Rock Bottom

by Emily Goodwin

  My brows furrow. “What?”

  He closes his eyes, wincing at his words. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “How did you mean it?”

  “I…I don’t know.”

  “What?” And now I’m slipping under water. How did things go from cloud nine to a shallow grave so fast? Dean casts his eyes down, slowly shaking his head. “Dean,” I repeat. “How did you mean it?”

  Chapter 35

  Dean

  This is a defining moment for us, and I know it. The scales could tip either way, and I’m fucking terrified of them coming apart at the hinges and falling into a rusty heap at my feet. I told Rory I want more, that I like waking up with her by my side. I didn’t promise marriage, but I let her know I want her in my future.

  And I do.

  Yet standing here, with the woman I used to love behind me, and Rory in front of me fucks with my head. Nothing can fall apart if I don’t put it together. I’m attracted to Rory. She’s attracted to me. We get along great and the sex is a-fucking-mazing.

  “I don’t know.” The words feel like a lie the moment they leave my lips. Because I do know what I want, and it terrifies me more than anything.

  I don’t want to get hurt again.

  And I don’t want to hurt her.

  What if I’m not good enough? What if it was my fault things fell apart the first time and history is damned to repeat itself.

  That I’m the issue.

  I can’t bring myself to say it. Because everything came rushing back. The disappointment. The betrayal. The feeling of sand rushing out from under my feet no matter how hard I fought to keep my footing.

  And in that moment, I don’t want to damn Rory to a future of pain.

  “I thought you liked being with me.”

  “I do.”

  “I’m confused.” She brings her hand to her face, pressing her fingers to her forehead. “So you like being with me but feel like all relationships are damned to fail?” Her lips part and she shakes her head.

  “No…I don’t know.”

  She looks up, lips parting, and tears fill her eyes. “I…I guess…I’ll…I’ll…” Her eyes flutter shut, and a single tear rolls down her cheek. Her lips press together in a smile as she tries to hold it all together. “I guess I should go.”

  And then she turns and leaves.

  The second Rory walks out the door I know I made a huge mistake. My heart sinks to the bottom of my chest, going to a place so low I didn’t know it existed.

  She’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and everything I need. I don’t want to lose her.

  I can’t.

  I won’t.

  Because there’s no use denying it. I am in love with her.

  I rush forward, needing to go after her.

  “Dean!” Kara catches my arm. “Don’t go!”

  “Stop,” I say and pull my arm back. Kara tightens her hold on me and then hurries forward, grabbing my face and kissing me. Her lips are familiar, and she’s still wearing the cherry lip gloss she wore before. I know exactly what to expect, what to feel.

  And it does nothing for me.

  Doesn’t spark anything inside of me. Doesn’t make my heart skip a beat or cause desire to flood through my veins like it does with Rory.

  “What the fuck?” I spit, pulling away. I hold Kara at arm’s length. She fights against me, breaking free, and comes right back, hands going to my belt.

  “Stop!” I yell, brow furrowed. “What the fuck are you doing?” I swat her hands away.

  “I want you,” she says biting her lip. “And I miss you. I miss you so much, Dean. Don’t you miss me?”

  “No,” I say, and the word reverberates through me. I don’t miss her. I thought I missed what we had, but it hits me hard and all at once: what we had was an illusion. “I don’t, and I don’t know what you’re doing or why you’re still here. I told you to go.”

  “I can’t,” she says, tears falling from her eyes.

  “Why not?”

  “Because…because I’m pregnant,” she blurts and looks up at me.

  Silence hangs in the air and my lips part, a sharp breath leaving my lungs. “You came here, trying to get me to sleep with you.” Dizziness crashes down on me, and I feel like I might throw up. “You were going to lie and tell me the baby was mine.”

  “You always wanted to be a father, and you’d be a good one.”

  “Yeah, to my own kid.” The shock is wearing off and I’m pissed. Really fucking pissed. “You were going to manipulate me into getting back together. Do you think I’m stupid, Kara? Don’t you think I’d realize the timelines didn’t match up and I’d know it wasn’t my child?”

  “I don’t know,” she cries. “All I know is I miss you, Dean. I want a family. With you. I still love you.”

  “No, you don’t. You need me, because you know I was always there. I carried my weight. I wasn’t perfect, but I tried.” I swallow my anger. It’s not worth it. Not anymore. I raise my hand and point to the door. “Leave.”

  “Dean.”

  “No. I’m going to call your sister and tell her to expect you. Go. Now.”

  Kara sucks in a breath. “I’m sorry. For…for everything.”

  “Just go.”

  I watch Kara put her shoes on, sobbing as she ties each lace. Finally, she’s out of my house, and I lock the door behind her.

  “Motherfucker,” I say through gritted teeth, balling my hands into fists. I storm back into the kitchen and pick up my phone, calling Rory.

  The call goes to voicemail.

  I call her back and she ends the call after one ring.

  I call once more and this time her phone doesn’t even ring.

  Closing my eyes, I lean against the cabinet, needing to keep my cool. Several minutes go by and I try Rory again. Her phone is either off or she blocked me.

  But it’s not too late. I have to make this right.

  Chapter 36

  Rory

  My bottom lips quivers and I barely hold it together on my way down the driveway. I have no idea how things went from fucking perfect to falling apart in three seconds flat.

  I thought I was enough. I thought Dean cared about me the way I cared about him. My heart hurts, and I feel so stupid.

  I’m crying as I start the Jeep, tears falling like rain. I yank my seatbelt into place. A small part of me hoped Dean would run out, telling me he made a mistake and he does care and want to be with me.

  But he doesn’t.

  I drive out of the neighborhood, and my phone rings. Expecting it to be Dean, I’m hit with disappointment when I see that it’s Michelle from Silver Ridge again.

  I go to decline the call, hitting the red button on my screen display in the Jeep, but accidentally answer instead. I suck in a breath, trying to calm myself.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Rory! Sorry to bug you again, but I’m scheduling interviews and I’d really love to have you back. Would you be able to come in tomorrow?”

  “Um,” I don’t work tomorrow. Or the next day. And I don’t see a reason for staying in Eastwood right now, especially when I’ll get a promotion if I go back to Silver Ridge. It was my plan all along. Be a unit manager and continue to work my way up to director. If Dean wasn’t in my life, Id’ say this was fate.

  I’m getting exactly what I wanted career-wise. “I think so. What time are you scheduling interviews?”

  “Could you be here in the morning? I have an opening at ten.”

  “I’m about five hours away. But yeah…I think I can drive up there tonight, crash with my parents and be there by ten.”

  “Great! I have to conduct interviews, but between you and me, it’ll be informal. I know you and I still have your resume on file from when I hired you last time.”

  “I’ll see you at ten.”

  “Great! It’ll be so nice to have you back, Rory!”

  “Yeah.” I’m struggling to hold it together. “Thanks for calling me about this.”
>
  “I said I would. See you soon, Rory.”

  “Bye.” I end the call just in time. A sob escapes my lips. I cry as I drive, tears rolling down my face. I pull into my spot at the apartment and give in, ugly crying until someone walks by and taps on my window, asking me if I’m okay.

  I’m struggling to breathe, heart aching like it’s been split in two. Dean was everything I wanted…only he didn’t want me. I don’t know what’s worse: losing him or feeling like I’m not enough for him to commit to.

  I swallow another sob and nod, then mop up my face and call Mom, ignoring the missed calls from Dean. I’ll call him back, but not yet. My heart can’t take it.

  “Hey, honey!” she says, answering on the second ring. “Is everything all right? You never call.”

  “Yeah,” I say, putting on a fake-ass smile, forgetting she can’t see me. “One of the nursing directors from the old hospital called me and offered me a job. She asked if I can come interview tomorrow morning.”

  “Back here in Silver Ridge?”

  “Yeah. As a unit manager.”

  “Oh my goodness, that’s wonderful! But what about your job in Eastwood?”

  “I’d make more as a unit manager,” I say, though I don’t know if it’s true. I got a big pay raise at Eastwood since the hospital is better. “And it’s what I wanted, remember? Be a manager and then the director. Are you not happy to possibly have me back?”

  “Of course I’m happy to have you back. I thought you were happy where you were, and that’s the thing I care about most: seeing you happy. What about that handsome man you were seeing?”

  My throat feels thick and tears stream down my face. My lips part but I can’t form any words. “It…it didn’t turn out to be what I thought. Dean—” I cut off, feeling overwhelming pain when I say his name. “He wanted to keep things casual, and that’s just not I want.”

  “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s fine.” I grip the steering wheel and put another terrifyingly fake smile on my face. It’s far from fine, and my heart is breaking into smaller and smaller pieces as time goes on. I let my guard down, trusted and believed him when he said he wanted something more.

  I’m so stupid.

  “Since the interview is at ten,” I start, speaking slowly to hide the emotion in my voice. “I’m going to drive up tonight.”

  “It’s not too late?”

  “Cars have this crazy new concept called headlights.”

  “I’m aware,” Mom deadpans. “Drive safe. Love you, Rory.”

  “Love you too.”

  I end the call and lean forward, crying so hard my eyes hurt. My heart is a mangled mess in the bottom of my chest, and my poor mind isn’t in much better condition.

  I can’t think straight, so I focus on leaving. On driving. On putting another miles between me and this stupid place. I should never have come to Eastwood. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all obviously never got their heart brokend.

  I kill the engine and run inside, feeding Figaro a can of food and overfilling his bowl of dry kibble. I quickly rinse out his water bowl, refill it, and grab stuff a duffle bag full of everything I need for tomorrow, not putting much care into picking out my interview outfit.

  Then I’m out the door and on my way home.

  Only…it doesn’t feel like I’m going home. It feels like I’m leaving home.

  Chapter 37

  Dean

  Fuck you, Kara. I bring my fist down on the counter, hard enough to cause pain to ripple through me but not hard enough to do damage to anything. Then I rush into the garage, desperate to get to Rory. I open my truck door and get in, only to realize I don’t have the keys.

  My mind is a fucking mess, and it takes me nearly ten minutes to find the keys, which I left in my jacket pocket. I jump back into the truck as soon as I have them and speed to Rory’s apartment. Her Jeep isn’t in the parking lot, but I’m not giving up just yet.

  I park the truck and run to her door, knocking. She doesn’t answer. “Rory?” I call, knocking again. “Are you home? Please, Rory, let me explain.”

  I wait several minutes before retreating back to the truck. My stomach hurts, and that sick feeling is back. Where else would Rory go? I have no fucking idea, but I’ll wait here until she gets back.

  Then I can tell her I love her and she’s the only one for me. I do want a relationship with her. When I think of my future, she’s in it.

  My phone rings, and I scramble to answer it. But it’s Weston and not Rory.

  “Hello?” I say, blowing out a slow breath.

  “Hey. You’ll never guess who I pulled over.”

  “Kara.”

  “Yeah,” Weston says. “So I take it you’ve seen her?”

  “Yep. She showed up at my house early this morning. And was still there when Rory came over after work.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Yeah.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “And now Rory left, and I have no idea where she is.”

  “Whoa, what?”

  Squeezing my eyes closed, I tell Weston what happened. “Rory will come home eventually. I’ll stay here until she does.”

  “Don’t sit outside the apartments like a creep,” Weston says. “Go home.”

  “I have to talk to her.”

  “She’ll talk to you when she’s ready. Getting the cops called on you for looking like a stalker isn’t going to help your case. Go home and call her again in a few hours.”

  He’s right, but it’s still hard to pull out of the parking lot, and even harder to go home and do nothing.

  Rory is everything. The one person in this big fucking world I don’t want to live without. I’ll do anything to prove it to her…if only she’ll give me the chance.

  “Hey, Rory, I’m getting worried. Just let me know you’re all right please. We can talk whenever you’re ready, but let me know you’re safe.”

  I end the message and put my phone down, head in my hands. I’m back home and have been sitting at the kitchen island for over two hours now, just waiting.

  Time is crawling, but every passing minute makes me feel like Rory is slipping farther away. I want her back in my arms. I want to kiss her and hold her and tell her I love her.

  After I apologize for being an idiot, of course.

  Another twenty minutes go by, and finally, she sends me a text.

  Rory: I’m okay.

  Me: Can we talk? Please?

  Rory: Later. My old boss called and offered me a job as the manager of my old unit. I’m on my way there for an interview.

  I blink, glad I’m sitting down or else I’d fall over from the sense of dizziness. She’s leaving Eastwood? Taking a job back in Silver Ridge? No. She was so happy to get out of the town that harbored memories of her being teased and bullied.

  Eastwood is her home now.

  Me: Rory, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.

  I stare at the screen, waiting for her to text me back. She doesn’t. I put my head in my hands again, chest tightening. My phone rings and I jerk up, thinking it’s Rory.

  It’s Quinn, FaceTiming me. I answer the call and see the top of Emma’s head.

  “Hey, Emma.”

  “Uncle Dean!” she exclaims and brings the phone right under her nose. “What you doing?”

  “Just hanging out,” I tell her. “Does your mom know you have her phone?”

  “I dunno.”

  “You should probably go find her and give the phone back.”

  “Okay.” Emma walks through the house, telling me about some Barbie TV show she was watching. “Mommy, I found your phone.”

  “Found it?” Quinn grumbles. “You took it. Emma! You called someone?”

  “It’s just me,” I say, and Quinn takes the phone from Emma. “You don’t look too good, sis.”

  “Right back at ya, but at least I have an excuse. What’s yours?”

  “I think I broke up with Rory.”


  “What?” Quinn sits up. “Why the hell would you do that?”

  “Kara showed up.”

  “Oh, hell no. I might have spent the day puking, but I will come over and cut a bitch.”

  “Aren’t your children around you and within earshot?”

  Quinn purses her lips. “They’ll learn from a young age that you always have your family’s back.”

  I half-smile. “Thanks. And she’s gone.”

  “So Kara showed up and you broke up with Rory? What is wrong with you?”

  “I don’t know.” I close my eyes, chest hurting again. “She wants more, and I’m scared I can’t give that to her,” I admit. “What if things go to shit again?”

  “What if they don’t?” Quinn’s expression softens. “You like her, don’t you?”

  “I do. A lot…I think I’m in love with her.”

  “Then go make things right, you idiot!” Quinn orders, narrowing her eyes again.

  “She got offered her old job in Silver Ridge back along with a promotion. She’s on her way there. She wants to leave Eastwood.” The words hurt, making me feel sick at the same time.

  “Then go! Stop her. Tell her you’re a dumbass and want her back.”

  “I don’t know where she’ll be.”

  “I’m assuming the interview isn’t until tomorrow since it’ll be late by the time she gets to Silver Ridge. So she’ll stay with either her one brother that lives there or more likely, her parents.”

  “I don’t know where they live.”

  “I’ll find out and will text you her address.”

  “You can do that?” I stand, already going to put my shoes on. “Are you going to hack into something to get her parents’ address?”

  “No. I’m just going to ask Sam.”

  “Oh, right.”

  “Now go,” Quinn says, holding the phone up so she can glare at me. “I like Rory. Don’t fuck this up.”

  Gravel crunches under the truck’s tires, and I double-check the address on the GPS. It’s late at night, and the whole town was asleep as I passed through. Silver Ridge is even smaller than Eastwood, and just got a fresh dusting of snow.