I got to the coffee place, closest to that Autumn girl’s dorms. I don’t know why I thought that, but it stuck with me. She stuck with me. When I tried to pick her up, which was purely innocent on my part, she let me have it. I thought she was a challenge, and I was determined to get to that girl. When I saw her at her dorm, I realized she was different. Nice, pure, sweet. I wanted to ask her to stay the hell away from Josie and every other person on this campus before we all sunk our claws in her, ruining her.
Fuck, I feel like Tyler. Is this what it was like being him? Thinking about girls all the time? Jesus Christ. I saw the group sitting at the biggest table on the patio. I dragged a chair up, sitting on the end.
“Where the hell have you been?” Brandon asked, watching me like a hawk. Since my redemption, he was waiting for me to fail. He was determined I would.
“Adding a class, trying to bring up my GPA,” I said.
“Good for you, man. Coach will be proud,” Tyler said, clapping my back. I shot him a look until he dropped his hand. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be like him or punch his peppy ass in the face half the time.
“His approval is all I crave in life,” I said. No one missed my sarcasm.
“You still want back on the team, right?” Tyler asked. His brow was furrowed. I guess I wasn’t as smooth as I thought.
“About that…” I was cut off by Brandon making some weird noise in the back of his throat that could only mean there was a female within his reach. He thought his game was better than it was.
“Wonder if the carpets match the drapes,” he said, and I froze. That could only mean one thing.
I looked over my shoulders. Shit. My douchebag friends had officially seen Autumn before I could make a move. I watched her as she sat down and took the cup in her hands. Her hair almost hit her waist, long and flowing with loose curls. I wanted her to turn around, to see if she was as beautiful as I remembered, but I didn’t want these losers to know she was on my radar. Brandon would swoop in like he always did. I did know that she wouldn’t fall for his shit, though.
“What do you think, Shafer? Hundred dollars says I’ll get her first,” Brandon said.
“You’re a dick. You can’t honestly think it’s all right to bet on a girl,” Tyler said. e I hope Brandon takes the bait and drops this shit.
“I didn’t say it was all right. I said I’d win,” Brandon said, looking at him like he had two heads.
Fuck. I wracked my brain, thinking I could throw out so many reasons for them to stay away from her. Did I want to do that to her, though? I looked at her again. This time her friend saw me and smiled.
“That’s Josie’s new roommate,” I said, saying the first thing I could think of Brandon was getting ready to walk over there, but he took a seat as soon as I said that.
“Where you’ve been staying the past few nights?” Brandon asked, grinning a shit-eating grin. I just shrugged my shoulders. I let my silence fill in the gaps. “My man!”
“She’s looking at you,” Tyler said. He was still judging us like a fucking girl. I guess it was good having him around. Who else would remind me I was going to hell daily? “I thought you were giving that stuff up until you got back on track.”
“I am,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
I didn’t say I’d fucked her, but I didn’t say I hadn’t. Brandon was staring at me like I was God himself, and Tyler was disappointed. I looked over my shoulders, making eye contact with her. For a minute, I thought she wanted to talk to me. I shot daggers in her direction, hoping she would catch on. Do not come over here, Autumn. You won’t like what you hear.
“Practice is in ten,” Tyler said. We all stood and went our separate ways.
“Tell me everything later. You owe me this!” Brandon yelled at me as I walked to my car. I nodded but kept going. I wondered if there was a special place for me in hell or if I’d just go to general population.
Five
After I graduated, I decided to put off college for a year. My mother was devastated. My father was amused. He used any chance he could to tell me that I would never leave his home. I was destined to be a waitress; he had said mockingly. I became the bigger person, ignoring him when he said things like this. I knew after Kaleb graduated; we were leaving.
A few months later, I experienced pain like I never imagined. I didn’t let it stop me. After the pain numbed, determination stepped in. When I had the funds, I left. He would never again hurt me in the ways he used to.
The world had a funny way of reminding us where we came from. I thanked the manager at the café and walked away, defeated. I couldn’t even get a job as a waitress now. That made three places on campus that were not hiring. My last stop was the bookstore.
I walked up the steps, peeking into the glass before I walked inside. The bookstore was the first door on the right. Three cash registers were lined up by the door. Beyond them school apparel and supplies took up most of the space, with rows of book centered at the back.
“Can I help you?”
I turned, finding a small girl with purple streaks through her blonde hair behind me. Her face was round, and a diamond gleamed brightly in her nose. She barely reached my shoulders, but something about her was intimidating.
“Uh yeah, I was wondering if the bookstore was hiring.” I asked, fumbling over my words. All my confidence had left since I had been rejected multiple times in one day. I knew one semester without a job wouldn’t hurt me, but the responsible part of me knew I needed to save every penny I could.
“Yeah, I just had a girl quit on me,” she said, grinning proudly.
My eyes widened. “Why did she quit?”
“Will you come to work on time?” she asked, dodging my question. I nodded in response.
“You won’t call in once a week? Can you handle teasing? We’re all friends here…”
I felt like a bobble head by the time she finished grilling me. She looked pleased as she folded her arms across her chest.
“I take it you’re a student here?” she asked.
“Freshman,” I said, and her face twisted to the side. “But I’m nineteen. I took a year off to work and save up money before I started. This isn’t my first job.”
She seemed pleased with my answer. “When can you start?”
“Don’t I need to fill something out?” I asked, confused.
“They’ll take my word. I hire everyone,” she said confidently.
“Didn’t the last girl just quit on you?” I looked at her strangely. I snapped my mouth shut, wishing I could bundle my words together and swallow them, sending them back where they came from.
“Touché. So, when can you start?” She laughed.
“Whenever you need me to,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“Come in Monday after class and bring me your schedule,” she said, walking over to me. She stuck out her hand and I took it, shaking once. “I’m Mandy.”
“Autumn.”
“See you Monday, Autumn,” she said, dismissing me.
When I walked from the building, I let out a sigh I didn’t know I was holding on to. The last hour of panic was for nothing. I finally had a source of income. I finished my first day and made new friends. Well, one is not my friend anymore obviously. Other than that, things were looking up.
There was something familiar about the shadow outside the dorm entrance. The sun was dipping down behind the building, and I kicked up my speed. Taking the steps by twos, I reached the door and almost went in before I was stopped.
“I’ve been wondering when you would get back.” That voice had a habit of chiming in whenever I didn’t want to hear it.
“Here I am. You can leave now,” I said, walking into the building. I left him behind without looking back. I would be lying if I said that didn’t satisfy me. The door opened and closed behind me. I rolled my eyes but didn’t stop walking.
“What did I do to deserve that?” he asked. I stopped at my door, determined to get rid of him before
I went inside. I didn’t want a repeat of last night if his mood swings were more severe than a young child’s.
“Long day.”
“What are you doing this weekend?” he asked.
“Why are you talking to me?”
“About earlier,” he said, and I finally looked at him. I wished I hadn’t. His blue-gray eyes were full of sorrow. He was the first person here who was nice to me, and that alone made me want to cave.
“I’m not living through that again. You can be nice to me all the time, or just don’t bother,” I said. I spun on my heels and reached for the door. Liam gently took my hand, turning me. Despite my best efforts to control my reaction, I flinched. He looked as if I’d physically hurt him.
“What do you mean?” he asked, his eyes searching mine.
My brow furrowed, confused. I barely knew him. Why was he being so nice to me? I realized he was still holding my hand and shrugged him off.
“What are you not telling me?” he asked, determined.
“I’m not telling you anything, Liam. I barely know you,” I said with a laugh.
“Let’s change that. What are you doing this weekend?”
The door swung open. I stumbled, and a strong hand caught me. Josie looked between the two of us, smirking.
“What’s going on out here?” she asked as she crossed her arms.
Liam shoved his hands into his pockets, waiting for me to answer. When I didn’t, he leaned against the opposite wall, watching me through his thick lashes.
“I was just seeing what Autumn had planned this weekend,” he said.
Josie’s eyes widened, but she quickly composed herself. “Were you inviting her Saturday? You should come to the back to school party!”
“Oh, parties aren’t really my thing,” I said.
Not that I had ever been to a party, but I couldn’t imagine anything good coming from going to one. Ever since I could remember, my mom preached “Just Say No”. I never did anything she asked me not to do. Especially if she was doing it to keep me from ending up like them. After all, alcoholism is hereditary I’m told.
“You can ride with me; if you hate it, we can leave immediately,” Josie said.
“She said she doesn’t want to,” Liam said.
“I’ll go.” I shot daggers at him with my glare.
“Really?” Josie squealed, clapping her hands together. I smiled at her, doing my best to match her excitement. I wasn’t sure why I agreed to go. I was already regretting it.
“We can leave whenever you want,” she said.
“It’s fine. I actually plan on looking at cars Saturday anyway,” I said, shrugging.
“What are you looking for?” Liam asked.
“Cheap,” I said, shrugging again.
“I know some places nearby. I could take you,” he said. I knew he was only offering because he felt bad about earlier, but I refused to be a charity case.
“I’ll take the bus. I have to get a new phone and a few things that day. I wouldn’t want to keep you,” I said.
“It’s no problem,” he said, holding my gaze intently.
“No thank you. I’ll, uh, see you Saturday night I guess?” I said, offering a smile.
His face was unreadable as he kicked off the wall. “Sure thing.”
He was so weird. One minute, he liked me. The next minute he didn’t. I tried to shove him to the back of my mind, focusing on what I needed to do tomorrow.
Independence was calling my name.
I walked into our dorm, Josie on my flank. Our small room was suffocating me. I tore my backpack off and tossed it onto the floor before sitting on my bed. Josie sat across from me, grinning mischievously.
“What was that about?” she asked.
“Nothing, I just ran into him,” I said, lying. She looked disappointed. I could tell she wanted all the juicy details, but she knew she would never get them from me. I wasn’t a ‘sit around in my pajamas and talk about boys’ kind of girl.
“I thought something was going on there for a minute. He’s never with anyone. He’s kind of weird and moody,” she said, looking off into the distance. “I guess that’s what I get for thinking.”
Moody. I let that word marinate in my head. He was like that with everyone I saw. There was something about the way he looked at me today, and the way he was tonight, that made me want to run screaming for the hills, far away from his moody ass.
“I guess he was just being nice since I’m your friend,” I said, shrugging again, trying to figure out his moves.
She laughed. “He doesn’t care about me. We’re not friends or anything. I was just seeing what would happen if he stayed in my room for a few nights.” I was quite positive I made a face of disgust when she said that. But then again, who was I to judge anyone?
“Gotcha,” I said, not wanting her to elaborate. A pang of ugliness shot through my body. I obviously was not jealous of them. I didn’t know him. I was jealous that people could have normal human interactions, I guess. I was jealous of normal.
“He didn’t try anything. Like I said, he’s weird,” she said, laughing it off. I wished I had her confidence. If a guy didn’t want her, she thought he was weird. If a guy didn’t want me, I’d say they were a good judge of character.
I don’t know if it made me a bad person to feel relieved by him turning her down. I nodded in response, wondering if, had he been in a better mood, if he would have tried something with her. She was obviously gorgeous. I was sure she was the type of girl he was used to: bubbly, blonde, and beautiful. Everything I wasn’t.
“So, I was thinking I’ll let you borrow some clothes and help you get ready on Saturday,” she said, scanning my jeans and tee.
“I bought clothes yesterday,” I said. That was an absolute no to borrowing her clothes. Don’t get me wrong, a woman can dress how she wants. Me? Not so much. I like my clothes like I like my life: private and modest.
She looked at me nervously. “A dress? People get really into these things.”
“No, but I can get one Saturday.”
“Not necessary. You can borrow something from my closet,” she said, waving me off.
I cringed on the inside. She wore clothes that would make the devil blush. I didn’t argue with her, though. It felt like it would be a losing battle. A moody guy who kept popping up and a roommate who wanted to dress me in little clothing? Saturday would be interesting to say the least. It was better than home, though. Anything was better than the place I left.
Six
Fucking Josie.
I don’t know what I thought I would accomplish but inviting Autumn to the party that a bunch of drunk idiots would be at was not what I was aiming for. I wracked my brain, thinking of any excuse I could use to get her to not come, but I fell short. I’d already given my friends the idea that I’d slept with her. I thought I’d done enough.
This was a disaster. Therefore, girls and I do not spend more than an hour together. I wasn’t made for this kind of shit. I threw my shirt into my locker before tugging a fresh one on. I slammed it shut, the thud echoing in the empty room. The same room that brought so much frustration brought me solace when it was quiet. I don’t even work out with the team anymore. Truthfully, I thought they all knew I wasn’t coming back. Not after what happened.
I walked outside, finally able to breathe away from the stench of the gym and locker room. My car was parked near the building. I pressed the buttons on my keys, and my headlights blinked excitedly. I fell into the passenger seat; my muscles were Jell-O after the workout. I don’t move, and I knew it wasn’t because of the soreness. I knew there was a redhead who has a crazy hold on me on campus. It took all I had not to go after her and ask her to go out with me Saturday instead.
I wiped my hand down my face, annoyed.
Me: What’s your roommate’s number? I have a class with her. I have a question about an assignment.
Josie: Sure, you do. 832-555-5656
I ignored her snarky attitude altog
ether. She was just pissed I wouldn’t sleep with her. Believe me, it wasn’t from lack of trying on her part. I’d known that for a couple of years. She was around me too much to sleep with her. I’d seen her with the other guys; she got clingy.
I stared ahead, wondering what the hell to do now. So, I went behind her back and got her number. I tried to pick her up at a bus station to save her or some shit, and I showed up at her dorm room an hour later. Eventually, she was going to completely write me off as a creep. Just thinking about how I’d tried to get her attention the last few days had me embarrassed. I felt like Tyler. Christ.
Fuck it.
Me: Autumn?
It seemed like months before she responded.
Autumn: Who is this?
Me: Liam Shafer
Autumn: HOW DO YOU HAVE MY NUMBER?
I almost said, ‘bathroom stall’, but I restrained myself. I was trying to not be a dick to her. I was also trying to not be a creep, but there was no gray area here.
Me: I asked a friend. Do you want to grab something to eat this weekend?
Autumn: I just got a job…and I have a lot of errands.
I thought she was blowing me off. I mean, I’d never had this happen personally, but I’d done it to other people. That’s what this girl was. My entire past coming back to haunt me in one tiny, hot as hell, package.
Me: You are coming the party, right?
Autumn: Yeah
Me: We could go eat instead?
Autumn: I told Josie I would go with her
I pinched the bridge of my nose. For the love of God, I’d never been off my game this bad. If I asked her to go out with me one more time, I might as well cut my balls off and hand them to her. I let out a deep breath and swallowed my pride.
Me: Maybe some other time. See you at the party
Autumn: See you there
She didn’t agree to hang out another time. She didn’t ask for a raincheck. That wasn’t lost on me. I tossed my phone into the passenger seat and sped off, attempting to forget the most frustrating girl I’d ever met.
The Autumn Leaf Page 3