“You’re twisting things around and you know it.” I stalked off to my car so I could shake all the nosey people honing in on my conversation. Besides, a black man blowing his lid in the middle of an airport wasn’t exactly sending warm and fuzzy vibes to security.
“When can you get up here, Kim?” I asked once I closed the car door.
“Let’s shoot for Christmas.”
“Christmas! Do you know how expensive those tickets will be?” My voice bounced off every surface in the car.
“I mean…you have two good jobs, you can make it work. Let’s do that. We’ll try again for Christmas. Sorry about that, Cyrus.” She hung up abruptly before I could get the next word out of my mouth. It crashed against my lips begging to get out. I had nowhere to put it, so I swallowed it down like crushed glass.
I wasn’t going to get to see Bri.
She was all I cared about.
I set the teddy bear and bouquet of daisies down in the passenger seat and rested my forehead against the steering wheel. My better judgment swaddled me in the feeling that I’d miss out on seeing my daughter at Christmas too. The feeling radiated through my chest like a hot sword.
Pax was right. I was going to need that damn cookie when I got home. I drove through dense waves traffic for over an hour to get home. The sky was already starting to darken when I walked through the door.
I took a bite of the cookie sitting in my cabinet and called my parents. The last thing I wanted to hear was my mother going off about Kim. I didn’t need to hear that she was right to know it was true.
I navigated that phone call with my eyes closed, pinching the bridge of my nose most of the time. “She’s using you for money, Cyrus. She thinks it’s a game. You need to…”
“Ma, I don’t want to hear what I need to do. I’ll work it out. I just wanted to let you and Dad know that Brianna isn’t coming over right now. I’ll talk to you later.” I ended the call and hit Pax’s name in my phone next.
“Yo, is little miss over there yet? I want to see my niece. Last time I saw her she was still a squishy newborn potato without distinct facial features. I had to pretend she was cute.” Pax was the only asshole that could make me laugh in a time where I wanted to scream.
“Fuck you. My daughter came out looking like a child model.”
“Oh…we’re using the bad words now. You must have taken a bite of that cookie huh?” The smile in his voice was evident.
“Yeah. I did. Kim called me when I was at the airport to tell me she wasn’t coming. Now she has the ticket money plus an extra hundred and she’s talking about coming out here for Christmas.”
“Fuck, bro. I’m sorry. That’s foul as shit. She ran off with your money without an explanation?”
“She claimed her mom went to the hospital but I don’t believe that. Kim has proved time and time again that she’s a liar.” I blew out a short puff of air and shook my head at the luck I had ending up with a woman like Kim as the mother of my first child. What was God trying to teach me with that lesson?
“I need to get as fucked up as possible right now. I know I don’t show this side of me often but I’m hurting right now, Pax,” I admitted quietly.
“I know,” he sighed. “I’m here for you.”
“Thanks, man.” Ten minutes later, I convinced him to meet me at the nearest bar and made him promise to stop me after three drinks.
That was it.
My heart was hurting too much for me to ignore it or fill the void. I wanted to escape even if it was for a moment.
***
Bellamy
I was only supposed to stay at The Baccarat for the weekend but it turned into four days. My money was dwindling and anxiety covered me like a fucking blanket of cement. Thanksgiving was next week and I didn’t have anywhere to go. I saw pictures of Leonard on Instagram with Katie in St. Tropez and I wanted to scream.
I decided that since he was off kissing his wife’s ass to make up for cheating on her for a year with me, that I’d have fun ruining his vacation. Nothing against Katie, but I had my own bone to pick with Leonard. I sent him a text asking if he was going to at least keep paying for my car insurance and phone bill until I found a job.
Leonard: I’ve already paid your phone bill for the next three months but after that, I’m going to have to cut it off. When your insurance runs out next month, I’ll come pick up the truck.
Me: You’re a bitch.
Leonard: I’m sorry, Belle.
I didn’t respond because…fuck him. I had to think fast. I needed somewhere to stay because I couldn’t keep blowing eight hundred dollars a night just to be comfortable. I had to think like a normal person again.
A person that had no money.
A person who had nobody.
I had to think like myself.
I had no family to call on. My mother was a fucking drug addict running around New York looking for her next hit. She pawned me off on child services when I was seven-years-old and never looked back.
I never got adopted and nobody in my family ever spoke up and tried to take me in. The only family I ever heard my mother talk about was her mother. She would always say, “Your grandmother, Joan lives upstate and she won’t even let us sleep on her fucking couch. Uppity cunt.”
So warm and fuzzy.
I never looked for Joan when I aged out of the system because I met Leonard. I didn’t need her or anyone else. Well, I needed someone before my ass ended up on the street. Then I’d be no better than my mother.
Before I looked for my alleged grandmother upstate, I was going to need a lot of liquor. So. Much. Liquor.
I hated dealing with people. I spoke best when I was fucking and I only did that when no feelings were attached.
I rummaged around in my things until I found my fake ID, which listed me as twenty-three then I got dressed in a curve-hugging low cut red dress. Going out was no fun if I couldn’t turn heads while I did it and that red dress would definitely do it. I rubbed a little oil on my hands and smoothed them over my dark hair then slid on a coat of matte red lipstick.
Fuck, I was hot.
There was something about a curvy piece of chocolate in a red dress that drove men crazy. I planned to send several men to the insane asylum.
My heels clicked and popped as I walked through the hotel lobby. I could feel the eyes on me already. Shit, they hadn’t even seen my dress because I had on a jet-black mink gifted by Leonard, of course. I could only imagine what the men would do when they saw my coat come off.
The bar at The Baccarat was breathtaking. Rich and glossy wood walls complemented the striking and always classic black and white color scheme. Gorgeous art hung on the walls and pillows lined the couches. I could definitely unwind in a space this beautiful.
I slid my shoulders from my mink for effect and handed it over to be checked in. Did I need a mink just to go to the bar in the hotel I was staying at?
No.
It sure as hell made the men break their necks to stare at me though. I heard disgruntled women clearing their throats and demanding their men turn their attention away from me. I couldn’t help but smile. Causing a scene was my thing. I had a sickening body with deep curves and long tight lines and I knew how to use it to get what I wanted.
Tonight I wanted free liquor.
Even though I was dressed to kill and my eyeliner was sharp enough to murder a man, I didn’t get any free drinks. I ended up sitting at the bar tipping back drink after drink while being gawked at like a beautiful piece of art.
Fuck.
After my fourth lemon drop, I realized even if I got a job it would take weeks for my paycheck to come in and even longer for me to save enough money to get my own place. I was going to actually have to find my grandmother. What if she was dead or just as much of a junkie as my mother?
Anger heated my chest at the thought of my mother. How could she leave me voluntarily? If she didn’t want me she should have aborted me. I would have been better off.
Sometimes it seemed like not living was a better fate than being abandoned constantly. The half-empty glass trembled in my grip. It was only then that I realized my hand was shaking. I set the drink down and dragged in a jagged breath.
I couldn’t let memories sink their hooks into me because regret and pity would come along for the ride and drag me to the bottom. I was barely keeping my head above water. Depression was always on my ass like a rabid fucking dog out for blood.
I wasn’t depressed when I had Leonard and I knew he’d come over and spend the night with me. Maybe it wasn’t love but it was companionship and I didn’t realize how much I craved it until it was gone.
“Hey, I’m ready to pay my tab,” I sniffed and waved my credit card between my pointer and middle finger at the bartender. She came over and swiped it with a smile. I rolled my eyes and sighed. I didn’t want smiles from someone who probably grew up in a house not wanting for a thing. The bartender probably grew up with some kind of family.
Maybe she only had a mom or only had a dad but no matter how disjointed, family was family. I didn’t know what the fuck it felt like to have even a broken family.
I didn’t have shit.
“Excuse me, ma’am, your card has been declined.” She tried to keep her voice down but to me, it sounded like bombs exploding. It tore the beautiful décor to shreds and made everyone turn their heads. I knew in reality, nobody was looking at me but it didn’t feel like that.
I snatched my card back and handed her another one. I watched frantically as she turned to slide the card into a chip reader, keeping her back to me.
What the fuck was taking so long?
I darted my anxious gaze to the front doors wondering if I could make a run for it if this card was declined too. I couldn’t run though. I was staying in the fucking hotel.
So damn stupid, Bellamy.
I was just about to turn my attention back to the bartender when I saw the most beautiful man walk through the doors. He was with another guy who had jet-black hair and equally black eyes but the beautiful man…he was the only one I concentrated on.
He was tall and took long strides with sturdy legs. The coat he had on fit his broad shoulders and strong lines like it was made just for him. I licked my lips involuntarily as he made his way to the bar. He sat two seats away with his friend and they laughed like they didn’t have a care in the world. They were clearly high as fuck and I envied them. I’d take being high over being drunk any day.
I pressed my thighs together and stared at him without any shame. One look at him made me wonder what his dick tasted like. I wanted to know how his cum would feel on the back of my tongue.
Did he moan when he came?
Did he like to pull hair? Mine was short but it could definitely still be gripped hard. I tucked my bottom lip between my teeth and imagined how he looked beneath all those layers of clothes he had on. I wanted to rip them off.
“Ma’am, this card was declined too. Do you have any cash?” The bartender broke apart my lustful eye-fucking session and I remembered that I was in the middle of an insanely awkward moment.
Katie must have made Leonard cut off all the cards he gave me.
Knowing better, I handed her the last card I had in my clutch. I didn’t want to hand over my cash. I was already running low and it was time to start conserving that shit in case I couldn’t find my grandmother or if she was just as much of a mess as my mother. Maybe she wouldn’t want to take me in. Regardless, I needed to keep my cash.
Please work. Please work. Please work.
I watched the bartender take the beautiful man’s drink order before she tried my card. When she grinned at him and he said something that made her giggle, I felt a flare of jealousy. Fuck, his smile was amazing.
By the grace of God, I caught his eye and I’d never drowned so quickly before. His eyes were just as perfect as the rest of him. They were the warmest shade of translucent brown I’d ever seen in my life.
The smile slid off his handsome face when our eyes locked. I used to think it was bullshit when people said the room melted away upon eye contact with someone.
It wasn’t bullshit anymore.
The room became a mirage of colorful smears that ran down the walls and turned to puddles of awe at our feet. He was in just as much of a trance as I was and the way he wet his lips with his tongue made my thighs clench and my belly turn into a thick mass of knots.
“Ma’am, this card was declined too. I’m sorry.” The bartender’s unwelcomed voice made everything click back into motion and it seemed time needed to play catch up from stalling for so long.
The beautiful man with the translucent brown eyes blinked rapidly before calling the bartender over. I couldn’t hear his voice because he whispered to her, which made me want to rip her throat out.
Calm the hell down, Bellamy. You don’t even know him.
She gave him a kind smile. It was the kind of smile that good people with warm hearts give. I was incapable of giving that kind of smile because my heart was a mess of veins that pumped ice water instead of warm blood.
The bartender leaned over when she got to me and said, “The gentleman over there is paying your tab. You’re free to go if you want.”
A knot occupied my throat and no matter how many times I swallowed, I couldn’t dislodge it. He paid for my tab. He didn’t even know me. Normally that would have made me pounce on him but I couldn’t. I was paralyzed by his energy.
I slid off the bar stool and walked over to him. “Thank you,” I said above the cacophony of noise in the background. He didn’t say anything he just smiled at me and nodded his head as if that simple action didn’t set me on fire.
I had to get the fuck away from him.
Men like that were dangerous.
Men like that made you feel things.
I’d never met a man that made me feel things before but I damn sure didn’t want to meet one now. Fuck that. I liked my heart on ice. If I was around him for too long it might just start to thaw and I couldn’t have that.
***
Cyrus
“I told you going to The Baccarat bar was a good idea.” Pax closed the front door behind himself and flopped over on my couch. Going to the bar was a good idea for him because he actually got drunk. Those three drinks I had didn’t do much but they gave me a nice buzz. The bite of cookie did more.
No amount of edibles or alcohol could inebriate me more than the badass bombshell in the red dress at the bar though. The minute I saw her, I knew she was trouble. She was far more potent than anything at that damn bar.
When her cards got declined, I saw embarrassment painted on her pretty face. Something in my gut made me want to erase that look from her face. I had a horrible weakness for dangerous curves. Miss Red Dress had curves that were fatal and I didn’t have any brakes.
“You should have gotten that one chick’s number though. The one in the red dress. You were ready to spend your entire check on her.” Pax sat up and laughed a little. His eyes were narrowed by the THC in the edible he ate before we left the bar.
“She was…” There were no words for her so I shook my head instead.
“She was bad as fuck. She was feeling you too, bro. You should have gotten her number at least.”
“I can’t deal with a woman like that, Pax. Women like that ruin you slowly from the inside out. I’m good.”
“Shit, she could ruin me all night long.” We shared a laugh and I knew it was wrong but I was a man before I was a pastor and the man in me couldn’t help looking at Miss Red Dress.
I saw her in my mind long after Pax left and went home. I couldn’t stop imagining the way her full hips moved as she swayed out of the bar and I’d be a damn liar if I said I wasn’t staring at her ass. I wanted to bite it.
My eyes popped open at the lustful thought and I stared at the ceiling in my bedroom. That’s exactly what got me in trouble with Kim when I vacationed in Miami. I snapped my eyes shut and tried not to think about Miss
Red Dress or her smooth mocha skin and thick ass. I tried not to picture her gorgeous whiskey eyes when she thanked me for paying her tab.
I shouldn’t have paid her tab but I felt compelled. Her beautiful face might have helped me make that decision. There wasn’t a man in the bar that wasn’t staring at her. She had red-hot magnetism swirling around her like a tornado. She was a display of fireworks but that meant she could do just as much damage.
Still…
My dick was steel thinking about her and that walk.
I knew I wasn’t still high from the edible and the buzz from the three drinks had long left me. Something else was pushing my hand down my boxer briefs and making me stroke my hard-on. Something that I was powerless against.
My hand moved slowly at first, up and down my shaft. I picked up speed once I started disrobing Miss Red Dress in my mind. I could see her chocolate skin without one blemish and her full tits. Her nipples were probably like milk chocolate kisses.
Goddammit if I didn’t want to cover them in kisses of my own.
My hips thrust upward just as I thought about how silky her arousal would feel coating my cock. I thought about how tight she probably was and how hard I’d crash into her over and over until she trembled or tried to run away from my strokes.
I didn’t even know her name and she had me jerking my dick and drinking in gulps of air just to breathe through the blanket of heat that seemed to materialize in my bedroom. I pictured the faces she’d make while I was fucking her and how many positions she’d let me bend her into and before I knew it, warm silky ropes of cum were covering the back of my hand.
“Shit,” I groaned, tipping my head backward. My heart thumped relentlessly in my chest. The pounding carried throughout my entire body. Even the soles of my feet pulsed. I couldn’t remember the last time I came that hard.
Hopefully, I had Miss Red Dress out of my system because she was dangerous. Too dangerous for a man like me. I had other shit to focus on besides stunning women with beautiful eyes and insane curves.
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