“Hey.” Tyler’s voice does not sound enthusiastic.
“Have you seen that Gabby chick?” I asked, not caring about small talk now. I was in my car and driving in the direction of the house.
He made a sound of disgust, and I rolled my eyes. Autumn had rubbed off on me.
“She’s sitting beside me actually.”
“Where are you?” Relief crashed into me like a wave.
“I’m at her house, dude. Can this wait?”
“Send me her address,” I said before hanging up on him. I knew he was pissed, but I got a text seconds later with an address.
I pulled into an apartment complex on the nicer side of town. Following the signs, I found the building that held Gabby’s apartment. Without hesitation I took the stairs in twos and pounded on her door.
Tyler answered. Clearly, he was not amused by me interrupting him. He stepped out of the apartment and closed the door behind him.
“What’s the big deal?” he asked.
“I’m not here for you,” I said, pushing past him. When I walked inside, Gabby’s eyes went wide. She was sitting on a white sofa, holding a glass of wine in her hand.
“Have you seen Autumn?” I asked.
“Earlier.” Her eyes narrowed.
“I can’t find her. She didn’t show up for tutoring today,” I said.
“Can you blame her?” Her voice was close to a yell.
“I don’t know. Did something happen?”
Her brow furrowed. She watched me, as if I would tell her I was joking at any moment.
“You’re an idiot. That is what happened.”
“Look, I really need to talk to her…I need…I need to apologize,” I said, pleading with her. Aside from her hating me, I really liked Gabby. She was the only good friend Autumn had in this place.
“You invited her there so you could make her watch you dance and make out with other girls. And that’s just a tip of the iceberg! Do you want me to elaborate?”
I held my hand up. “No, I get the point. I texted her, and went to her dorm…do you know where I can find her?”
She shook her head. “I don’t. Honestly, I’m proud of her. If you’re like that, she needs to stay far away from you.”
“I’m not like that! Anymore…I mean, I used to be.” I fumbled over my words, and Gabby gave me a pointed look.
She shrugged her small shoulders. “Clean up your act. Maybe she’ll come around.”
“She has to see me in class. I’ll just wait until then.”
“Wow, male thinking. Do not put her on the spot in class. She didn’t ask for you to pop into our class a few weeks late. Leave her alone. She’ll talk to you when she’s ready,” she said. For such a small, innocent girl, she held her own. I’d give her that.
Tyler sighed behind me and I decided it was time to leave. As I was walking out the door, I ran into a heaping pile of red hair. Autumn stared at me, wide-eyed. She was piling her hair on top of her head and was dressed in those yoga pants I’d grown to love seeing her in. She would never believe me if I told her, but girls would sell their souls to have a body like hers.
“Excuse me,” she said, staring at my chest, refusing to give me attention.
“Can we talk?”
She crossed her arms and clenched her teeth. I closed the door, wanting privacy. Maybe I could talk her down.
“I’m not sure what happened…but I can tell you it’ll never happen again, Autumn.”
“You’re right. I won’t put myself in that position again.”
Fuck.
“Please don’t say that. I fucked up. I’m sorry for whatever happened.”
“Okay,” she said simply.
“Okay, like you forgive me?”
“Okay like I couldn’t care less. I didn’t come here for this. I came here to get a degree and move on with my life,” she snapped.
“What happened to you to make you like this?”
Her eyes narrowed. “I could ask you the same.”
“And I would tell you!” I could feel the vain poking out of my neck as my frustration grew.
“I don’t care to know. I’m going inside now,” she said, pushing past me.
“Wait. What upset you so much? What can I do to fix it?” I asked, and she stopped shy of the door handle.
“You just reminded me of someone…” she said, not elaborating. With those few words, she said more than she ever had. I’d hurt her in the way she’d been hurt her whole life. Guilt crashed into me like a train.
“I can’t tell you I’m not them if you don’t let me,” I said.
“I’ve already told you. My past is in the past. I am not reliving it by talking about it. It’s there for a reason.”
“It’s not your past if you let it affect your decisions now,” I said, and she gave me a pointed look. I knew I had struck a nerve.
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“Then tell me,” I demanded.
“You said that’s who you used to be,” she said. Frustrated, she ran her hand down her face.
“I did,” I agreed.
“People don’t change. That’s what I think. That’s the person you are, and it will happen again. But next time it will be worse,” she said, and that cut deep.
“I’ll prove it to you,” he said.
“I won’t hold my breath,” she said.
“Are we good?” I asked, studying her face.
“No, Liam. We’re not.”
I watched her walk inside and close the door behind her. I could run in after her and demand she talked to me, but the logical side of me knew she wasn’t that kind of girl. She didn’t want an alpha male demanding her to be with him. She didn’t need anyone, as a matter of fact. That left me, an asshole, trying to prove to her that I was good enough for her when I didn’t even believe it myself.
Eighteen
The week of Halloween was here, and honestly, it soured my mood. We never had the money to dress up, and the kids at my school were too afraid to come to my neighborhood to get candy. It was like any other day for me. My parents stayed out all night, and I would hide when they came home.
My life didn’t start out that bad. When I was little, my parents were almost normal. In fact, my mother went through spurts of normalcy. After her death, I decided she must have been bipolar. Some days she was mother of the year. Other days, she was that added with a side of sarcasm from me.
On her worst days, she was never as bad as my father. As we got older, he got worse. At one time, I was their princess. As I got older, I was an emotional and physical punching bag; the girl who accused his friend of touching her; the family burden that would never go away. So yeah, holidays depressed me. They reminded me that I’d never been normal, and it was unlikely that I ever would be.
I was sitting in my English class, waiting for the professor, and listening to chatter about everyone’s weekend plans. I felt the seat next to me give in a little. Without looking, I knew he was there. It’d been three weeks since the incident, and I’d never seen him like this. At first, he sat away from me, occasionally waving, or saying hello. He’d slowly moved back to his old seat, and he even made small talk. A pang of hurt shot through my body. It felt foreign to me, but I was disappointed that he hadn’t tried harder.
“Have you started on your paper?” he asked.
I turned to face him. His thick lashes lined the blue-gray eyes that watched me. His mouth turned up into a smile. This was the first time he’d made this much of an effort to speak to me.
“I’m starting this weekend,” I said.
“I finished mine yesterday,” he said. I was shocked.
“Wow.”
“You’re doing it this weekend? Shouldn’t you be celebrating Halloween?” he asked, watching me intently.
“Do I look like someone who celebrates Halloween?”
He smirked. “I wanted to ask you something.”
“Yeah?”
“Will you read over my pa
per?” His eyes were full of hope, and I couldn’t be the one who killed that. Besides, Gabby told me he hadn’t acted like that since that night. She would know since she spent most of her time with Tyler.
“Uh, sure. I don’t know if I’ll have time before the professor comes in.”
His face broke out in a huge grin. “After class at the coffee shop?”
“Sure,” I said. I tried to look like I wasn’t as excited as I was. He’d kept his distance for weeks, and that hurt me. That was what I asked for, but I wanted him to at least try, but he didn’t.
“See you there,” he said just as the professor came through the door. Gabby slid into the chair on the opposite side of me. Her eyes bounced between us, and then she winked at me.
“Why does this feel like some lame attempt to get me to tutor you again?” I asked Liam as I set my notebook on the table. He pushed a cup in front of me with a grin.
“Because that’s what it is,” he said, smirking. I looked down at my coffee, cupping the sides, thinking it was a weird place we are in. First, we had a weird friendship, then we made out, then I hated him, and we were back to the weird friendship. Rinse and repeat.
“Give me your paper, Romeo.”
“I wonder why that one isn’t on the syllabus,” he said.
“Our professor is a hopeless romantic.”
“Isn’t that romantic?” he asked, and his face screwed into confusion.
I sighed. He should have known these things by this point. “No, it’s a tragedy…and it’s dramatic.”
“Dramatic tragedy. That should be a thing. We should make it a thing.”
“Give me your paper,” I deadpanned. His eyes were lit with humor. He leaned back in his chair, resting his arms behind his head. He made no attempt to reach in his backpack, and I was starting to get suspicious of him.
“So, about that…” I cut him off before he could talk.
“You lied to me?”
“It sounds really bad when you put it like that.”
“How would you put it?” I asked.
He leaned up, closer to the table. I could practically feel the wheels turning in his brain as he considered every word he would say. He palmed his drink, bouncing his leg. A strong layer of anxiety came over him. A stranger wouldn’t notice his behavior, but I saw him differently now.
“I should’ve said I’m sorry. I have been thinking of ways to talk to you for two weeks. That was the best I could do.” He shrugged his shoulders, finally looking up at me. His leg was rocking the table, sending the anxiety into the air. I could practically cut it with a knife.
“Why did you wait so long?”
He was confused; it was evident. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“Does anyone know what they want?” I asked. He stopped bouncing his leg; relief washed over him. I didn’t know what he’d expected me to say, but a question was better than my real answer. I had no idea if he should leave me alone. Did I want him to? No. Did he need to? Probably. “You were my friend…of course I didn’t want you to stay away forever.”
“I know what I want.” His face was wiped of humor. I’d never seen him so serious.
“Am I supposed to ask what?” I asked, and a corner of his mouth tilted up.
“Let me take you out.”
My heart did a little dance and my brain screamed no; all at the same time. “Okay.”
“Is tomorrow night good for you?” he asked, biting his lip, attempting to contain a smile.
“I get off at six.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven,” he stated.
“Sounds great,” I said as I stood up. I grabbed my notebook and my coffee. “Thanks for the drink.”
I took a couple steps back, smiling at him. He was just standing there, watching me with amusement. I wanted to ask what was so funny, but I was afraid. I’d never met someone so honest in my life. I turned and began walking away.
“Hey, Autumn?”
“Yeah?” I turned to face him. He shoved his fist into his pocket. He wore the same expression as before. I had a feeling I was about to find out what he found so amusing.
“I’m not your friend.”
I laughed once, confused. “What?”
“You told me earlier I was your friend and you didn’t want me to stay away. I’m not your friend,” he said, stressing each word.
“Is that something you say to everyone after you ask them to hang out? You really should work on your manners.”
His face said he was completely amused by our conversation. “We aren’t hanging out, Autumn. It’s a date, and I’m going to kiss you again.”
I fought the heat that was rising to my cheeks. The more he said, the more aware I was of the students that were at the coffee shop, watching us. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I’d been around him long enough to know he thrived on embarrassing me.
“Your chance of that happening just dropped significantly,” I said.
“So, you’re saying I had a chance? You were thinking about it?” His shit-eating grin was about to push me over the edge. The fiery redhead in me was about to rip him a new one, but I played his game. And I lost.
“See you tomorrow, Liam,” I said, and walked off.
Without thinking, I surveyed the patio around me. A dozen eyes were glued to me, watching my every move. I picked up my speed, knowing my face was as red as the autumn leaves that scattered the sidewalk.
And then it hit me like a freight train. I was going on a date with Liam Shafer. I was hooked and in too deep. My walls had crumbled, and somehow, he had wiggled his way into my heart.
Nineteen
I googled Ebola. That was as far as I could get, and it didn’t seem believable. I thought about making up a disease, but my thoughts quickly floated to the Friends episode where Rachel was called out for saying she had caught Newcastle disease. So here I was, sitting on my bed, desperately needing a paper bag to breathe into.
For a reason unknown to me everyone on campus came into the bookstore tonight, and I was constantly checking students out at the register. This left me no time to come up with an excuse to get out of going tonight.
I closed my eyes and breathed evenly. Why was I so nervous? I’d known Liam for a few months now! I’d kissed him…I’d slept in his bed. All I was doing was eating food in a public setting and Liam was joining me. That was all.
I bit my lip and pulled out my phone.
Me: I’m going out with Liam.
Gabby: Ugh. Stay strong. Guys are all a bag of dicks.
I laughed out loud. At least she helped my anxiety.
Me: What about Tyler? Thought he was nice.
Gabby: He’s a small dick. For real, call me if anything happens.
A knock. Something so simple as a noise sent me back into a downward spiral. I stood and inspected my appearance in the mirror. My jeans hugged me in the right places, and my top was tan and flowy. I looked normal. It took ten steps to get to the door, and longer than that to work up the courage to open it.
My shoulders relaxed when I opened the door. He was dressed simply, as he was every day. Just being around him calmed me a little.
“You look beautiful,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said, my tone clipped. I wasn’t sure how to take compliments, but I didn’t let him know that. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”
“Is that your complimenting me?” he asked, putting his hand over his heart. I rolled my eyes and pulled his hand down as I walked past him.
“You’ll never know. What’s the plan?”
“Food first,” he said.
The sun was dipping behind the buildings, but I could still see. His car was parked and running in front of the building near several ‘no parking’ signs. I looked at him and he shrugged. He stopped short of the car, picking up a leaf.
“Your hair is the exact color of this,” he said before handing it to me. I smiled on the inside.
“That’s where my name came from.”
I shook my head. “No. Kind of. I don’t know, my mom said she had a dream about me before I was born, and it led to my name. It’s weird, really.”
“Does it bother you to bring her up?” he asked.
“Sometimes it makes me think about what could have been. She was always different. Sometimes I think of what it would’ve been like if it was just me and her and my brother.” There was too much silence. “I was closer to my brother. I don’t talk about him really.”
I got into the car and clicked my seatbelt, wondering why I just word vomited. I had one unspoken rule: do not talk about the past. Now here I was, spilling my secrets to Liam.
“I’m sorry your dad sucked. It’s a rite of passage: you have to have at least one shitty family member,” he said, and I giggled.
“My brother was the only good one.”
“What was he like?” he asked, and my heart sank.
“He was my only friend. He would’ve done anything for me.” Anything. My heart dropped in my chest.
He took my short, aloof answer for what it was and dropped the conversation. The car suddenly became filled with an uncomfortable silence. I looked out the window, watching the city as it streaked by. Since I’d started here, I hadn’t had the chance to explore, and it felt like I was letting my life slip by. I came here to get away and start over. I couldn’t start over if I was the same person I was before.
“Where are we going?” I asked. I couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“One of my favorite places near the city.” He beamed a brilliant smile.
“Near?”
“You’ll see.” For a second, his eyes held mine before returning to the road. He turned into a drive-through. I leaned up, looking at the sign. Dick’s Drive-In. It looked different than the places back home.
“This is your favorite place?” I asked, laughing once.
The Autumn Leaf Page 10