“Oh.” She dipped her chin. “You mean like me helping my brother through med school.”
Holden nodded. “What if Calvin decides halfway through the program that he’d rather be a nurse? Or a dentist? What if he decides to become a professional poker player and wants you to use the tuition money to stake him? Will you have hard feelings?”
“He won’t do that,” Bernadette said firmly. “Calvin is very reliable and, like Devin, determined to be a doctor.”
“Olivia is reliable, too,” Holden said just as steadfastly. “Normally, anyway. We didn’t discuss worst-case scenarios. And during the first few weeks after the accident... She didn’t return my calls or messages.”
“And how does being ghosted make you feel?” Bernadette tipped her hat back and arched her brows. That was exactly how Holden had treated her.
“How do I feel? Now? Without elephants clouding my thinking?” Holden gave Bernadette a slow grin. “It makes me suspect she’s not okay. It makes me worry.”
“As I did about you.” Bernadette nodded.
He grimaced. “I’m sorry you were collateral damage from my meltdown.” His voice was silky smooth and as compelling as ever. “I never meant to hurt you, Bea. I just...hunkered down and couldn’t seem to do...anything.”
“I know.” She knew how debilitating anxiety could be. “I understand now.”
“But back to the topic at hand.” Holden sounded investment-banker serious. “Before you give your brother money, you need to talk through the scenarios so that you’re both mentally and emotionally aware of what might happen and what the impact of him not finishing would have on you.”
“Like I need to put more pressure on him. It’s med school!”
“Like I need to put more pressure on you to marry me. We’re having a baby!” he echoed her words.
“It’s not the same,” Bernadette insisted.
But she knew, on some level, it just might be.
* * *
“I’VE BEEN STUDYING your knitting instructions,” Devin told Bernadette after he’d gone on a second horseback ride with Frankie and some tourists that afternoon.
“You have?” Bernadette had been studying Holden fishing. The athletic set to his shoulders when he cast. The sturdy stance while he reeled in. She’d been so intent upon her research that she hadn’t noticed Devin had picked up her knitting.
The pair sat in folding camping chairs around the campsite’s firepit. The motor home still suffered a dead battery. She supposed Myrna’s nephew Tom would show up soon to rectify that situation. In the meantime, Holden’s snakeskin boots sat on the picnic table alongside Devin’s and Bernadette’s cowboy hats. Holden had bought two pairs of plain brown leather boots from Myrna—one for him and one for Devin.
Devin leaned toward Bernadette, holding out Odette’s knitting instruction sheet. “Based on this, I think you’re stitching with too much slack. That’s why everything is big and loopy. Didn’t you read this?”
“Once. It didn’t click with me. Making a knit cap for the baby seemed like something I was supposed to do as a mom, not something I wanted to do well.” Bernadette shrunk a little in her seat, realizing she wasn’t a good role model. “That doesn’t sound very adult.”
“But it sounds familiar.” Devin wrinkled his nose. “Like me going out for the polo team because my college résumé needed to be rounded out. I sat the bench because I lack the killer instinct.” He eased back in his chair, holding the instructions in front of his face. “Can I try?”
“Knitting? By all means.” Bernadette felt a strong sense of relief. Her gaze found Holden’s form once more. He didn’t look any worse for wear to her after his river dunking. Or his flirting with bankruptcy. Or his dumping her. Really, it was criminal how Holden looked handsome no matter what was going on in his life. He cast out his lure as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “You know, Dev, you can even unravel my shoddy work if you want.”
Devin went to town. As the dinner hour approached, he had the baby cap half-done. “It’s like math,” he told Holden when his father had stopped fishing.
“It’s nothing like math.” Bernadette laughed.
Holden smiled at her while she enjoyed a good long chuckle.
I should marry that man.
Bernadette stopped laughing. She wasn’t going to settle for anything less than love.
The tow truck rumbled down the hill from the silver mine. Tom parked his big yellow tow truck in the camping space next to theirs. He got out, leaving the motor running. “Looks like you’ll be spending another night.”
Bernadette exchanged a glance with Holden. His Yellowstone plans kept being pushed back, but he didn’t seem particularly upset about it.
“Aunt Myrna is a character, isn’t she?” Tom had an extralong set of jumper cables. He attached one end to his truck battery. “We’ve been trying to get her to sell the mine and move up to Aspen where I am or down to Boise where her daughter lives, but she’s determined to live out her days here. Uncle Jim loved the history of this place.”
“She had her hands full with a busload of high-school band kids today.” Holden opened the engine compartment on the motor home. “Bernadette and I worked the store for a bit while she ran the grill. And my son Devin helped with the horses.”
“We told her we’d fill in tomorrow.” Bernadette leaned against a tree trunk, trying not to look as if she was looking at Holden. “Can I ask... Why aren’t you interested in buying this place?”
“Me?” Tom held a cable clamp in each hand. “No one would give me a loan to buy Standing Bear. My wife and I tried once before.”
“Maybe you didn’t look to the right place for financing,” Holden said absently. “Or maybe the income Myrna generates doesn’t offset the risk of the loan.”
“Never thought about it much after our bank turned us down.” Tom attached one clamp to the battery. “We need a driver.”
“Hey, Dev.” Holden waved his son toward the motor home. “Hop inside and get ready to start it up.”
“Okay.” The teen scrambled up the stairs and behind the driver’s seat.
“Why doesn’t anyone else camp here?” Bernadette asked while they waited for Dev to turn the engine over. “It’s a lovely place.”
“Aunt Myrna doesn’t like to let just anyone stay down here. It’s like being in her backyard.”
“That’s leaving money on the table,” Holden said. “Not to mention she has too much tied up in inventory at that store of hers.”
“Don’t get me started on what’s in the grill’s freezer.” Tom hooked the final clamp on the battery and gave Devin the go-ahead to try the engine. “She’s lucky. Uncle Jim had a government pension, and she has her teacher’s retirement. It gives her a buffer, I think.”
The engine roared to life, helped by what sounded like Devin flooring it.
Holden gave his son a tone it down gesture. The motor home settled into idle.
“You’ll want to run the engine for at least thirty minutes before shutoff.” Tom headed toward his truck. “Hey, I picked up that stuff you wanted.”
Holden sauntered after him. “Great. How much do I owe you?”
“What stuff?” Bernadette wondered out loud.
The men carried large bags of rice and two buckets. Holden put one of his snakeskin boots in each bucket and then poured rice in and over the boots, filling the containers to the top.
Tom watched Holden with interest. “Does that really work? I’ve only ever tried that with a cell phone.”
“I hope it works.” Holden crumpled the empty bags and stuffed them in the campground trash can. “Those boots hold sentimental value for me.”
“Good luck with the boots.” Tom unhooked the cables. “Call me if you need any more help.”
“Don’t take this wrong,” Holden said, “but it would be really
nice not to see you again.”
They all laughed.
* * *
“DAD...” DEVIN PACED around the campfire after dinner and the two rice buckets with Holden’s beloved boots inside. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” Holden had been trying to tie a fly onto his fishing line, but it was time to admit it was too dark for the task. He set everything aside, wiggling his toes inside the stiff boots he’d bought from Myrna. “What do you want to ask me?”
“I want... It’s about...” Devin’s cheeks were a deep crimson, and he looked pained. “About girls...women...”
“Frankie,” Bernadette guessed with a gentle smile.
“Can we leave names out of this?” Devin’s look of pain increased. He made another circuit around the campfire.
Holden patted Bernadette’s arm. “Honey, why don’t you knit inside the RV where the light is better? You did so well today. You’re on a roll.”
“That was Devin,” she told him.
“She can stay,” Devin blurted before Holden had time to react to the knitting confession.
His son sat down next to him.
For a moment, Holden was torn. This was supposed to be an opportunity for father–son bonding. And what better way to bond than to talk about women? “Dev, you asked me for my advice.”
Bernadette smirked. “Maybe he wants a woman’s perspective.”
“I do,” Dev said on a sigh. “All I know is that Dad sends flowers and a note when he breaks up with a woman.”
Bernadette frowned. “I never got my flowers or a note.”
“And if that isn’t a sign that we never broke up, I don’t know what is.” Holden sank back in his chair, trying to organize his thoughts around relationship advice and trying unsuccessfully to avoid thinking about all the ways he’d handled this thing with Bernadette wrong.
“Dad’s got a point there.” Devin’s brow clouded. “Doesn’t he?”
“No,” Bernadette said flatly. “Let me tell you about dating. First off, relationships are about compromise and finding common ground. And to do so, you have to be honest with both yourself and the person you’re interested in.” She gave Holden a sideways glance.
Was that a dig at their relationship? He was ninety-nine percent sure it was.
Holden placed a hand over hers as a sign of solidarity. “I think what Bea is trying to say is don’t spill out your life history on the first date as you’re trying to discover the things you have in common.”
“Which requires honesty,” Bernadette snuck in.
Dev nodded.
“Well, you need to share the important things,” Bernadette countered, turning her hand and clasping Holden’s. “As in what’s important to you. That should be put out there right in the beginning.”
“I shared important things,” Holden grumbled.
“I mean like the fact that Devin is headed off to college and wants to find a cure for cancer,” Bernadette said gently. “It’s a big part of who he is.”
Dev nodded, vigorously this time.
Holden’s shoulders tightened. It felt like his son was glomming on to Bernadette’s advice. And speak of the devil, she was giving him more so-called pearls of wisdom.
“Secondly, you should be a good listener.” Bernadette leaned forward, trying to see Dev on the other side of Holden. “Frankie’s isolated here. She probably doesn’t get much of a chance to talk to other kids her age.”
Holden leaned forward, facing Bernadette. “But you don’t want to sit quietly. Show off your sense of humor. Impress her with your smarts. Don’t let the conversation be one-sided.”
“I agree it should be a conversation,” Bernadette emphasized that last word. “Not an opportunity to show off, like taking on a black-diamond slope when you haven’t mastered the skills needed to ski it safely.”
“I thought we were talking about relationship advice,” Holden said. “Not real life.”
Bernadette pried her hand free of his and eased him back into his seat with it. “I’m using an example. You see that, don’t you, Dev?”
“Yeah,” Dev said.
“Hang on.” Holden turned his back on Bernadette. “You’re a good catch. It’s okay to let her know it. You’ll be a doctor someday.”
Bernadette scooted her chair forward so that she could have a clear sight line to Dev. “Third, you should treat her as if her needs are more important than yours.”
“No. Your needs are always first,” Holden countered in a loud voice, turning toward Bernadette. “He’s a college student. Dev has to put himself and his studies first.”
“That just makes him look selfish,” Bernadette protested. “Gentlemen know how to sacrifice a bit, like you always flew out here because I was so busy with my practice.”
“I’d much prefer we keep this conversation conceptual,” Holden said stiffly, jerking his cramping shoulders backward.
“Conceptually, we seem to disagree.” Bernadette frowned at Holden.
Who grumbled, “My son is focused on achieving his dream. How can that be selfish? You meet someone, and you don’t know if they’re your forever love until...until...” Uh-oh. He was in trouble.
“Oh, so you can only be considerate of a woman if you fall in love with her?” Bernadette narrowed her eyes and angled her knees toward Holden’s until they were almost touching.
Holden had the distinct feeling that he was in trouble here, kind of like when Shortcake’s muscles bunched right before the plunge into cold water. “There need to be deep feelings, yes. Or I wouldn’t put her first. You said it. I always flew out to make things easier on you. I put you first. Always.”
“Ha! And now we’re back to my first point. Always be honest.” Bernadette slapped her hands on her thighs. “Forget everything I said so far, Dev.”
“Thank goodness,” Holden muttered.
“As a doctor, all you need to know about relationships, Dev, is about birth control.” Bernadette’s words had Holden sputtering. “If you aren’t brave enough to buy some, you aren’t ready to have a physical relationship.”
“Hey, I can provide my kid with birth control if it comes to that.” Holden knew what it was like to be a teenager in love.
“Birth control isn’t always one hundred percent effective.” Bernadette patted her belly. “Case in point.”
“I’m sorry, son. We seem to have gotten way off track.” Holden glanced over his shoulder.
Devin was gone.
“Where’d he go?” Holden swiveled around in his seat. “We haven’t finished giving him relationship advice.”
“I think this is something Devin needs to figure out on his own,” Bernadette said. “Maybe he went to the bathroom.”
“Or maybe he went to see Frankie.” To test out all their bad advice. Holden washed a hand over his face. “I want my son to feel like he can come to me for advice about anything—buying a car, making career decisions, heck, even choosing quarterbacks for his fantasy football team.”
“He will. I’m sorry. I...” Bernadette gave him a small smile. “I got carried away. He’ll come to you for all those things. He has a lot of love and respect for you.”
Holden hoped she was right. But it was a small hope, because nothing about this trip and his time with Devin was going as planned.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“YOU’RE READING A BOOK?” Devin wished he could take the question back as soon as he gave it voice. “Sorry. I’m just used to you working when you’re in here.”
And he’d been thrown for a loop by Dad and Dr. Carlisle bickering about relationships. They’d given him nothing but what he already knew: relationships were based on honesty and respect.
“Oh.” Frankie gave a little laugh. She looked like she’d showered since he’d seen her last. Her hair was wet beneath a blue beanie and her jeans were clean.
“I found this book in Gran’s bookshelf next to a dusty volume on accounting.” She flashed him the cover. “Pride and Prejudice. Once you get past the old prose, the story’s good.”
“Didn’t you ever have to read that for a language arts class?” He crossed the barn floor.
“Read a romance? At my school?” She shook her head, folding a corner of the page—which nearly killed Devin, who never folded a book page in his life! “We proudly read the ancient classics.”
“And here you led me to believe you didn’t read books for fun.” Devin sat down on the hay bale next to her.
Frankie frowned. “It’s not fun. It’s survival. My brain won’t shut off at night. At least tonight, I’ll think about Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth.”
“Hold on.” Devin snatched the book from her. “You’re enjoying the story, but you don’t think reading is fun?”
“You got me.” She shrugged. “I’ll tell you a secret about me. I’m a math nerd and—”
“I knew it,” Devin crowed. “I knew we had something in common.” Nerds unite!
“And I struggle with language arts. There. Are you happy now?” She reclaimed her book and set it on the far side of the hay bale.
“I can’t believe you called yourself a nerd. You are like the coolest person I know.”
She shrugged again. “I guess you shouldn’t judge people on their appearance.”
“I guess not.” He leaned back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling, unaccountably happy. “I’m so glad we broke down here.”
“Me, too,” Frankie said quietly.
Somewhere on the other side of the barn, a horse shuffled around its stall.
“Can I ask you something?” Frankie half turned to face him, but she stared at her hands.
“Sure.”
She kept her face cast down. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”
“No.” Nervous energy gathered in Devin’s chest and then shot outward like a bolt of lightning, flushing his cheeks and raising the hair on his arms. “Have...” He gulped. “Have you?”
Caught by the Cowboy Dad Page 16