by Big Kahuna
Buttercup decided that she had not.
The End
A Few Words About
Keeping Hucows
Don’t fucking do it.
The Silence of the Hucows is a work of fiction, which means that it’s entirely made up. The last thing I need is to sit down in front of my computer some morning, and find out from CNN that some mouth-breather in Bumfuck, Idaho was discovered to be keeping women in his basement, forcibly milking them, selling their product on the Internet, and saying that he got the instructions from me. Crikey, I can’t even get my kid to do what I tell him.
As far as inducing lactation in a willing (mark that word—willing!) hucow, the supplements listed herein should not be used without first consulting a physician. Remember: a good dairyman always puts the health of his livestock first.
Hucow Teeth Cleaning Biscuits
Ingredients:
1 cup flour
1/4 cup oats
1/4 cup shredded coconut
1/2 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 cup milk
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon applesauce
Directions:
Preheat oven to 180 degrees
Combine the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl
Add wet ingredients and mix well.
Knead into a ball.
Roll out dough on to wax paper to ~ 3/4” thick
Cut and roll into desired size phallic shapes and place on parchment paper.
Bake for 20 minutes until golden brown
Store in an airtight container.
Translations
“Lo siento señorita,”
“I’m sorry, Miss,”
“¿Qué está pasando?”
“What’s going on?”
“Esta vaca rubia necesita que la ordeñen,”
“This blonde cow needs to be milked,”
“¿Adónde va, señorita?”
“Where to, Miss?”
“Dobré ráno, hucows!”
“Good morning, hucows!”
“Čas na dojení, hucows!”
“Milking time, hucows!”
“Jak se dnes máme, má sladká Moo-moo? Plná, holka?”
“How are you today, my sweet Moo-Moo? Full, girl?”
“Hodné děvče, Buttercup.”
“Good girl, Buttercup.”
“Dáš dnes hodně mléka?”
“Are you going to give me lots of milk today?”
“Ty jsi šikovná holka, Buttercup.”
“That’s my girl, Buttercup.”
“Jen se neboj, holka. Rance se o tebe postará.”
“Don’t you worry, girl. Rance will take care of you.”
“Vede se ti dobře, holko?”
“Doing okay, girl?”
“Líbilo se ti to, holko moje?”
“Did you like that, girl?”
“No to je ono, holka moje.”
“That’s my girl.”
“Červená růžičko, proč se nerozvíjíš?
Proč ty k nám, Buttercup? Proč ty k nám, Buttercup?
Proč ty k nám nechodíš?”
“Red rose, why aren’t you blooming?
Why you, Buttercup? Why you, Buttercup?
Why don’t you come to us?”
“Jen klid klid, Buttercup. Jistě se teď cítíš lépe, no ne?”
“There, there, Buttercup. I bet you feel better now, don’t you?”
“Tady je naše Buttercup.”
“There’s my Buttercup.”
“Hloupá hucow. Jsi v pořádku? Uvázla jsi?”
“Silly hucow. You okay, girl? You stuck?”
“Ahoj, Maggie.”
“Hello, Maggie.”
“Máš hlad, kotě?”
“You hungry, kitty-cat?”
“Něco pro tebe mám, Buttercup.”
“I have something for you, Buttercup.”
“Vše je v pořádku, holka. Možná příště.”
“That’s okay, girl. Maybe next time.”
“Dobrou noc, holko.”
“Night-night, girl,”
“Pojď blíž, Buttercup. Je řada na tobě, holko.”
“Come along, Buttercup. Your turn, girl.”
About the Author
Like most folks I labor in the vineyard, though I seldom get to taste the fruit. I’ve traveled most of America, seen some sights, and met some truly interesting people. I’m a Mac guy, a homebrewer, a cat person, a movie buff, and a beer can chicken fanatic.