A Reason To Be: Book 1

by Maria Xystra

  “I don’t know, Sam! What I do know though, is that nothing can ever happen between us and the fact that he’s slowly creeping into my life is enough reason for me to build up my walls and stop him from going any further.”

  “Would that be such a bad idea?”

  I gape at her in disbelief.

  “It would be the worst idea ever!”

  “I hear you saying that you don’t know if you like him or not, and that nothing can ever happen, blah blah-blah, but what do you really want, Lex?”

  I sigh in response and my feelings are instantly communicated to her. She softens and continues.

  “Don’t you think it’s time for you to leave the past behind? You can’t keep yourself locked up forever.”

  “I can’t-”

  “I know, I know. Marcus has stigmatized you and I’m not saying that what happened to you is not a big deal. But you have the right to be happy. And loved. For real this time.”

  Bringing up Marcus made me flinch. I quickly shove all the bad memories to the back of my mind, as I so successfully learnt to do a while ago.

  “And you think Cole is capable of doing that?” I ask her – and myself.

  “All I’m saying is that maybe you should give it a shot.”

  “No,” I decide. “You don’t get it Sam. It’s not just about me. As long as Marcus is still somewhere out there, I can never be free. I’ll always look over my shoulder and if I get serious with Cole – well with anyone really – I’m instantly putting them in danger as well.”

  “So, what you’re saying is…you’ll never be able to live your life?” she asks me sincerely.

  “What I’m saying is that-”

  “What you’re saying is bullshit!” she flips at me. “What happened to you was awful, but I refuse to let you give up on any hope for true love and happiness just because some asshole wanted to turn you into his corpse bride!”

  Slightly stunned by her declaration, I raise my hands in surrender.

  “We’re done talking about this,” I state.

  “So, what’s our course of action?” she immediately asks. With that simple question I know that Sam will always have my back, no matter what I decide.

  “We do nothing. Let’s keep things the way they are.”

  “OK, but let me clarify one thing: just because you two are too blind to see what’s really going on here, it doesn’t mean that I won’t try to clear the view for you any chance I get!” she states and exits the restroom.

  And I’m doomed. Even though I know she respects my choices, I’m sure she won’t let this go as easily as I’d hoped.

  *****

  Back to the bar, Sam returns to her boyfriend and her drink. I turn to order one for myself and-

  “Vodka cranberry, right?” Cole stands inside the bar and glides a drink in my hand. I take a sip of the cold drink welcoming the alcohol in my system.

  “Thanks. You didn’t spit in it, did you?” I accuse him playfully feeling safer with the distance provided by the bar between us.

  “You will never know!” he plays along.

  Before I can think of something smart to say, two hands appear around his waist taking him – and me – by surprise. Apparently, the third and fourth arm that made him look like an alien with extra limbs has a face. A pretty face.

  Cole turns around and the blonde bartender wraps her arms around him locking his body close to hers. Too close. He seems to be enjoying the nearness. What do we call that? Oh, yeah: sexual harassment! OK, it’s not actual harassment. And OK, they both seem comfortable with it. And OK, I’m officially going crazy.

  “Hey, boss. Long time no see,” she makes a remark nearly over his lips.

  “How you doing, sexy?” he says.

  “Get a room,” I mouth at him and picking up my drink I turn my back to them.

  “OK! Let’s test Lex!” Sam interrupts my reverie as I observe the surrounding crowd and at the same time try to make sense of my life.

  “Are you jealous?” she pops the first question.

  “What? No!” I state offended. However, simply by the fact that I didn’t ask for a clarification of what I’m supposed to be jealous of, I’m instantly outing myself.

  “You know I will take that as a yes,” Sam smiles and continues. “Would you rather be the one holding him like that?”

  “That was … inappropriate!”

  “Hmm, your comment is a bit bitter... I’ll take that as a yes, too! And let’s see… Would you rather be the one disappearing in a back room with him?”

  Unconsciously, I turn my head to where Cole was standing but he’s gone. And so is the blonde bartender.

  So, they did get a room. Fuck.

  “To sum up, your answers and your lack of any arguing clearly demonstrates a serious case of crushing!” Sam lifts her eyebrows in a silent exclamation of ‘I told you so’ and I’m fuming defeated.

  Looking at the people dancing and drinking, I notice movement on my left. Someone is making his way towards us. Someone in a neat, and most likely, expensive suit. He smiles at me and approaches nonchalantly. At the same time, with the corner of my eye, I see Cole coming to us from the right.

  “Eric, my man!” the new guy shakes hands with Eric and turns to Sam and me. “I see you’ve been blessed with beautiful company.”

  “Hey, man. This is Sam, my girlfriend, and Lexy.”

  “Pleased, very pleased to meet you both. I’m Adam Maxwell,” he shakes hands with us.

  “Didn’t waste any time, did you?” Cole interrupts us, and they greet each other in a manly embrace and a tap at the back.

  “You know me, can’t stay away from dazzling women,” he explains himself with a grin and a wink in my direction. I smile back.

  “I see you’ve already met the ladies”, Cole continues with a hint of mocking annoyance in his voice. “Adam is the GM of Vault.”

  Adam taps an imaginary hat and offers us a brief bow.

  “And since you haven’t been here for a while, we’ve got some catching up to do,” he addresses Cole. “But it’s gonna have to wait, gentleman manners require I buy this beauty a drink,” he moves closer to me.

  “Yeah,” Cole follows, “if only there was a gentleman around!”

  I fake smile at his comment and hurry to finish my drink. Brain-freeeeeeze! I hope I didn’t make any faces.

  “So, what’s your drink, Lexy?” he asks me, stealing Cole’s line. The difference is that this time I can easily reply without choking.

  “I’d–”

  “Water! She gets tip-” Cole hurries to answer in my place. I shove my elbow in his stomach.

  “Shut up,” I instruct Cole and then I turn to Adam. “I’d rather you surprise me,” I tell him with a flirty tone. He smiles and leans over the bar to order.

  “You call this flirting?” Cole’s voice is a delicate whisper in my ear.

  “Shut up and go away. There’s an army of women longing for your attention, go bother one of them.”

  “What’s the point of doing that? I’m having a perfectly entertaining time here,” he says and settles on a barstool next to me.

  “Go away!” I repeat and turn my back to him.

  “Tipsy, we both know that if I go away your night would be far less interesting.”

  “You can say that again,” I agree in a tiny voice turning my head away from Cole.

  Sam leans towards me, nearly falling over her stool, simply to declare: “I heard that!”

  “Well, pretend you didn’t!” I retort.

  I turn to Cole. He takes his time to lean back on his stool and inspect me thoroughly from head to toe.

  “What are you doing?” I demand.

  “Thinking.”

  “Do I want to know what you’re thinking about?” I dare ask.

  “Are you saying that if we randomly met in a club, and I asked for your number, you would-”

  “No!” I simply answer, and he chuckles. “Why would I give my number to someone who’s ne
ver going to use it?” I deflect. “Besides, you don’t strike me as the type of person who asks for phone numbers. Or names!”

  “You act like you know me,” he says and it’s kind of difficult to determine his expression.

  “Am I wrong?”

  “So, you wouldn’t give your number to any guy who asked for it, or just me?”

  “Nope. Just you,” I reply indifferently. To make my point even clearer, I add: “I’d give my number to anyone in this club, but you.”

  Adam comes with a drink in each hand and I turn my attention away from Cole.

  Adam Maxwell, as it turns out, is not as interesting as Eric, or Cole – or any other guy. He goes on and on about the club and the events he organizes, and I find it hard to listen to him with the distraction named Cole commenting continuously behind me. One thing should be stated though: Adam, just like the rest of Cole’s gang I’ve met so far, emits a feeling of safety and trust. And that’s also true about Cole, which is quite confusing. I do my best to diminish him and label him as a ‘bad guy’, but this feeling he causes prevents me from doing so.

  Sam finally comes to my rescue.

  “Do you mind if I steal my girl for a while?” she says not really expecting an answer. Then she leans to my ear. “Let’s dance; the testosterone in the air is becoming suffocating!”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “It’s like two wild animals fighting for their prey, and you’re the antelope in this case babe!”

  CHAPTER 12

  As Sam and I dance to the latest hits, we find ourselves in the middle of male company.

  Taking a spin, I land on someone’s chest. I lift my head to see the face accompanying the chest. An attractive man looks into my eyes and offers me a winsome smile.

  “Easy there, beautiful,” he says as he steadies me with two hands on my arms. Usually, I would find this offensive and uncomfortable, but instead, the elegance and kindness he presented himself with dismisses my instinct to shake out of his grip.

  His tall figure is perfectly accompanied by short dark hair, blue eyes, strong cheekbones and stubble.

  “I’m sorry,” – not! I feel like I’m blushing and before this moment becomes awkward I smile and take a step back.

  “It’s OK,” he says through a chuckle, and extending his hand he offers me his name. “Alex.”

  “Lexy,” I reply, seemingly unable to wipe away the stupid smile on my face.

  “Do you come often?” he hurries to ask, and I can sense him blushing. Before he corrects himself, I rush to answer his question, breaking the ice.

  “Well, that’s quite personal information to share,” I give him a kind scowl.

  “I mean, do you come here often?”

  “I haven’t tried it here yet, but I’ll let you know,” I joke back.

  He smiles and shakes his head.

  “I’m not winning with you, am I?”

  “I wouldn’t say that. I’m still here talking to you, aren’t I?” I feel myself tuning into the casual, flirtatious Lexy. “Plus, my hand hasn’t slapped you in the face. Yet.” I tease him. “This is my first time,” I answer his previous question.

  “So, you’re a virgin,” he jokes, and I chuckle. “I mean, at this club. Not that I care about your sexual life, I mean I do care about- I mean…please stop me. Please slap me. In the face! God, you make me feel like a college boy hitting on the hottest cheerleader!”

  I burst into laughter while he stumbles over his words.

  “Gooooooo Alex!” I cheer at him imitating cheerleading moves.

  He laughs and shakes his head.

  “This is the weirdest first conversation I’ve ever had with anyone! Also, the most enjoyable.”

  “I’d say that goes both ways.”

  “Do you want to go get a drink?”

  I turn around to look for Sam and I find her between Eric and Cole at the bar, having shots.

  “Sure,” I point towards them. “Let’s go.”

  “So, besides being a virgin cheerleader, what else do you do?”

  “I work at a Consultants agency. And you? Besides being a college boy?”

  “I’m in the conservation–restoration field.”

  “Like in building restoration?”

  “Buildings, paintings, antiques…”

  That brings to mind the small chest sitting on my dresser. When I came back from Greece, my grandparents said I should have the specific piece of antiquity and insisted I take it. For the first couple of days since it came into my possession I tried to open it, but the damn thing is like a Rubik’s cube! I tried cracking the lock open, but it was useless. The key hole is so small, no key I had would fit in it, and the hairpin thing proved to be a myth! I should probably have someone look at it.

  Alex leaned over the bar and ordered us drinks. As I take the spot right next to him, he turns, and we bump our heads together.

  “Ouch,” I state, and we laugh rowdily.

  “Wow! You are capable of laughing!” Cole’s voice comes from my right. I instantly compose myself.

  “Who said I couldn’t?” I retort. “It only happens when I’m around pleasant company,” I hint and turn to give Alex a smile.

  “I take it you’re Mr. Pleasant Company. Cole Theron, nice to meet you.”

  “Alex,” he replies through a grin.

  They start to bring their hands together for a handshake, but I shove Cole’s arm out of the way and it brushes over my chest. I’m not even going to wonder if that was accidental or not.

  “New in town? I don’t think I’ve seen you around before,” Cole continues in a not-that-friendly tone. His question comes out more like an interrogation.

  “I come and go, but–”

  “You don’t have to give him a report,” I interrupt and turn to Cole. “What are you doing?”

  “What do you mean? I’m being friendly to your new friend,” he feigns innocence.

  Exasperated and annoyed I turn back to Alex. “Sorry about that,” and I point my thumb in Cole’s direction, “he thinks he owns the place.”

  “Actually,” Cole hurries to argue otherwise, “I-”

  “Well, actually,” I cut him mid-sentence, “no one cares. So, why don’t you mind your own business and leave us alone?” I give him a strict look and take a long sip from my drink.

  “Careful now, Tipsy. You don’t want to get drunk and start giving your number to total strangers, now, do you?”

  I nearly choke and if my eyes could get any wider they would fall out of their sockets.

  “Excuse me for a moment,” I tell Alex and grab Cole by the elbow.

  I drag him past Eric and Sam and turn abruptly to face him. “What do you think you’re doing? Don’t you have better things to–?”

  “What? I’m just being social with my cust–”

  “Cut the crap!”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he acts nonchalantly.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Why are you getting in my way?”

  “I was just being welcoming and nice.”

  “You call that ‘nice’?”

  “And welcoming!”

  “Awww, you forgot your halo and wings!” I remark bitterly.

  “Did you think I would carry them with me all the time?”

  “Ha-ha,” I fake laugh with no hint of humor. “Just stay out of my way. Now, if you would excuse me, there is a very interesting guy at the bar I’d rather chat to.”

  “I’m right here you know,” he answers as I start to leave.

  “I don’t think so,” I squint my eyes at him.

  “You didn’t give me a chance to show you how interesting I can be.”

  “That’s probably the wisest choice I’ve ever made,” I comment emphatically.

  “So, that’s a guy you’d give your number to, who by the way you just met, but you wouldn’t even consider going on a date with me?”

  “See? You can take a hint. And why are you so
fixated on me giving my number to someone? It’s not like I’d give him my social security number!”

  “It’s like you’re forcing the guy to call you!” he speaks in defense of all men.

  I raise my eyebrow at him. “And, tell me: does it work? Do you call every woman who gives you her number?”

  “Honest answer?” I nod, and he continues, “when the sex is good…”

  “Yeah, I know, right?” I can’t stop myself from relating to that, as if I’m talking to one of my girlfriends about how good sex can be!

  Cole looks at me stunned by my comment and I beam at him. “Look, I kind of get why you’re doing this – well, really, I don’t – but, I’ll tell you what: I won’t give him my number straight away. I’ll just sleep with him and we’ll see how that goes!” Even more dumbfounded, he stays still, and I make my way back to where Alex is.

  Was. Shit.

  Alex is no longer by the bar and I search for him in the crowd but can’t find him. Great. Thanks, Ass-Cole! I turn to his direction, and try to burn holes through his skull with my eyes.

  “Shall we go?” Sam asks, already gathering her stuff from the bar. “You know, Monday tomorrow.”

  I nod in agreement, too fired up to talk to anyone.

  “Tracey will drive me home,” Cole announces, nodding to the leech by his side – the ‘sexy’ bartender with the extra limbs.

  So, he gets to leave with Tracey, and I don’t even get a chance with Alex? Not fair. I grab my purse and stomp towards the exit.

  “Goodnight, Tipsy,” Cole calls to my back and I simply turn to flip him.

  CHAPTER 13

  “Hey, what happened last night? You weren’t very talkative on the drive home,” Sam gets right to the point at the other end of the phone.

  “Sam, I’m in the middle of something, can we talk about this later?” I deflect, not in the mood to discuss personal obsessions at the office.

  “Yeah, sure. Are you alright?”

  “I’m fine, I just can’t talk right now.”