‘It’s okay,’ she told them. ‘It was a wonderful holiday and it’s natural to feel sad that it’s over but you’ll feel much better once you get home to your own rooms and your toys.’
‘Can we go on holiday with them again next summer?’ Tom asked.
‘Well it’s a bit early to plan that, love, but I’ll speak to Angie about it,’ Sophie assured him.
After a few minutes the children’s tears began to subside. Tom reached for his iPad and headphones, while Katie snuggled up to Sophie and closed her eyes. She glanced at Alan, who was in the front seat attempting to speak Greek with the taxi driver. The man was delighted by the stilted attempts of his English passenger to communicate in his language and was enthusiastically encouraging him, exclaiming ‘bravo!’ every so often. Alan, looking tanned and healthier than she’d seen him in a long time, was concentrating so hard on remembering the Greek words he’d been practising that he was oblivious to her gaze. As she watched him, she realised that they’d never had that night out together.
She turned her head to look out of the window, watching the horizon and the little boats dotted around the ocean as the car sped along the coastal road towards the airport. She felt a bit like the children, she realised, as though she’d been ripped from paradise and dumped back into real life against her will. They’d get home, Alan would sink down on the sofa and put the TV on, the kids would go off to their rooms to play and she’d start the mammoth task of working her way through the laundry. It was all so predictable.
She remembered what she’d told the children just minutes earlier, how they would feel much better once they got home, but at that moment all she felt was loss. Loss that the holiday was over. Loss that Angie got to continue her adventure with Jack while she had to go home, back to real life. She remembered her promise to herself the previous day. Things were going to be different when they got home. They had to be. Because she needed some excitement in her life.
13
Angie locked the front door and followed her children down the steps and onto the street. She quickly kissed Indie and Benji before they had time to object and then she stood and waved as they disappeared down the road on their bikes. Once she could no longer see them, she turned and started making her way in the opposite direction with Ellie and Freddy. They’d got about halfway down the road when she heard Sophie calling out behind her. She waited for them to catch up, Tom and Katie hurtling down the road on their scooters.
‘Hello, stranger, long time no see!’ Sophie said when she caught up, catching her breath and linking her arm through Angie’s. ‘What are you doing on the school run?!’
Although they had been back from Greece for over a fortnight, Angie had been lying low. Normally after a holiday she returned home feeling fully charged and ready to rejoin the rat race. But this time she had felt horribly deflated and she couldn’t shake the feeling off.
She hadn’t expected the holiday to be such an emotional roller coaster. She’d convinced herself that a couple of weeks in the sun was just what she needed to shake off her low mood and for the first few days it had been the perfect antidote. She had sunbathed alongside Sophie, played games in the pool with the children, swam in the crystal-clear ocean and spent evenings under a starry sky, drinking exceptional Greek wine and putting the world to rights. She and Jack had been their usual power pair, the ultimate hosts and the life and soul of the party, and she had enjoyed slotting back into the role that they’d been famous for in their old south London life.
Okay, so Jack might have embarrassed her once or twice – like when he’d told her to strip off in front of Sophie and Alan, or suggested they all go skinny dipping together one evening, or tried to persuade Alan to go out clubbing with him – but she’d laughed it off as she always had done in the past. She had even been contemplating how silly she was to worry she was having some sort of breakdown when all she had needed was a holiday. But then the row with Indie had completely shattered her illusion that a bit of sun, sea and sand could solve all her problems.
When Indie had marched into the villa, it had been obvious that she was in one of her famous dark and stormy moods. Usually Angie preferred to leave her to it until she had calmed down and they could have a more rational conversation, but in her foolishly blissful holiday mode, she decided to go up straight away. It had been like walking into the lion’s den.
‘Darling, what’s wrong?’ she asked, discovering Indie lying face down on the bed, her long dark hair falling all around her. She reached out to stroke it but Indie batted her away.
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘I understand, but maybe I can help?’
Indie looked up and Angie could see her tear-stained face. She glared angrily at Angie, as though she desperately needed to direct her rage somewhere and had decided that Angie was as good a person as anyone. ‘Since when have you ever helped me?’
Angie tried to stay calm. ‘You’re upset but I’m not sure that’s fair.’
‘Of course you’re not.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Indie sat up straight now and Angie could see her daughter preparing for battle.
‘You don’t care about anyone but yourself and your work. You’re never at home and when you are, you’re on your laptop or phone the whole time anyway. When I try to talk to you, you treat me like I’m one of your stupid clients. You pretend to care about me but you don’t.’
Angie was caught completely off guard by her daughter’s explosion. ‘Indie, where has this come from? I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong here.’
‘No of course you don’t! This is what I’m talking about,’ Indie stormed. ‘Nothing is ever your fault, is it!’
Angie took a deep breath, feeling her holiday glow quickly evaporating. ‘Okay, let’s start again,’ she began. ‘What happened?’
‘I told you, I don’t want to talk about it.’
They were going round in circles, so Angie stood up and sighed. ‘Okay, Indie, I’ll leave you to it but I’ll be downstairs if you need me and if you want to talk, I’m always here.’
‘But that’s it,’ Indie said. She seemed disappointed that her enemy was leaving when she was in the fighting mood. ‘You’re not here for me. You’re not here for anyone but yourself. Have you even asked me how things are at school? Do you even care? Everyone acts like you’re this amazing person, this Superwoman, and you play up to it. You think you’re better than everyone else. The way you talk to us, the way you talk to Dad…’
Angie pounced immediately. ‘What do you mean, the way I talk to Dad?’
‘Forget it.’ Indie recoiled slightly, realising perhaps that she’d pressed the wrong button.
‘No, Indie, I won’t forget it. What do you mean?’
Indie looked her mother. ‘You talk to him like he’s a child. You belittle him. It’s no wonder he needs a break from you sometimes.’
Her words hit Angie like a train. Indie had been accusing before but she had never gone this far. She was torn between outrage that her daughter was talking to her in this manner and terror at the words she was saying. Because if her teenager thought it, then did it mean that everyone else thought it too? And, worse still, did Indie know something that she didn’t about Jack?
‘What are you implying?’ Angie could feel herself standing taller and squaring up to Indie now, a lioness showing her dominance over a cub. Indie was old enough to remember when she’d thrown Jack out for a few days: was she talking about that? Or was there something else? She moved a step closer to Indie.
Her daughter immediately backed down. ‘Forget about it, Mum, just leave me alone.’
‘No, you started this so you can finish it. What do you mean?’
‘Let’s just say that he looks like he’s been having far more fun with Sophie on this holiday than with you, that’s all I’m saying.’
It was a low blow but it hit the spot. Angie glared at Indie before turning around and storming out of
her room, as though she were the petulant teenager. In her own room she sat down on the side of the bed and realised that she was shaking. What the hell had just happened? All she had wanted to do was comfort her distressed daughter, assuming she’d be soothing her over a silly row with a friend or boyfriend. Instead, Indie had all but told her that she was a terrible, selfish mother and an even worse wife whose husband preferred the company of her best friend. And worse still, instead of brushing it off as the untrue and impulsive words of an angry teenager, she had let them get to her, to infect her with their venom.
Her feelings of doubt and insecurity came flooding back, as though they’d been waiting in the sidelines the whole time for their opportunity to return. And they came thick and fast now as she tried to process her daughter’s words. Was her whole life a lie? Did everyone pretend they adored her when they actually hated her? Were they talking about her behind her back?
She thought of Jack and Sophie. Surely nothing was going on. Jack would never do that to her, Sophie would never do that to her – would she? She shook her head, trying to physically remove the idea from her mind. No, it wasn’t possible.
‘Angie, are you up there?’ Jack was calling her now. She’d better go down before they realised something was wrong. She stood up shakily and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked pale, despite her tan. She’s just a teenage girl, lashing out at the closest person, she told herself. You always hurt the ones you love. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Trying to force the row out of her mind, she put some lipstick and bronzer on and made her way down the stairs.
‘All okay?’ Jack asked, glancing up at her.
‘Indie’s in a mood,’ she told him. ‘She won’t tell me why.’
Jack stood up from the sofa. ‘I’ll have a word.’
‘She won’t talk to you,’ Angie called out to his retreating back but he simply turned, gave her a wink and carried on walking.
He emerged half an hour later with the full story. Indie’s boyfriend, Noah, had been caught snogging another girl and the photo was all over social media. Everyone was talking about it and a few hours ago, Noah had sent her a brief text:
we’re ovr.
‘She feels humiliated and she thinks that everyone is laughing at her behind her back, which to be fair, they probably are,’ Jack explained. ‘It turns out that the group of girls she hangs out with have been fairly bitchy of late and she’s feeling excluded.’
‘I had no idea.’ Angie felt awful at the idea of Indie being upset at school or being the victim of mean behaviour by other teenage girls. How had she missed this? But she knew the answer already. Indie was right, she had been too busy and too self-absorbed to notice.
‘I wouldn’t worry too much,’ Jack said, as calm as he always was, like he was a bloody parenting expert. ‘They’ll all be best friends again tomorrow. Indie’s a popular girl, if anything I think the other girls are a bit jealous of her. And a fiver says she’ll have a new boyfriend by the time term starts and Noah will be kicking himself for having messed up.’
‘Did she say anything else?’ Angie couldn’t help asking.
‘About what?’
‘About me?’
‘What’s this got to do with you?’
‘Oh never mind, Jack, forget it.’ She felt irritated with him and wasn’t sure why, until she released her relief that Indie hadn’t brought up their row had been replaced by disappointment that her daughter had confided in Jack but lashed out at her.
‘Am I a good mother?’ she asked him suddenly.
Jack frowned. ‘Of course you are.’
‘I just don’t understand why she couldn’t have talked to me.’
Jack came up to her and she let him put his arms around her, closing her eyes and breathing in his familiar smell. ‘She’s a teenage girl, Angie, there’s no point trying to reason with her. Just let her be. She loves you and she knows you’re there for her.’
But despite his reassurances, she couldn’t escape the thoughts that were now consuming her. Her holiday glow was well and truly gone, a sticking plaster to hide the truth. She watched Jack all evening, scrutinising the way he was with Sophie, but there was nothing to see. They chatted and laughed like the two friends that they were and she tried to shake the paranoia from her mind, knowing that it would get her nowhere.
The next morning she woke up to find Jack lying on his side, looking down at her. ‘Morning, gorgeous,’ he said.
‘Morning,’ she said, wiping her eyes. ‘Jack, can I ask you something?’
‘Always.’
‘Are you happy?’
‘Christ, Ange, isn’t this a bit serious for first thing in the morning?’
‘Please, Jack, I need to know.’
‘Is this to do with Indie? I told you, you shouldn’t take it to heart…’
‘It’s not just that.’
He looked down at her, concerned. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine,’ she insisted. ‘Please just answer the question.’
‘Of course I’m happy.’
She wanted to talk more, to probe him, but Freddy barged in brandishing a book and hurled himself onto the bed. ‘Mummy, Daddy, can you read me a story?’
Jack lifted him up and settled him into bed between them. He began to read and the little boy snuggled up to him, desperate to be as close to his father as possible. Angie watched them for a while and then got out of bed and went downstairs to make coffee. As she was reaching for the mugs Indie emerged and approached her, eyes lowered.
‘Sorry, Mum.’
Angie put the mugs down and looked at her daughter. ‘Me too.’
They smiled tentatively at each other. It was a ceasefire, for now. At least Angie was reassured by the fact that Indie had apologised. To her it confirmed that not only did Indie regret her outburst but that her daughter’s words hadn’t been meant, that they had purely been said in the heat of the moment. It wasn’t until a couple of days later that she learned the truth. Jack, seeing how upset Angie was after the row and putting two and two together, had ordered Indie to apologise upon pain of having her phone confiscated for the rest of the holiday.
On the ferry, as they made their way to the next island, she stood on the deck, closed her eyes, breathed in the warm salty air and tried to relax. She felt a presence beside her and looked over to see Jack standing next to her. He put his hand in hers.
‘I am happy, Angie. Very happy,’ he had said.
She had smiled. At least one of them was.
Angie had returned from holiday determined to make a change. She couldn’t go on like this any longer. She’d arranged a meeting with her superior at work and told him that she wanted to work more flexibly. From September, she said, she would be coming in later and working from home a couple of days a week if she wasn’t in court. She could see the surprise on his face but he agreed, realising that, as with all things Angie, it was a statement not a request. As she left the meeting, she suspected that she had just blown her chance of becoming partner, but it was the sacrifice she had to make. She needed her career, but she needed her family to need her too.
For how could she blame the children for loving Jack more than her when he was the one who was always there for them, mopping up their tears, making their dinner, sharing laughs with them? And how could she blame Jack for feeling neglected when she was never around for him? She was going to make herself indispensable to her family again, she vowed. Once her mind was made up, she was certain that this was finally the solution to all her problems.
But Jack had seemed put out when she first told him of her plans and she realised how much he enjoyed being a part-time stay-at-home dad, and how much pleasure he took in being the one that the children turned to. She had, perhaps naively, assumed he’d be delighted by her change of priorities, but it quickly became evident that she’d misjudged him.
‘I’m not trying to oust you, Jack,’ she said. ‘But you and the children are what matter the most to me and I
feel like I’m missing out.’
‘So, do I have to up my hours at work again?’ Jack was petulant.
‘I’ll still be working full-time; my income won’t change. So really, it’s entirely up to you, Jack, do whatever you like, whatever makes you happy.’
To him, this had all come out of the blue. The only Angie he had ever known was a workaholic who ran her life and her family with military precision. But she would show him, she’d show them all, that she really could find the perfect balance between the two – that she did deserve the title of Superwoman after all.
When she told the children she was planning on being around more, Indie and Benji barely responded. Ellie and Freddy, still wonderfully sweet and optimistic, jumped up and down with excitement at the prospect of their mum taking them to school. She hugged her younger two children tightly to her and prayed that they didn’t grow up too quickly.
In any event, a week later the company that Jack worked for had landed a contract to produce a major new documentary and they asked him to be on the team, which meant he’d be busy, so it had all worked out rather well. She put the prospect of Jack working and socialising away from home again to the back of her mind. He adores me, he adores our children, I have nothing to worry about, it’s all in my head, she told herself over and over again until she believed it.
Sophie was surprised when she saw Angie leaving the house with the kids. In the two years since they’d lived next door to each other she’d never seen her do a morning school run. But it was quickly replaced with delight at the prospect of seeing her. They had barely talked since the holiday and Sophie had been absolutely bursting to tell her the exciting news.
‘It’s so lovely to see you!’ she said to Angie when she finally caught up with her.
‘It’s my new school year’s resolution,’ Angie explained. ‘I’ve decided to work a bit more flexibly so that I can be more involved with the childcare.’
The Woman Next Door Page 12