by Noelle Adams
She felt soft and boneless and replete, so he rolled them over so he was on top. He was almost at the end of his control, but he wanted her to recover before they did anything else.
After a minute, she said, “Now it’s your turn. Take me in any way you want, Keith. I want you to feel as good as I do right now.”
“I already do.” He was telling her the truth. He’d never felt better than he did at this moment. But his arousal was pulsing throughout his whole body, and he wasn’t about to object to her offer.
He bent up one of her knees and spread her thighs so she was fully open for him. Then he checked the condom before penetrating her again, this time from above. He braced himself on one straightened arm as he started to thrust.
He started slow and steady, but she urged him on with gasps of “Yes” and “Harder” and “Faster.” So he intensified his thrusting until the bed was shaking and his vision had blurred over in pleasure.
She came again just before he did, crying out in surprise as the orgasm caught her unexpectedly. Then he totally lost it, rasping out his own climax as pleasure exploded out from where they were joined and shuddered through his whole body.
He tried not to be too loud, but he wasn’t in any condition to know. He was helpless against the way he was feeling.
They were both gasping loud and fast when he finally collapsed on top of her. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.
She was everything he’d ever wanted, and he had her right now. He had her completely.
And he wasn’t sure what he would do if he wasn’t allowed to have her forever.
That thought, despite coming from a good place, took root in his head and festered.
What would he do? If Serena backed out. If she decided this wasn’t what she wanted after all.
In the light of day, it was easier to persuade himself with reason and logic. To look at all available clues and come to a convincing conclusion that, with patience and understanding, she would eventually settle her anxieties about their relationship.
But at the moment he was stripped bare. As vulnerable as he’d ever been.
And the idea of losing Serena—after he’d almost, almost had her—was too simply too much.
He was with her right now. She was naked in his arms. And she’d already opened herself up to him in ways he’d never been sure she could do. But he still wanted more. He wanted everything.
The fear took hold until it swallowed him up, and the only lifeline he could grab onto was escape.
He needed to get up anyway. There was the condom to deal with. He could go to the bathroom and recover his sense and control.
If the bathroom was the only route of escape available to him, he would take it.
eight
SERENA FELT LIKE GIGGLING from pure, unadulterated joy.
She didn’t. She was afraid that might be silly. So instead, when Keith climbed back into bed beside her after taking care of the condom and going to the bathroom, she burrowed against his side and snuggled into the arm he had wrapped around her.
Nothing could feel better than right now. This second. Still deliciously tired and sated from the sex they just had and thrilled by the knowledge that giving themselves to each other this way hadn’t sent everything they were tumbling into chaos.
It hadn’t destroyed their friendship.
In fact, it had made things even better.
She wasn’t sure what she’d been so afraid of all this time. They loved each other too much to let their relationship fall apart.
As Keith slowly stroked her hair and back, Serena smiled and pressed a couple of little kisses on his chest. This was good. This was perfect. This was exactly as it should be between them.
It didn’t matter if she deserved it. If she didn’t have all her issues and baggage dealt with completely. Keith cared about her anyway. He wanted her anyway.
She could trust that if she could trust anything at all.
“I think I’m ready to go to sleep now,” she told him after a minute. “I’m pretty worn out.”
“Me too.”
“You’ll stay the night with me?” She tilted her head to check his expression.
He gave her his little smile. “Of course.”
“Good.” She kissed him lightly and then got more comfortable in the circle of his arm.
He wasn’t saying much. In fact, he seemed unusually quiet. At a different time, that might have worried her. But after the way they’d had sex just now—the intensity, the authenticity—she couldn’t doubt his feelings for her. He’d never given her any reason to.
He was probably tired. Just like her. They could sleep now and talk in the morning.
They’d have to tell Eva something. She’d have questions when she woke up tomorrow morning and Keith was still here. But they could deal with that in the morning too.
She was still smiling as she fell asleep.
WHEN SHE WOKE UP, IT was with an awareness that something was wrong.
Very, very wrong.
She had no idea what it was. She was in her own bed. In her own darkened room. A glance at the clock proved it was just after midnight.
Nothing strange or unusual in any of that.
But her body was sore—particularly between her legs. And her bed smelled like Keith and sex.
The few seconds of disorientation cleared with a flood of memory and emotions and realization.
She’d had sex with Keith a couple of hours ago. He’d said he’d stay the night.
And now he was gone.
The most obvious answer was that he was in the bathroom, but she could see the connecting door was open, not closed. Frowning, she pushed herself to a sitting position and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She listened but couldn’t hear anything in the silent apartment.
She’d pulled her nightgown back on after they’d had sex so she just had to stick her feet into her slippers before she got up to investigate the rest of the apartment.
He probably just needed some water or a snack. He was probably sitting at her kitchen bar, scrolling through his phone. He’d give her an adorable smile and ask what she was doing awake.
Eva’s bedroom door was still closed as she passed it. And the lights in the living room and kitchen were still off. She peered around in the darkness.
No Keith.
There wasn’t any more of her apartment left to investigate.
He wasn’t here.
Her heart was pounding now. Fear and dread and something else. Something akin to heartbreak. But that would be a ridiculous overreaction to the situation, so she didn’t indulge it. Instead, she stepped out of her apartment and knocked on his door.
Nothing.
Surely he wouldn’t have gone to sleep next door without leaving a text or note or something. That would be as un-Keith-like as it was possible to be. But then where was he? Why had he left when he’d told her he would spend the night?
She went back into her apartment and strode to the sliders that led out onto the small balcony. Stepping outside, she studied the parking lot to see if Keith’s car was in its place.
It was. He had a blue, three-year-old Explorer that he’d bought when he got his current job. It was parked in its usual spot. But she could see a figure sitting in the driver’s seat, lit up faintly by the dashboard lights.
He was in his car, and he’d turned on the ignition.
Holding her breath, she waited, but he didn’t back out of the space and drive away.
He just sat there.
Confusion vying with despair, she went back inside and grabbed a robe from her room. She was tying the sash as she peeked into Eva’s room. The girl was still asleep. After a few seconds of internal debate, Serena made a decision.
She took her keys so she could lock the apartment behind her, and then she ran downstairs to the parking lot where Keith was still sitting in his car.
Closer, she could see his posture was hunched, exhausted, defeated. His head was
leaning forward toward the steering wheel. And he just sat there.
Every instinct in her body screamed at her to run to him, comfort him, take care of him. He was upset, and she couldn’t stand for him to ever feel that way.
But he must be upset about her. About them. That was the only explanation for what he was doing here like this. As happy as she’d been before, he was unhappy.
Maybe he’d changed his mind.
Maybe now that he’d tried it, he didn’t want her anymore.
Maybe he wasn’t sure how to tell her.
Maybe dealing with her was too much work and effort and he’d discovered she wasn’t worth it after all.
Maybe he was trying to find a way to leave her.
Maybe she hadn’t been good enough for his love after all.
The torrent of fear and insecurity bombarded her. She hugged her arms to her chest, standing in her robe in the parking lot. The feelings were strong enough that she almost left, almost ran back to her apartment to hide under the covers and escape.
But Keith was still deeply upset, and she couldn’t stand to leave him that way.
She loved him. So much. And if being with her wasn’t going to make him happy, then they’d figure out a way to deal with it.
Because she loved him more than her own baggage, she walked slowly to the passenger door of his SUV.
His eyes were downcast, and he didn’t know she was there until she tried the door handle, only to discover it was locked.
He straightened up with a jerk and hit the unlock button to let her in.
“Serena,” he began, his voice gravelly despite his obvious attempt to sound natural. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you think?”
He opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out. His face twisted, and he dropped his head again, taking a ragged breath.
She knew what was coming, and it hurt so much. More than she believed a relationship was capable of hurting her anymore.
But Keith had been honest and generous with her all this time, and she could be honest and generous with him too.
So she cleared her throat. “It’s okay. It’s really okay.”
He slanted a quick glance in her direction.
“You can tell me the truth. If this is too much, too fast. Or if now that you’ve... if you’ve decided this isn’t what you want... Or if you want to go back to just being friends...” She had to stop to control the sob that was slowly rising in her throat. “It’s okay, Keith. You can tell me.”
He was frowning now with what might have been confusion. “Serena, it’s not that. It’s... it’s...”
He was trying. She could see he was trying. But he couldn’t seem to get the words out.
The ache on his face was too much. She had to help if she was able. “Did you get scared or something?”
He nodded, his mouth twisting strangely. “But it’s not what you’re thinking. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry to do this to you. I can’t believe I just left you like that. And I was actually going to drive away. I have no idea where I was going to go. I just... panicked. I don’t know what’s the matter with me. You deserve so much better than this. I didn’t want you to see me like this.”
She gave a huff that was half tears and half dry amusement. “That sounds familiar. You have no idea how often I’ve felt that way myself. But listen to me, Keith.” She reached out to put a hand on his forearm. “Listen to me for a minute.”
“I’m listening.” He’d turned his head fully. His eyes never left her face.
“I’ve been so scared lately. For a long time. Ever since my feelings for you started to change. It’s been months now. I’ve been so scared that I’m too much of a mess—I have too much baggage for you to deal with. I’ve been so worried that I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t fixed myself enough to deserve to be with you.”
He made a choking sound. “Serena, that’s ridiculous. I love you. All of you. And I want to be with every part of you. All your mess and baggage and insecurities. All that is part of you, so I want all that too.”
A tear streamed down her cheek, but it wasn’t the bad kind. She smiled. “I know that now. I believe that now. You’ve shown it to me in so many ways. So don’t you think it’s possible that I can love you like that too? That I want to see all of you—all your mess—too?”
He took a few shaky breaths, his face tightening with emotion.
“You don’t have to do everything right, Keith. You don’t have to always be careful with me. I love you. Exactly as you are.”
He made a sound like a low sob and reached out to pull her into a hug. Since the console was between them, it wasn’t the easiest or most comfortable of embraces, but Serena wouldn’t have traded it for the world.
He was shaky for a minute, but he’d controlled himself by the time he pulled away. “I love you too, Serena. You know I do.”
“So why are you here in this car instead of sleeping in bed with me?”
“Because... I got scared. Of how I’ll feel if you decide that this isn’t... I know I need to be patient. I don’t resent you at all for taking your time. But after we had sex, I kept imagining how I would survive if things didn’t work out. And I guess I just... freaked out and needed to escape. We can still go slow if you need to. I promise. We don’t have to make a real commitment until you’re ready. I guess I’m just getting impatient.”
She laughed. She didn’t intend to, but it spilled out before she could stop it. Then she laughed some more at his frown. “I’m so sorry, Keith. I’m not laughing because of how you feel. I understand completely. I’m laughing because you don’t need to feel that way anymore.”
“I don’t?” He looked almost suspicious.
“No.” That joy that had filled her earlier tonight rose up again, bigger and brighter and purer than before. “Because I love you, Keith. And I want to be with you for the rest of my life. In every way. And I can commit myself to that love right now. This minute. If that’s what you want?”
He made another one of those choking sounds as his eyes flooded with a feeling that matched hers. “Really?”
She nodded, a couple more tears leaking out. “Yes. Really. You don’t have to wait anymore.”
He hugged her again, shaking with emotion. Since she was shaking too, it felt exactly right.
“So can we go back upstairs and go to bed?” she asked, finally pulling away. “I don’t like leaving Eva by herself up there.”
“Oh my God,” he muttered, turning off the ignition and opening his door. “Eva. What the hell was I thinking? You locked the door, didn’t you?”
“Of course I locked the door. She’s sleeping. She’s just fine. But let’s please go back inside.”
He took her hand after they both got out of the car. “In case it wasn’t clear, I’m committed to you too. For the rest of my life. Forever.”
Serena couldn’t seem to stop smiling now. “Yeah, I kind of knew that already. But it’s nice to hear anyway.”
WHEN HE FINALLY WENT to bed for real, Keith slept hard and long and deep. Better than he had in months. And he woke up alert and invigorated and grinning as Serena blinked at him groggily from her side of the bed.
“What time is it?” she asked, clearly not oriented enough to check the clock herself.
“It’s 6:13.”
“Oh. In the morning?”
He chuckled and brushed some of the red waves of hair off her face. “Yes. In the morning. It’s Monday. And sadly we both have to go to work.”
She groaned and rolled back over, closing her eyes. “I don’t want to teach today. I think it should be a holiday.”
“To celebrate what?”
“To celebrate us finally figuring things out.” She groped over toward him until she found his chest. She patted it fondly. “You still love me, right?”
“Yes, I still love you.”
“Good. I love you too. So we should be able to stay home and have a day off.”
“We could call in sick.”
She peeked at him out of one eye.
He arched his eyebrows.
“We shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“We’re not sick. We’re just happy.”
“We can call it a personal day.”
She giggled. “Are you serious? Wouldn’t that be bad?”
“Do you have anything really important going on in your classes today?”
“No. I mean, I’ve got exams in two classes, but someone else could proctor those no problem. And I’ve got videos and group projects in my other...” She trailed off, clearly thinking through her lesson plans for today. “It would be a pretty easy day to cover. What about you?”
“Everything on my plate can wait until tomorrow. So if you want to stay home, I’m staying home too.” Keith genuinely wasn’t sure which way she would go. She’d always been a hard worker and a rule follower, so the fact that she was even considering this was pretty damn significant.
“What about Eva?”
“It’s up to you. She can stay home too, and the three of us can have a day. Or if you’re worried about her missing, she can go to school.”
“You’re a bad influence on me. You know that, right?”
“Maybe I’m actually a good influence. It’s good to play hooky every now and then just so you know your whole life isn’t about work.” He reached over to cup her face and meet her eyes. “But it’s fine if you don’t want to today. Seriously. It was just a random idea. No pressure.”
“But I do want to,” she whispered as if she were admitting something naughty.
“Then do it. Just do it.”
She was clearly trying to suppress a smile as she said, “Okay. I’m going to let them know right now so they can find someone to cover my classes.”
Keith was laughing to himself as she got up and grabbed her phone. Then he remembered he had to let his work know too, so he reached over for his phone and texted his boss.
That was one of the good things about being a reliable employee. His boss never questioned his sick days.
Serena clearly had no problem with making her excuses either. She returned, looking giggly and affectionate. She came over and climbed on top him, straddling his hips and reaching down to rub his chest. “Hi.”