by M J Marstens
Her shell this reincarnation will just have to be a casualty of war. I smile at my pun.
Yes, it’s time.
We are finally going to reclaim our godhood.
f
ZAHRA
So, I would like to take a moment to recap the absurdity that is my life. Firstly, the monster (who apparently is not a vampire) from my dreams is real. And he has seven other asshole, monster friends. Secondly, they are my bosses.
End of recap. I think those two bullet points say enough.
Waking up in Caed’s lap was also not a highlight of my day. Ok, maybe it was, a little. . .
Until he spoke.
Cripes, why couldn’t that sting ray have barbed his heart instead of Steve Irwin’s? It would have done the world a real favor. Except, I’m not convinced Caed has a heart. . . or can even die. . . so it’s just wishful thinking on my part. A girl’s gotta dream though, right? I realize the dickwads are talking about me and tune-in to their words. Khal is simply astounded that I didn’t figure this out sooner. . .
I need to figure out how to off these epic douches. But first, I need to defend myself. Looking at Khal, I say:
“Stop treating me like I’m an imbecile, how was I supposed to put two and two together to get eight?”
(FYI: I’m being facetious. I know it equals four, in case you think I’m an airhead, too.)
“I mean, come on! You have cropped hair, tanned, normal, human skin, not-red eyes, no fangs, and a freaking British accent!”
He rolls his eyes without ever moving them. It’s kind of unnerving (and secretly impressive) how easily he can express his disdain without even twitching a muscle.
“That is because I used the language of the gods in ‘your dreams’.”
He actually makes finger quotes. How far is that stick shoved up his ass? Then I focus on his words. Huh. . . I understood the language of the gods?
Wow.
Does this make me one, then?
I’m quick to point out my awesome logic.
“Slaves need to know the language, too- to do their master’s bidding.” Khal drawls.
Did this fucker just call me an indentured servant? Swear to god, I’m goin- Wait, wait, wait, wait. . . language of the gods. . . No.
No. No. No. No.
These eight were gods?!
“Nope. I don’t believe it. No way you jackasses are gods.” I cross my arms and nod my head for good measure.
Khal raises a brow before effortlessly shifting into the hulking red-skinned beast from my dreams. When scary shit happens in your dreams, it feels like real life. Oddly enough, when scary shit happens in real life, it all too often feels surreal. Like now, as I take in the rubicund man before me. . . my mind does not even try to process the scene. It jumped ship a long time ago and I’m operating on pure instinct.
And instinct is telling me to protect myself.
I walk over to the table of food and pick up a silver-plated platter of cheeses, which I unceremoniously dump in the vacated spot on the table. I then start refilling the platter with generous heaps of mouthwatering linguini in a creamy, aromatic sauce. I can feel the guys’ eyes watching me. I pick up the platter, making sure it’s not too heavy for me to handle, and walk towards Khal, who is towering over his desk. When I’m about three feet away, I stop, look him in the eye, and fling the platter back like a catapult, before launching the food at his face.
Nobody moves.
Bits of pasta stick to Khal’s face and upper chest and the look he gives me is absolutely murderous.
Yep.
I was going to die today.
Behind me, I here Nyam clear his throat.
“Why. . .” He seems at a loss for words, “Why did you do that?”
“The pasta had garlic in it.” I say this with as much calm as I can muster.
I look to the still fuming Khal. Aside from being pissed, he seems perfectly fine. Maybe garlic doesn’t work on vampires? Well. . . it had been roasted though, maybe it needed to be fresh?
“For the last damn time, I’m a god, not a vampire!” Khal explodes.
“Then prove it.”
“Prove it?” He asks incredulously, while gesturing to his seven-foot, crimson frame.
He’s back to looking at me like I’m too stupid to live. Clearly, he doesn’t get it. I believed he wasn’t human (he was a giant, red monster, for fuck’s sake), I just didn’t believe he was a god.
“Yes, prove it.”
“How?” He’s back to growling his words and a tick is working the left side of his face.
“Bring my parents back.”
He doesn’t immediately respond, like he’s trying to mull out an appropriate answer. Finally, he just gives up and shouts:
“I can’t do that! I’m not-”
“God?” I supply sardonically for him, cutting him off.
Khal snarls and starts walking towards me. Out of the corner of my eye, Nyam steps forward until he’s in front of me. He reaches back to protectively tuck me aside before his body is engulfed in a blinding light. And then everything goes white. I hear voices shouting at each other in a strange tongue. I look wildly around, but everything remains blank.
CHAPTER 25
ZAHRA
I’m not going to panic.
I’m not going to panic.
I’m panicking!
I’m blind!
Ohmygod. . .
“Breathe, Zahra,” I hear Kane croon, as I feel him scoop me up. “It will pass in a moment.”
I struggle to control my breathing. The surrealism is finally wearing off and reality is crashing down on me. A million questions flit through my mind and I focus on them, instead of the mind-boggling paradigm shift that is now called ‘my life’.
“What are they saying?” I croak to Kane.
“Can you not understand them?” He asks.
“No. They aren’t speaking English.”
I still cannot see anything, but turn my face towards Kane’s voice. I feel like a china doll in his arms. . . I probably look like one, too. When Kane does not say anything, I fling my hands out sightlessly, until I’m touching his face, reading his expression like Braille. His brow is furrowed, as if in confusion.
“What?” I ask when he still does not answer me.
“You understood Khal in your dreams, but you cannot now?”
Oh- Khal and Nyam were speaking. . .Godian? Godese? Huh, that is weird. Why would I understand it then and not now? Come to think of it, this is what Illu and Uryn had been speaking to one another, other than Russian. I had instinctively recognized it, but couldn’t recall where I had heard it at the time. Now I know: from my dreams. . . except, were they really even dreams? My brain hurts too much to even begin to ponder that bizarre twist.
“What are you guys going to do with me?” I whisper to Kane.
He gives me a reassuring squeeze.
“We are not going to hurt you, I promise.”
Good answer- no, best answer.
“Ok, but what do you want with me?”
I’m perplexed. . . I cannot figure out my purpose in all of this. . . When dream Khal was with those women, he was doing something to them, I could feel it. . . do they want to do that to me?
“What was Khal doing to those women in my dreams?”
“Feeding.” Kane whispers back.
The fuck you say- feeding?! Kane must be able to sense my anxiety levels shooting up, because he rubs my back soothingly, while clarifying:
“We must feed off of human souls to fuel our immortality. It’s the only thing that can replenish us in this realm.”
“I’m sorry, my ears must be malfunctioning, too. . . did you say you eat humans?”
Kane chuckles, like I’m amusing.
“No, lahela’iki, not ‘eat’ as you humans consume food, but rather, garner sustenance from the person’s soul. It does not hurt them.”
He places a strange emphasis on the word ‘hurt’ and I sense the omission i
n his explanation.
“But does it harm them?”
I feel Kane shift underneath me and he does not answer me immediately. Almost reluctantly, he says:
“Anytime someone takes a piece of your soul, they are not doing you a favor.”
Yeah, I can imagine having an intact soul would be a pretty big deal. So, they consume souls to survive, huh? They’re demons. Figures. Well, I had Mio and Nyam pegged. I’m damn good at that.
“What are you thinking, lahela’iki?”
“Khal is right. You guys aren’t vampires. You’re demons.”
Kane chuckles darkly and it does funny things to my insides.
“No, we are gods. We embody a lot of traits similar to your earthly, monstrous creations, but only because we are them. It’s how humans compartmentalize our existence, by explaining us away as vampires, demons, fairies, and so forth.”
His deep voice makes me squirm in his lap. He firmly quells my movements with strong hands.
“Sit still,” he commands gruffly, his sternness taking me by surprise.
On the scale of ‘how fucked up is it’, what would you rate me sitting in Kane’s lap wishing he would finger me in front of a room full of gods? Only like a two, right? Not that fucked up? Because I seriously want Kane to finger-bang me. Who knew he had an alpha side? But I dig it.
(Side note: I need help, don’t I?)
Changing the topic so I do not mount the giant god, I ask:
“Why can’t I see?”
“What do you think happens when you look at the sun?”
“What?”
“We are planetary gods. Nyam is the sun. His light has temporarily blinded you.”
“The sun is a star. Not a planet.” I state.
“Aren’t you an astrologist?”
His voice echoes some of Khal’s condescension from earlier. Great, even Kane thinks I’m lacking brain cells. Well, I might call the sun a planet when reading charts, but in the real world, it was still technically a star. I don’t respond, because colorful spots are beginning to appear on the blank canvas of my vision. As if I had been staring at the sun too long. Slowly, my eyes begin to blink back into focus the world around me. Khal has shifted back to his. . . uh. . . earthly form? And Nyam is not glowing. Phew. This situation is fucked up, I tell you.
I circle back to my original question, which I realize Kane never answered. I look to the others.
“What do you guys want from me?”
Arawn surprises me by answering:
“We want you to read our charts, compare them, and find our balance, as you said we had.”
It’s difficult to understand him around his Irish burr making me want to jump him. Ok, so they just want some chart interpretations? Seems easy enough. . .
“And you aren’t going to eat my soul. . . or me?”
“We won’t touch your soul.” Arawn states confidently.
“But we are definitely going to eat you,” Mio adds wickedly.
Khal and I both groan, but the others grin at Mio’s innuendo.
“Go now. Do your work. And don’t tell anyone about us.” Caed is still wearing a small smile, but his words are laced in steel. “We’ll be watching.”
I cringe as I quickly leave.
I needed to start a vice to help me cope with this shit.
CHAPTER 26
PLUTO
“You told her too much information, brother.” I scold Jupiter.
While Saturn and Sun bickered back and forth, I tuned-in to the conversation between Zahra and the god of expansion. Jupiter casually shrugs, seemingly unaffected by my concern.
“She was curious. I had to give her some explanation. I know you think she’s fatuous, but she isn’t, really. If we don’t want her figuring this out on her own, or worse, prying into our affairs, then I had to give her something. If only to pacify her for the time being.”
I stand to pace. He’s right, of course. Zahra is not stupid. We must never underestimate her. Because underneath this human shell lurks a very devious being. I look back to Jupiter.
“She couldn’t understand Saturn and Sun just now?”
“No. . . I think it has to do with her repressed memories. When she was not consciously aware, I think her brain automatically switched into our language. This is why she understood Saturn when she was astrally projecting.”
“This is not good,” I muse. “This means either she does remember something or her memory is coming back.”
“I suppressed her subconscious from being able to recall any further information,” Neptune interjects.
“When?”
“Yesterday. . . when she was with Uranus.”
I raise my brows, but Mercury and Sun are grinning like maniacs. I had forgotten how they were together. Being so far out of orbit from the others occasionally left me disconnected. My curse taking over does not help, but I must remain focused if I’m going to be any use to us.
“What did you two do?” I demand, looking at the inner planetary gods.
“We didn’t do anything. Maybe you should be asking the Geminis what they did, instead.” Sun taunts.
Neptune is not making eye-contact anymore and Uranus is glaring at Mercury and Sun, as if this is all their fault. I don’t doubt that it is. Saturn huffs an irritated breath.
“Elucidate.” He orders, looking at Uranus.
Bad idea. The god of autonomy does not like being told what to do. His twin steps in to intervene. Mars looks disappointed. Sick bastard is always looking for a fight.
“Uranus was. . . talking to Zahra yesterday, when he recommended that I suppress her memories from resurfacing while getting some information from her.”
“What kind of information,” I ask.
“Doesn’t matter. We didn’t learn anything, anyway,” Neptune says.
“You two fucked her, didn’t you?” Mars jeers.
“Not with our dicks,” Uranus crudely rejoins.
“And she remembered, even though you blocked everything, and came here pissed and looking for answers,” Saturn surmises.
Mars laughs out loud.
“No wonder she kept demanding we not touch her.”
The twins look irritated.
“She shouldn’t have remembered,” Neptune grumbles.
“Exactly,” I interpose. “Who has been able to override your ‘suggestions’ before? We must have a care. She’s growing stronger. Her memory will return soon. We need her to do those charts and quickly.”
Everyone nods in agreement. I move to leave, but Mercury pauses me by asking:
“Why were you so sure we wouldn’t sample her soul when she asked?”
“Because Lina does not have one.”
I leave without a backward glance to that assertion.
f
ZAHRA
I meet Mary outside the Presidential Office when I’m leaving and she cuts me a surprised look.
“I didn’t know you were coming in today.”
I shrug noncommittally, not bothering to comment.
“Well, I’m glad. The boys explained their plans for your interim here while you work on their project. I have almost everything ready for you. . . the house, the keys, and Khal has offered you a vehicle, too.”
I blink.
What is she talking about?
Oh- I forgot. . . Khal has a place for me to stay for the next couple of months. . . that conversation seems like a lifetime ago. . . my time in Minnesota seems like twenty lives ago. Could it really only have been four days since I was last there? My world got turned upside down in the span of three days. Well friends, my advice: don’t get too comfortable in life. It’s just waiting to dump you on your ass.
“Dear?” Mary looks at me, waiting.
“Uh, sorry?”
“I asked when you wanted to fly back to Minnesota to get your things?”
“Um, can I get back to you on that?”
“Of course. In the meantime, here is the house information.” She ha
nds me a manila envelope. “Oh, and don’t forget tonight’s Luau! It’s at the resort at 7:15.”
Fuck, the Luau. . . where I can get lei’d. I kind of think I do need to get laid. Maybe that can be my vice- indiscriminate sexual activity. Could be worse. . . I could be hooked on blow.
Perspective.
I thank Mary and leave. Once outside, I remember I didn’t take the town car and I need to get a taxi. I hail one and quickly slip in. After I tell the driver where to go, I sit back and just. . . absorb. Monster Man was real. Vampires were real. Demons were real. Because apparently they were all gods. God was real. And there was more than one. . .
And they were all dudes.
Called that.
Again. (In case you forgot, go back and see my first sidebar tangent.)
The people back in my town would lose their shit if they knew the truth. Is this who we had been petitioning and paying homage to all those years? No wonder my prayers never got answered. Those dickbags have yet to be actually helpful towards me, unless it benefits them in some way. I think about them being gods. . . what does that even really mean? Obviously, it’s not a religious thing, but that’s all I really have to base my understanding of a god on. . .
I think of Khal as a human and as a monster god. I try to mentally assess whether there are any similarities between his earthly form and his godly one. . . then I mentally switch between fantasizing about getting screwed by his human side and his god side. Would that count as two men or just one? I would Google it, but I doubt the search engine would have any answers. (Actually, knowing society today, there might actually be a thread somewhere in the internetverse on this very topic. Ok, I’m Googling it now.)
When I arrive at the resort, I grab a quick lunch at the organic little deli bar and head upstairs to my room. I decided on the ride I need to work on their charts. Before, it was going to be a mild chore, but now I think it might give me some answers about the eight of them. They are too interested in these chart interpretations. And about the moon. But why me? The question has been nagging me. . . anyone could read their charts, but I got the feeling my interpretations were. . . more. Something is going on and I’m going to find out what.
I pull out all seven charts and start isolating their moons. In every single one, the celestial crescent is either squared or opposed. I compare the charts manually, but find no common denominator. The moon makes a hard aspect to different planets. Jupiter, Mars, Mercury, and the sun are squared in four of the charts and Pluto, Neptune, Uranus, and Saturn are opposed in the other three charts. The outer planets seem more adversely aspected than the inner ones. I keep thinking. . .