Thirty-Three
Nate
Nyx is right. I shouldn’t be working on Saturday. Instead of going to the library, I give Ford a few options to let out some steam. Skydiving on Long Island, flying to Jersey to the racetrack, or playing video games. Surprisingly, the racetrack option wins. He’s one to shy away from doing something extreme given a better option. We drive to LNCWare where the helicopter waits for us. In less than thirty minutes we’re on the track pushing the gas pedal.
Two hours later, we’re back home, and there’s no trace of the Brassard family. I decide to prepare a snack for Nyx before we search for them.
“What are you doing?” Ford asks as I grab a ginger seltzer from the fridge.
“We have to find Nyx and feed her.”
He tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows. “Why?”
“Because she needs something to eat,” I explain.
He scratches the back of his neck and says, “I don’t remember you doing this for Bronwyn.”
“You weren’t around,” I scrub a hand along my jaw. Fuck, this entire conversation is a mix between a counseling session, the Spanish Inquisition, and a kid afraid to lose his favorite toy.
I’m not saying that Persy is a toy. By now, I understand he adores her, but could he trust their relationship a little more—and me too? He’s right though. I don’t think I ever worried about what Bronwyn ate, if she had a good night’s sleep, or if there was anything I could do to make her comfortable during her pregnancy.
Am I doing this out of guilt for what I didn’t do for my ex?
“I was around,” he reminds me. “See…you two were close, but I don’t think you were as devoted to her as you are to Nyx. The way you look at her is different. How you speak about her and the baby… Dude, I’ve seen you yawning during conference calls because, and I quote, ‘Nyx and the blueberry demon had a bad night. I just need another cup of coffee.’”
“Your point?” I blow out a frustrated breath.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he states.
“Like running away from her if there’s a misunderstanding instead of communicating with her?” I ask, bring up what happened between him and Persy only a few weeks ago. It’s a low blow, but I have to find ways to stop him. “We’re mature enough to have an adult conversation.”
“When are you going to have this so-called adult conversation about your feelings? I’m just going to throw this out there and remind you that she’s expecting someone else’s baby,” he says, punching me with a fucking low blow of his own. “What if he swoops in and says, ‘Let’s try to become a family?’”
I text Nyx to check where she’s at. She responds that they are close to Bow Bridge. I ask her to wait there for me.
“Don’t ignore me,” Ford growls.
“I need to know where she’s at, okay,” I respond. “If I know her, she hasn’t eaten anything since the smoothie I gave her earlier.”
“Don’t deflect,” Ford orders as I text the driver to meet me downstairs because I need him to drop us by Bow Bridge.
“I’m not,” I respond, fucking annoyed with his attitude. “Obviously you don’t know Nyx well enough. I met Edward, and I doubt there’ll be any trial period. Your scenario sounds scary, but not for me. I know where I stand when it comes to her. I’m her friend.”
“Denial,” he barks.
“That’s what we are at this moment,” I press. “Being in love with her doesn’t change what we mean to each other at this moment. If at some point I can offer her more, I don’t know how she’ll respond. I don’t plan on professing my undying love for her, because as of right now, I’m not sure if what I feel is the real deal. Keep up, Langford. I am fixing my shit, and I can’t rehash this conversation again. Any other questions before we meet them?”
He glares at me and shakes his head.
“Good. Let’s pin this conversation for a later time. Maybe when I know what I feel, or never. I like the latter better.”
Is Ford right about my behavior toward Nyx? Yes. Nyx has a different hold on my heart than Bronwyn did. I don’t know if it has to do with the circumstances, the person I am today, or the fact that Nyx is different.
Either way, I am taking my time analyzing what’s happening between us. I can’t be reckless with her, even when at times I wish I can just kiss her and act upon my desires.
She’s too important to be careless. I’m finding myself, hoping I emerge from the debris that was my old life, guided by her voice. She’s becoming my guide. Perhaps the feelings I have for her are real—and as I learn to love her, I’m discovering to love myself along the way.
The driver drops us close enough to Bow Bridge. We walk toward the center of the park and find the Brassards taking pictures and pointing at the ducks.
“We’ve never been that happy with our family, have we?” Ford asks.
I shake my head. “Our family is us, Langy,” I remind him using the annoying term of endearment Mom used for him. “We had something when Grandpa and Grandma were around.”
“But never with our parents,” he remarks.
“If you play your cards right, you can have that with them,” I suggest.
“And you?”
I look at Nyx, who turns around and smiles when she spots me. My heart drums inside my chest with the same rhythm it always does while she’s around me. No matter what time of the day it is, she’s the sun shining upon me. The best part of my day.
“What about me?” I ask, because that’s not a question I have to ponder upon since Nyx became a part of my life. I am an afterthought. She’s the only one who matters.
“Will you ever have a family?”
The silence stretches for a couple of minutes. Just a few weeks ago I wouldn’t have entertained the question, let alone the possibility of having someone to love—and a kid. But there she is, an intelligent, fun, gorgeous woman. I just need to figure out how to fix myself and how to convince her that I’m worth giving a chance.
“I’m working on it, Ford. Keep up, won’t you?” I say exasperated and walk to Nyx handing her the lunch box I brought for her.
“Here. Let’s keep the little fig fed,” I say.
“You’re ridiculous, and this week she’s a plum,” she says, placing a lingering kiss on my jaw. I love when her eyes look at me like I’m the only person around her. It’d be so easy to bend and capture her lips.
“Sometimes I lose track of the fruit of the week,” I say, trying to lighten the intensity between us.
She stares at my lips, then looks at me and whispers, “Thank you.”
“Just making sure the little fruit is growing strong.”
Eros glares at me and shakes his head. Ford goes to Persy, who hugs him tight and kisses him like a woman who hasn’t seen the love of her life for years. Nyx’s parents hold hands while they continue sightseeing.
I grab Nyx’s hand and walk her to an area where we can sit so she can eat.
“What happened between you and Ford?” she asks.
Taking a deep breath, I glance at where my brother stands and then at her.
“We decided to visit our parents next weekend,” I skip everything we discussed before it. “Would you like to join us on this quest?”
She tips her head to the side, with a curious expression. “You’re visiting your mom too?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and nod. “It’s time to get some answers. You mentioned that maybe she lost custody of us, and if that’s the case, I want to know what happened.”
She opens the container with carrots and then the one with the dip. She grins and licks her plump lips. Fuck, I need to stop watching her eat. Even that looks fucking hot. Lately, everything about her makes me want to strip her naked and…I remind myself that I can’t screw this up, literally and metaphorically.
“And you’re just visiting your dad?” she asks between bites and then adds. “I never thought avocado, green salsa, and yogurt would taste so good.”
“You
will eat anything that has avocado.”
She gives me a strange look, licks her lips, and chews her lip. A part of me wonders if she’s feeling sick. The perverted part wants to think that she wants to drizzle me with that sauce and lick me. And I like the idea a lot.
“True,” she agrees and clears her throat. Those hazed eyes look toward the bridge. I want to ask what she’s thinking, but when she turns her attention to me, she’s wearing her poker face. “So, back to your dad. Are you planning on just visiting or is there an agenda?”
“We can’t stand his wife and Clyde so…we want to let him know that as much as we love him, from now on our visits have to be just the three of us.”
She nods approvingly. “That’s pretty grown up of you two. However, I’m sure that’s not why Ford was about to blow up and you were trying to control him with your powerful gaze.”
“You noticed, huh?”
“Yep,” she glances at me, then offers me a dipped carrot. “It’s all in your eyes. They’re pretty expressive. So, tell Nyx what happened.”
I roll my eyes. “He thinks I’m fucking with his future.”
She looks at me and rolls her eyes. “Because he swears we are fucking.”
I nod. “We don’t need to have the talk yet, do we?”
“The one where you tell me we’re just friends and I assure you that I know it?” she asks, waving her hand dismissing me. “It’s cool. We can have it now or never. We probably have to stop sleeping together.”
I sigh and correct the former statement, “No, the one where I tell you that I want more, and you tell me that I’m too fucked up to even consider being with me. We don’t sleep together. We share a bed because the little demon keeps you awake all night. It saves time and energy to remain with you.”
She dips another carrot and glances at me tilting her head. “I’m pregnant.”
“I’ve noticed,” I confirm and open the seltzer for her.
“Good, I was starting to wonder if you were forgetting about the tiny elephant growing inside me,” she says, taking a few sips of seltzer. “Which brings me to…we don’t need a conversation at all.”
“Nyx?” I lift her chin with my index finger connecting our gazes. “I need a little more than deflection here. There’s something happening between us. Denying it isn’t healthy.”
“I don’t think we’re ready to discuss anything beyond the fruit size of my child, my food intake, and what book we’ll be reading at night.”
“Do you think we’ll be ready for more than that?”
She gives me a sad smile. “I wish I had an answer.”
“It’s a pretty easy question, but you’re right. The answer is complicated since we have so much going on that prevents us from settling into something…serious,” I agree with her but add, “We’ll find it though—together.”
I seal my promise by caressing her jaw and kissing her nose.
Thirty-Four
Nate
The weekend with the Brassards is an experience. Listening to their daughters warn them to keep their sex behind closed doors was frightening—and funny. Nyx threatens them, saying they’ll never be invited back to the penthouse. On Sunday morning, Eros, Ford, Persy, Nyx, and I go to the tattoo parlor. Nyx agrees to get the Life is a choice tattoo with me.
When Persy sees it, she wants it too. As I pay for everyone, I realize that we all ended up with the same tattoo on the inside of our left wrist. The only difference is that Persy and Nyx have a heart on top of the i in life.
Edna loves to cook for her children. Unfortunately, her grandchild isn’t crazy about her cooking because just the smell makes Nyx sick.
By the time everyone leaves Sunday night, Nyx is happier but really tired. She didn’t take one single nap while her family was in town. She goes to sleep before eight, but like every night, her morning sickness wakes us up several times. The next week goes by fast. We don’t change our routine. Well, she doesn’t. I, on the other hand, spend more time working from home, and with her.
I get it. She can take care of herself, but I like watching over her.
Friday night, Nyx and I fly to California and stay in the house Ford and I own in Santa Monica. We spend the evening by the beach with Brock who loves to play catch.
We don’t see Ford and Persy until the next morning since they arrive after midnight. By nine a.m. we’re with Dad at the golf course.
“Are Persy and Nyx going to be okay by themselves?” Ford asks as we watch Dad swing his golf club to warm up his arm. “We should’ve canceled. It’s not like you enjoy playing this dumb game.”
“I’m going to ignore your question,” I answer. “If either one of them heard you, they’d be glaring at you.”
“Well, your girlfriend is puking all the time,” he protests. I give him a dismissive glance. “We heard her hurling last night. I swear I wanted to drag her to the ER.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” I remind him. “Still, she can handle herself. I just like to watch over her.”
“At least you accept that you are a bit too overbearing when it comes to Nyx.” He stretches and yawns. “So, you two sleep together, huh?”
I glare at him and ignore his stupid remark. “I’m visiting Mom around four. Are you sure you don’t want to join me?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll wait for the Spark Notes.”
We each take our turn, go to the next hole, and while Dad takes his sweet time, Ford asks, “When did you talk to Mom?”
“I had my assistant make the appointment,” I explain.
“Nothing says, ‘I missed you, Mom’ better than a call from your assistant,” he mocks me.
“At least, I’m doing something. How about you?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t have it in me to see her. She let me go, and I let her go. Now, you are different. You…”
I hold onto feelings more than he does, he doesn’t say. I’m not sure why that is or why I can’t be more like him.
As we go from one hole to another, Ford and I talk to Dad about work first and then Ford looks at me expecting me to start the other conversation.
“Listen, Dad,” I begin. “Ford and I…well, we don’t get along with Ruby and her family.”
“They are my family too,” he corrects me, squatting to fix his golf ball and then looking at the horizon. “The next time we should bring Clyde. He could use his brothers.”
“We’re not brothers,” Ford jumps into the conversation. “He’s your stepson, but we aren’t related.”
“We could be a family,” Dad insists. “You are just not giving them a chance.”
“We’ve tried for years,” I remind him. “How many times have we let Clyde and his wife get away with nonsense?”
“Is this because of what Sheila did?”
“It’s not, but that’s also as bad as what they have done to us for the past twenty years,” I assure him.
“We are family,” he repeats.
“No, they are your family, and we’re done with them,” I say firmly.
“If I ever see Clyde again, I might kill him,” Ford adds.
“It was his wife, not him,” Dad defends that asshole and Ford’s jaw twitches. “So what if she took a little more commission that the contract said?”
“Sheila stole from her client, Dad. Stealing is a crime,” I growl, not adding that this client is Ford’s girlfriend.
Ford taps his temple a couple of times and his face turns red. Okay, so I have to defuse this or he’s going to blow up and instead of never seeing Dad’s family again, we won’t be seeing him.
“Well, then drag her to jail,” my father responds with some fucking logic that I can’t understand.
Ford and I stare at him and I say, “Just like that?”
“As I explained to my wife, who I adore, I can’t be paying for every fucking thing those two break,” he clarifies to us. “She broke the law, and it’s not my damn business.”
“Still, Nate and I are thinking that it�
��ll be best if we meet with you once every other month. Make it a guy’s weekend,” Ford explains.
“What about Clyde?”
“He’s not your kid, Dad,” I remind him and let out a long breath along with the frustration. “If you want to have a weekend with him, plan it separately.”
When we arrive at the eighteenth hole, he finally understands that from now on it’s just the three of us.
“So, if I invite you to lunch with Ruby today?”
“Persy and Nyx are waiting for us,” I use them as scapegoats.
His eyebrows knit together, and he asks, “And who are they?”
“Our girlfriends,” Ford answers. “Who you’ll meet once we think you are worth the invitation.”
We walk away without another word.
“That last part was harsh,” I mention as we drive back to the house.
“It was honest,” Ford corrects me. “Are you introducing him to Nyx?”
“First, she’s not my girlfriend and will never be.”
“I thought you two—”
“We’re not teenagers. I’m sure we can come up with a better terminology when we agree on having a romantic relationship,” I say, to annoy him.
“Whatever,” he huffs.
When we get home, we find Nyx standing next to a blackboard.
“Are you taking mugshots?” I ask.
She turns around and smiles at me and I swear that face makes my heart rate speed twice as fast.
“Hey, baby,” I greet her.
“My name is Nyx,” she corrects me and points at her abdomen. “This is the baby.”
I stare at what used to be her flat belly and smile.
“There’s a bump,” I announce, marching toward Nyx. “She’s so tiny. The size of a…”
Nyx taps at the board and there it is, the number thirteen. Baby Brassard I’m the size of a peach.
I bend and touch her belly, then kiss it, “Hey, are you peachy? Happy thirteenth week.”
It’s obvious I have no idea what’s going to happen between Nyx and me yet, but how I wish that I can call this baby mine. To be a lot better than my father was to me. To love this life with all my heart and to protect it to my dying breath.
Didn't Expect You (Against All Odds Book 2) Page 21