Fearless

by Tawdra Kandle

  That was true in theory. Actually, though, Nell still had the power to haunt my dreams.

  Michael arrived just after dinner, having promised both his parents and mine that he would only stay for one hour. We sat on the front porch; I knew my parents weren’t letting me out of their sight any time in the near future.

  He held my hand and kept his eyes glued to my face, as though I might disappear at any moment.

  “How was school? Was it weird?”

  Michael hesitated, and I could feel him searching for the right description. “It was… different. First of all, I missed you all day. It felt wrong without you there.”

  “You’ve been going to school there for over three years without me,” I reminded him.

  “Yes, but that was before I knew what I was missing,” he retorted, lightly rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. “Aside from that, of course everyone was talking about Nell and wanted to know what had really happened. The rumors going around are pretty wild.”

  I groaned. “That’s great. Just what I need.”

  “Don’t worry, it’ll die down. But you should’ve seen all the people stopping by the lunch table—you know, just to ask about you of course.” He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t need to hear their thoughts to know what they really wanted.”

  “What did you tell them?”

  “The truth. It’s an on-going police investigation, and none of us are at liberty to say anything.” Michael smiled smugly.

  “Good answer,” I said.

  “Thanks. Like I said, pretty soon everyone will have something else to talk about and they’ll leave us alone.”

  “How are Amber and Cara doing? And did Liza or Casey say anything to you?”

  “Amber and Cara seem to be doing fine. I think they’re getting to be pretty good friends—I guess they bonded over this whole thing. And I only passed Liza in the hall. She made a point of not even looking my way.”

  “Hmm.” We sat in silence for a few minutes, as I digested all the news. “They must be shaken up by this whole thing.”

  “Amber said that Nell’s group was questioned by the police, so I’d say you’re right about that.”

  “What about Ms. Lacusta?” I had nearly forgotten about the teacher until then.

  Michael shrugged. “As far as I know, she was in school today. And I didn’t hear anything about her in all the talk going around.”

  I leaned closer to Michael and lay my head on his shoulder. The night was peaceful; through the cooling air I could hear the chirp of crickets and cars in the distance. His fingers tightened around mine, and when he spoke, it was hardly above a murmur.

  “Are you worried about tomorrow? Talking with that detective?”

  I frowned. “A little. I think my parents are resigned to the fact that I’m going to have to tell him the truth.”

  “Will you?”

  “If I have to. I’m not going to lie and implicate someone else just to protect myself, and that’s what I’d be doing if I said I overheard Nell talking to someone. Even if I claimed not to know who she was talking to—they’d still think there was another person who knew. I can’t do that.”

  “I know. What do you think they’ll do?”

  “Will they believe me, do you mean? I’m not sure. It might make me sound more suspect. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

  And the waiting was the hard part.I tossed and turned in bed that night; I hadn’t been active enough to be worn out, and my anxiety about meeting with the detective intensified when I was alone in the dark.

  When I finally did fall into a troubled sleep, my dreams all centered around Nell. I was back in the woods, and she had the knife. My nightmares didn’t allow for rescue; instead, I was powerless as I watched Nell stab Michael over and over again. My own screams woke me, and my mother was immediately at my side, soothing me.

  She stayed next to me the rest of the night, but I remained restless. When dawn broke, I was more tired than I’d been the night before. I dozed on the sofa in the living room, reassured by the familiar sounds of my mother preparing breakfast. In my half-asleep state, I could hear her thoughts and those of my dad, as they worried over me.

  I roused myself mid-morning to shower, carefully protecting the bandages on my neck and avoiding the lump that still ached on the back of my head. The detective was scheduled to arrive at noon, and I was jittery as I tried to fill the time until the meeting. I sat in my mom’s office with her as she sketched; she kept up a constant chatter about her shortened visit to New York, describing the hotel, the buildings and the author with whom she was working.

  “She was so understanding when I had to leave. I guess I’ll have to go back once everything is settled down here.” My mom cast a concerned glance my way. “No rush, of course. I don’t have to go anywhere for now.”

  I sighed, more in frustration with myself than with my mother. “Mom, I’m okay. I know I had a bad night, but it’ll get better. Once I get this police thing out of the way-“

  As if on cue, the doorbell rang. My heart pounded in my throat, and nausea overwhelmed me. My father was working at home again today, and I heard him answer the door.

  “Come on. Let’s go out there and get this done,” my mother said softly, rising and taking me by the hand.

  The man standing in our living room was tall. He wore jeans and a collared shirt with the letters “KPD” embroidered on the pocket. In his hand he held a baseball cap. I judged him to be in his early thirties. He regarded me with thinly veiled interest, and his eyes swept over my bandaged neck.

  Still looking shaky. Girl did a job on her neck, no doubt. Hate to put her through more, but it’s gotta be done. Procedure, if nothing else… covers us… get this started.

  He greeted my mother in subdued tones, and then held out a hand to me. “Tasmyn? Detective Sam Lawrence. Good to see you up and about. I saw you after they brought you into the hospital. You were pretty roughed up.”

  I nodded, unable to work my voice yet. He turned to my father again. “Is there some place Tasmyn and I can speak privately?”

  My dad scowled. “Does she have to be alone? She’s not the criminal here; I don’t see why her mother and I can’t stay with her.”

  “Daddy.” I laid my hand on his arm. “It’s okay. I’ll be all right. I can handle it.”

  He hesitated for a moment and then nodded. “Why don’t you stay here, and we’ll go into the kitchen. Sit down, please,” he offered belatedly.

  We sat across the room from each other, the detective holding his hat between his hands and looking at me with a not-unkind smile.

  “Been through a tough time, huh?”

  I cleared my throat and tried to keep my voice steady. “Yes. It was very frightening, and I was very lucky.”

  He squinted at me and thought, She’s not going to give anything away easy. I kept my face as impassive as I could.

  The detective shifted in his seat. “I’ve spoken to some of your friends, to the others involved in this situation. It’s quite a story they tell.”

  I waited again. That wasn’t really a question, and until he asked me something directly, I didn’t feel the need to volunteer information.

  “I’d like to hear your side of things. How did you end up in those woods with Nell Massler?”

  I took a deep breath. “I thought my boyfriend was in danger. While I was in the parking lot at school, about to get in my car to go out to him, Nell hit me in the back of the head. When I came around, I was in the clearing, and I was tied to a stake.”

  His face revealed nothing, but I could hear him clearly. That agrees with what her friends said. Doesn’t answer the questions they couldn’t.

  I tensed, waiting for him to ask those questions. Instead he nodded slowly. “And she cut you there, on your neck, with the knife?”

  I was confused by the direction of his question, but I answered. “Yes, with the athame. The same one she used to hit me in the head.”

  “Athame… t
hat’s a witch’s knife?”

  “Yes. I guess… as far as I know, most of the time it’s used to draw the circle.”

  “Yeah… that sounds right. Not that I know that much about it, of course.” He sat quietly for a few more minutes, turning his hat over and over in his hands, examining it closely. I couldn’t get a clear line on his thoughts, but when he spoke again, there was a different intensity in his voice.

  “You should know, Nell Massler is going away for the rest of her life. She’s not going to be hurting anyone else again.” His head dipped so that his eyes were shadowed, and I couldn’t see them. “She’s not going to prison. There won’t be a trial. She’s been declared mentally incompetent. Her father has agreed to commit her to an out-of-state hospital.”

  My breath caught in my chest. Battling with the relief I felt in hearing that Nell wouldn’t be a threat to me again was the horror at hearing her fate, so eerily reminiscent of her mother’s. An unexpected surge of anger toward her father choked me. Nell’s crimes fell at least partly at his feet. How could he abandon her yet again? I couldn’t reconcile these two reactions, not yet.

  “So you see, most of what I would normally ask you really becomes superfluous. No need to waste time setting down all the details. Not that I don’t have questions, because I do. I’m curious about how you came to know what Nell was planning. And if there were a case here, I’d have to ask you those questions.” Detective Lawrence raised his eyes to meet mine levelly. “But since it seems there’s no case, since that’s all been taken out of my hands by powers way above mine, I guess I don’t have to do that. I’m just here to wrap up paperwork. Unless, of course, you want to tell me about it.”

  I didn’t blink. “No, I don’t think so. As you say, there’s no case, no need.”

  He stared at me deeply for another few seconds before he exhaled and leaned back. “All right then. Seems like that’s all I have for you. If you think of anything else you feel I should know, your parents have my card. Just get in touch.” He rose to his feet, and then turned back to me abruptly. “Is there anything I can answer for you before I go?”

  Something had occurred to me in the last few minutes. “What about Ms. Lacusta?”

  I sensed his surprise at my question, and he looked down at me, eyebrows raised. “What about Ms. Lacusta? I talked with her. Said she knew Nell from some chemistry club at school. She told us Nell’s behavior lately had been more and more erratic, and that she’d been worried. Nothing else. Is there something we should know?”

  I shook my head slowly. There was nothing I could say; I had no proof of the teacher’s involvement in Nell’s actions, only Nell’s own word.

  “No, nothing,” I murmured. “I just… wondered. She seemed pretty close to Nell.” It sounded lame even to my own ears.

  Sam Lawrence eyed me thoughtfully. “I’ll keep that in mind. Not much I can do right now, but I can keep my ears open.”

  “Thank you.” This interview could have gone much differently, I realized. I was grateful that I hadn’t had to reveal anything, grateful that the detective hadn’t satisfied his own curiosity at my expense.

  “Okay, then.” He turned again toward the door, and this time I stood and followed him. As he stepped out, he looked back over his shoulder at me. “Try to keep your head down. King’s a good town, a decent place. You don’t ruffle too many feathers, and you’ll get along. Call me if anything else comes up. Don’t try to handle everything on your own again, you hear?”

  I heard the not-so-subtle chastisement, and meekly I nodded. He met my eye for one more instant and then he was gone.