by Beth Bolden
“Yeah, it’s not a picnic,” Tate agreed.
Sean glanced up. “Don’t you dare say you’re just happy to be here. You’ve earned your spot.”
“Okay,” Tate said with a sharp grin. “I won’t, if you’ll tell me what has you glowering at Gabe’s trash.”
“We just . . . well, we kind of kissed, the other night, after I’d had too much to drink.”
Tate dropped the plastic bag he was holding. “What? Really? Oh my god,” he said, sounding way more excited than Sean had expected. “This is awesome.”
“It really isn’t awesome,” Sean complained.
“We’ve only been waiting for this for, well, a really long time,” Tate said. “Wait until Tony finds out.”
“Tony,” Sean said, enunciating each word clearly so there could be no confusion, “is not going to find out.”
“Alright, I get it. But why are you so pissy if you finally managed to stop fighting?”
Sean sighed. “I told him I just wanted to hook up,” he said, because he wasn’t quite ready to tell Tate his other secret yet. “And he got all offended.”
“How do you know you just want to hook up?” Tate wondered.
“I just know,” Sean said. “The man makes me hot. But that’s it.”
“Are you sure?” Tate asked. “Because Chase and I . . .”
“Yes, well, we’re not a star-crossed love story that began in high school,” Sean retorted. “So I’m not sure there’s much to compare here. I want to get naked. Gabriel wants . . . I’m not sure what Gabriel wants actually, but apparently it’s not only getting naked.”
“You could always ask Ren,” Tate suggested. “He’s always down for a hookup.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that would make Gabe lose his fucking mind,” Sean said. And then stopped abruptly. Right next to another few pieces of plasticware that had been hiding behind a bush. “You know, it really would, wouldn’t it?”
“Are you attracted to Ren?” Tate asked.
Was he attracted to Ren? Not particularly. Other than the fact that he looked a little bit like Gabriel, he’d never really noticed the way Ren looked. At least not the way so many other people seemed to notice.
“Not really,” Sean admitted. “But . . . it might be a good way to convince Gabriel that he’s being stupid.”
“Is he though?”
“Is he being stupid? Of course he’s being stupid. He doesn’t like me. He just got his pride hurt because I said I didn’t want anything romantic. He doesn’t want that either, I’m sure of it.”
“You do seem pretty sure about it,” Tate muttered.
“Well, has he ever seemed particularly interested in wooing me?” Sean demanded. “The man threw a meatball at me!”
“True, true,” Tate acknowledged. “Well, maybe Ren would be willing to play along, like an experiment to see how pissed off Gabriel can get.”
“He’s so stubborn though,” Sean said, pondering. The last thing he wanted to do was convince Gabriel further that getting naked was a bad idea. “But maybe . . . maybe if it was something he really wanted, and he got jealous . . .”
“You,” Tate said, gesturing with a handful of plastic forks, “are playing with fire. And you might get burnt.”
“As long as it’s Gabriel doing the burning, I don’t care,” Sean said.
———
“I hate everything,” Gabriel said.
“What is it now?” Ren asked as he finely diced an onion, his knife flashing so quickly in the morning sunlight that Gabriel could barely see it.
“What do you mean, what is it now?” Gabriel demanded.
Ren shot him a very unsympathetic look. “With you, it’s always something. So, what totally unfair thing happened to you today?”
“For the record, it was the other night,” Gabriel said, sulking because he couldn’t quite help himself. “Sean . . . well, Sean wants to have sex.”
Ren set his knife down. “Okay, I’m failing to see how this is ruining your life. Haven’t you wanted him for, I don’t know, forever?”
“Yeah,” Gabriel admitted. And even admitting that wasn’t easy for him. But it was true, and he could hardly deny it any longer.
“I’m failing to see the problem,” Ren said very evenly. Too evenly. He had yet to pick his wickedly sharp knife back up, which probably boded well for Gabriel’s balls.
“It’s not cool for him to finally, finally get on the same goddamn page and then say, all brazen, that all he wants is sex. He wants to get naked, and that’s it. I’m not even sure he likes me.”
Ren cracked a smile. “I can kind of see where he’s coming from, to be honest.”
“What?” Gabriel couldn’t help his outraged bellow.
“I mean, we’re family. I’m sort of required to like you. But it can be a challenge, some days,” Ren said, turning back to his rapidly growing pile of minced onion.
“It is not . . .” Gabriel spluttered. “But I have feelings.”
That was not an easy thing to admit. He might not have even realized he did, until Sean had said so bluntly that he didn’t. That he wouldn’t, ever. That Gabriel could never expect him to.
Maybe it had been unfair to accuse Sean of asking him to fuck his dead husband out of his system, but that was what it amounted to, wasn’t it? They’d have sex a few times, have a boiling hot hookup, and then Sean would push him out, and he’d end up dating someone he could actually like.
Leaving Gabriel to sulk. Again.
“I don’t think anyone on this planet imagines that you don’t have feelings,” Ren said matter-of-factly. “You’re kind of the King of Feelings.”
“That is . . .”
“One hundred percent accurate. Yes, I know, you can thank Cousin Ren for being such an expert on your tortured psyche.”
“I really hate you too, now,” Gabriel grumbled. “You can’t even spare an ounce of sympathy. I’m dying here.”
“Like I said,” Ren repeated, “the King of Feelings. Is it any wonder that Sean wanted to be honest about it being just sex? You’re the kind of guy who’s gonna be holding a boom box under his bedroom window two weeks in.”
“I have never done that,” Gabriel argued.
“But you could. You would.”
Gabe hated that his cousin was right. He might. After all, he’d been obsessed with Sean since day one. It would have been so easy to just change the name on his truck, after all. He had it all ready to go. He’d just held off because . . . well, because that might change things. And as frustrating as the status quo could be sometimes, at least he knew what it was like.
At least it meant that Sean paid attention to him.
If they didn’t have any reason to argue anymore, that would go right out the window.
He wasn’t proud of his prevaricating, but it was working, wasn’t it? Sean had finally been honest with him. Maybe it wasn’t the kind of honesty he’d been expecting. Maybe he hadn’t been expecting Sean to still be mourning the dead love of his life, but Gabriel was the first person he’d told.
Maybe over time he could wear Sean down. Make him see that they could be good for more than just sex.
“All I’m saying,” Ren continued, “is that if the guy wants to get naked with you, what kind of idiot would you be to turn him down? He’s hot, and honestly I’ve only kept my hands off, because well, you’re all tangled up about him.”
“That hasn’t changed,” Gabriel reminded his cousin pointedly.
“Yeah, I know,” Ren retorted, throwing a wicked smile over this shoulder. “It’s gotten worse.”
“So you think I should just . . . let him fuck me and keep it just to fucking?”
“You don’t do this very often,” Ren said, “so I’m going to go gentle on you, but here’s the thing . . . it’s not easy to keep it just fucking. I have to work at it. I have all these rules to make sure that my hookups don’t evolve into more.”
“That’s kind of fucked up,” Gabriel said. “You r
ealize that, right?”
Ren shrugged, clearly unconcerned that while Gabriel was the King of Feelings, he was the opposite. “It works for me. I prefer it that way, honestly. And while you’re emoting all over the place, don’t decide that you can fix me, okay? I’m not like Tony, I’m not going to meet the perfect guy for me and become a different person. Does a leopard change its spots?”
“No?” Gabriel hadn’t even considered it. His own love life was enough of a disaster, why would he try to interfere in Ren’s. “I’m not really worrying about you. You’re . . . well, you’re Ren. That’s who you are.”
“Exactly,” Ren said with a sharp nod. “But you? You want more. And you want Sean to want more, too. Best way to go about changing his mind? Get naked with him.”
“I’m really not sure that’s true,” Gabriel said. Ren was smart, and he was good at this, but he’d never tried to get someone to fall for him ever. In fact, he was unapologetic about the fact that he actively tried to do the opposite.
“Then don’t listen to me,” Ren said, throwing up his hands. “Keep arguing with him. Keep bickering and insulting him, that’s definitely worked so well for you over the last two years.”
“Hey, it got me a kiss. More than one kiss, even,” Gabriel said.
Ren rolled his eyes. “We could call that an accident of chemistry. You want something, you actually have to do something. In this case, it’s get naked, which really considering how attractive Sean is, shouldn’t exactly be a hardship.”
“It wouldn’t be,” Gabriel said. Just thinking about it made him tingle all over. “But should I really . . . lie about what I want?”
“You’re gonna have to decide if you want to play fair and get nothing, or play unfair and get everything. For me, not a decision. But then I’m brutally, bluntly honest with every single hookup. You’re gonna have to decide what’s right here, for you, and for Sean.”
“Right,” Gabriel said uncertainly. It felt wrong for him, especially after Sean had been so honest about his husband, to enter into a sexual arrangement, and hide his true intentions. Even if Sean eventually fell for him, would it make it right? Gabriel didn’t know.
He was going to have to think about it more. Figure out a way to resist if Sean showed up and tried to convince him again.
———
For better or for worse, Gabriel didn’t have to wait very long to see how Sean was going to react.
It was a slow lunch day, and an even slower afternoon.
Days like today, when they could take as many long breaks as they wanted, lounging in the sunshine and catching up on their reading or their podcasts, made up for the weekend days when even having an extra person didn’t make the endless lines any less crazy.
Ren was sitting on the picnic table just outside the food truck, browsing something on his phone. His shirt was off, and he was working on his tan. Between infrequent customers, Gabriel had amused himself by observing all the visitors to the lot do a double take at the sight of him.
Maybe Gabriel should go to the gym with Ren and Lucas more. If he took his shirt off, he definitely wouldn’t be getting that many admiring looks.
He was thinking of sending Lucas a text about when his training hours were, when a figure approaching out of the corner caught all his attention.
It was Sean. At first, Gabriel was sure that he’d come over to talk to him, but he didn’t spare even a single glance for Gabe, up in the truck, clearly outlined in the big window. Instead, he’d stopped by Ren, and Gabriel had expected Sean to say a few words and move on. He wasn’t . . . moving on, that was. He was standing there, laughing with Ren like Ren had been his primary objective the whole time.
And that was . . . Gabriel couldn’t handle that.
Before he’d not really ever considered Ren a threat when it came to Sean, but now that Gabriel knew that he was only looking for sex? And his cousin was rather infamous for only providing sex?
It was a terrible, rather perfect combination, and Gabriel felt a chill right down his spine at the thought that Sean had figured that out. That he’d try to replace Gabriel with his cousin.
Gabriel didn’t even remember yanking his apron off and running down the back stairs of the truck but he felt his feet hit the ground and that was when he realized he could hear them.
“So you go twice a week, then?” Sean said, and yeah, Gabriel thought with anguish, that was undeniably admiration in his voice. For Ren’s undeniably gorgeous physique.
Gabriel felt like throwing up.
“Sometimes three times,” Ren said, and yeah, Gabriel would have to be deaf not to hear the flirtatious edge to Ren’s voice. That was the same tone he used every single time he was setting up for a hookup.
He wouldn’t do that to Gabriel. Would he?
Gabriel didn’t want to discover the hard way that he might.
“Wow. Well, I can definitely tell,” Sean sounded very impressed. Gabriel rolled his eyes. He considered walking around the truck and interrupting them, but . . . he also felt stuck in place. Mesmerized by the horrible possibilities blooming right in front of him.
So instead, he kept listening.
“Maybe I could stop by sometime,” Sean continued. “Get you to help me out.”
It truly was bad enough that Ren was considering doing this at all. It was even worse that Sean was initiating it.
“Oh, maybe. I usually go on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays,” Ren said very casually and normally, Gabriel might not feel a surge of righteous indignation—but he knew exactly what Ren was doing. This was what he did. And he’d clearly decided that if Gabriel wasn’t going to take Sean up on his very obvious offer, then he might as well.
But that was not okay, Gabriel decided in a huff. Ren knew how he felt! He had feelings, and even though Ren might think that was silly, they still mattered.
He marched right out from behind the truck and over to where they were sitting. All cozied up together on the picnic table. Ren still had his shirt off and he looked tan, and if he hadn’t been Gabriel’s cousin and he also hadn’t hated every molecule in his body right now, he might have been tempted too.
It was more than a person could goddamn bear.
“What are you doing?” he asked, glaring at both of them, and refusing to specify who the question was actually for.
“I’m sorry, were we bothering you?” Ren asked in a silky tone. “I thought you were up in the truck, keeping yourself busy.”
“Well, I was,” Gabriel said, “but I couldn’t help but hear your little . . . conversation.”
“Oh, you were eavesdropping,” Sean said. He shot Ren a look. “Don’t you ever get really, really tired of his bullshit?”
“All the time,” Ren said airily. Gabriel had a sudden realization that his cousin was actually . . . enjoying this. Anger surged inside him again.
“That explains it, then,” Sean said.
“Explains what?” Gabriel demanded to know between clenched teeth. If he’d thought this situation was unfair before, finding Ren flirting, shirtless, with Sean, was on a whole new level.
“Explains why Ren is so cool,” Sean said. “He’s got to balance you out, man.”
Gabriel was half a breath away from retorting that his general Gabriel-ness had not bothered Sean last night, when he’d propositioned him, or the night before that, when he’d kissed him. Twice.
“Ren is not . . .” Gabriel felt his temper begin to short-circuit.
“Right, of course not. Ren’s not anything,” Sean said, unconvincingly. “I was just asking how he got so ripped. Wondered what gym he went to.”
Gabriel’s temper frayed the rest of the way. “And I’m sure he wasn’t out here so you’d come by and coo over his muscles either.”
Ren shot him a look. “I’m working on my tan. You know that.”
“Yeah,” Gabriel said. “You’re working on something, that’s for fucking sure. When you’re done ‘working’ on that, maybe you could get your ass back in th
e truck and actually do something I pay you for.”
“You’re being an asshole,” Ren said in precise, careful words. “But alright. I guess my break’s over.” He turned to Sean. “Sorry about that. But then you know how he is.”
“That I do.” Sean shot Ren a blindingly beautiful smile. Gabriel realized with a sinking, pathetic heart, that Sean had never looked at him like that.
What was he even doing? He wasn’t going to win the guy over with gruff words and accusations and arguments. He’d learned that much over the last two years. But he couldn’t seem to help it. He saw Sean and he saw red—but also green and blue and purple and a whole rainbow of colors. He saw a future. But Sean? All he saw was that annoying asshole he wouldn’t mind fucking.
It was enough to bring a grown man to his goddamn knees. Enough to make a guy cry.
Sean turned to go, and Gabriel realized, not only had he handled that in completely the wrong way, he was everything that Ren claimed he was. He was the King of Feelings.
How did someone like that fuck with no feelings? He didn’t know—but he should at least try, shouldn’t he? Or could he give Sean up, to Ren, and then to the unknown guy who would win him over? Convince him that there was love and life and happiness after pain?
“Hey, wait,” Gabriel said, getting his voice back. “Don’t . . . I’m sorry.”
Sean turned, a wry expression on his face. “What are you sorry for?”
What was he sorry for? God, a whole laundry list of things. So many it was impossible to get into now.
But mostly, right at this moment, he was sorry for wanting to be a caveman, and wanting to throw Sean over his shoulder and cart him back to his food truck for a lot of hot, messy sex.
And then after, cuddling and hopefully sharing all their feelings.
“I’m sorry I was a jerk.” That seemed like a better option than the caveman idea.
“You should apologize to your cousin, too,” Sean said reproachfully.
“Why?” Gabriel said. “We express our love through insults.”