graders are not.
“Amalia Vargas?” Mr. Schildkraut calls out.
“Uh-oh,” Bruce murmurs.
Mr. Schildkraut is bearing down on me now, staring through his thick glasses. “Am I mistaken, or are you supposed to be in a class?”
Well, guess what, Nbook? Not even a full semester in Vista, and I have the very first “Warning” on my record.
One more and I’m suspended.
Fri 1/9
12:35 A.M.
What is wrong with me, Nbook?
I cannot sleep.
I am totally wired.
Every fifteen minutes I hear the downstairs mantel clock chime. I dread it. I want to run down there and throw a rock at it.
I can’t stand this!
I have to calm down. Sort out my thoughts.
As if school yesterday wasn’t bad enough, I come home and Isabel is frantic. The moment I walk in the door she grabs my hand and says, “Let’s go.”
At this point, I have had enough of being bossed around. I shake her off and start to yell at her, but she stops me.
“It’s Linda,” she says. “She called me from a pay phone. She took a taxi to GAEA and as it pulled up, she saw her ex-husband’s car parked in front-with him in it!”
“Ohmigod. Did he try to hurt her?”
Isabel is running out the door now, and I’m following close behind. “She didn’t stop,” Isabel says over her shoulder. “She told the cabdriver to keep driving. But the ex-husband took off after her. The taxi driver wound around through the backstreets and lost him. But now Linda’s afraid to go back to the center. She thinks he might be waiting.”
“Didn’t she call GAEA?”
“Yes. She spoke to Ms. Hardwick, but the phone call was cut off.”
We’re in the car now. Isabel backs out of the driveway and onto the street.
I am full of anger. I want to find that guy and kill him.
Then I realize what we are doing.
“Isabel, why are we going?” I shout.
“I don’t know!” Isabel replies. “But we can’t just sit around and do nothing. Ms. Hardwick has called the police. We’re not going to be alone.”
I’m hoping she’s right. I’m also wondering if we ought to stop off for some bulletproof vests.
A police car is parked in front of the center. Part of me is hoping Isabel will turn around, but she pulls into the parking lot.
We run inside. The first thing I notice is that the Christmas tree is now gone. The lobby feels cold and dull, like a hospital. A crowd of grown-ups, including two police officers, is gathered around the sofa.
Ms. Hardwick sees us. As she turns and heads our way, I spot a young woman on the sofa. Her arm is in a cast, and tears are running down her cheeks.
Isabel asks if Linda’s okay. Ms. Hardwick exhales deeply and takes us aside. “I asked you not to come, Isabel. You could have been caught in something very ugly.”
Isabel hadn’t told me she’d been warned away. I’m not sure whether my sister is brave or stupid.
Ms. Hardwick explains that Linda’s ex-husband, Robert, walked into the center and introduced himself with a false name. He said he was applying for a custodial job.
Linda had given Ms. Hardwick photos of Robert, which were shown to all the staff members. So the receptionist was suspicious. As she picked up the phone to call Ms. Hardwick’s office, Robert walked off, saying he had to use the bathroom.
Ms. Hardwick got the call from the receptionist and the call from Linda at the same time. Right away she notified the whole staff and called the police. Everyone in the building went searching for Mikey and Robert, but they were both gone.
Finally Ms. Hardwick heard a shout from outside. A shopkeeper from across the street had noticed Robert escaping through a storage room window with Mikey.
A security guard ran outside and tried to hold Robert back, but Robert shoved him away and the guard was badly hurt. In the end, Robert escaped.
And he had Mikey with him.
My head is reeling as I hear this. “Mikey’s been kidnapped,” I murmur.
Ms. Hardwick nods slightly. Out of the corner of my eye, I see that Isabel is walking toward Linda.
Linda gets up from the sofa. She hugs Isabel and says, “Thanks for being there, sweetheart.”
“Is there anything at all that I can do?” Isabel asks.
“The police say they’ll find Mikey,” Linda insists. Her voice doesn’t sound too hopeful, though.
Isabel introduces me. She says that Mikey adored me.
Adored. Not adores.
I can’t keep in my tears. I start weeping right there.
Linda hugs me. I’m standing there, rocking back and forth with her and feeling horrible. She’s the mom, Nbook – her son is gone and she’s comforting me!
That doesn’t last long, because Linda has to answer questions from the police.
Isabel and I linger awhile. We help take care of the kids. They’re not themselves today – either spooked and withdrawn or totally wild.
The moment we leave the center, I burst into tears again. Isabel puts her arm around me. We sit in the car for a long time in the parking lot. We try to make sense out of what happened, but it’s impossible.
Over dinner, Mami tries to calm us down, but Papi is very emotional. He insists we should stay away, it’s dangerous, we’re taking our lives in our hands, etc., etc.
Finally the phone rings. Papi picks up.
It’s James. Papi tells him we’re just sitting down to dinner and I’ll call him back.
That’s when I realize I should be at the rehearsal right at that moment. James probably wants to know where I am.
To be continued…
Sorry, Nbook, but I’m yawning. I have to go to sleep. No offense, okay?
1/9
homeroom/study hall
Sorry if I’m scaring you, Nbook. You can’t imagine what it feels like to be this tired.
The only reason I’m awake now is that Papi let me drink some coffee this morning. I’m sure I’ll be a zombie again by study hall – so right now, while I have the chance, I will finish what I started yesterday.
It’s after dinner. I’m clearing plates when I realize I’ve forgotten about the Vanish rehearsal. I tell everyone I have to go.
Papi, who is still in a bad mood, starts yelling at me. He says I shouldn’t be going outside while a kidnapper is on the loose. Mami calms him down, but she’s not thrilled about me leaving because I have homework.
I promise to do my homework at Rico’s, and Isabel agrees to drive me.
The rehearsal has already started when we arrive. Maggie is singing “Hey, Down There” as I walk in. That song is so sad. It doesn’t help my gloomy frame of mind.
Dawn, Sunny, and Ducky are all there. Justin, Marina, and Cece have shown up too. I smile and chatter with them. I think I’m covering up my mood, but right away they all start asking if I’m okay.
I tell them what happened. I try to keep it brief because we’re all supposed to be listening to the group. But I can’t help crying.
Justin sits next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder. The others gather around and try to comfort me.
It’s a nice feeling to be surrounded by friends. I wish James were among them, though.
By the time the group takes a break, I’m a lot more relaxed. I wave to Maggie, who is working something out on the keyboard. James is unhooking his guitar. I walk up to him and apologize for showing up late.
I’m about to explain about Mikey when he walks away. Just like that. Not even a hello.
Maggie notices. “What was that all about?” she asks.
I shrug.
“Yo, Jus!” James is bounding toward Justin now, greeting him at the top of his lungs. “THE BABEMASTER!”
He gives Justin a high five that would knock me off my feet.
Justin looks a little wary. “You’re sounding good, James,” he says.
“Hey, I have a new title for a song!” James says, still in a loud voice. “It’s based on this old saying – you know, ‘When the cat’s away, the mice will play’? The title is ‘When the Songs Begin, the Guys Move In.’ what do you think?”
“Uh, cool,” Justin says.
“Maybe you could help us write it, huh? It’s based on you.”
Now James and Justin are face-to-face. James has that crazy look in his eye. Justin’s face is hardening, like he expects a fight.
Nbook, remember when I called Isabel a Jekyll and Hyde? Cancel that comment. That description fits James much better.
The rest of us are standing there in shock. All except Ducky, who rushes toward James and Justin.
“Uh, guys?” Ducky says. “Look, whatever you’re upset about, I’m sure we can all talk it over—”
James points a finger at Ducky. “You butt out. Since when are you trying to tell me about girls?”
“James, knock it off!” I call out. I take his arm, and Marina joins me.
Rico grabs James’s other arm. “Come on, buddy.”
“Justin wasn’t doing anything wrong,” Maggie pleads.
“He was only talking to me,” I say.
“It’s okay,” Justin says. He’s clenching his fists now. “I can take care of myself.”
Oh, great. Rumble time. Just what I need.
Just then, a loud blast of noise makes us all jump. I scream with pain, covering my ears.
Patti is standing by the amps, her fingers on the sound knobs. She cuts off the noise and announces, “Now, are you all going to act like human beings, or do we end this rehearsal right now?”
Thank go
odness someone is thinking.
No one’s saying anything because our ears are ringing. I’m wondering if my eardrums have been pierced.
Then I hear James mutter, “Sorry, guys.”
He grabs his coat and heads out the door.
“Where are you going?” Rico calls out.
“Home,” James replies.
I run out after him. Marina urges me to let him go. Maggie tries to call me back. But I don’t listen to either of them.
I catch up to James, but he doesn’t stop. He walks onto the sidewalk, fast.
“You can’t walk home,” I say. “It’s too far.”
James just grunts.
“James, what is with you? Why do you act like this?”
“I wouldn’t if I didn’t have to,” he says through gritted teeth.
I tell him I was just sharing my day with everyone. I explain that I was feeling sad. I begin to describe what happened at GAEA, but he cuts me off.
“Look,” he says, “you can have bad days. Fine. But you make yourself so…open, Amalia. I mean, what would you do if I told every girl at Vista all my problems?”
“It’s not all my problems! I just – I mean, I can’t help the way I feel – open is just how I am – and if someone wants to be nice to me – I mean, if it happened to you, so what?” (That’s more or less it, Nbook. Something babbly and impossible to understand. You know me.)
Anyway, James is glaring at me, the way he was glaring at Justin. We’re against the hedges of someone’s house, and I can see no one else around.
James is changing before my eyes. Literally.
No, Nbook. He didn’t hit me.
But he almost did.
I run back to Rico’s. James chases me, but when I reach the garage, he’s gone.
Justin and Rico are huddled over some music equipment. Bruce and Patti are talking with Mr. and Mrs. Chavez, who have brought out some refreshments.
Marina, Cece, Maggie, Dawn, Sunny, and Ducky gather around me as I walk in. They ask what happened, and I tell them. Then I apologize to Ducky for James’s rude remarks.
“I’ve heard worse,” Ducky says. “Besides, you shouldn’t be the one apologizing.”
Diary One: Dawn, Sunny, Maggie, Amalia, and Ducky Page 27