by Beth Wiseman
Lizzie walked to the table with the whisk still in her hand, drizzling the wood floor with egg. “Naomi, you are a gut girl.” She turned to Amos. “I don’t know about you anymore.”
“But, Lizzie, didn’t you lock us down there so we could sort through our feelings and realize we were in lieb?” Naomi tilted her head to the side, her expression innocent.
Lizzie jumped up and down, slinging egg everywhere. “How many times do I have to say this? Are you people hard of hearing? Esther is the one who locked you in!”
Amos leaned over and kissed Naomi on the cheek, right there in front of Esther and Lizzie, who gasped.
“And we’re glad you did,” he said with an air of pride that seemed to confirm their fears.
“Dear Lord, what have we done?” Esther hung her head, shaking it.
Lizzie stomped her foot. “We, we, we! I guess you are hard of hearing.”
“Lizzie, Esther.” Naomi spoke softly and waited until they looked at her. “Nothing happened. Nothing at all.”
Esther’s pulse started to return to normal as she took a deep breath.
“But let this be a lesson to both of you not to meddle in other people’s lives. It could have gone differently if Amos wasn’t such a gentleman.” She turned to him, and Esther saw the true admiration in her eyes. Maybe she hadn’t done such a bad thing after all. She couldn’t help but wonder if Amos and Naomi had admitted their feelings to each other. She wasn’t about to ask. Instead, she’d wait, watch, and thank God she hadn’t pushed the couple into sin.
* * *
Breakfast and dinner were uneventful, but Naomi had a hard task in front of her this evening. Supper with Thomas. He would surely ask what she’d done the night before, and she had to decide how much to tell him. She didn’t want to lie, but the full version would surely hurt him.
She still hadn’t decided what to do when he picked her up at the usual time, and her stomach was rolling with nerves.
“I got your note yesterday. Were you sick?” Thomas asked as soon as she got in the buggy. “Or you just needed a night away from me?” Grinning, he backed the horse out of the driveway and down the road.
“Nee, I wasn’t sick.” She tried to force her confused emotions into some sort of order, but her hesitation to explain further caused Thomas to pull back on the reins, slowing the horse to a walk.
“What then?” His expression grew tight with strain.
“I wanted to paint. I missed it.” She stared straight ahead and took a deep breath before she looked at him.
“Um, that’s fine.” After a few seconds, he frowned, his eyes leveling off beneath slanted eyebrows. “Did you paint with Amos?”
Facing forward again, she nodded. “Ya, I did.” Even though she hadn’t even gotten her paintbrush wet, she’d been there.
“Uh, okay.” Thomas sounded as confused as she felt. “Naomi, you’re living under the same roof with this man, sharing meals with him, and now painting with him. Should I be worried?”
The moment of truth was upon her. Why hadn’t she planned better? “Can you pull off the road, maybe up on the left, at the school?”
“I guess I should be.” There was an edge to his voice, and they were silent as he turned into the school parking lot and stopped. He twisted in his seat to face her. “What’s going on?”
“I know you think painting for pleasure is a waste of time, but it’s something I enjoy. I especially like painting the sunset. And it just so happens, Amos likes to paint too.” She shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant as she gazed into his eyes, flashes of Amos’s face obstructing her view. It was well after the fact and strange timing, but in that moment she realized that when she’d kissed Amos, she hadn’t seen Thomas’s face. She hadn’t even thought about him until afterward, when the guilt settled in.
“We didn’t need to pull over for you to tell me that, Naomi. I’m fine with you painting until we’re married. I just wanted to make sure that you hadn’t developed a romantic interest in him.” His tone held a degree of warmth and concern, but his eyes revealed his unspoken fear.
Naomi pushed Amos to the back of her mind. “What do you mean, you’re fine with mei painting ‘until we’re married’?”
He reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Once you’re mei fraa, you’ll have enough to occupy your time running our household.” Smiling, he said, “And we can enjoy our free time by starting our family.”
Naomi faced forward and clenched her jaw, trying to kill the sob coming up in her throat. “I kissed Amos,” she said as her voice trembled.
Thomas let go of her hand as if her touch burned him. “What?” When she finally looked at him, his face was filled with loathing. “Last night while you were painting?”
“Ya.” Her heart ached, even though she knew this was something she had to do.
They were both silent and looking down for a while.
“Do you love him?” Thomas’s voice was shaky as he posed the question.
Naomi didn’t look up. “I barely know him.” She wasn’t answering the question, and she hoped Thomas didn’t ask her again. Was it really possible to fall in love with someone that quickly anyway? Since last night, a warmth was in her heart, and she wanted to savor it, and possibly explore it.
“Look at me, Naomi.” Thomas spoke softly, his voice still unsteady. “Did you do that . . . Did you kiss him to get back at me?” As he gazed into her eyes, she remembered the wonderful moments they’d had together. But for the first time, she was feeling a lack of emotional connection. That connection was part of what drew her to Amos. The more she compared the two men, the more confused she became.
She chose to avoid the question. “I guess the more I think about you leaving me and getting involved with someone else, the angrier I get. Do you know what I went through after you left? It wasn’t just that my heart was broken. It was the humiliation and embarrassment. And to be honest, I’m having trouble getting past it, more than I realized.”
“You have to forgive me, Naomi, because I am so sorry. You are who I want to be with. I’m not settling. I’m choosing you, always and forever. I will never, ever leave you again.” He paused, sighing. “I can understand your need to hurt me by kissing Amos. And believe me, it hurts. I know it’s not even a taste of what I put you through, but . . .”
Kissing Amos didn’t have anything to do with hurting Thomas. Amos had been right. It wasn’t a revenge kiss. But Naomi knew she had to forgive Thomas in order to move on, whichever direction that might be.
“I forgive you, Thomas. I just need a little time.”
He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed her palm. “I love you.”
Her eyes watered instantly as she opened her mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come.
“I need time,” she said again.
Thomas nodded as a tear slid down his cheek. Naomi leaned into his arms, and they clung to each other and cried.
Twenty
Naomi didn’t want to eat supper with Thomas after they talked. She wanted to go home. When they pulled into the driveway, Naomi leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
“I need time to think,” she said again.
Thomas nodded at the house. “I have to say, Amos has an unfair advantage, living with you.”
“He’s leaving within a week.” Naomi wasn’t sure how she felt about Amos leaving. She needed to be away from both men if she was going to truly sort out her feelings. But she couldn’t imagine not seeing Amos’s face throughout the day. Already, she was looking forward to getting inside and hoped he was still downstairs. It was about the time they gathered for devotions.
“I guess I can survive a week of him living in the same haus as you.” Thomas cupped her cheek. “You don’t have to say it back, but I have to tell you again that I love you.”
Naomi pressed her hand over his. She wanted to tell him that a part of her would love him forever, no matter what the future held. But she worried that might give him false hope.
> “Good night,” she said before she got out of the buggy.
She tried not to rush as she walked to the porch, then she turned and waved to Thomas. As disappointed as she was that Amos had ruined his painting, she wondered if it signified a new beginning for both of them, however things turned out. She was going to start fresh on a new painting tonight. She’d baked a chicken casserole before she left with Thomas. Maybe there were leftovers. Mostly, she wanted to be around Amos and try to identify what she was feeling. If he kept true to what he said, he would be gone in less than a week. That didn’t give her much time.
When she walked into the living room, she shed her cape and bonnet. Esther and Lizzie were on the couch, each reading a book.
“Why are you back so early?” Esther took off her reading glasses.
Naomi shrugged. “It’s a long and confusing story, but we decided not to go eat.” Pausing, she didn’t hear movement anywhere else in the house. “Where is Amos?”
Lizzie and Esther exchanged glances, then Esther stood.
“He’s gone, Naomi. He packed up and left right after you left with Thomas. He thanked us for allowing him to work here during his slow time back home, and he asked us to give you this.” Esther reached for something on the coffee table and handed Naomi an envelope with her name on it.
Naomi’s hand shook as she accepted it. “No goodbye?” She folded the envelope in half and slipped it in her apron pocket. A new kind of anguish seared her heart, similar to how she’d felt when Thomas left her. Maybe worse.
“We tried to talk him out of leaving without seeing you.” Esther sighed. “But he insisted it would be easier this way.”
“A strong indication of how much he cares for you.” Lizzie closed her book and folded her hands. “Aren’t you going to read the letter?”
“Ya, I will.” Even though Lizzie and Esther were stiff, quiet, and looked like they might burst from curiosity, Naomi wanted to read the letter in private. She tried to smile. “Couldn’t you have locked him in the basement or something?”
Esther cringed. “Nee, dear. We are done meddling with your love life. We learned our lesson.”
Naomi doubted that, and this was the one time she wished they had acted in character. For Amos not to say goodbye seemed harsh, but deep down, she understood. She was anxious, if not a little fearful, to read his note. Was it goodbye forever? Or was he just giving her space, just as she’d asked Thomas to give her time?
“Excuse me.” She turned and went upstairs, closed her bedroom door behind her, and sat on the bed, trembling. It took her a minute to pull the envelope from her pocket. She slid her finger along the crease and eased out a yellow piece of lined paper. Slowly she unfolded it and read.
Dear Naomi,
Forgive me for not saying goodbye. I think you know why I didn’t. I feel like putting some distance between us might help you open your heart to your true feelings. Perhaps Thomas is the man for you and deserves another chance. That is a choice only you can make.
You changed my life, Naomi. I’m smiling as I write this because it sounds so dramatic. But it’s true. I’ve been so closed off since Sarah died and refused to open mei heart to anyone. Then I met you, and little by little, you chipped away at the wall around mei heart. I still have a lot of love to share with the right person.
I’ll think of you every time I paint. There is a creek that borders our property at home. I used to love to go there and paint. Sarah didn’t paint, but she knew how much I loved it and that the creek was my special place where I felt closest to Gott. After she was gone, I’d go there sometimes, but never to paint. I went to talk to Gott.
When I return, I plan to paint again, in that spot. I hope to keep the gray shadow out of mei work and replace it with the red that was missing. In case you didn’t know, red is the color of love. And to paint a picture of love, you have to feel love in your heart before you can show it on canvas.
Naomi smiled through her tears. He had recognized, or finally figured out, what was missing from their paintings.
I’m leaving you with love in mei heart, something that’s been missing for way too long. I’ll miss you and forever remember our night in the basement.
To sum it up, you brought joy back into mei life, showed me how to laugh again, and helped me recapture a part of myself I thought was gone forever. I will always be grateful to you for that.
I will pray for you. I will miss you. But mostly, I hope you find the peace in your heart I know you are searching for.
Fondly,
Amos
Naomi reread the letter two more times, trying to decide the level of finality it represented. He didn’t ask her to write him back, nor did he mention ever seeing her again. As tears trailed down her face and dropped onto the paper, she supposed he was right. God had orchestrated a plan for them to help each other recover from their grief. The Lord had opened their hearts to the possibility of second chances, just not with each other.
Then why am I hurting so much, Gott? She threw her head back and stared at the ceiling, fighting the urge to be angry with God. What would have happened if Amos had stayed?
“We’ll never know,” she quoted his words aloud as she curled up on the bed and let the loss wash over her.
* * *
“What are we going to do?” Lizzie twisted on the couch to face Esther, her expression as grim as Esther felt.
“We aren’t going to do anything.” She squeezed her eyes closed as her stomach clenched. “Every time I think about us leaving them in that basement for so long, I cringe. I only wanted to leave them down there long enough to face their feelings and stop fighting. Had they not both been ethical, God-fearing people, things could have gone badly. It was wrong of us to shove temptation at them the way we did.”
Lizzie shook her head. “You, not we.”
“Ach, Lizzie, stop it. You were right there at the kitchen table with me.” She pointed at her sister. “No more matchmaking or meddling for us.”
Lizzie wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “I think Amos was the one for Naomi, and we let him get away.”
“They are adults, and we certainly couldn’t keep him here. I think we can only hope that distance will make the heart grow fonder, for both of them.” Esther set her book on the coffee table. “I need to go to Walmart tomorrow, and I couldn’t find a driver, so I’m going to see if Gus will take me.”
Lizzie disliked Walmart, and disliked Gus even more. It was a safe bet she wouldn’t want to go. Esther didn’t feel good about lying to her sister, but she had two final tests to endure tomorrow, then a meeting with her doctor to go over everything. Whatever the findings, she’d tell Lizzie when she knew what was wrong.
“I’d walk before I let that pompous grouch take me anywhere.” Lizzie puckered her lips. “And I can’t think of anything at Walmart that would make me go there. It’s big and confusing and cold in that store.”
“Even though the harvest was plentiful, we need more than corn to live on. The locals don’t have the variety of vegetables Walmart has brought in from other states.” Esther was digging herself deeper into the lie. Maybe she’d beg Gus to stop at Walmart so she wouldn’t be fibbing to Lizzie.
“Ach, I almost forgot to tell you, there were messages on the machine in the barn.” Lizzie shuffled her teeth, and Esther prayed her doctor hadn’t left a message for her. She’d instructed him not to do that.
“We’re going to have a full haus for the next two weeks.” Lizzie reached up and straightened her prayer covering. “Not every day, but a lot of folks made reservations.”
“That might be a gut distraction for Naomi. It will keep her busy.”
Esther hoped it might be a good distraction for her, too, depending on what the doctor said tomorrow. Her stomach churned just thinking about it.
* * *
After a long bus ride, Amos was glad to be home. His family welcomed him back in a grand style. His mother served a fine meal, and his brothers and father had cleaned
the workshop, a task Amos had been putting off for months. His brothers dabbled in the shop, but it was mostly where Amos ran his business. He’d let it become a mess before he went to Indiana.
“Gut to have you home, bruder.” Amos’s youngest brother, Daniel, shook his hand as they sat down for supper. His middle brother, Rudy, did the same.
“Gut to be home.” Amos loved his family, but he had started missing Naomi the moment he walked out the door of The Peony Inn. He wondered what her reaction was to his letter, and if she would write him back. Or was a clean split the best way, so she could focus on rebuilding her relationship with Thomas? The thought caused his stomach to twist, but he knew giving her time was the best thing to do.
“You have three jobs lined up this week,” his father said. “Perfect timing, now that you’re home.”
“There were two small projects while you were gone.” Rudy reached for a slice of bread, only to have his mother slap his hand away, reminding him they would say grace before putting anything on their plates. “I handled them, and I’ll fill you in later,” he said before they bowed their heads.
After the blessing, everyone filled him in on things he’d missed, which wasn’t all that much. A couple they’d known since they were children had published their engagement. Levi Hostetler had been in a buggy accident, but he was going to be all right. Amos half listened, but he was distracted with thoughts of Naomi.
His brothers were anxious to finish eating and get out the door. They were both courting women in the community. After his father retired to the living room, Amos stayed seated in the kitchen, knowing his mother would have questions. He didn’t want to talk about Naomi, but he doubted he could avoid a conversation about his time in Indiana.
“I thought you’d stay longer,” she said as she cleared the table. “It sounded like Esther and Lizzie had so much work for you to do.”
“Ya, and I got most of it done.” He regretted leaving a few projects uncompleted, but the timing had been perfect, and if he stayed one more day, he was afraid he would beg Naomi not to marry Thomas and to give him a chance. But she had a history with Thomas and deserved the time to see if she could get past her anger.