A Season for Goodbye

by Lurlene McDaniel

  Dullas bit into an apple, then chucked it into the wastebasket. “Okay, so it’s not such a dumb idea. But what are the rest of us going to do? I mean, some of us don’t have boyfriends to snuggle with.”

  Latika giggled. “Who’d snuggle with you, Dullas? It’d be like curling up with a cactus.”

  Dullas leaped across the room and balled her fist in Latika’s face. “Watch your mouth, creep. I should pound you into the floor.”

  Latika cowered and Lacey wedged herself between them. It had been so long since Dullas had blown up, she’d forgotten how threatening the girl could be. “Give it a rest.”

  “You’re always taking her side,” Dullas shouted. “Why do you like her and not me?”

  The girl’s tirade caught Lacey totally by surprise. “Calm down. I like you both.”

  “No, you don’t. You hate me and always have. I hate everybody here and I wish I’d never come.”

  “Two more weeks and you’ll get your wish,” Lacey said sharply. “Summer at Jenny House will be over.”

  “Good!” Dullas shoved Latika hard and ran out of the room.

  Lacey knelt beside Latika, who’d begun to cry. “I hate her. She’s so mean.” “You’re not hurt, are you?”

  Latika shook her head. Lacey comforted her, all the while wondering what could have possibly set off Dullas. She told herself she shouldn’t let it drop, but soon she became so engrossed with the details of the hayride that she didn’t think of the incident again until she crawled into bed and saw both girls asleep on the other side of the room. In the morning, she told herself sleepily. I’ll talk to her in the morning.

  But the next morning Dullas was gone when Lacey woke up, and right after breakfast Mr. Holloway brought Jeff back from the hospital. The kids from his room almost knocked him off his crutches crowding around him. Lacey stood in the background, savoring the pleasure of his presence. How good he looked! How good to have him well again.

  That night, three flatbed trucks loaded with straw pulled up to the front deck. Long hand-painted banners stretched across the sides and read, WELCOME BACK, JEFF! and LET’S PARTY! Balloons were tied in clusters and secured to posts on the trucks. Music played from a tape deck fastened to the top of the lead truck. “Whose idea was this?” Jeff asked, looking flustered.

  “It depends on how much you like it,” Katie said.

  A slow grin spread over his face. “It’s all right. It’s good to know I was missed.”

  Lacey stepped forward and waved her hand. “My idea. Any excuse for a party, you know. Glad you like it.”

  Chelsea and Katie rolled their eyes at one another.

  Soon, the groups had divided up and kids and counselors piled into the dry, scratchy straw. The moon had cooperated by rising full and round, and now it glowed in the night sky like a shimmering disk. The trucks drove slowly, taking plenty of time to reach the field where the bonfire was waiting to be lit. Lacey curled up next to Jeff and slid her hand into his. “I’m glad you’re here,” she said.

  Their truck carried kids who horsed around by stuffing straw down each other’s backs and then hopped up and down to dislodge it. No one was paying Jeff and Lacey much mind. “I’ve hated being in the hospital ever since I was a little kid,” he told her. “I wish I never had to go again.”

  “Well, you know how much fun I had in the hospital,” Lacey said drolly.

  Jeff gazed up at the moon. “Hard to believe the summer’s almost over.”

  “Are you staying in the same apartment in Miami as last year?” She remembered the wild colors and the way he’d asked her help him redecorate. She now regretted refusing and wanted a second chance.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Why not?”

  “I may not return to Miami at all.”

  Her heart lurched. “But you’re not finished with college yet.”

  “I’m going home from here—back to Colorado. I need to talk to my folks. Sending me to the University of Miami is expensive. I’ve been thinking that maybe I should look for a college closer to home.”

  “But I’d hate that!”

  “You’d hate it. Why? You never showed any interest in me while I was living in Miami.”

  She lost her temper. “Why do I have to keep apologizing for the way I treated you last September? Hasn’t this summer proven that I like you, Jeff?”

  “Maybe you were bored.” He gestured toward the others. “Not too many guys for you to toy with this summer like last year.”

  She flushed, knowing that was a reason she’d once given for pairing off with him the summer before. “Are you going to throw up every nasty thing to me I’ve ever said for the rest of my life? I told you, I’m sorry. I talk without thinking.”

  “And so how do I know what you’re saying now is really the truth? How can I trust you, Lacey?”

  “I didn’t walk out on you when you were in the hospital, did I?” she fired back. “How long are you going to question me about my feelings? How many times do I have to say it? Stop punishing me, Jeff. I know what I want.”

  He caught the back of her neck and pulled her face within inches of his own. “I know what I want too, Lacey. I know what I’ve wanted since the first time I laid eyes on you.” His voice was low, almost fierce.

  She felt her insides turn to jelly. “What? What do you want?”

  He gritted his teeth. “I want you, girl. Heaven help me.” With that he kissed her soundly, until her mouth fairly sizzled and the old familiar fireworks exploded inside her like a holiday celebration.

  “Hey, look!” someone shouted. “Jeff’s kissing Lacey!”

  “Ow—cooties!” a boy bellowed.

  The rest of the kids erupted into catcalls and loud smacking noises.

  Lacey didn’t care. She threw her arms around Jeff’s neck and returned his kiss with all her heart.

  Chelsea watched Jeff and Lacey roasting marshmallows over the giant bonfire. Their arms were linked around one another’s waists and their faces looked radiant. Obviously, they’d settled their differences and were once more together. Together. She sighed. Would there ever be someone special for her that way?

  “You want a marshmallow?”

  DJ’s question interrupted her fantasy. She glanced about, to make sure he wasn’t addressing someone else.

  “I’m asking you, Chelsea,” he said quietly.

  The way he drawled over the syllables of her name made her knees go weak. “I’m not so crazy about marshmallows,” she said, then felt stupid for saying such a dumb thing. What did it matter? “Do you want something?” she asked when she sensed that he seemed hesitant to walk off and leave her.

  “Yeah. I want to say I’m sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings.”

  “Why do you think you’ve hurt my feelings?”

  “Something someone said to me. Plus I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I know I’ve not been nice to you.”

  Instantly, she wondered who’d been talking about her to him. She didn’t ask, but instead, screwed up her courage and said what was truly on her mind. “I know you resent me for living when Jillian didn’t. I can’t change that part.”

  He nodded slowly. “I’ve tried not to, but you’re right. I have been mad at you. I know it’s not fair, but it’s the way I’ve been feeling.”

  His confession wounded her—even though she’d known it was the truth. “So … how do I make it up to you?”

  They were standing under a tree. He reached up and tugged off a leaf and began to twirl it in his fingers. “Jillian wanted us to be steadies. She worked hard at setting us up.”

  Chelsea laughed nervously. So he’d known! “Silly idea, huh? I tried to tell her it would never work, but she wouldn’t listen. Besides, there’s always Shelby.”

  “I told you before, Shelby and I are quits. I didn’t like the way she carried on about me not taking her to some Christmas parties. My sister was dying! What did she think I was going to do—fly back home for some stupid party and leave my family?”


  Chelsea remembered when he’d visited her in the hospital and brought her Jillian’s expensive Monopoly set for a gift. “Jillian left me a videotape to watch after she died,” she told DJ. “In it, she said you’d take her loss real hard. She had some idea that I might be able to take care of you.” Chelsea dropped her gaze to the ground. “You don’t need taking care of—especially by me.”

  “My sister had a yen for life to turn out happily ever after. She had to work at it sometimes, but she got her way a lot.”

  “But she didn’t get her way with the transplant,” Chelsea said, looking him in the eye. “And not with you and me.”

  “It’s nothing personal.” He dropped the leaf. She watched it flutter to the hard ground. “You’re a good-looking girl, Chelsea. And you’re smart and sensitive. It shows all over you. But there’s just too much in the way between us. Too much I still have to work out on my own.”

  She smiled to herself. He had a kind way of dashing a girl’s hopes. Maybe it was his southern breeding. Seeing him in the moonlight, watching moonbeams reflect off his blond hair, made her want to kiss him. But not a kiss of passion. More a kiss of goodbye. He was the first boy she’d ever had a crush on. The first boy she’d ever dreamed about and longed for. Because of her lifelong illness, she’d not lived a normal life and she supposed she was light-years behind other girls her age. Her new heart offered her a new life. It was time to say goodbye to her old one once and for all. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, DJ,” she said.

  “You too,” he answered.

  “I will. Because now I have the time to look.”

  Their gazes locked, and briefly, time seemed to stand still.

  “Chelsea!” Lacey’s voice shattered the mood.

  Chelsea turned to see Lacey coming toward her. “What is it?”

  Lacey’s gaze darted between Chelsea and DJ. “Sorry if I’m interrupting anything, but have you seen Dullas? We can’t find her anywhere.”

  Nineteen

  “NO, I HAVEN’T seen Dullas,” Chelsea told Lacey. “But then, I haven’t been looking for her either.”

  “Did she even come on the hayride?” DJ asked.

  “One of the counselors wanted to know the same thing,” Lacey said. “I told her that I thought everybody came, but she reminded me that some staff stayed behind to hold the fort until we got back.”

  Chelsea offered her opinion. “So maybe Dullas decided to stay behind too. You know how sulky she’s been these past couple of days.”

  “She has gotten testy lately,” Lacey conceded. “I’ve been meaning to talk to her about it.”

  “I don’t think I’d worry too much about her,” DJ said. “Not coming tonight is her loss.”

  Still, Lacey wasn’t cheered. Jeff came up and took her hand. “None of the guys from my room have seen her. Don’t let it get you down. Come on back to the bonfire with me. We’ll have some cake.”

  “I could go for some cake,” DJ said.

  The four of them walked toward the bonfire, which still smoldered. Several of the staff were busily cutting a sheet cake and passing it out to an eager line of kids. “Any luck?” one of them asked.

  “I’m guessing she decided not to come,” Lacey said.

  “It really wasn’t an option for the kids,” Janie, one of the nurses, said. “Kimbra stayed behind tonight. When we get back, I’ll ask her to have a heart-to-heart talk with Dullas. She should know by now that she can’t go off doing her own thing whenever she feels like it.”

  “Soon we’ll all be doing our own things again,” Chelsea said. “Isn’t that so, Katie?”

  Katie looked up, startled. She’d been so deep in thought that she’d barely heard the discussion. “What? Oh, sure. I guess so.” She took her paper plate and piece of cake away from the crowd gathered around the glowing fire. She crawled up onto the back of one of the trucks, parked in the open field, and settled into the straw. Overhead the moon glimmered down, but its light made her feel lonely and isolated.

  Minutes later, Josh found her. “Can I join you?”

  She dreaded another confrontation, but this time she was prepared. She’d made up her mind to take the scholarship. The day before, she’d called and told her parents what she wanted to do. They’d put forth their familiar arguments, but she’d countered every one, and in the end, they’d agreed. She’d dropped a letter in the mail that afternoon telling the Arizona coach of her decision. Now she had to tell Josh. She steeled herself for what was going to be the hardest thing she’d ever done.

  “Sure, join me.” She patted the straw and he climbed up beside her.

  “Nice night.”

  “Every night in these mountains is nice.”

  His long legs dangled over the side of the truck while she sat cross-legged. He turned his face toward her. “You know we have to talk, Katie.” She nodded. “Things between us have been coming to a head all summer.”

  “But it’s still been a great summer.”

  “It has. Are you still mad because I invited myself to Jenny House? I’ve worked hard, you know.”

  “I know—and no, I’m not mad.”

  “But you said you wanted time to think, and I know I crowded you even though I tried hard not to.”

  She took a deep breath, felt the palms of her hands turn clammy with apprehension. “I have had time to think.”

  “Me too.”

  She regarded him warily. “What have you thought about? New arguments to get me to stay in Ann Arbor?”

  “Mostly.” He rotated his shoulders, as if shedding great tension. “But that’s not what I’m going to say right now.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not going to try and persuade you to stay. I’ve decided that you should take the scholarship offer and go.”

  “Did I hear you correctly? You want me to go?”

  “Don’t look so shocked,” Josh said, lifting her chin. “I don’t like it, Katie, but I know it’s something that you have to do. I’m through trying to force you to give it up. It’s not right.”

  “Why did you change your mind?”

  “A lot of little things—like the time you asked me about Aaron’s dreams. But it was Jeff’s bleeding episode that brought things into focus for me. Nobody knows how much time they have. And there’s no way a person can plan for the unexpected. So it makes sense to plan for the things you really want. And if they happen”—he shrugged—“they happen. All your life, you planned to run and win. Your transplant was a real setback, but you never gave up. It wouldn’t be fair of me to make you give up now after you’ve overcome so many other obstacles to get what you want.”

  “Josh … I—I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you’ll write me. And that you won’t forget me.”

  “Never!” She threw her arms around his neck.

  He hugged her so tightly, it took her breath away. “One more thing.” He pulled back. “And this is the hardest thing of all for me to say.”

  Her heart hammered as she watched emotion cross his face in the moonlight, but she let him take his time. So far, he’d offered her more than she’d imagined possible and she was grateful.

  “I think,” he began quietly, “it would be best,” he pulled a piece of straw from her hair, “if we date other people next year.”

  She almost slid off the truck. “But why? I don’t want to date anybody else.”

  “You will, Katie.” He caught her gaze. “It’s all right. You should date other guys.”

  “Why are you doing this, Josh? What are you doing?”

  “I’m letting you go,” he said with a sad smile.

  “Feels more like you’re trying to get rid of me.”

  He shook his head. “Girls are such a mystery—one I’ll never figure out. Listen, you know how I feel about you. Time and distance isn’t going to change that for me. But you’re the one who needs to know what you want. And who you want.”

  She swallowed against a lump that
had formed in her throat. “Does this mean you’re taking back your marriage proposal?”

  “Let’s just say I’m putting it in storage for a while.”

  Automatically, her hand went to her neck and her fingers closed around the heart-shaped pendant. “Do you want this back?”

  “Of course not. But when you get out to Arizona, take it off and put it away. Have a good time. And run like the wind.”

  A tear slid down her cheek. She had prepared herself for arguing and fighting. She’d equipped herself for dealing with his anger and frustration. What she hadn’t prepared for was this kindness, this gentle giving and self-sacrifice. “I love you, Josh.”

  His arms went around her again and he held her against his body. “I love you, Katie. Ever since that first time I saw you in ICU, hooked up to all those machines, when you turned your head, opened your eyes, and stared straight into mine. I started loving you then. And I’ve never stopped.”

  Shakily, she pulled away and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. “You made everything possible for me. Thank you. For Aaron’s heart. For tonight. I will come home to you. Josh. I promise.”

  He smoothed his fingertips over her cheek. “We’ll see.” He jumped down off the truck. “Let’s go roast a marshmallow. Have some fun.”

  He lifted her down and held her again. Then, hand in hand, they headed toward the bonfire and sounds of laughter. They hadn’t gone far when Katie looked eastward and noticed a red glow in the sky. She stopped and pointed. “Josh, what’s that?”

  He squinted. “Don’t know.”

  “It’s near Jenny House.”

  “Yeah … Come on.” He tugged her hand and together they jogged toward the group. They found Janie eating cake with several of the kids. Josh pointed out the strange red hue on the horizon. “What do you think it is?”