A Season for Goodbye

by Lurlene McDaniel

  Trembling, crying, Chelsea threw her arms around DJ. “I thought I was going to die,” she sobbed.

  “You really weren’t going all that fast,” he said. “But dropping the reins made it dangerous. If he’d stepped on them, he’d have gone down.”

  She clung to DJ and felt him stiffen. She struggled to regain her composure. “T-thank you for rescuing me.”

  A concerned group of counselors and friends soon surrounded them, all talking at once. “Is she all right?” Kimbra asked.

  “I’m fine,” Chelsea said weakly.

  “Can you still ride?” DJ asked.

  Her knees were shaking so badly, she was positive she couldn’t get back up on the horse. “I’d rather walk,” Chelsea told him.

  DJ handed the reins of both his and Chelsea’s horses up to one of the group. “I’ll walk her to the tables,” he said. “The horses are my responsibility. I should have been watching closer.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Lacey said with a grimace. “Let me deal with the problem that caused it.” Chelsea watched Lacey ride off toward the stream where Dullas was lost somewhere in the crowd.

  In minutes, the others had ridden away until only she and DJ were alone in the high grass of the field. Butterflies danced in front of them and the summer sun beat warm against Chelsea’s head and shoulders. Her heart slowed from its erratic pounding. “I’m sorry I’m such a bother,” she said quietly. “I didn’t mean to lose the reins. It all happened so fast.”

  “Just so long as you’re okay.”

  Her heart turned a flip-flop. “I didn’t think it mattered one way or the other to you if I fell off the face of the earth.”

  He looked down at her. “Why would you think that?”

  “I know you don’t like me very much.” It took courage to tell him what she was thinking, but she figured her brush with death had made her extra brave.

  “I guess it does seem that way to you, doesn’t it?”

  His answer surprised her for she’d expected him out of courtesy to brush aside her doubts. “I can’t help what happened with Jillian.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t hate you.”

  “What do you feel toward me?”

  He didn’t answer right away and she was afraid she’d pushed too hard. “I’m not sure,” he told her at last. “You got the heart Jillian should have gotten. She was my twin sister. What can you expect me to feel?”

  Chelsea knew DJ resented her, but what could she do?

  “I would have traded places with her,” Chelsea said. “I told Katie as much while we were waiting for the donor heart to arrive. I didn’t want Jillian to die.” She felt like crying.

  “Look, I know it’s not your fault. I know doctors and computers made the decision. They told us at the time that the donor organs could save three people this way instead of only one.” DJ gave a bitter laugh. “Three for one. It sounds reasonable—except that the ‘one’ was my sister.”

  Chelsea understood his bitterness. There simply weren’t enough donor organs to go around for all the people who needed them. She’d been lucky to get an organ in order to extend her life. Jillian, on the other hand, hadn’t been so lucky. “More people should sign up to be donors,” she said. “Both my parents have signed a place on their driver’s licenses to be organ donors if they die in an accident or something.”

  “So have I,” DJ said.

  She glanced up quickly. “You have?”

  “Why not? I won’t need them if I’m dead. And I don’t want some other brother going through what I’ve gone through.”

  “That’s good of you. I—I’m glad to be alive. I always wished I knew who my donor was. Like Katie knows hers is Josh’s brother. But I don’t know. I’d like to tell the family thank you.”

  By now, they were almost at the picnic site. Chelsea understood why DJ didn’t want to be around her. She was a constant reminder that she’d gotten the heart intended for Jillian. She didn’t blame him, but it didn’t stop her from feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness and loss. “Thank you again for rescuing me,” she said.

  “It’s part of my job.” Then he shrugged. “Besides, it would have been terrible if you’d survived heart transplant surgery and then died being thrown from a horse. A real waste.”

  He didn’t add of a good organ but she sensed it was on his mind. She turned and walked quickly away, not wanting him to see the tears that were swimming in her eyes. All around her, kids were playing, eating, and laughing. Once more, she felt like a stranger looking through a window at a world she didn’t belong to.

  “Lacey said I had to apologize for making your horse run away with you.”

  Dullas’s statement jerked Chelsea out of her gloomy mood. “You should be sorry,” she snapped at Dullas. “You could have killed me.”

  The smaller girl offered a contrite if sullen glare. Her eyes were partially covered by the brim of the baseball cap and her clothes looked rumpled and dirty. “I didn’t know you couldn’t hang on to a horse.” She cocked her head to one side, like a bird studying a worm. “But it wasn’t all bad, you know.”

  “And just how do you figure that? What if DJ hadn’t caught up with me?”

  “That’s just the point. He did catch you. And he walked you over here. And the two of you started talking. Isn’t that what you wanted? Weren’t you afraid to talk to him? Well, now you have. As I see it, I did you a favor.”

  Chelsea stared incredulously at Dullas. The girl flipped the brim of her baseball cap and skipped off. Thank her? Chelsea sputtered to herself. The girl was crazy. She wasn’t thankful at all. At least for a while she’d held out some hope that DJ would notice her and care about her the way both she and Jillian had wanted him to care. Now she knew without a shadow of a doubt that DJ would never have anything to do with her. And now that her hope was gone, she felt more depressed than ever.

  Eleven

  KATIE WATCHED CHELSEA wander off to be by herself and figured her talk with DJ must not have gone very well. Yet she refrained from hurrying over and pumping Chelsea for information. When Chelsea felt like discussing it, she would. Katie sighed, took a piece of watermelon off a table, and headed downstream.

  The small creek bubbling over stones made a soothing, restful sound. She found a secluded place along its banks and sat down in the cool grass, bit into the succulent melon, and turned her thoughts to the letter she’d received that morning. Mail call had brought a message from the track coach at Arizona University wanting to know if she was intending to take the track scholarship he was offering. He’d written that time was running out and that there were others waiting for the scholarship if she didn’t want it. Katie knew she wanted it, but she didn’t have an answer.

  She would have liked to talk it over with Josh, but, of course, Josh freaked out every time she so much as hinted at going away. And all of her friends were so bogged down in their own problems, she didn’t feel she should burden them with hers. Truthfully, there wasn’t anything they could say to her anyway. College and track and her desire to be on her own were out of their realm of understanding.

  Jeff McKensie’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “Can I join you?” He plopped on the grass next to her without waiting for her answer.

  She put aside personal concerns and said, “This melon’s great. Where’s yours?”

  “I’m not too hungry.”

  “Impossible. Last summer you ate everything that didn’t eat you first.” Last summer, they’d become good friends, often swimming laps in the pool together in the early morning.

  “Last summer, life was simpler.”

  “How so?”

  “I didn’t realize how much grief there was in liking Lacey.”

  “You like her? According to her, you don’t like her.”

  Jeff shook his head and sighed. “I like her. That’s the problem.”

  “I’m confused,” Katie admitted. “She thinks you don’t like her. She said you had a big argument because you wouldn’t
believe that she cares about you.”

  “You bet I don’t believe it. I wish you could have seen her in the hospital last spring. She really screwed up her diabetes, Katie. When I saw her in ICU in diabetic coma, I felt sick to my stomach. She’d lost so much weight she looked like a war orphan. And all the while, she kept denying that anything was wrong with her. If she can’t face reality, how can I trust her feelings toward me?”

  Katie nodded with understanding. “I know how exasperating Lacey can be, but I think she knows where she went wrong with her illness. I think she’s worked hard to be well again. What I don’t understand is why you won’t cut her any slack.”

  Jeff picked up a pebble and lobbed it into the gurgling brook. “Ever since last summer, I’ve been on a roller coaster with Lacey. First, she’s interested in me. Then she’s not. Do you know how many times she’s given me the come-on, followed closely by the brush-off?”

  Katie sensed his frustration, but she also felt obligated to defend her friend. “Don’t you think the worst of it’s over now? You might give her one more chance.”

  Jeff shook his head. “She’s the one who announced that we’re finished. I’m not putting myself on the line for her again.”

  “You provoked her. You know Lacey doesn’t mean half of what she says when she gets mad.”

  “Exactly my point.” Jeff leveled a green-eyed gaze straight at Katie. “I can’t trust anything she says. Why should I believe her anymore?”

  Katie felt a flush creep up her neck. In trying to plead Lace’s part, she’d helped Jeff be more convinced than ever that Lacey didn’t mean what she’d said about caring for him. “Maybe you should be talking to Lacey about this stuff,” she said.

  “Can’t you say something to her for me? You’re the only person she’s ever listened to.”

  “Give me a break, Jeff. I don’t want to get in the middle of this. All I did last summer was run interference between you and Lacey and Amanda. I’m not up to it this year.”

  He looked hurt. “I need your help, Katie.”

  “I’m not Miss Fix-It, Jeff. I don’t want to get involved. Really.” She stood and brushed off the seat of her shorts. “I’m sorry if you’re angry with me, but I’m staying out of your and Lacey’s problems.”

  Katie hurried farther downstream where she could be alone. She felt bad about snapping at Jeff, but the truth was she couldn’t even help herself, so how could she help him? Why didn’t her friends understand that she had a life of her own and that she couldn’t solve the world’s troubles? “Good old Katie,” she muttered under her breath. “Got a problem? Take it to Katie.”

  She heard a horse whinny and turned to see Josh riding toward her. “I’ve been looking for you,” he said, dismounting in front of her.

  “Good grief, can’t I get any privacy?”

  He stepped backward. “Sorry. Kimbra wanted all the counselors back at the picnic site for some games. I said I’d find you and let you know.”

  “I—I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I’ll walk back with you.”

  “What’s wrong, Katie?”

  She saw concern and wariness in his eyes, but couldn’t bring herself to mention the letter. She didn’t need another confrontation with Josh at the moment. “Nothing much,” she said. “Jeff was just dumping on me about his and Lacey’s problems and I was feeling helpless.”

  Josh looked relieved. “Yeah, it’s best to stay out of the path of those two. I don’t think they’re ever going to get it right between them.” He put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her. “They’re not like us, huh? We know we want to be with each other.”

  She fell into step beside him as he led the horse toward the picnic area. Coward! her mind accused. Why hadn’t she told Josh the truth? More and more, she felt herself drifting farther away from him and her life in Ann Arbor. Every day she was filled with a restless yearning for something else. Something more. “Not like us at all …” she repeated, feeling as hollow and empty as an abandoned dream.

  “I ache all over. How can anyone think that horseback riding is fun?” Chelsea moaned from her bed.

  “Soak in a tub of warm water,” Lacey suggested. She was in Katie and Chelsea’s room playing with different hairstyles in front of the mirror.

  “Where’s your shadow?” Katie asked. “How’d you get away from Dullas?”

  Lacey grimaced. “I insisted she play some video games with one of the guys from Josh’s room. Honestly, she’s driving me crazy with her hanging around.”

  “Don’t be mean,” Chelsea chided. “I think she’s got a case of hero worship.”

  “Why should she?” Lacey asked. “I’m not particularly nice to her.”

  “So what’s news about that?” Katie said innocently.

  Holding up a hunk of her hair and a comb, Lacey turned from the mirror to face Chelsea and Katie. “Well, thank you, my good friends. Since when did you two decide to trash Lacey? Is this a new pastime? Are we bored?”

  “Leave me out of this,” Chelsea moaned. She got up from the bed. “I am going to soak in the tub.” She disappeared into the bathroom.

  “So what’s with you?” Lacey asked, eyeing Katie.

  Katie told her about the coach’s letter and finished by saying, “I have to make a decision soon.”

  “You’re going to have to tell Josh. He thinks you’re going to marry him. He needs to know you’re going off to Arizona.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “It’s what you want to do. Just do it.”

  Exasperation welled up in Katie. Lacey made it sound so simplistic. “What if I told you I’ve decided not to take the scholarship. That I’m going to college in Ann Arbor and marry Josh next spring.”

  “Then do that. Just do something, Katie.”

  Katie felt like exploding, but just then Dullas came bounding through the doorway. “Don’t you know to knock?” Katie snapped.

  “Why should I? Are you telling secrets?”

  “Back off, Dullas,” Lacey said. “Knocking is polite.”

  “I’ll remember that for next time.” Dullas held out a folded piece of paper to Katie. “Some guy asked me to give this to you.”

  “What guy?”

  “Some guy in the lobby. I didn’t ask for his family history.”

  Katie snatched the piece of paper and unfolded it. Probably someone ehe wanting advice, she thought sourly. She wished people would leave her alone. The note read: “Meet me on the hiking trail.”

  “Who’s it from?” Lacey asked.

  “There’s no signature.” She looked at Dullas. “Are you sure this isn’t a trick?”

  “Look, don’t go. I don’t care one way or the other. And who cares if the guy waits all night on the trail?” Dullas flopped on one of the beds and watched Lacey comb her long blond hair.

  Suddenly, Katie wanted to go. She had to get out of the room before she screamed. “I’ll go check it out.” She headed for the door. “But if this is one of your pranks …”

  Dullas shrugged. “Look, I thought I was doing you a favor.”

  Katie snatched up a sweater and hurried out of the room.

  Twelve

  THE HIKING TRAIL was brightly lit by moonlight as Katie hurried to her rendezvous with the mysterious note sender. Curiosity tempered her anger, but she knew she’d personally throttle Dullas if this was a wild-goose chase. She rounded a bend in the trail and saw a male figure standing in the middle of the path. He was tall and was wearing a baseball cap. His hands were thrust into the pockets of a lightweight jacket.

  “Hello,” Katie called. “Who’s there?”

  “It’s Garrison Reilly.” She skidded to a halt in front of him, too amazed to say anything. Garrison grinned. “Surprise.”

  “But how—? I thought you were back in Ann Arbor.”

  “My dad’s teaching a writer’s conference at Duke University all this week. I knew where you were and took a chance and drove over.”

 
“Why didn’t you call or write that you were coming?”

  “I wasn’t sure you’d see me if I asked ahead of time.” He continued to grin down at her. “Haven’t you heard? It’s easier to ask forgiveness than to get permission.”

  She returned his smile and felt the old familiar rapid thudding of her heart that she often experienced when she was near him. She loved Josh, but there was no denying that Garrison made her pulse race. “I forgive you for surprising me,” she said. “And if you’d asked, I’d have given you permission to come visit me.”

  “I didn’t want to cause trouble between you and Josh either.”

  She sobered. He was right—Josh wouldn’t be pleased if he knew she was standing in the moonlight with Garrison. “Josh is more mature than that,” she said, feeling a need to defend Josh.

  “Still, I thought it would be better this way. Now you can tell him, or not. Your choice.”

  She pushed that particular problem aside and asked, “Where are you staying?”

  “I’ll drive back to Duke tonight. It’s only a couple of hours.”

  “I could have been busy tonight. You took a chance on coming to see me.”

  “It was worth it.”

  She felt her mouth go dry. Why did he have such an effect on her? “It’s good to see you,” she confessed.

  “Besides, I wasn’t sure if you’d be home before I left for college.”

  “Where?”

  “I got accepted at Princeton.”

  “Wow,” Katie whispered, “I’m totally impressed. An Ivy League school like that is big time.”

  “What about you?”

  “No place like Princeton.”

  “But you did get accepted to some place besides Michigan?”

  She heard herself telling him about the scholarship offer to Arizona before she could stop herself. She told him everything—all her confused feelings about leaving home, about wanting to run track, about the resistance from friends and family.

  “You mean Josh, don’t you?” he asked. “He’s the one who’s really holding you back, isn’t he?”