by Sam Crescent
“It’s not that simple.”
Carla sighed. “It is. You’ve just got to stop looking for excuses not to believe in yourself. You’re not a bad guy, Easton.”
He closed his eyes. “I’m not a bad guy you say. You’re not even real.” He opened his eyes and there was no Carla. “I’m talking to myself in my own room, all alone. Carla died over ten years ago. Right now, I’m the biggest fuck-up in the world.”
Staring up at the ceiling, he thought about her. The way her blonde hair fluttered out from behind her as he chased her. They would run down to the beach every single day, and he’d pick her up in his arms, spinning her around in the air.
Her smile always captured his heart so that he didn’t want to let her go. The reality was, his time with Scarlett was limited.
He’d thought about her many times over the years. Each time wondering if he should reach out, apologize for what he’d said to her on that last day.
Every chance he had at happiness, he’d messed it up in one way or another.
This was his second chance.
No more alcohol.
No more toxicity in his life.
There was a chance he could do this.
Rather than blow this opportunity, he could finally get clean, not rely on the drink or the women. To finally have a clean slate where his own father wouldn’t have a chance of ruining him.
The idea seemed a little too good to be true, but he had to do something.
He was dying, and even though he’d tried to take his own life, to finish the endless pain and suffering, he couldn’t do it. Did it make him a coward? He didn’t know.
Life wasn’t supposed to be like this, and it hurt to know he couldn’t seem to catch a single break.
This wasn’t going to be his end.
He was going to make this work even if it was the last good thing he did.
Chapter Three
One month later
Sitting outside in the garden of the rehabilitation center, Easton felt … different. He’d stayed longer than Axton’s one-month request. Only a couple more weeks, and he’d finally discharged himself. His bags were packed, and he was ready to go. The same old life was waiting for him back in the city. His job secured in the Four Kings. The only thing that had changed was he was no longer full of alcohol.
There wasn’t even any need for it.
He wasn’t yearning for a single drop of whiskey or the body of a willing woman. His life was suddenly his own.
“You did it,” Carla said, appearing in front of him.
Even as he gave up all of the booze, he couldn’t seem to stop bringing her back. He knew he wasn’t crazy. Carla was dead. She wasn’t here, but he’d thought her up, and in his mind, he saw her, so clearly.
“I’m getting out. I’m waiting for Axton to pick me up.”
“You’re ready?”
“There’s no reason for me to stay here.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
“You’re not real.”
“I’m as real as you make me, Easton. You’re me, and I’m you. We’re one and the same. I guess I’m the voice that you refuse to listen to. Whatever you need I guess.” She winked at him, getting up from her position on the floor. “Are you going to go and see her?”
“No. I didn’t know her last name, and I’m not going to hold onto a past that has no chance of a future. What happened, happened. I’m not going to drag myself down.”
She stepped toward him.
He didn’t even attempt to reach out to her. There was no point. She wasn’t there.
“You should find her. What you did all those years ago was stupid.”
“I’m not going to do anything like that.”
“You can’t keep having these kinds of conversations with yourself. It’s not very productive.”
“Mr. Long, your friend is here to pick you up,” one of the nurses said.
He looked behind him and smiled. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
The nurse looked at him a few minutes longer, and he didn’t break eye contact. Whatever she had seen, he wasn’t going to be embarrassed or upset. He’d deny whatever accusation she threw his way.
She nodded and withdrew.
“That was a close one,” Carla said.
“When I leave here, you can’t come with me.” He turned back to look at her.
Over the past couple of weeks, he’d noticed her image was a little fainter, showing him she was nothing but the ghost in his mind. It had been nice to imagine it was her though. The one thing he couldn’t deny was how much he loved being around Carla. She’d always been so much fun.
“Easton, you and I both know I’ll be wherever you need me. This isn’t my choice. This is all up to you.” She folded her arms. “What are you going to do?”
He closed his eyes, took several deep breaths, and opened them again.
Carla was gone.
Getting to his feet, he made his way inside. Axton and Taylor were waiting in his private room.
Axton held his bag. “You ready to go?”
“Yeah, I’m ready to go.”
There was no reason for him to stay here. Nothing holding him back.
He’d done the time, and now it was up to him to get out of here.
He followed Axton out of the center, having already signed all the necessary paperwork. Taylor opened the trunk of their car, and he watched as Axton put the bag into it. Then he was standing right in front of him.
Easton jerked back a little.
“I know you hate me, and I wish there was another way for this to have happened. I love you, man.”
Axton hugged him.
Easton stared past his friend’s shoulder to see Taylor smiling at him, tears in her eyes. Her pregnancy was really showing now, and it wouldn’t be long before she gave birth. He’d missed a lot in his friend’s life already, and he didn’t want to miss anymore.
“You keep hugging me like this and Taylor’s going to wonder if you love me or her.”
Axton laughed. “Asshole.”
“Just saying.” He climbed into the back seat and looked back up at the center. No one came out to offer him goodbye. Other than the programs, he didn’t get close to anyone. He spent most of his spare time in his room, alone, talking to Carla.
Axton climbed behind the wheel, and then Easton was watching the center fade into the distance.
“Where do you want to go first?” Axton asked.
“My apartment. I need to clean out the trash. Unless you guys did it for me,” Easton said.
“No, we didn’t do your apartment. Taylor and I haven’t got anything to do today. We’ll help you.”
“What’s Romeo and Karson doing?” he asked.
“They’re with Paul. We’re working through a brand-new software program, but it’s hitting a couple of snags.”
“Paul is a perfectionist.”
He nodded.
The conversation was all very safe. Easton wasn’t sure if that made him comfortable or not. He’d been in a rehabilitation center, and now, he really didn’t understand his place. It would be all so easy to conjure up Carla, to listen to her talk.
It wasn’t even Carla talking, just him and his thoughts. They were easier to listen to.
Music filled the air, and he was glad for the break.
He’d never been like this, unable to break the silence. The awkwardness. He’d always been the kind of guy to fill it with goofy shit, to make people laugh.
That had all changed now.
He was classified as an alcoholic, or was it a past alcoholic now?
“Hi, my name’s Easton Long. I’m one of the Four Kings, I’m an alcoholic, a loser.”
This wasn’t what he wanted from his life.
Fortunately, the drive to his apartment didn’t last overly long. Once Axton parked, Easton grabbed his own bag from the trunk and looked toward his friend.
“You don’t have to come up.”
“We want to,” Taylo
r said. She pushed her arm through his. “We’re all family, right? We’re all that’s left. We’re going to be here for you.”
“Great.” He hoped he spoke with enthusiasm. He tried, but the truth was, he wanted to do this alone.
He hadn’t seen his apartment in over six weeks. He couldn’t even remember the state of the place.
Rather than push them away, he followed them right up to his place. He inserted the key into the lock, and then the wave of old alcohol washed over them.
His apartment was completely trashed, and this was why he’d been wanting to avoid them coming here. On the night before Axton knocked him out, he’d partied hard. There had been a couple of whores he’d hired to entertain him. He had blood work done at the rehabilitation center, and he was all clean, which was a miracle in itself. This was why he’d decided to take this new chance and to hold onto it. He didn’t want to let it go, and it would be so easy to do.
“Holy shit, Easton,” Axton said.
“Yeah, and I was hoping you guys would have something a little more interesting to do.” He closed the door, dropped his bag on the only clean space in his place, and grabbed a black trash bag from the kitchen. He’d never used the kitchen, and there was mess everywhere. Beer bottles, wine bottles, ashtrays, and he didn’t even smoke.
He started to pick up all the glass bottles. There was no alcohol in them, but he didn’t need to worry about wanting them. Just one look at this place, and he wasn’t exactly happy with what he was seeing. This had been his life for so long. He couldn’t even remember when it had gone from a couple of beers to three or four. This was fucking crazy.
The party that caused this, he couldn’t even remember it. The night was like an old memory, refusing to come to the forefront of his mind.
Taylor grabbed a black bag and began to fill it with metal cans. Axton did the same, but he filled it with trash.
One by one, they walked their way through the apartment.
Easton opened every single cupboard, and without waiting for his friends’ instructions, any alcohol left in the bottles, he tipped out.
It wasn’t even a time for second-guessing.
He just opened that bottle, tipped out the contents, and threw the bottle into the black bag.
Time flew, and none of them spoke, which Easton was more than happy with. He didn’t need to talk right now.
When all the trash, bottles, and cans were gone, it was time for him to call housekeeping. He needed his space clean, and the only way to do that was to cleanse the entire area.
Taylor and Axton stayed still.
“Are you worried I’m going to fall off the wagon?” He couldn’t help but chuckle there. Fall off the wagon, it was so fucking stupid to even think of something like that. He’d never intended to be on the wagon in the first place, and yet here he was, totally on it.
“We’re your friends, Easton.” Taylor hugged him.
Her stomach pressed against his body, and he … he quickly pulled away. He couldn’t handle that kind of pain right now. The stark reminder of why he kept seeing Carla in the first place.
A very seventeen- to eighteen-year-old Carla.
It was that part in his life that was the worst.
The cleaning crew arrived, and rather than stand with his friends, he watched them work. He had a feeling he was going to be taking up another hobby, and it wouldn’t have anything to do with drink.
Chapter Four
Over eleven years ago
Easton stared into the campfire. The wood was burning so brightly, he saw all the ambers and golds. The reds of the fire were just exquisite. He loved watching things burn. The way the heat caught everything, and within a matter of seconds, turned it into smoldering ash.
Taylor’s scream from a few nights ago echoed in his mind.
The horrible memory of her pulling Carla out of the water. Taylor had looked half possessed. When he realized who it was, his friends held him back. They had to. His relationship with Carla had to be kept a secret. No one in the town could ever know that he fell for her, that he fucked her, that the baby she’d been carrying was his.
Their chance to start a completely new life together was all gone.
He’d not wanted to be a father. When Carla had told him, it had been on the tip of his tongue to demand she got rid of it, or to pay her off.
Him with a kid.
His father was no role model when it came to being a dad. Over the years he’d watched his father fuck any woman he wanted, abuse them for his own sick pleasure.
“You okay?”
He turned to see a blonde girl. She’d already been at the summer camp when he arrived. In the past twenty-four hours, he noticed people gravitated toward her, asking her for help and advice.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
She had pretty green eyes. Her hair was so long and blonde. It fell to her waist, but it didn’t look lifeless. The strands looked so soft, as if they had a life of their own. She offered him another smile.
“I’m Scarlett, by the way.” She held her hand out.
She didn’t look shy or nervous as she waited for him.
He could push her aside, or take a chance.
“Easton.” He placed his hand within hers, and shook it.
“You have got one firm handshake there, buddy.” She pulled away.
“Look, Scar, look, I did it.” A young kid, not older than ten, ran over. He had some kind of bracelet around his wrist.
The camp was for all ages. He didn’t even know why he’d come here. In all the summers it had been offered to him, he’d always turned it down. Who wanted to go out into the wilderness, set up camp, sing a bunch of songs around a fire? It all sounded rather corny to him.
“You totally did, champ. Well done. I think Elle is serving hot chocolate.”
The kid nodded and left.
“Scar?” Easton asked.
“It’s how my name gets shortened down. Scar. I guess I could deal with Lett, but it doesn’t ring right.”
“How about Lettie?”
She giggled. “That’s not my name.”
“Nah, but maybe it’s what I’ll call you.”
“I’d like that, Ton.” She winked at him.
****
Present day, six months after Easton’s release from rehab
Work kept him busy.
Charity work kept him sane.
Carla kept him from going crazy.
Even though he knew deep down she was his imagination, he liked seeing her. Especially when the pain, the guilt, the shame, it all seemed to meld together. Easton had gone to a private investigator in the hope of finding Scarlett. With no last name, and a camp that had burned down, as well as all of the records of who attended it, there was no hope in finding a blonde girl with green eyes. The man he hired would try to find a connection to anyone with that description, but so far, all the leads had been useless. None of the women the PI had found had actually led to anything of any importance. All of the women were wrong. None of them were Scarlett.
He’d spent countless hours thinking of what to say to her when he finally did see her.
“So, hey, loser,” Romeo said, coming toward his office door. “There’s this new burger place. It’s all veggie and shit, but Taylor’s craving some veggie so we’re all heading down there now.”
Taylor had given birth to a little girl. They’d named her Carla. It was rather fitting seeing as Taylor had come into their life once again purely for her need for revenge. She had been sure they had something to do with her friend’s death, she just couldn’t prove anything. The truth was, there was nothing that needed proving.
His own father had taken care of Carla, and dumped her body in the King’s Ridge lake. Thinking about Nial Long always left him feeling bitter. His father was very much in prison, but Easton wouldn’t be happy until the old fucker died. No matter how he tried to live his life, his father always seemed to be there, taunting him, doing something that would make him stumble.
No more.
“She’s not pregnant anymore. She can stop with all the cravings and bullshit she seems to claim she has,” Easton said, grabbing his jacket.
“Yeah, well, she gave birth to a tiny human, and we all have to suffer through the consequences of that.”
“Of course we do. It’s so fucking lame.”
“You’re still coming?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He smiled. “The chance at a veggie burger. Yum.”
“Don’t scare me. You’ve already kind of scared me from the fact you love to clean. You even had a new vacuum cleaner arrive at the office, and I saw you using it.”
Cleaning had become his crutch. He loved to clean, to watch his space sparkle, and the scent of lavender was a great feeling to be surrounded by.
“You’re just jealous. You can’t stand me being the clean one now.” He pulled his jacket on.
Karson, Axton, and Taylor were already waiting.
Axton carried the baby in his arms. He wore one of those strap things that attached to his chest. It looked so odd to see his friend carrying a baby, but the smile on his face, and there was no doubt, Axton had found everything he was looking for.
In high school, he’d known Axton’s obsession with Taylor. It had started at a young age. Even when he tried to hide it, there was no hiding the letters or the roses. Taylor had a love of roses, and he’d put a new one in her locker every time he could, with a brand-new letter.
“You ready?” Taylor asked.
“Yes.” Easton followed them onto the elevator, which took them down to the parking lot.
Eric, Axton’s driver, was waiting.
Axton and Taylor climbed in first, and strapped the baby in. Easton was the last one to get in, and he took a seat by the window.
“This is nice. All of us going to lunch,” Taylor said.