by Norris Black
I gazed out on the wreckage of the Battery, the place where the Last God was reputed to lay nothing but a black crater from this distance. "Since then, you've been using me to play spoiler. I'm the stick you've been jamming in the spokes of its tire. It’s been trying to kill me at every turn and you've been doing just enough to keep that from happening without sticking your own neck out. You got involved when I was pinned to the ground in the burning Underground, you sent Parakas to watch over me and I'd bet you somehow set it up for the Seraph to show up in that alley during the urchin ambush."
A shrug of robed shoulders. "There was no businessman working late hours at Brickstone Block. That was a temporary construct. I needed to distract the watchers at your office building, the Seraph showing up was merely a happy accident."
"It wasn't too happy for them."
"They fell in service to their duty. Their deaths served their coveted greater good after all."
"Where did this thing come from?"
"You've been to the wyrd. I also know Parakas shared with you that it is a place of dreams. If a god dreams, would he not also have nightmares?"
It wasn't much of an answer, but I suspected it was all I was going to get, so I moved on.
"What I've really been chewing on is, what's the endgame? It's here, isn't it? You said I'd have to go there someday, to the real Battery, and I'm starting to think Ralph is trying to kill me to prevent me from doing that very thing. Why? What happens if I go there?"
"There lies the body of the Last God," said The Thing With Many Teeth. "Gods don't die like regular creatures. Their power is that of eternity itself and so his power lies in that crater yonder, unbound from any divine Will. If the abomination you call Raggedy Ralph grows powerful enough, it will come here and seize that power and ascend to godhood."
I shuddered. "Given what I've seen of this thing so far, that sounds like a truly horrible idea."
The Thing With Many Teeth nodded. "It would be nothing but pain and fear and blood until time itself dies."
"Why don't you put a stop to it then? When it comes to power, you seem to have plenty of juice. For that matter, why don't you pop over to that crater there and grab a double handful of godhood for yourself."
"As you surmised there is a... connection between myself and the thing that hunts you. Any direct conflict would be catastrophic. Even indirect meddling can have dire consequences." That ever-present smile was more of a grimace. "As for taking the Last God's power as my own, that's an impossibility I'm afraid. I was created for the specific purpose of ensuring the god's legacy was passed on. I would blink out of existence the moment I tried to do such a thing as take it for myself."
"So, you needed a stooge to do your dirty work for you. What I want to know is, how this thing came out of the interdimensional womb knowing my name. The first thing it did, when it was still wet and new, was write my name on a wall in corpse ash. Then it strolled over to Rowe's nightclub, slaughtered everyone in the place and then wrote my name out again. Why exactly is that?"
"It was still, as you put it 'new'. It needed to test you, to see how potent you were. It has a need to eliminate any potential rivals for the Last God's power. He sees you as that rival."
"Me? A rival for divinity? Fuck's sake, it really is bonkers. Why in the hells would it consider me as a rival for godhood of all things? I'm barely able to pull off humanhood most days."
"That would be my fault. I needed an agent in your world, someone I could trust to wield the power of the Last God responsibly. I chose you, and I made sure it knew that."
My trigger finger had never been quite so itchy as it was in that exact moment. I realized I was still holding the revolver in my hand. I had no sense of Parakas being present.
"I think I'm going to shoot you now, a whole lot. Before I do, maybe you could explain to me why exactly you name-dropped me to a homicidal god fetus?"
"I needed to distract it. To make it devote all its resources into stopping a perceived threat instead of just moving in and taking the power. So far you've proven an excellent distraction."
"And now we're back to the original mother of all questions. Why me? I mean, I look in a mirror and the word deity isn't the first one to come to mind. Hells, it's not even in the top two hundred."
A slim bony hand emerged from the robe, in it was a small rectangular card. He handed it to me. I recognized it as one of my business cards.
"Professional skeptic," he said, like it explained everything.
"This doesn't explain anything."
"Gods function on the power of belief. The only thing they fear, the thing that is anathema to them, is someone who will not believe. A skeptic."
"But it's just a... you know it doesn't... I mean... that's not how it works!"
"Of course not. I know that, and you know that. But it? It didn't know that."
I sputtered in disbelief and The Thing With Many Teeth threw back its head and laughed. "You should've seen your face," it said once it was done. "I must say, I've never told a joke before, I see why your kind enjoys them so much."
"Yeah, that was a regular laugh riot."
"The honest truth is, I chose you because of your imperfections, not in spite of them. It's because you constantly doubt you are good enough, or worthy enough. That you agonize over the consequences of every decision you make. The greatest atrocities ever carried out were by those with the utmost confidence they were doing the right thing."
"Thanks, I think. Still doesn't explain why I'm the chosen one. I'm reasonably certain the city is chock-full of people with shitty self-esteem."
Another shrug of the shoulders. "Yours was the name picked out of the hat."
"Great, more jokes."
There was no response from The Thing With Many Teeth.
"That was a joke, right?"
Wind whistling across the rooftops was the only sound. A flicker of motion from out near the crater caught my attention and I turned my head to get a better view. Everything looked as it had before, whatever was out there was gone. Turning back, I was surprised to find myself alone on the lonely rooftop, my toothy companion nowhere in sight.
"You motherfucker."
The wind flared up, pulling at my coat and causing me to stagger under its onslaught. The sky darkened and thunder rumbled. A gust of wind hit me hard and swept me from my feet. It was as if a giant, invisible hand had reached down from the sky and plucked me like a pulled weed. Arms wind milling I flew up into the sudden blackness above. Then I was falling, letting out a shriek of terror as I rushed towards an unseen ground. With a soft whump I landed in the ugly cushion I had been sitting in before my esoteric journey. Both Mara and Dagda watched me with bemusement as I choked off my extended scream that had been echoing off the concrete walls of Mara's penthouse.
Moving to wipe sweat from my forehead I found I was still clutching the revolver in my right hand. It took some effort to pry my fingers from the handle. Where it had been silvery and covered in intricately detailed sigils, now the revolver was an unadorned gunmetal gray. Of Parakas there was no hint, the gun felt empty, vacant. Tossing the firearm lightly down onto the carpet I grabbed my glass and slugged back the liquid remaining in it.
"That sounded like it went well," said Dagda in a pained voice. Louie had been startled by my hollering and dug his claws deep into the Seraph's thigh while staring at me with a wild look in his eyes.
Getting up to refill my glass gave me time to organize my thoughts with the added benefit of having another drink on hand before Mara had a chance to whisk the bottle away. Small victories.
"It's as we suspected," I said. "Our dearly departed Parakas was on orders to keep an eye on me from Dr. Teeth."
"Dr. Teeth? Why do you feel the need to give colorful names to every creature you encounter?" asked Mara.
"Because I don't want to have to hand out a long-winded description and an artist's sketch every time I bring them up in conversation. As I was saying Dr. Tee—"
"Wait, he's a doctor?" interrupted Dagda.
"Well no, at least I don't think so."
"Then why did you call him doctor?"
"I liked the sound of it. Look, can we just focus here? Mr. Teeth was behind Parakas, he was also the one who rescued me from the corpse spiders in the Underground."
"The smoke wizard you told us about?" Dagda's brow furrowed as she asked the question.
"I never called him a smoke—. Fine, yes, he was the smoke wizard."
"So why exactly is this entity acting as your guardian angel?" Mara asked.
"Because I'm the chosen one."
"Chosen to do what exactly?"
"Become a god of course."
Chapter 24
"Well, there's one thing we can be absolutely certain of," said Mara. "This creature with all the teeth is very much not a doctor. No institution in its right mind would give a medical degree to anyone capable of an idea that asinine."
"I'd be almost insulted by that, if I didn't wholeheartedly agree with you," I said before filling them in on the rest of my conversation.
"Putting aside the idea of Gideon's potential godhood for a moment, and yes that thought disturbs me as well—no offense Gideon but I have no desire to wake up one morning to find every building in the city had been turned into whiskey and eggs because you had a craving," started Dagda.
"No offense taken, that's a totally reasonable worry."
She nodded before continuing. "It seems to me our number one priority is to keep Ralph from reaching the resting place of the Last God. By now he's going to realize Gideon isn't the threat he was led to believe. There's nothing stopping him from going into the Battery and taking the power there."
"I don't buy the idea I was the thing holding him back. I mean, yeah, he took a few swings at me but if he was able to find me at The Yellow Crown and later at Rowe's club, then it stands to reason he knew I was caged up during my wonderful stay at Hotel Seraph." Dagda winced a bit at my words and I regretted the sarcasm. What happened to me there wasn't her fault, and in the end, she was instrumental in getting me out of that hole.
"So why didn't Ralph head straight to the Battery? Something was holding him back, something more than just you." Mara had picked up my train of thought. "Not something, someone."
"The Seraph."
"I'm sorry, you've lost me." Dagda was holding a dead mouse up by the tail with an expression of disgust on her face. A present from Louie, who had vacated her lap for an impromptu hunting session. Where he had found a mouse to kill and bring back in this concrete box was beyond me, but he clearly had.
"The Seraph have cordoned off the Battery since the early days of Godfall right?" Setting my empty glass down on the table I began to pace back and forth as my thoughts swirled. "The official line has always been the Seraph were keeping the creepy crawlies that breed in the shadow of the Last God contained. But what if they weren't just keeping things in?"
"They were also keeping everyone else out," finished Mara. She turned her amber-eyed gaze on the Seraph in our midst. "Is that correct?"
Dagda chewed on her lip before responding. "It's possible. The soldiers assigned to those outposts aren't typical Seraph. They're hand-picked by the lord general himself and undergo specialized training. The only time regular patrols are called in is if something breeches the barricades and needs to be put down."
"Hand-picked by your father you mean."
"What are you trying to insinuate?" A pair of red spots had appeared on the Seraph's cheeks and her eyes flashed in indignation.
"I'm sorry, her what?" In hindsight, I probably should've given Mara a heads up on that piece of Intel earlier.
Being on the receiving end of twin glares made me pine for the grand old days of ten minutes ago when those two sets of eyes regarded me with concern instead of hostility.
One thing at a time.
"Dagda's father is the Lord General Apoch himself," I said to Mara before returning my attention to Dagda. "I wasn't insinuating anything. You've stuck your neck out enough times for me that you've earned any benefit of the doubt I can give you. But it doesn't change the fact your dad is the head neckbreaker in charge. Are you sure there's nothing you've heard about the Seraph's Battery detail that you haven't shared with the class yet?"
"I've told all I know," she said, her anger subsiding. For what it's worth, I believed her.
"Our choice is clear then. We need to track down Ralph and put an end to him. The first problem of course is finding him. I wouldn't even know where to start. The amount of abandoned areas of the city he could hide out in are limitless."
"Not to mention if we do find him, he has an army of Blood Seraph under his control to deal with," added Dagda.
"Look at you, busting out the nicknames. 'Blood Seraph', I like it." I gave her a thumbs up.
Mara looked back and forth between the two of us and rolled her eyes. "If you too are quite done..."
"There was a story my father used to tell me—"
"Gods' spare us from the tales of old Lazarus Brown." There's a good chance I had regaled Mara with tales of my colorful pop a time or two over the years, usually while quite drunk. Speaking of which, I lifted my empty glass and eyed the bottle in Mara's hand with a hopeful expression on my face. She crossed her arms in response. Oh well, such is life.
"I'm going somewhere with this," I said as I set the empty glass down. "There was a story my father used to tell me. When he was just a lad, his dad would take him rat hunting."
"Why were you hunting rats?" asked Dagda.
"Why would anyone hunt anything? For food of course."
"Your family ate rats?"
"When times are hard you do what you need to in order to fill your belly. The Brown family has never been what you'd call affluent. Now hush, there is an actual point to this story. So anyway, I don't know if you've ever hunted a rat, but they're quick, and they're sneaky. They're nearly impossible to pin down before they squeeze into some hole or other and are gone. You can catch them that way, but it's a lot of work."
"I'm so glad we're learning these valuable life skills while all reality hangs in the balance," quipped Mara, earning an exasperated look from me.
"Anyway, my father said you never chase the rats. Like anything else, they need food and water. The trick is figuring out where they're going to get those things and wait for them there. When they stick their head for a drink of water you smash them over the head with a club and throw them in your sack."
"I believe you promised us there would be a point to this wonderful tale of family legacy," said Mara.
"What I'm saying is, we don't need to find Ralph, we just need to know where he's going and be there waiting for him with a big club."
"Are you suggesting we go into the Battery?" Mara stepped over to the table and poured herself another drink before handing me the half-empty bottle. "Bloody hells Gideon have you taken any more traumatic head injuries you haven't told us about?"
"He's right," said Dagda. "I'm not saying I trust this Mr. Teeth creature. In fact, I very much do not trust it. It's an abomination of the wyrd, and they lie as easily as breathe. But what if even a sliver of what it said is true? We can't take that chance."
"Which of course leaves us with problem number two, by which I mean the army of possessed soldiers he has surrounding him," said Mara.
"I have some ideas on that score," I said, and then filled them in on the letter I had left with Merk at the Red Market.
"Bold. How do you know he'll show?" I had been expecting a little more push back from Mara than this, but I think we had all started to absorb the stakes here.
"I don't, but I'm a beggar not a chooser. The alternative is to do nothing and let a creature with a hobby of human mutilation become our newest god."
"When do we go?" asked Mara.
"We?"
"Yes, we. Do you think I'm going to let you two go traipsing into the Battery of all places without me? You wouldn't last five minutes. I'm goi
ng. Now, with that settled, when do we go?"
I glanced out the window at where the sun shone out of a cloudless sky. I guessed it to be around noon. "It has to be tonight. Ralph's show of force at the Crowe's Nest tells me he's about done building up his army. My guess is as soon as night falls, he's going to make a push through the barricades, and I know exactly where he's going to do it too."
We spent the rest of the day talking strategy, treading the same ground over and over. There wasn't much practicality to it, too many unknowns to do much more than sketch out some basic ideas. But the talk helped our nerves, I think. It provided a comfort I would've enjoyed if it wasn't for the constant worry tearing at my stomach. Louie must've sensed my distress because the long-haired beast sauntered over, plopped down in my lap and started rubbing his head against my chest. Idly I scratched his ears as I watched the sun touch the horizon, painting the sky blood-red and washing the city in shadows.
With care, I moved the purring Louie off my lap and levered myself out of the cushion.
"It's time."
Chapter 25
"No! Stay!"
"He's not a dog Gideon. Cats don't work like that," said Mara with some amusement. She had changed out of the long dress she had been wearing and into a pair of dark brown leather trousers along with a matching vest that left her sigil-tattooed arms bare.
We had all girded ourselves for war in preparation for the night ahead. I gave the Boxer a thorough cleaning and stocked up on ammunition supplied from some secret cache of Mara's. The wych had also produced a set of Seraph armor along with a sword for Dagda to use. I swear that woman was hiding a gods' damned armory in the building somewhere.
As we all went to troop out the door, Louie had made the decision to try to turn our group of three into a group of four. That's where I put my foot down, and then used said foot to hold the hefty and determined feline back while simultaneously closing the door behind me.
"Will he be okay by himself?" asked Dagda from the backseat of the Marauder as Mara climbed into the passenger seat.